

If You're Single, Treat YOURSELF To This For Christmas
My goddaughters’ mom thinks it’s comedy that I look for two different presents whenever my birthday rolls around. I mean, even though both of my “babies” and I are Geminis, it’s not like I give the 10-year-old and two-year-old the same present, so why should I get a collective one from them? Not to mention the fact that they really get off easily because I don’t observe holidays. Shoot, I better get my gifts (LOL)! And since I am single, I make sure that on my birthday, I gift myself as well. I mean, I love me — why shouldn’t I celebrate and treat myself?
Along these same lines, if you are someone who totally adores this time of year, while you’re out getting things for others, why wouldn’t you get a couple of goodies for you too? I totally think that you should, which is why I’ve got a list of 10 different ways for you to treat yourself this Christmas. Most are super affordable. All have their own special significance. And each will help you to feel good about the holiday season — even if there is no reason to use any mistletoe…quite yet.
1. A New Color
When you get a chance, check out an article that I wrote for the site a couple of years ago entitled, “Understanding Color Psychology Will Sharpen Your Lens On Life.” It can give you a bit of an intro, not just into what certain colors represent but why you might gravitate to the ones that you do, along with why that attraction might change from time to time. You know, something that I recommend some of the clients that I work with to do is to pick a color that represents where they are in their relationship in this season. Then I suggest that they get some things in their home that reflect that exact hue. For instance, if red is a couple’s “thing” because it represents things like love, passion, and courage, bringing some red into their bedroom could help to bring the energy surrounding those words into their dynamic.
Along these same things, why not “gift yourself” with a favorite new color this holiday season? It can help you to gain some perspective when it comes to how you want to end 2021 and also how you want to enter into 2022. It might sound odd on the surface, but I promise you that it can clear up a few things. For instance, while I’m more of a neutral kinda gal, I’m into brighter colors right now. I know that means that I’m about to show more of the extroverted side of my ambivert personality over the next few months. I can just feel it. More professionally than personally…but still. Anyway, this recommendation is totally free. Can’t hurt to give it a shot.
2. A New Bathrobe and Pair of Slippers
One of the best things about going to a high-end spa or hotel is those extremely comfy bathrobes. OK, so the one that you’ve got hanging on the back of your bedroom or bathroom door, how’s it currently holding up? Hmph. Do you know what’s a trip about those? We’re supposed to wash them every 3-4 wears (like our towels) and we’re supposed to get a new one every couple of years. Are you following through on either one of these things?
As far as slippers go, my nail tech gets pissed at me, almost every time I go to get a pedicure because she knows that I am barefoot all of the time in my house and she’s constantly reminding me of all of the bacteria and fungus that I could be picking up off of my floors. So, while socks are more my thing, a new pair of slippers can be a wise move for you too. Not only can they keep all of the “stuff” away from your feet but the warmer your feet are, the easier it is for blood to circulate to them which is good for your immunity in so many ways. (By the way, slippers need to be replaced every six months.)
3. New Bedding
Shoot, isn’t shedding 30,000-40,000 dead skin cells every minute of the day enough of a reason to not only wash your sheets every week but to get some new bedding right about now? At this point, I probably have more sheets than I will ever need yet there’s something about how different fabrics, colors, and patterns give me a different experience when I’m reading, watching a movie, or getting ready to fall asleep in my bed.
A part of the reason why I’ve written articles for the site like “12 (Affordable) Ways To Make Your Bedroom More Tranquil & Beautiful” is because, if you’re doing life right, you should be spending around one-third of your time in your bed (sleeping and/or sexing), so why wouldn’t you invest in the kind of bedding that beckons you to do just that? Bedding shouldn’t be treated like an afterthought. It absolutely should be a top priority purchase, at least a couple of times a year.
4. A New Journal
I’ve written about sex journaling (here), self-love journaling (here), and even vaginal mapping (here) for this platform before. A part of the reason is because, as a writer, I’m a huge fan of journaling. Also, because I’ve got several full journals at this point and I know for a fact that they helped me to write my past two books and a couple of ones that I am working on now, I know that journaling is amazing when it comes to documentation and reflecting on personal growth and progress. There are also studies that say journaling can help to tap into new levels of creativity; can better your communication skills; is excellent when it comes to reducing stress and anxiety levels; can assist with both setting and tracking both short- and long-term goals; can help to strengthen your memory; can boost your self-confidence levels and is a great way to spend some quality time with yourself as well.
That’s why I’m all about setting aside at least an hour a week to do nothing but journal. I also think it’s wise to get two new ones every year — one for your personal life and another for your professional life. It’s the kind of investment that is truly incomparable on every level. And new ones represent a fresh start.
5. A New “Symbolic” Gemstone
While a lot of people spend time understanding zodiac signs, I personally am more into understanding various gemstones. Not only are they beautiful to look at but a lot of them have some really profound meanings. I started doing this when I was reading about all of the different ones in biblical Scripture and I haven’t stopped since. Anyway, something that can be cool to do is to do your own research on them, meditate on a stone that you really gravitate to in this particular season of your life, and purchase a pendant, some earrings, a ring or bracelet that is made from that very stone.
Beadage is a website that has a list of over 100 gemstones and crystals, along with their pictures and meanings (you can look for yourself right here). Every year I do this and I adore, not just all of my pieces, but what they represented at each stage of my journey. It’s a beautiful tradition. (Etsy carries a ton of different options at affordable prices if you decide you want something but you’re on a really firm budget. Just go to the site and put the name of the stone in the search field.)
6. Some Sexy Underwear
Personally, I think it’s kind of crazy that some women think that lingerie/sexy underwear is unnecessary if no one is looking at them in it but them. Chile, I have so much stuff that it’s almost criminal at this point and I adore putting it on, just for myself. There’s something about wearing silk and satin in really sensual cuts and styles that affects my walk, my tone of voice, and my energy all the way around. Some of us really need to get out of the habit of thinking that sexiness is for someone rather than being just who and what we are.
A new stash of sexy underwear can certainly help to emphasize this very point. If you need some tips on how to make the best selections for your personal taste and body type, check out “Lingerie Hacks: How To Choose The Best Kind For Your Body Type.” Then check out “10 Black AF Lingerie Brands To Buss It In This V-Day & Forevermore,” so that you can support Black-owned businesses.
7. Some Takeout for the Week Between Christmas and New Year’s
I like to cook. So much that I do it, pretty much six times a week. One day a week, though, I will either go out and pick something up or have it delivered and, every time that I do it, I feel like I am treating myself. I know exactly what I’m getting. I don’t have to prepare it. And because of the containers that the food comes in, I don’t have to clean up afterward either. Although you may be with family and/or friends on Christmas Day, definitely set some money aside to order some food in the week between Christmas and New Year’s Day.
Don’t overthink it either. Choose whatever puts a huge smile on your face as you binge-watch a show, catch up on a podcast, or vibe to some of your favorite playlists. (If you’re still “iffy” about takeout right through here, check out “10 Safety Practices For Ordering Takeout (During A Pandemic)”.)
8. A Wine or Flower Subscription
Wine is packed with antioxidants. Studies show that it can help with your heart health, libido, digestive system, vision (because it reduces inflammation and oxidative stress that could damage your eyesight over time) and it can even help to prevent cancer cells from forming (and that’s just for starters!). Fresh flowers are a wonderful thing because they are proven to reduce stress and anxiety, plus they can improve your mood and even your memory! At this point, I can’t even tell you how many times I’ve emphasized the importance of celebrating yourself on this site.
In 2022, make it a practice to either toast your accomplishments (both small and large) with a new bottle of wine or end your week with some fresh flowers. You can make this really easy by purchasing a wine or flower subscription. They aren’t as expensive as you might think either. Some wine subscriptions are less than $20 a bottle and some flower subscriptions are under $40 a month.
9. A New Bank Account (and/or New Stock)
Something that I recommend married couples get is a sex jar (you can read why here). Something that I recommend singles do is have an account (or your own jar if you can keep it in a safe place and have the self-control to not take money out of it). No, not a checking or savings one (I’m thinking that is a given). I mean one that solely goes towards a plan that you have that you keep not manifesting because you think you can’t afford it — a trip, a class, funds to start an Etsy page or your own company…money that can help you to get to the next level in some area of your life.
While we’re on the topic of coins, something else that can help to make big things happen is investing in some stock. No time (or space) to get deeply into that now but man, speaking with a financial consultant about how to invest a few dollars can be truly life-altering (I know too many people in my life who can personally attest to this!). A good example is cannabis stock. Don’t let these white folks reap all of the benefits from investing in that lane. If you want to do more research in this area, click here, here, and here for intel on some of the best cannabis-related stocks to invest in right now.
10. A Spa Day
I recently read a tweet that said something along the lines of, “Next year, I’m done acting like waxing and getting my nails done is pampering. That is maintenance.” That woman and I definitely “see each other” because I’ve been on that page for quite a while now. Listen, I’ve only had a couple of full-on spa days in my life and they weren’t cheap. Oh, but they were super duper worth it. Even if you can’t make a spa day happen by Christmas — shoot, even if you’ve got to wait until around this time next year — definitely make it a top priority to book an all-day spa appointment sooner than later.
I mean, get a full body massage, take advantage of some aromatherapy, get a few facials (face, hand, feet, etc.), do some microdermabrasion — go all out! You’ll honestly need a good $600-1000 to pull it off but if you save $85 starting now until next December, you’ll have $1000 and $20 for a tip. It will remind you to really indulge yourself, hold you accountable to saving for it, and remind you that your beautiful single self is totally worth it. Happy Holidays!
Featured image by Getty Images
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After being a regular contributor for about four years and being (eh hem) MIA in 2022, Shellie is back penning for the platform (did you miss her? LOL).
In some ways, nothing has changed and in others, everything has. For now, she'll just say that she's working on the 20th anniversary edition of her first book, she's in school to take life coaching to another level and she's putting together a platform that supports and encourages Black men because she loves them from head to toe.
Other than that, she still works with couples, she's still a doula, she's still not on social media and her email contact (missnosipho@gmail.com) still hasn't changed (neither has her request to contact her ONLY for personal reasons; pitch to the platform if you have story ideas).
Life is a funny thing but if you stay calm, moments can come full circle and this is one of them. No doubt about it.
Chief Mom Officer: 23 Quotes From Working Moms Finding Their Balance
The truth is, Black moms create magic every single day. Whether we're juggling motherhood with a busy 9-5, a thriving business, or staying at home to run a household, no day is short of amazing when you're managing life as a mommy. This Mother's Day, xoNecole is giving flowers to CMOs (Chief Mom Officers) in business who exemplify the strength it takes to balance work with motherhood.
We've commissioned these ladies, who are pillars in their respective industries, for tidbits of advice to get you through the best and worst days of mothering. Here, they share their "secret sauce" and advice for other moms trying to find their rhythm.
Emmelie De La Cruz, Chief Strategist at One Day CMO
"My mom friends and I all laugh and agree: Motherhood is the ghettoest thing you will ever do. It's beautiful and hard all at the same time, but one day you will wake up and feel like 'I got this' and you will get the hang of it. After 4 months, I finally felt like I found my footing to keep my kid and myself alive, but it took vulnerability to take off the cape and be honest about the areas that I didn't have it all together. The healing (physically and emotionally) truly does happen in community - whatever and whoever that looks like for you."
Alizè V. Garcia, Director Of Social & Community Impact at Nike
"I would tell a new mom or a prospective mother that they must give themselves grace, understand and remember there is no right way to do this thing and have fun! When I had my daughter three and a half years ago, I was petrified! I truly had no clue about what to do and how I was going to do it. But with time, my confidence grew and I realized quickly that I have all the tools I need to be the mother I want to be."
Nikki Osei-Barrett, Publicist + Co-Founder of The Momference
"There's no balance. I'm dropping sh*t everywhere! However, my secret sauce is pursuing interests and hobbies outside of what's required of me and finding time to workout. Stronger body equals = stronger mind."
Lauren Grove, Chief Experience Architect, The Grant Access, LLC
"I try to give myself grace. That’s my mantra for this phase of motherhood…grace. I won’t be able to get everything done. To have a spotless house. To not lose my cool after an exhausting day. Those things can’t happen all of the time. But I can take a deep breath and know tomorrow is another day and my blessings are more plentiful than my pitfalls."
Rachel Nicks, Founder & CEO of Birth Queen
"You have the answers within you. Don’t compare yourself to others. Curate your life to work for you. Ask for help."
Tanisha Colon-Bibb, Founder + CEO Rebelle Agency + Rebelle Management
"I know love doesn't pay bills but when I am overwhelmed with work or client demands I take a moment to play with my baby and be reminded of the love, energy, science, and Godliness that went into his birth. I am brightened by his smile and laugh. I remember I am someone's parent and not just a work horse. That at the end of the day everything will work out for the good of my sanity and the love within my life."
Christina Brown, Founder of LoveBrownSugar & BabyBrownSugar
"Learning your rhythm as a mom takes time and can be uncomfortable when you’re in a season of overwhelm. Constantly check in with yourself and assess what’s working and what’s not. Get the help you need without feeling guilty or ashamed of needing it."
Mecca Tartt, Executive Director of Startup Runway Foundation
"I want to be the best for myself, my husband, children and company. However, the reality is you can have it all but not at the same time. My secret sauce is outsourcing and realizing that it’s okay to have help in order for me to perform at the highest level."
Jen Hayes Lee, Head Of Marketing at The Bump (The Knot Worldwide)
"My secret sauce is being direct and honest with everyone around me about what I need to be successful in all of my various "jobs". Setting boundaries is one thing, but if you're the only one who knows they exist, your partners at home and on the job can't help you maintain them. I also talk to my kids like adults and let them know why mommy needs to go to this conference or get this massage...they need to build an appreciation for my needs too!"
Whitney Gayle-Benta, Chief Music Officer JKBX
"What helps me push through each day is the motivation to continue by thinking about my son. All my efforts, though exhausting, are to create a wonderful life for him."
Ezinne Okoro, Global Chief Inclusion, Equity, & Diversity Officer at Wunderman Thompson,
"The advice I received that I’ll pass on is, you will continue to figure it out and find your rhythm as your child grows into new stages. Trust your nurturing intuition, parent on your terms, and listen to your child."
Jovian Zayne, CEO of The OnPurpose Movement
"I live by the personal mantra: 'You can’t be your best self by yourself.' My life feels more balanced when I offer the help I can give and ask for the help I need. This might mean outsourcing housecleaning for my home, or hiring additional project management support for my business."
Simona Noce Wright, Co-Founder of District Motherhued and The Momference
"Each season of motherhood (depending on age, grade, workload) requires a different rhythm. With that said, be open to learning, to change, and understand that what worked for one season may not work the other...and that's okay."
Janaye Ingram, Director of Community Partner Programs and Engagement at Airbnb
"My daughter's smile and sweet spirit help me to feel gratitude when I'm overwhelmed. I want her to see a woman who doesn't quit when things get hard."
Codie Elaine Oliver, CEO & Founder of Black Love
"I try to listen to my body and simply take a break. With 3 kids and a business with 10+ team members, I often feel overwhelmed. I remind myself that I deserve grace for everything I'm juggling, I take a walk or have a snack or even head home to see my kids, and then I get back to whatever I need to get done."
Jewel Burks Solomon, Managing Partner at Collab Capital
"Get comfortable with the word ‘no’. Be very clear about your non-negotiables and communicate them to those around you."
Julee Wilson, Executive Director at BeautyUnited and Beauty Editor-at-Large at Cosmopolitan
"Understand you can’t do it alone — and that’s ok. Relinquish the need to control everything. Create a village and lean on them."
Salwa Benyaich, Director Of Pricing and Planning at Premion
"Most days I really try to shut my computer off by 6 pm; there are always exceptions of course when it comes to big deals or larger projects but having this as a baseline allows me to be much more present with my kids. I love the fact that I can either help with homework or be the designated driver to at least one afterschool activity. Work can be draining but there is nothing more emotionally draining than when you feel as though you are missing out on moments with your kids."
Brooke Ellis, Head of Global Marketing & Product Launches at Amazon Music
My calendar, prayer, pilates class at Forma, a good playlist, and oatmilk lattes all help get me through any day.
Courtney Beauzile, Global Director of Client and Business Development at Shearman & Sterling
My husband is a partner who steps in when I just can’t. My mom and my MIL come through whenever and however I need. My kids have many uncles and aunts and they will lend an ear, go over homework, teach life lessons, be a presence or a prayer warrior depending on the day.
Robin Snipes, Chief of Staff at Meta
"Enjoy the time you have to yourself because once kids come those times will be few and far between."
Monique Bivens, CEO & Founder at Brazilian Babes LLC.
"For new moms, it is very important that you get back into a habit or routine of something you use to do before you were pregnant. Consider the actives and things that give you the most joy and make the time to do them."
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This Is Why Your Bright Under-Eye Technique Is Not Giving
If you are a fan of the bright under-eye, then you have the legendary makeup artist Kevyn Aucoin to thank. The bright under-eye is only one of the major techniques that Aucoin brought to the forefront of the makeup industry in the ‘90s. The purpose of concealing the under-eye area is to hide blemishes and discoloration, redness, dark circles, and under-eye bags. However, according to Aucoin’s techniques, its main purpose is to lift and sculpt the face adding a new level of dimension.
The bright under-eye can be difficult to achieve. These are some of the common mistakes that are holding you back from sculpted bright under eyes that are giving!
1. You are not using the correct concealer shade.
Using two concealers makes a huge difference. Start with a shade 1-2 shades lighter than your skin tone. Followed by a shade that is 3-4 times lighter and placed closer to the inner eye to do the heavy lifting and give the bright effect.
Two shades diffuse well into each other and give a cohesive result.
Jorine Dorcelus/xoNecole
Jorine Dorcelus/xoNecole
2. You are not blending enough.
Don't underestimate the power behind a complete blend-out! Blending your concealer fully is a make-or-break step for the bright under-eye look. Fully blending allows for a seamless transition between the areas of the face meant to be highlighted, and the areas meant to create depth and shadows. So take your time and make sure there are no harsh lines.
Jorine Dorcelus/xoNecole
3. You are not properly setting the under-eye area.
Set the under-eye using a loose setting powder or brightening powder. The key here is to choose a powder complementary to your skin's undertone and proper placement to prevent creasing. Focus the majority of the powder on the inner eye and defuse the remaining powder to the rest of the powder under the eye.
Jorine Dorcelus/xoNecole
Jorine Dorcelus/xoNecole
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