Christian Keyes Doesn't Believe In Falling In Love With Potential
I don't know who needs to hear this, but falling for potential will have you out here on your ass.
Almost never counts and according to xoMan Christian Keyes, dating without a purpose is the key to staying single. In a recent interview with Dana Blair for xoMan Live, Christian broke down the biggest dating mistake we all make: falling in love with potential versus reality. He explained:
Christian Keyes Doesn't Date For Potential + Says Kissing Baby Hairs Is A Form Of Intimacy
"I think that's a bad idea because, you just said it, you are falling in love with your version of who that person is. If that's not who they are, then you're gonna change the things about them that you fell for in the first place. When you date with a purpose, you date on purpose. You don't just date to date. If I'm going to give you my time… I gotta see the possibility for it to be something epic because I feel like I deserve something epic."
During his interview with Dana, Christian admitted to having a few relationship faux pas of his own in the past. When asked what his partners would say his biggest flaws were in a relationship, he had this to say:
"They'd say maybe making them a priority. When I was younger, it was more about 'beat it up culture.' Now that I'm older and more grown and more seasoned, I think you learn to take your time and experience and enjoy each other and spend time enjoying each other. The progress report would be more attentive. More gentleman than savage. Occasional savagery."
Although Christian's savage season was more than cringeworthy, he now understands that intimacy extends way beyond sex:
"The touches, the foot rubs, the smells, the collarbone kisses, the ear nibbles, when she's in the kitchen making something and you walk past… The shoulder bites...she on the phone on a conference call just lean in, bite her shoulder a little bit and just keep it moving. I think all the things that create that magic and that real good, feel good feeling, all that butterfly stuff. I think that's all intimacy. I think laying there after making love is intimacy. Kissing on her baby hairs and rubbing on that booty."
Despite his missteps in past relationships, Christian says that now that he's taken the time to define his own needs in a relationship, he'll know exactly when he's found the one—but that doesn't mean she has to be perfect. He continued:
"To be honest, I think we know when we're in a situation that's peaceful and organic, but powerful. You crave that person's presence all the time. They can be next to you and you don't get tired of them. You wanna do random acts of service and super nice shit like, aye babe how was your day?"
"The shit that some people might think is corny, that's the stuff that holds relationships together. I need those moments and I think that's how I know when I'm in the right relationship. Is it gonna be perfect? No. Am I gonna be perfect? No. Is she? No. Could she be perfect for me? Possibly."
To watch Christian's full interview, click here!
Featured image by Joe Seer / Shutterstock.com
Taylor "Pretty" Honore is a spiritually centered and equally provocative rapper from Baton Rouge, Louisiana with a love for people and storytelling. You can probably find me planting herbs in your local community garden, blasting "Back That Thang Up" from my mini speaker. Let's get to know each other: @prettyhonore.
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Meet The Designer Behind This Megan Thee Stallion "Hiss" Video Look
When Megan Thee Stallion dropped “Hiss,” a shift happened. From the audacious lyrics to the striking visuals, there was no doubt that the song and video would go viral. The opening of the video shows the H-town hottie rocking a barely there Shibari red dress, showing off her voluptuous frame. It was a sexy moment created by Timeekah Murphy of Alani Taylor. The designer exclusively tells us how the opportunity came about and what it was like seeing her design on Megan for the first time.
Timeekah Murphy
Photo courtesy
xoNecole: How did the opportunity to create such an iconic look for Megan Thee Stallion's "Hiss" video come about?
Timeekah Murphy: The opportunity came from a DM from celebrity stylist Zerina Akers. She asked for a unique Shibari piece for Megan, and I needed to get it done in two days. So, of course, I did everything in my power to make it happen. I've always wanted to design for Megan, so this was an awesome opportunity for me.
xoN: What was that initial feeling of seeing the dress on her for the first time?
TM: I was shocked because, at first, I thought it hadn't been used. I saw Megan's last video and thought, damn, maybe it didn't fit. So, to see it on such an amazing video was breathtaking. I was beyond excited to finally say I designed for her.
xoN: Did you meet her? If so, how was that moment?
TM: I didn't meet Megan during the shoot, but during my time in LA, I got the opportunity to meet her at LA Pride with Tiffany Haddish, Common, and EJ King (stylist). Megan is such an amazing person, so it made it even better to know that my designs were going to be worn by her. I was shocked because, at first, I thought it hadn't been used. I saw Megan's last video and thought, damn, maybe it didn't fit. So, to see it on such an amazing video was breathtaking. I was beyond excited to finally say I designed for her.
"I was shocked because, at first, I thought it hadn't been used. I saw Megan's last video and thought, damn, maybe it didn't fit. So, to see it on such an amazing video was breathtaking. I was beyond excited to finally say I designed for her."
Photo courtesy
xoN: Walk us through the creation of the dress. How did you come up with the look, and how long did it take to make it?
TM: I was the co-designer for a brand called Deviant in 2018-2020, and we used to make custom Shibari pieces. That's how Zerina knew me. So I'm very familiar with making these types of pieces. We made plenty for Beyoncé, Cardi B, Tiffany Haddish, Tyra Banks, and so many others. So Zerina knew exactly what she wanted.
To get it done, it took me a day and a half. It's very intricate and time-consuming, so I spent about six hours making it then I sent an image of it to Zerina, and she didn't approve the first one, so I had to start from scratch again after getting my guidance and understanding of what was needed. The next day, I went to The Lab and created another version, and she approved it. I had to get it shipped overnight so that she would get it in time and fast forward to seeing it on the big screen.
xoN: What's next for you?
TM: Everything. The sky is not my limit, so the Alani Taylor brand is expanding into so many different avenues. We are getting involved in the community more, offering sewing classes to the youth. I've opened up a store for my brand in Atlanta and now preparing for fall/winter Fashion Week.
Megan Thee Stallion "Hiss" video/ YouTube
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Not Feeling The Valentine's Day Love? Here's How To Cope.
I'm a lover girl and a single girl, and two truths can exist simultaneously. Valentine's Day and seeing declarations of love across social media can be triggering, but the world isn't as coupled up as we think. Single women are everywhere, desiring the same love you desire. According to the U.S. Census Bureau, 46% of 228 million Americans over the age of 18 are single. So why does this day make us feel like we're the only one in the world without someone? Because commercialism and consumerism were designed to make you feel that way.
The first Valentine's Day after my last relationship was filled with comfort. One of my best friends, who was also newly single, took me to my favorite restaurant and even bought me a necklace from the jewelry company she worked for. We'd been with our exes for the same amount of time, so she knew how difficult the day would be for me; she heard my heart, saw my tears, and made it a point to show up. Years later, that level of care and gentleness that she showed me affirmed to me how loved I truly am.
That evening was filled with laughter, filet mignon, and lobster tail, and still - I can't deny still feeling waves of sadness over every sip of champagne I took. I drank a lot that night, too much, if I'm honest, because I was in so much pain. I was so sad. I had given years to this relationship, and now this man that I loved was a stranger living his life without a care for my broken heart. In hindsight, as an adult, I wondered why I was so emotional because the relationship wasn't all that great. He was emotionally and mentally abusive, and I was young, naive, and had a father in prison, so he filled a space I had no business allowing him to occupy.
When we're young, we can often romanticize our experiences with people and miss what we thought the relationship was - and not what occurred. But in that moment, none of that mattered; what mattered was that I felt alone and unloved, and I wondered when I'd find the man that God made for me. I won't lie to you and tell you that I've found the man who made those tears and wasted time worth it just yet because I haven't. Despite the prayers, manifestation journals, and making space for what I say I want, I'm still single.
What I can tell you, though, is that I found the best thing to ever happen to me, myself. And that isn't some answer wrapped up in a cliche; it's the truth.
Youth can be tricked into thinking that we don't have what we need already, and that's love. When I reminded myself on the following Valentine's Day that I had been loved my entire life, it changed how I felt about Valentine's Day. I allowed myself to reflect on the years that my parents would take me to dinner, shower me with presents, and how my father would buy me roses even as a teenager so that I could be reminded of what I deserved as a woman and as a little girl.
So why would I allow one bad relationship to make me feel that I wasn't deserving of something I'd been experiencing my entire life?
If You’re Feeling Sad This Valentine’s Day, Here’s How To Cope
Remember, you were loved before your last relationship.
What helped me most was to remember not only who I am, but whose I am. I have been loved by God, my family, and the people who have chosen to love me my entire life. Remind yourself of the people who have loved you and will always love you in those moments when sadness tries to find its way to your home and heart.
Celebrate yourself.
I told y'all I'm a lover girly, and as a lover girly, I have no problem celebrating myself on this day. Whatever your favorite thing you like to experience on Valentine's Day - do it. This year, I'm switching things up, and I booked a massage, planned a visit to my favorite florist to pick up a bouquet of roses, and I'll end the evening at dinner with one of my girls.
Know that the love you deserve is on its way.
Never let anyone take away your desire to love and receive love. I know that painful breakups can make you doubt if love will find you again, but it will. Even as a single woman, there is not a moment where I truly believe that because love is finding me every day. Every friendship, every opportunity I receive, and every blessing is a form of love that I deserve that is getting me one step closer to the love of my life.
Don't let this day or holiday season make you question what you deserve because around here, we affirm that Black women deserve the world, and that includes the love we've been waiting our entire lives for.
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Featured image by izusek/Getty Images