The Checklist Of Essentials All First-Time Moms Swear By
The birth of any child is a big deal but the birth of your first baby is an even bigger deal because...well because it's your first and you don't know what to expect. There's so much for first-time moms to do and ensuring that you get everything that your newborn needs can be overwhelming.
As a first-time mom, once you buy all of the cute clothes, the car seat, the crib, bottles, diapers, and pacifiers, it can be a daunting task to figure out the baby must-haves your baby may need. You're going to want your precious baby to have the absolute best so you'll probably feel the urge to buy all of the things. Yep. Every single last one of them.
But before you do, check out this list of 20 essentials first-time moms swear by.
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Baby Night Light: VAVA VA-CL006 Night Light
Walmart
Late Night feedings. Need I say more? A favorite amongst first time moms is the VAVA VA-CL006 Night Light.
Baby Thermometer: Safety 1st 3-in-1 Nursery Thermometer
Target
A lot of time you can feel that your baby is too warm but you'll still want a reliable thermometer at home for an accurate temperature reading. While a rectal thermometer is no fun for mom or baby, it is the most accurate way to get a temperature reading. The Safety 1st 3-in-1 Thermometer offers three modes for temperature reading: underarm, rectal, and oral.
Baby Clippers: Safety 1st Sleepy Baby Nail Clipper
Amazon
Babies grow fast and that includes their nails too. You'll definitely need a pair so that they won't scratch themselves or you. A common piece of advice is to clip your newborn's nails while they sleep. These clippers come with a LED light that helps you see better in the dark.
Nursery Storage: Giraffe Shaped Wicker Basket Natural
Pottery Barn Kids
It's inevitable, people are going to buy your baby toys and stuffed animals. They can and will start to add up. Investing in some aesthetically pleasing nursery storage will help keep things a little more organized for you. Babylist has compiled a list of the best nursery storage here.
Diaper Pail: Playtex Diaper Genie Expressions Customizable Diaper Pail
Walmart
The Playtex Diaper Genie Expressions Customizable Diaper Pail is a favorite because it can be customized to match the nursery.
Diaper Cream: Boudreaux's Butt Paste
Amazon
Baby skin is so smooth and soft. Ah...I love it. But because of that, it can be prone to irritation. Diaper cream helps prevent and treat diaper rash. The best all-around according to first-time moms is the Boudreaux's Butt Paste.
First Aid Kit: American Red Cross Baby Healthcare Kit
Target
This 7-piece kit comes with first aid tools like a nasal aspirator, a baby thermometer, and a medicine dropper among other essentials. If you're interested in making your very own first aid kit for your baby, click here to learn more.
Burp Cloths: Burt's Bees Baby Organic Cotton 5pk Solid/Print Burp Cloth Set
Burt's Bees
I don't have to tell you that babies spit up..a lot. First-time moms say they ended up going through a lot of these so a fan favorite was the Burt's Bees Organic Cotton Burp Cloths. A first-time mom said they are "sustainable, organic, and very soft."
Nasal Aspirator: Fridababy Baby Nasal Aspirator NoseFrida The Snotsucker
Target
The Snotsucker made by NoseFrida was a favorite for newborns. Be sure to check with the pediatrician before using it, though.
Baby Hairbrush: Fridababy DermaFrida The SkinSoother - 2pk
Target
Brushes can help combat cradle cap and per all of the videos on the Gram, it will feel pretty darn good to your baby too. A friend of mine who is a first-time mom swears by the Skinsoother Baby Hair Brush created by FridaBaby.
Swaddle Blankets: Aden + Anais Essentials Muslin Swaddles Starry Star - 4pk
Blankets have so many uses. They can be used to keep your baby warm or swaddle them. When on-the-go, they can even be used as a changing "table". The Aden + Anais Swaddle Blanket is great for making sure baby doesn't get too warm.
Bottle Brush: Philips Avent Bottle Brush In Grey
BuyBuy BABY
Have you ever tried to clean the bottom of a bottle with your adult hand? The Philips Avent Bottle Brush is specifically designed to clean baby bottles efficiently and effectively.
Portable Changing Pad: MAMAN Portable Changing Diaper Pad Station
Amazon
Not all public restrooms have changing tables––and the ones that do can be pretty gross. A portable changing pad will definitely make life easier and cleaner. The MAMAN Portable Changing Diaper Pad Station is great when you're on-the-go and it's waterproof too.
Nipple Cream (If You Are Breastfeeding): Cora Organic Nipple Balm
Amazon
Mom Loves Best compiled a list of best nipple creams for breastfeeding of 2020. Cora's Organic Nipple Balm makes an appearance on that list as one of the best cruelty-free nipple creams on the market. Need we say more?
Car Mirror: Munchkin Brica Baby In-Sight Car Mirror
Target
If you're traveling alone a car mirror can allow you to see your baby in a rear-facing car seat. Mom's love the Munchkin Brica Baby In-Sight Car Mirror. It's crash tested and shatter-resistant.
Teether: Vulli Sophie la Girafe
Amazon
While any teether will do, first-time moms swear by Sophie La Giraffe as a teether for their babies.
Baby Bathtub: The First Years Sure Comfort Deluxe Infant to Toddler Tub
Amazon
While it may not be a necessity, first-time moms swear that a baby bathtub makes bath time a little easier for a slippery and squirming baby. The First Years Sure Comfort Deluxe Infant to Toddler Tub is a favorite because it can be used for longer than most tubs as your baby grows.
Bottle Warmer: The First Years Quick Serve Bottle Warmer
BuyBuy BABY
Another item that moms said made life easier when it's time to warm those bottles is The First Years Quick Serve Bottle Warmer. This miracle product even sanitizes pacifiers.
Baby Detergent: Honest Hypoallergenic Baby Laundry Detergent
Baby skin is delicate and detergent specially formulated for their skin can be one less thing to worry about. Honest has a Hypoallergenic Baby Laundry Detergent that moms love.
Breastmilk Storage Bags: Lansinoh Breastmilk Storage Bags, 50-count
Amazon
Breast milk is liquid gold and can be put in the freezer for use at a later time. Storage bags definitely come in handy. Lansinoh who has been in the breastfeeding game for years makes breastmilk storage bags as well.
Of course, this list is not all-inclusive. As a first-time mom, you may find that you use some, all, or none of these items. Always check with your doctor if you have any questions or concerns about anything when it comes to your precious bundle of joy.
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Featured image by Shutterstock.
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Erica Green is a Clinical Research Associate, blogger, and a sneakerhead. She has a love for all things women and she's pretty sure that women are God's greatest creation. Connect with her on Instagram @ erica_britt_ or www.lovethegspot.com
ItGirl 100 Honors Black Women Who Create Culture & Put On For Their Cities
As they say, create the change you want to see in this world, besties. That’s why xoNecole linked up with Hyundai for the inaugural ItGirl 100 List, a celebration of 100 Genzennial women who aren’t afraid to pull up their own seats to the table. Across regions and industries, these women embody the essence of discovering self-value through purpose, honey! They're fierce, they’re ultra-creative, and we know they make their cities proud.
VIEW THE FULL ITGIRL 100 LIST HERE.
Don’t forget to also check out the ItGirl Directory, featuring 50 Black-woman-owned marketing and branding agencies, photographers and videographers, publicists, and more.
THE ITGIRL MEMO
I. An ItGirl puts on for her city and masters her self-worth through purpose.
II. An ItGirl celebrates all the things that make her unique.
III. An ItGirl empowers others to become the best versions of themselves.
IV. An ItGirl leads by example, inspiring others through her actions and integrity.
V. An ItGirl paves the way for authenticity and diversity in all aspects of life.
VI. An ItGirl uses the power of her voice to advocate for positive change in the world.
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Not too long ago, while in an interview, someone asked me for a top complaint that I hear husbands say (first) and then wives state (second) as it relates to what goes down (or doesn’t go down) in the bedroom.
Ladies first: when it comes to women, I think what comes up more than anything might surprise some: it’s boredom. A lot of wives want there to be more spontaneity instead of taking the “If it ain’t broke, don’t fix it” approach from their partner. As for men? I mean, would anyone be shocked to hear that they wished their wife would initiate sex more often?
I’m telling you, over frequency, technique, and even dressing up more for bed (and yes, those things also come up quite a bit), hands down, what I hear that more men want is for their partner to show them that they are desired by taking the initial steps to make copulation happen…more often.
And so, since I’m all about doing whatever I can to reduce dissatisfaction and frustration in the bedroom department, let’s explore this very topic today — from a few angles. For starters, what it truly means to be a sexual initiator; two, why it’s so vitally important to be a sexual initiator, and three, why it could literally change the entire tone, energy, and outcome of your sex life with your partner — if you’d simply be open to initiating sex more often than you (probably already) do.
What It Means to Initiate Something. LITERALLY.
Giphy
I’m word-literal — there’s no secret about that. So, when it comes to the topic of initiating sex, let’s start with what the word means. To initiate is “to begin, set going, or originate” and “to introduce into the knowledge of some art or subject.” Some synonyms for initiate include begin, open, set up, trigger, admit, introduce, and invest. And when it comes to all of the meanings of these words, between men and women, when it comes to sex specifically, guess who does it more? Men. BY A LONG SHOT TOO: a whopping 60 percent.
When it comes to why a lot of women are so comfortable with men initiating intimacy, many think that, just like men should pursue them for a relationship, it is also “the man’s role” to pursue sex in the bedroom; they literally think that it makes them look desperate or needy for them to be the initiator — yes, even as a wife. What in the world?
Listen, when two people sign up to be each other’s exclusive sex partner until death parts them, it means they are both saying that they desire each other so much that they are willing to make that kind of commitment — and so, there should be no “I don’t want to appear this way or that” when it comes to sexual activity.
So, with all of that ridiculous overthinking out of the way, that should make you want to “set up” some sex plans, “admit” to some sexual fantasies that you may have, and “introduce” some new ideas to your partner; especially since that’s exactly what so many men wish that their lady would do, to begin with.
So, with all of this said, if you’re someone who is hung up on not initiating, first spend some time really processing what the word means. Because when two people are eager to begin sex and invest in each other sexually, that is the recipe for a truly satisfying experience…over and over and over again.
C’mon. Who Doesn’t Want to Feel Wanted?
GiphyI remember once reading an article that said our brain processes rejection the same way that it does physical pain, and y’all, I don’t know about you, but if something is physically hurting me, my natural inclination is to get away from it. Along these lines, when it comes to relationships since research has proven that rejection can lead to things like jealousy, shame, anxiety, loneliness, and guilt — yes, it makes all of the common sense in the world that you would want to do all that you can to make your partner feel wanted…both in and outside of the bedroom because, just like no one wants to deal with physical pain, no one wants to keep dealing with rejection and all of the fallout that comes with it…either.
Actually, when it comes to this particular point, I think that an article that I once read on Psychology Today’s site said it best: “Not only does being needed help define your role in a relationship, but being needed can also influence how satisfied you feel in a relationship.” And before some of you say that “sex is not a need” — the hell you say? I mean, the only purpose of your clitoris is to provide sexual stimulation, so that alone should make us all deem sex (and sexual fulfillment) as pretty damn important.
Plus, by definition, a need is something that is deemed as being essential while also being something that is extremely necessary, and anyone who thinks that a romantic relationship doesn’t need physical intimacy? That’s someone who really needs to remain single because one of the top things that makes a relationship more than a friendship is there is intimacy that’s involved.
Besides, who doesn’t want to feel wanted by their partner — and I do mean, in every way? And when you make the decision to be in an exclusive relationship with someone else, you are declaring that they are someone who pleases you to the point where you don’t need to look for anyone else to do it; and, if that is indeed what you are saying, it doesn’t make sense that you wouldn’t initiate sex with them sometimes (and I do mean more than on their birthday).
One, because you choose them to “fill that role.” Two, because they are the source of your fulfillment in that area. Three, because it’s completely unfair (not to mention totally hypocritical) to expect them to make you feel wanted when you’re not being intentional about making them feel the same way in return. Not to mention the fact that initiating also helps to safeguard your relationship on a lot of levels too.
Since sex is important and rejection is detrimental on so many levels, it’s crucial to make your partner feel sexually wanted and desired by you. One way to definitely do that is to initiate sex.
What Initiating Sex Does for You
GiphySo, what does initiating sex do for the initiator? Something that I tell a lot of my women clients is it helps them to create an atmosphere that puts them in the mood. What I mean by that is, if their husband is perfectly content having sex on the couch during commercials (I’m kind of exaggerating to make a point…kind of…LOL) while they would like some candles, mood music, and rose petals — they can control that if they are the one who initiates.
Another perk that comes with being the initiator is you have more “control” over how the sex goes. The kind of foreplay you want, how fast or slow things go, how intercourse begins — all of this, you have more of a say so in if you’re the one who is initiating intimacy. Why? Well, think about when your bae initiates — doesn’t it seem like you tend to follow his lead more when he’s the one who is first to get the ball rolling?
Oftentimes, when a couple comes to me about being sexually dissatisfied, and I recommend that the one who doesn’t initiate takes more initiative, the one on the receiving end likes the fact that their partner is “running the show” — and the initiator likes “being in charge” more than they thought that they would. As a result, both end up experiencing far more pleasure.
The initiator shows what they want more of while the receiver feels desired in the process. A win/win for everyone.
What Initiating Sex Does for Him
sexy black and white GIFGiphyA couple of weeks ago, while in a session with a client, he was joking about how much he has “too much of a good thing” when it comes to his wife’s libido. Although science says that the fact that men have a higher amount of testosterone in their system, and it is the reason why they typically have a higher sex drive, don’t sleep on a lot of women out there who want to get it in more than their husband does. His wife is one of them. Since she’s a client of mine too (oftentimes, we do our sessions separately), it’s interesting that he’s fine with having sex a couple of times a month while she would like to a couple of times a week.
So, is he denying her when she wants it more often? Nope. The reason why they’re not having more sex is that even though her drive is higher, she still waits for him to initiate. Why? Because she thinks that’s what “the man should do”; not only that but “being wooed” turns her on more.
As I’ve been working on helping them to find a middle ground (because if marriage ain’t about compromise, I don’t know what is), he says that he feels like because he plans a lot of the dates, he wishes that she would initiate more: “I don’t think a lot of women get how hard it is to be a Black man out here. Nothing feels better than knowing that if no one else is thrilled by your presence, your woman is. For us, initiating isn’t just about sex. It’s about feeling wanted as a whole. And when we feel like our woman adores us, there is no greater turn-on.”
I’m not sure what y’all heard, but what it sounds like to me is when we, as women, initiate sex, men feel holistically special and cherished. That makes sense, too, because if we were to put our feet in their shoes, we would probably say the same thing. That’s just one more reason to pull the “gender roles” out of this topic; men and women both want to feel like they are the best thing on the planet by their sex partners. And again, initiating helps us all to feel that way.
What Initiating Ultimately Does for Your Relationship As a Whole
Issa Rae Love GIF by Insecure on HBOGiphyPersonally, I can only imagine how much better sex would be for everyone (who is in a sexual relationship) if people simply initiated copulation whenever they wanted to have it. That way, everyone would feel desired — and what could possibly be wrong with that? Especially if both individuals factored in some of the definitions for initiated that I already shared. Just think about if you rushed home tonight because you read about something that you want to introduce to your man or there’s a fantasy that you have that you want to admit.
The mere conversations alone will help to bring the two of you closer together because, after all, deep intimacy is about minds, bodies, and spirits getting as close as possible…right? And so, yes, by initiating sex, it can bring more closeness and stability to the relationship as a whole.
And what if you initiate and your partner isn’t interested at the time? Or what if you’re shy about initiating due to having a fear of rejection? That’s a fair and legitimate concern. One day, I’ll need to pen an article on how couples should handle situations like that with grace (on both ends) while applying the golden rule of “doing unto others as you would have them do unto you.” For now, I’ll just say that if this is your greatest point of concern, share that with your partner as well.
After all, it’s pretty unrealistic to expect them to always want it when you do (although it’s been my experience and observation that men are almost always far easier to convince…LOL); just know that not wanting sex at the exact moment that you do doesn’t mean that they don’t want you altogether. Besides, oftentimes, a nap or a night of sleep can rectify that issue. Trust me.
____
Rihanna was actually once quoted as saying, “To me, sex is power. It’s empowering to do it because you want to do it.” I personally think that’s a great way to bring this to a close. Make your partner feel wonderful, empower yourself, and strengthen your relationship by initiating sex more often. I can’t think of one reason why it’s not a wise move. Can you?
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Featured image by Jacob Wackerhausen/Getty Images