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Exclusive: What It's Like To Date Celebrity Trainer Corey Calliet

"I feel like a woman could bring substance into my life. She could be my foundation. She could recharge me when I need it and we recharge each other."

#xoMan

At first glance, Corey Calliet may come off as a bit intimidating. With a beautiful smile complementing his chiseled frame, the modern-day Adonis, who ironically trained Michael B. Jordan for his role as Adonis in the Creed series, has a well-deserved reputation for building the bodies of some of your favorite Hollywood celebrities.

But the vision the self-proclaimed body architect has for his career doesn't end in the gym or on the red carpet. In addition to training some of the top stars in Hollywood, he has his own apparel company (Levelz), is a featured trainer on Revenge Body with Khloe Kardashian, and has more recently caught the acting bug.

Despite having an impressive resume, it's the trainer's rags-to-riches story that has us begging for more. Growing up between New Orleans and Baton Rouge was no easy feat for Calliet. After losing his mother at the age of four, he was shuffled between his sister and grandmother before finally settling with his aunt and uncle in a crowded home. Enticed by the street life, Calliet learned the art of the hustle that eventually carried him into a successful career.

But he didn't leave home without picking up a few relationship gems from the women who raised him. "We saw love where no matter what you were going through, you weren't going to give up. No matter how bad the situation was, no matter how hurtful, they never quit."

While he may rock sweatshirts that say he's "emotionally unavailable", we can't help but to sneak a peek into this Cancer's emotional side, and dare we say that we like it. As the saying goes, never judge a book by its cover, so we're taking a dive between the sheets of this open book to find out his thoughts on love, why he's not looking for an independent woman, and his biggest fear in a relationship.

Necole: Your life sounds very busy. How do you keep the fire going when you are in a relationship?

Corey Calliet: It takes a very special woman, and I'm single right now, so I haven't mastered it. Every time I get into something serious, I get better, and it's hard because you can't give the love that you want because we know that love is patient, love is kind, love is all of these things. I can't give that to a person all the time. So, it's hard and to be honest with you, I haven't found that woman that can understand what I got going on.

You get up and train early every day. If you were with someone, how does she fit into your mornings? 

When I'm with a woman, she comes first.

When I wake up, I have to make sure she's okay. Is there anything I can do before I get my day started? Anything I could do to make you comfortable? If she's hungry, I need to get breakfast. I need to make sure that everything is taken care of with her first because she's laying next to me, and this is my girlfriend now, this is not some random situation. This is somebody I take care of, somebody I want to be with. So I make sure she has the things that she needs and then I carry on to take care of what I need to take care of myself.

What are some important qualities that you look for in a woman? 

Maybe this is wrong, but I don't need the most independent type woman. We have a generation of women that are coming up and saying, "I don't need you for nothing." I need a woman that's caring, that's nurturing. I need a woman that loves God. She doesn't have to be super successful, just be passionate about what you do. Love what you do. Love yourself. I need a woman, not to just love me, but to like me because if you notice, a lot of people love each other, but they don't like each other. I want a woman that will love my daughter as if she has hers. I want a woman that's strong. A woman that could have my back.

I feel like a woman could bring substance into my life. She could be my foundation. She could recharge me when I need it and we recharge each other.

My thing is, I didn't have a mom. So, I don't know what that's like. So, I don't look for a mother in every woman, but I look for her to have motherly qualities, especially if we plan on having kids. I'm already successful. I probably could help make her life even better. Just support her and build her up.

Sometimes, people want the person they're going to end up with to make a certain amount or at least be financially well-off, and some people don't care. Where are you on that?

I'm not going to say I don't care, but bring something to the table. I'm going to give the analogy of, if I bring a plate, the spoon, the fork, at least just bring the glass. That's it. Just bring the drink. I got everything else.

Looking back on your most recent relationship, if you could name one thing you would have done differently, what would it be? 

I would have paid attention a little more. A lot of times we assume and do stuff that we shouldn't do because we didn't pay attention. I would have paid attention, and she would've been able to understand me because I wouldn't have got it wrong all the time. If I paid more attention, I would have known that I was going down the wrong road, and I would have seen the signs.

If I had a meeting with one of your exes, and I said tell me one thing I should know about Corey, what would she say? 

He's emotional. [laughs]. 100%. She'd say, don't let that hard rock fool you. Don't let his tone fool you. Love him, and tell him that. Let him hear it, and he will give you everything you want. Nobody has been able to do that.

What is your love language?

My first love language is words of affirmation. I want you to be able to look me in my eyes and tell me how much you love me, and how much you care about me. I want to hear it.

To be honest, sometimes the words, "I love you," "I care for you," "I need you," and "I want you" – hearing those words are better than sex.

When you are personally going through something, and your partner has to stand in the fire with you, how would you like for her to support you?

I remember I used to date someone and she'd always say, "I don't have as much as you have. I don't have this. I don't have that." And I told her, "Take away all the accolades in the world and just give me you."

What happens is when I'm going through a place, I don't need nothing that you come with, I need YOU because those things will not last forever. Physically, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually, be there. Be my person that says, "You know what? No matter what, I got you. It's okay. We're going to get through this."

Do you have a fear of abandonment?  

Yeah, to being rejected and shut out. That hurts. That was one of the issues in my past relationship before I moved to LA. She would shut me out at the drop of a dime. She would just cut me off. She lived almost 40 steps away from me, and she would just drop me. Don't answer the phone. Don't answer the door. Don't answer my texts. Don't do nothing. Just cut me out, and I believe that that takes a special type of mean person to just cut a person out completely, and then drag them back in when they feel like it. Like tell me, "I need time. I need space, but I'm letting you know I need this. I will be back, but I just need this."

Don't just cut me off. That's one of my reasons of being afraid of letting people in too close, but I can't help but to let them in 'cause that type of person I am.

So if there's a disagreement, who apologizes first? 

Me. I'm going to apologize first unless you beat me to it. I have the gift of seeing things both ways. I take a step back and understand where you are coming from and why you may not have understood my point, and I will apologize for my actions and my wrongs. I will apologize even if I'm right just to get you to open up, and tell me why you handled things like you did, and what was going on.

Is sex an important part of the relationship?

Sex is very important, but don't overthink it. Sex shouldn't become something we have to do like a time schedule. Sex is about two people wanting each other. When I get married, sex is important, but I'm not going to put a strain on it, like, do we have to have sex every single day? Hell, no.

Your daughter is getting to that age (13) where boys are going to be interested soon. How are you preparing her for that? You got to get your shotgun ready?

I talk to my daughter all of the time. I think the best situation is being able to have an open relationship with the child. Me and Cammy have real conversations like she's almost my age, which is the great thing because we have such a close bond since she was a little girl, and having that open relationship and being able to talk, I think that's how I'm able to prepare her for what's going on. I don't hide nothing from her. I'll let her know what's going on because I need to let her know now so that she can be prepared for it in the future.

When you're dating someone, what's the prerequisite for who gets to meet your daughter? 

Most of the time that she's with me, she meets who I have in my life, but Cammy has this thing where she says, "I'm not getting attached to anybody." She experienced something with my last big relationship with my ex-girlfriend. When we stopped talking, my ex cut her off too, and my girlfriend was like a stepmom to her. She told me she'll never get close to no one again.

For more of Corey, follow him on Instagram.

Featured image via Kathy Hutchins / Shutterstock.com

Originally published on March 4, 2019

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When I was ten, my Sunday school teacher put on a brief performance in class that included some of the boys standing in front of the classroom while she stood in front of them holding a heart shaped box of chocolate. One by one, she tells each boy to come and bite a piece of candy and then place the remainder back into the box. After the last boy, she gave the box of now mangled chocolate over to the other Sunday school teacher — who happened to be her real husband — who made a comically puzzled face. She told us that the lesson to be gleaned from this was that if you give your heart away to too many people, once you find “the one,” that your heart would be too damaged. The lesson wasn’t explicitly about sex but the implication was clearly present.

That memory came back to me after a flier went viral last week, advertising an abstinence event titled The Close Your Legs Tour with the specific target demo of teen girls came across my Twitter timeline. The event was met with derision online. Writer, artist, and professor Ashon Crawley said: “We have to refuse shame. it is not yours to hold. legs open or not.” Writer and theologian Candice Marie Benbow said on her Twitter: “Any event where 12-17-year-old girls are being told to ‘keep their legs closed’ is a space where purity culture is being reinforced.”

“Purity culture,” as Benbow referenced, is a culture that teaches primarily girls and women that their value is to be found in their ability to stay chaste and “pure”–as in, non-sexual–for both God and their future husbands.

I grew up in an explicitly evangelical house and church, where I was taught virginity was the best gift a girl can hold on to until she got married. I fortunately never wore a purity ring or had a ceremony where I promised my father I wouldn’t have pre-marital sex. I certainly never even thought of having my hymen examined and the certificate handed over to my father on my wedding day as “proof” that I kept my promise. But the culture was always present. A few years after that chocolate-flavored indoctrination, I was introduced to the fabled car anecdote. “Boys don’t like girls who have been test-driven,” as it goes.

And I believed it for a long time. That to be loved and to be desired by men, it was only right for me to deny myself my own basic human desires, in the hopes of one day meeting a man that would fill all of my fantasies — romantically and sexually. Even if it meant denying my queerness, or even if it meant ignoring how being the only Black and fat girl in a predominantly white Christian space often had me watch all the white girls have their first boyfriends while I didn’t. Something they don’t tell you about purity culture – and that it took me years to learn and unlearn myself – is that there are bodies that are deemed inherently sinful and vulgar. That purity is about the desire to see girls and women shrink themselves, make themselves meek for men.

Purity culture isn’t unlike rape culture which tells young girls in so many ways that their worth can only be found through their bodies. Whether it be through promiscuity or chastity, young girls are instructed on what to do with their bodies before they’ve had time to figure themselves out, separate from a patriarchal lens. That their needs are secondary to that of the men and boys in their lives.

It took me a while —after leaving the church and unlearning the toxic ideals around purity culture rooted in anti-Blackness, fatphobia, heteropatriarchy, and queerphobia — to embrace my body, my sexuality, and my queerness as something that was not only not sinful or dirty, but actually in line with the vision God has over my life. Our bodies don't stop being our temples depending on who we do or who we don’t let in, and our worth isn’t dependent on the width of our legs at any given point.

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