7 Married Men Have Some Marriage Myths They Want To Debunk
"When you get married, the sex stops." This is probably one of the most popular myths that many of us hear when the topic of marriage comes up. There may be seasons when it may slow down for whatever reason, but for most couples, it doesn't stop. This is a myth that can easily be debunked, and I can attest to this because of my personal experience as a wife (10+ years), as well as the experiences of others. Not to mention, the fact that sex was a hot topic and constant theme throughout the recent Black Love Summit -- from sex closets to toys, wigs, positions, and costumes. You can read a recap of the event here.
During the summit, we asked several of the husbands and panelists what marriage myth they'd like to debunk. Here's what they had to say*:
Myth: Your life is over when you get married.
Dondre Whitfield – Married Sixteen Years:
"People think that your life is over when you get married and I don't know where that information comes from. If you're talking to people who don't have a good marriage, then, yes, they will feel like their life is over, but that doesn't mean that's going to be your marriage. Marriage is a great thing if it's done the right way. It's like when you get a driver's license. Driving is great, but if nobody gives you the skill set to drive and you're crashing, then driving is going to be awful. Marriage is similar – you just need the right information to know how to do it better."
Myth: Women are expected to be perfect.
Devale Ellis – Married Nine Years:
"The myth is that men come into marriage broken and women are perfect. So, women are expected to be perfect and they have this pressure to do everything the right way, but nobody's perfect. It puts women on a pedestal where if they're not perfect in every aspect, then they feel inadequate. Women shouldn't have to be thought of as inadequate just because they don't do everything exactly as a man wants it. Women go through things and have issues, as do men, but we -- men and women -- have to work collectively to make sure we're both okay."
Myth: Marriage isn’t fun.
Tommy Oliver – Married Four Years:
"My wife and I we still like to have a lot of fun, crack jokes with one another, and take trips with each other. We still take the same trips we took while we were dating in the very beginning. Marriage is fun! Now you have a partner to share everything with…like a real true partner for a lifetime."
Myth: You have to change yourself.
Mike "DJ Fadelf" Jackson – Married Eight Years:
"One of the things we need to stop thinking is that when you get married, we have to change ourselves. In other words, you think you have to become someone who is less than you were before you got married; not realizing that you become a better person in that relationship. People lose themselves by becoming someone they're not. You fall in love with a specific person, but in the relationship you enhance that person and work on each other together."
Myth: The first five years of marriage are hard.
Warryn Campbell – Married Eighteen Years:
"Honestly, every year is hard, but it's really about what you put into it and your perspective. People say the first year tends to be the hardest, but to me, I thought the first year was great! Whatever you did in the beginning, you have to continue that same energy and same work throughout the relationship because you grow together, you change, and you evolve."
Myth: The work stops when the wedding ends.
Chris Spencer – Married Ten Years:
"The wedding may feel like happily ever after, but it's not over. The wedding day is the start. That's day one, and it's a marathon. So, get ready to run that race."
Bryan Chea – Married Three Years:
"Once you're married, it's til death do you part, but that doesn't mean you don't have to work at it. You're still learning yourself, let alone your partner, and all of those changes. Marriage isn't a lifelong thing unless you're intentional about making it that way."
*Responses edited and condensed for clarity
Want more marriage gems? Tune into OWN every Saturday at 9/8c to catch the all new season of Black Love.
Featured image by Shutterstock
Shonda Brown White is a bestselling author, blogger, life coach, and brand strategist. When she's not jumping out of a plane or zip lining, she's living the married life with her husband in Atlanta, GA. Connect with her on social @ShondaBWhite and her empowering real talk on her blog.
ItGirl 100 Honors Black Women Who Create Culture & Put On For Their Cities
As they say, create the change you want to see in this world, besties. That’s why xoNecole linked up with Hyundai for the inaugural ItGirl 100 List, a celebration of 100 Genzennial women who aren’t afraid to pull up their own seats to the table. Across regions and industries, these women embody the essence of discovering self-value through purpose, honey! They're fierce, they’re ultra-creative, and we know they make their cities proud.
VIEW THE FULL ITGIRL 100 LIST HERE.
Don’t forget to also check out the ItGirl Directory, featuring 50 Black-woman-owned marketing and branding agencies, photographers and videographers, publicists, and more.
THE ITGIRL MEMO
I. An ItGirl puts on for her city and masters her self-worth through purpose.
II. An ItGirl celebrates all the things that make her unique.
III. An ItGirl empowers others to become the best versions of themselves.
IV. An ItGirl leads by example, inspiring others through her actions and integrity.
V. An ItGirl paves the way for authenticity and diversity in all aspects of life.
VI. An ItGirl uses the power of her voice to advocate for positive change in the world.
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ItGirl In Motion: DonYé Taylor Asked Herself This Question When Creating Her Brainchild
"Being an 'ItGirl' is all about being yourself and taking all of the elements that make you who you are and displaying them at your highest capability," creative brainiac DonYé Taylor says in the introduction of the limited video series, "ItGirl In Motion."
In partnership with Hyundai, xoNecole has unveiled the limited series in conjunction with our inaugural ItGirl 100 list. The list boasts 100 Black women who not only innovate and take up space when it comes to putting on for their cities, but also as the driving force behind brands that create impact for the culture. ItGirl DonYé Taylor is one of the 100 featured ladies who put her purpose into action.
ITGIRL IN MOTION with DONYE TAYLORwww.youtube.com
As a marketing consultant, content creator, and CEO, a driving force behind DonYé's ambitions has been to show others how she sees the world by "creating art and doing things that shift perspective." In founding her brainchild, Nüclei, which is coincidentally also home to the ever-so-chic chrome brain piggybank, DonYé briefly touched on the inspiration behind the brand. "I was like, 'What would it look like if I were to be of service to myself?' And that's what made me create Nuclei," she said.
Watch the video above to take a peek into the life of the LA-based ItGirl, the importance of Black women receiving our "flowers" while we're here, and the three things she believes are absolutely essential to any ItGirl.
See our ItGirl 100 list in full here. Click through the gallery below for some BTS moments of DonYé and our partnership with Hyundai.
CREDITS
Director: Mikkoh @mikkoh
Production Company: @30inthemorning
AD/Gimbal Op: @jeffreyrattanong
DP: @jucelandrin_
Editor: @30inthemorning
1st AC: Bonnie Delgado @bonniebellevue
2nd AC: Liz Robles @lizfatimarobles
FPV Drone Op: Kai Kevin Goh @kaivertigoh
Gaffer: Nelson Nguyen @nelson_ftw
Key Grip: Ames Hoang @mangothemaker
SLT: Jamon Tolbert @jamon.tolbert
Sound Mixer: Deyo Forteza @introducingdeyo
PA: Breyona Holt @exquisite_eye
PA: Aminah Muhammad @aminahmuhamm
BTS: Marika Belamarich @marikarosegold
Featured image by Marika Belamarich for xoNecole