Celebrating Black Culture: 5 Lit Ways To Enjoy Juneteenth
Celebrating the Fourth of July might be the last thing on your mind with all that's going on in the world, but we do have a historical moment to celebrate in American history: Juneteenth. It falls on June 19 and is a day not only to celebrate the enactment of the Emancipation Proclamation, but to honor our contribution to American culture and advancement. Some companies are even making it a paid holiday and we're definitely here for it.
Whether you're self-isolating and limiting group outings, or living your best life out and about, here are a few ideas for fun things to do---and great ways to support black-owned brands at the same time---for a lit Juneteenth:
Solo Celebration: Indoor or Patio Barbecue
If you're still feeling a bit apprehensive about any type of group activities, I'm with you sis. Fire up the grill anyway or put that oven broiler to work. Cop a few sparklers and streamers and hit up a few vendors for fab party decor on Etsy. Find menu inspiration via cookbooks including The Cooking Gene by Michael W. Twitty or Jubilee by Tony Tipton-Martin.
Make a nice sangria with a wine bundle from the McBride Sisters or a few grown-and-sexy cocktails with HH Bespoke Spirits. Put on that holiday cookout mix from Spotify, and wear that printed romper you would've worn to that cancelled street festival.
Social Distance Soiree: An Outdoor Movie Party
This is a good way to get people together while promoting social distancing. Invite a small group (no more than 10-20), supply masks, rent a projector (or even invest in an affordable one like this or this ) and make a station for hand-washing and sanitizing. Place the seating strategically apart to accommodate interaction but discourage crowd-gathering.
Stream films like Miracle at St. Anna (a Spike Lee joint set during World War II), Glory (an Oscar-winning Civil War classic starring Denzel Washington), Hidden Figures (about black female NASA phenoms) or Barry (a Netflix film about the early life of former President Barack Obama). Not into history films?
Bring out the oldies but goodies set in summer like Crooklyn,The Inkwell, Independence Day, or Girls Trip.
Holiday Staycation: Friends Sleepover Edition
So your state has reopened its businesses and you feel comfy going outside---just not in a super-public space with strangers you don't know. Try renting a suite at a local or nearby hotel with a pool and create your own Juneteenth slumber party with a few besties or your immediate family. (You can start with this great list of black-owned bed-and-breakfast spots.) Or go with a local Airbnb that has a private pool. (Hosts are even offering "quarantine retreats" or "social distancing spaces" for people who want a break from their usual surroundings.) Wear fun PJs, tune in to a live DJ set on IG or streaming radio, and get creative with the snacks and drinks.
Remember, hotels have safety and sanitation guidelines they must adhere to. You can always bring your own wipes and disinfectant sprays, and continue practicing social distancing where mandated.
Airbnb even has updated its guidelines and best practices for hosts. If you're still a bit apprehensive about the cleanliness of a property where you'd like to stay, message the host, ask lots of questions, and look for listings that have flexible cancellation policies.
Interactive Game Party
I know, I know. Some of us have had enough of virtual events. But it might be nice to step things up a bit and have giveaways, care packages with wine glasses, snacks, and drinks sent to attendees beforehand. You can also set up breakout rooms where people can hear different types of music being played and mingle separately. (I attended an awards event that included these elements and it made participating that much more fun.)
Add games to the mix like University of Dope, Black Card Revoked, or One Gotta Go, and have everyone contribute to a Cash App or Paypal prize for the winners of each round. You could even do virtual karaoke and dance contests where everyone gets a chance to participate.
Share videos from past trips or parties and anecdotes about those memories. Make your party truly interactive where the guests feel like they're not even missing out on the in-person aspect of the usual holiday festivities.
We Outside: Rooftop Party
If you're OK with getting your party on and all the social distancing restrictions for gatherings have been lifted in your state, by all means, do you. This is a great option for those who live in smaller apartment buildings or brownstones where rooftop access is allowed, or for those who'd rather party with familiar faces in slightly larger crowds.
If you don't already live in a cool spot with roof access, try a platform like Peerspace or Splacer to find a cool space. Put a little money in the pockets of black lounge and bar owners and rent their rooftop or smaller cabana spaces.
(Here's a good place to start.) I still recommend a sanitation station for all entering guests (stocked with antibacterial soap, a wash basin, bottled water, and hand sanitizer at least)---and you might even want to throw in a few masks for those who still choose to wear them. Charge a fee or monetary gift for entry and then donate the proceeds to a great organization that supports creatives, entrepreneurs or activists of color.
Whatever you choose, be sure to remember what Juneteenth is all about: Remembering the magic that is us and empowering ourselves to continue to survive and thrive.
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ItGirl 100 Honors Black Women Who Create Culture & Put On For Their Cities
As they say, create the change you want to see in this world, besties. That’s why xoNecole linked up with Hyundai for the inaugural ItGirl 100 List, a celebration of 100 Genzennial women who aren’t afraid to pull up their own seats to the table. Across regions and industries, these women embody the essence of discovering self-value through purpose, honey! They're fierce, they’re ultra-creative, and we know they make their cities proud.
VIEW THE FULL ITGIRL 100 LIST HERE.
Don’t forget to also check out the ItGirl Directory, featuring 50 Black-woman-owned marketing and branding agencies, photographers and videographers, publicists, and more.
THE ITGIRL MEMO
I. An ItGirl puts on for her city and masters her self-worth through purpose.
II. An ItGirl celebrates all the things that make her unique.
III. An ItGirl empowers others to become the best versions of themselves.
IV. An ItGirl leads by example, inspiring others through her actions and integrity.
V. An ItGirl paves the way for authenticity and diversity in all aspects of life.
VI. An ItGirl uses the power of her voice to advocate for positive change in the world.
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I think we all can agree that social media really is a double-edged sword. What I mean by that is there is just as much bad that can come out of it as good. At the end of the day, it really is about 1) having your own mind, 2) finding balance when it comes to how much time you spend online, and 3) doing your own research instead of taking random people’s opinions as the gospel (i.e., facts).
Gee, I wish more folks did all of this when it comes to if a man needs to have a large penis to sexually satisfy a woman (he does not) and if a woman who has had multiple sex partners will ultimately end up with a vagina that is too large for smaller penises to please her (a lie).
Science totally has my back on debunking both of those things (more on that in a bit). Know what else does? A particular type of sex method that is becoming more popular by the day. One that just might convince you to, as they used to say back in the day, focus less on the “size of the wave” and ride out the “motion of the ocean” instead.
It’s called shallowing. Here’s what it’s all about.
What Is Shallowing?
GiphyIf there’s one thing that I wish folks would say more thoroughly when it comes to women and orgasms, it’s that when it comes to75 percent of women not being able to orgasm from only intercourse, the accurate statement is they struggle with achieving a vaginal orgasm without the assistance of some type of clitoral stimulation. Yeah, we’ve really got to remember that very few things in this life are a complete monolith — orgasms included (check out “U-Spot Orgasm, Fantasy Orgasm & 6 Other Orgasms You Should Try Tonight”).
In fact, it was while I was reading up on pairing — a word that is used for when clitoral stimulation transpires during penetration — that I decided to do some deep-diving into shallowing (because it was mentioned inone of the articles that I read).And what is it? Shallowing is when a penis, finger, tongue, or sex toy of some sort is used in order to ever so slightly penetrate the vaginal opening of a woman.
And why is shallowing not just a current sex trend but something that every woman on this planet should try? It’s because of what I’ve said, more than once, on this platform: it focuses on the most sensitive part of a woman’s vagina, which isthe first two inches of her vaginal opening.
When the emphasis is placed there, not only does it increase your chances of experiencing “the big O,” but it can also build up anticipation, which can intensify your orgasms too — yes, shallowing can also be seen as a form of edging.
Another thing that’s cool about shallowing is — and it really and truly can’t be said enough — something that makes vaginal and blended orgasms easier to achieve for some women really has little to do with the size of a man’s package or even his technique; it’s straight up anatomy. Yep, the closer that a woman’s clitoris is to her vaginal opening, the easier it is for a penis to stimulate both. So, science makes it possible for vaginal orgasms to be easier for some women than others.
At the same time, shallowing can make it possible for more women who want to see what a vaginal orgasm actually feels like (because it’s easier for the head of the penis to stimulate the opening of the vagina while the shaft can rub up against your clitoris; based on the position that you are in, of course — the missionary with some pillows propped under the lower part of your back is ideal for this).
Now that you see what shallowing actually is, do you get why I said that penis size doesn’t matter when it comes to doing it — and getting the kind of orgasms that you want? Contrary to popular belief, your vagina is only around four inches. In fact, some health experts say that it ranges between 2-4”. Anything larger, your body literally has to stretch out to accommodate; this includes penises and babies. So, if your vagina is “making room” for more than four inches, why in the world do you think you need a 10-inch man? Yeah…exactly. It really is time to get over the silliness. The average penis continues to be 5.5”. Makes sense when you take it all in (no pun intended).
Aight, so now that you know what shallowing is all about, let me try and hard sell you on why it’s a sex technique that you should try as soon as tonight (if you possibly can).
1. It takes the pressure off of you and your partner.
I’ve been working with couples for almost 20 years at this point. This means that the topic of sex comes up quite a bit. And if there’s one thing that continues to be an issue is inconsistent orgasms (check out “Why Do Orgasms So Often Seem Like A ‘Hit-Or-Miss’ Experience For Women?”).
Listen, no matter how many articles you read or sex positions you try, if you’re anxious, stressed out, or overthinking, it’s gonna get in the way of you experiencing high peaks of pleasure on a consistent basis. Since shallowing is something that can easily be done even in foreplay (via fingering and/ororal sex) if you get that first “release” off, that makes it easier to just sit back and enjoy the ones that (hopefully) are to follow.
2. It teaches you more about your vagina.
A part of the reason why I keep repeating certain facts about vaginas in these articles is that it’s amazing how little certain things are discussed en masse — like the size of the vaginal tube. And since shallowing helps you to stimulate the nerve endings at the entrance of your va-jay-jay along with your G-spot (which is housed a little ways from your opening), shallowing is a great way to explore that area of your body as you figure out what truly works for you and…what doesn’t.
3. It’s the perfect merging of foreplay and intercourse.
When you really stop to think about it, shallowing is like the bridge between foreplay and intercourse because you can use so many different things to do it. So, if you want to experiment with a new sex toy or you want a bit more time to “warm up the engine” before full-on penetration begins, shallowing is one of the most sexually arousing compromises there is.
4. It can help to increase your partner’s stamina.
A few years back, I penned an article for the site entitled, “We’ve Got Some All-Natural Ways To Increase Stamina & Sensitivity.” Listen, even though I onceread a GQ article that said that over 60 percent of the people they polled were fine with intercourse lasting no longer than 5-10 minutes — that poll doesn’t speak for all of us, chile.
So, if you would like your man to build up to going longer, shallowing can help to make that happen. Since he’s barely putting beyond the tip in, he can learn how to be in you for longer periods of time without being, well, in you.
5. It helps you to appreciate whatever “package” he has.
Again — and it really can’t be said enough — if shallowing is all about exploring the mere entrance of your vagina, you don’t need a man with BDE (check out “BDE: Please Let The 'It Needs To Be Huge' Myth Go”) or honestly, even anything close to it.
I mean, even though, reportedly, the size that the average woman says gives her the most orgasms is eight inches — I bet those women have never really tried shallowing before. 10”, 8”, or the average 5.5” can certainly get the job done. And well.
6. It feels A-MAZ-ING.
Okay,so now that you know about shallowing, I promise that if you put the word into your favorite search engine, you’re either gonna see articles on golfing (LOL) or sex, especially as of late. That’s because more couples are trying it out and getting mind-blowing results from it. So, if you’re looking for something new to try, give shallowing a shot.
Hey, anything that’s designed to stimulate your most intense vaginal nerve endings has got to be something for the record books. I mean, how could it not be? Lawd.
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Featured image by Juan Moyano/Getty Images