It can be so easy to get distracted or even discouraged; especially when the wins are few and far between.
Focus.
Know what you want to accomplish and figure out what needs to be done to do so. Set big goals, goals that may seem unattainable to someone else; then do what's necessary to get closer to achieving them. By taking small steps and making progress towards whatever it is that you're after, you get to win a little bit at a time. Celebrate that.
A win is a win. Acknowledging even the smallest wins and giving yourself a pat on the back will motivate you to keep going.
It's natural to want to stop when you don't see results because we feel as though what we're doing is not working. But it is.
When we congratulate ourselves for our achievements, the fire we need to keep going remains lit.
Nobody can dim your light except you.
You must know that you don't need anyone's validation regarding your win, because it's yours. Remember that success doesn't look the same for everyone because everyone doesn't have the same concept of it. What's a win for you may not be for someone else, and that's fine. Your vision isn't meant to be seen or understood by everyone, because it's your vision. Don't let that deter you from what you're after. You'll have some people that get it, and some that don't; then there are those that see the excellence in you but try to downplay it in an effort to deter you.
Celebrate consistency.
You know what you're capable of, and even if you're not sure, be strong enough to continue anyway. Things will happen the way they should. The saying "hard work beats talent" is such a true statement because there are so many people that have the talent but don't have the will. If you have the will to succeed, then you're going to do just that. Consistency in itself is an accomplishment, toot your own horn just because you've maintained consistency. Giving up is so easy, so if you have decided not to, that's a win. Celebrate that.
Allow progress to push you forward.
When you take notice to every win, attaining the bigger goal doesn't seem so farfetched. It's like when you have a to-do list, checking off the smallest things gives you a sense of accomplishment and even lightens the load. Counting the small wins has this very same affect. You're able to see the progress you've made and how that progress has pushed you a little further toward what you're trying to achieve.
Round of applause.
We cheat ourselves when we don't find some form of happiness in the progress we've made. Giving recognition to the things we accomplish is so necessary for us to keep going. We must learn to build ourselves up, and clap for ourselves even if there is no one else around. In a world where validation is at the forefront of everything that we do, self-validation is all that matters. This is necessary for us to be strong enough to keep going when there's no one around to tell us to.
Have the will to keep going, find happiness in how far you've came and celebrate every milestone along the way.
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Having a community of people who I can share memories with, lean on in times of need, and inspire each other is something I always valued. I took a moment to truly center in on what I desired from the new friends I would make. Then I realized it all would have to start with me. I had to be centered and confident in who I was to attract who I desired to be aligned with. As someone who moved to a new city and established quality friendships, I gathered these six tips that helped me feel grounded and create community in hopes that it will help you, too.
6 tips to start building community and making new friends in a new city:
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Be true to yourself
Do you know who you are? If someone asked you to describe yourself in three words, what words would you use? In order to develop deep friendships, you must be a friend to yourself first. Know what refuels you and what zaps your energy. Self-study your habits and why you do the things you do. All this will be important to keep in mind when looking to create bonds with others. Every day there’s all kinds of people telling you who you should be, how you should act, or what you should wear. At the end of the day, the only opinion about yourself that truly matters is your own. Spend some alone time with yourself indoors or out at an event you like to truly discover who you are in this season of your life.
Pray about it
Before you step out into the world and cross paths with all kinds of people, it’s important to pray about building your community. God outlines what true friendship looks like in numerous Bible verses such as "Iron sharpens iron." - Proverbs 27:17 and “Two people are better off than one, for they can help each other succeed.” - Ecclesiastes 4:9-12. If you desire friendships that last, pray about what you seek in friendship. I remember praying for mentally stable, happy, and whole women who moved through life with abundance mindsets. Take a moment to journal about the community you want to build and then pray on it.
Go to fun events to meet people who share your interests
Most metropolitan cities like Washington, D.C., New York City, and Atlanta are known to have strong young professional communities and events where you can connect with others. I highly encourage you to attend events in or near your community to see what the city is like and meet people. It’s likely that the people at the event have the same interests as you, which is a great way to start a conversation. You can start by searching for events on Eventbrite or following Instagram pages that highlight events happening in your city.
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Accept that you won’t be compatible with everyone you meet
While living in your new city, it’s likely you’ll meet a variety of people. Please know that everyone you meet will not bud into lasting friendships, and that’s okay! You are uniquely created and not made for everyone. Then you’ll meet people who are good for only surface-level connections, and then you’ll have your girls who you can get deep with. I think sometimes people can look down on surface-level friendships, but not everyone needs to fully know you. That’s a privilege to have and to accept within yourself. Continue to check in with yourself and be real about who you crave to spend more time with and who is nice to see for a monthly or quarterly catch-up.
Join Facebook groups & GroupMe chats
If you haven’t used Facebook in a couple of years, it’s time to dust your profile off. Facebook Groups is a great place to join online communities for people who just moved to a new city like you. Typically, you have to agree to the group’s guidelines, and then you can join. For example, you can search for groups in the Facebook app by using keywords like women, Black girl, or [the name of your city] foodies. With the GroupMe app, you’ll have to be invited to join an already existing group. While you’re out and about networking, don’t hesitate to ask if they’re in any online groups/communities they recommend you join too.
Be friendly to folks in your neighborhood
When I first moved to my new apartment, I spent the first week walking around the complex and working in the community spaces to get a better feel of it. I was able to meet people in my neighborhood, enjoy small talk, and learn more about what the community has to offer. Step outside of your comfort zone and work in your apartment’s community space or a local coffee shop to connect with others.
Overall, you may feel alone in your new city, but I guarantee you’re not. There are other people experiencing living in a new city too, and all you need to do is find each other. I hope these tips help ease the nervous feelings you have about building a new community and inspire you to make a new friend today!
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