Whew, Chile. It’s National Orgasm Day!
If you frequent this site a lot—and hopefully, you do—you can certainly vouch for the fact that we talk about orgasms. A LOT. Off the top of my head, we've published "WTF Is A Blended Orgasm?", "10 Unexpected Ways To Intensify Your Orgasm", "This Is How To Master The Female Orgasm", "10 Things You Didn't Know About The Male And Female Orgasm" and "4 Hit It From The Back Moves That Are Bound To Get You To Orgasm"—and that's just for starters!
Are we obsessed? Eh, maybe a little. I mean, who doesn't enjoy having an orgasm?! But aside from the close-to-indescribable rush of pleasure that orgasms bring, there is also plenty of research and documentation that they do wonders for our health and well-being too. How?
Orgasms relieve stress, increase blood circulation, help to regulate your period, lessen pain (including headaches), strengthen your immune system, put you in a better mood, make you smarter—I mean, really…need I go on?
So, when I happened to notice that July 31 is National Orgasm Day, of course, I had to give a day that is so important to us—and hopefully to you—a big ole' shout out! When you think of all of the holidays and other special days of observance that come up in a 365-day cycle, be honest. Can you think of any other day (shy of your birthday) that you'd want to take out the time to celebrate more? Yeah, me neither. If you'd like to make this particular orgasm day the best one yet, here are some things that will literally turn your climaxes into the gift that just keeps on givin'.
1. Workout for 30-45 Minutes
Although I don't live in the gym, some of my closest friends do, and a few of them are big fans of post-sex coitus. They claim that it provides a high like no other (I did some Googling and there are several articles that actually cosign on that). At the same time, there are also articles that give rave reviews when it comes to getting a little cardio in on the front-end as well. The feel-good hormones endorphins, dopamine and oxytocin that come from exercising will intensify during sex, the increased blood flow from the workout will make your orgasms stronger, and since exercising can improve flexibility, it'll be easier to get into all of those sex positions that help you to orgasm the easiest too.
So yeah, if you didn't already workout this morning, try and get a half-hour or so in before heading home. That, combined with a warm shower (or even some shower sex), can take your climaxes totally to the next level!
2. Have a Fresh Berry Salad
If you're hungry but you're not sure what you want, this is the perfect time of year to enjoy a fresh salad; preferably one with some spinach and berries on it. Spinach, because the manganese that's in it will increase your estrogen levels, while the zinc that it contains will boost up your sex drive. Berries, because strawberries contain vitamin C, zinc, and iron to give you more stamina, blueberries trigger dopamine in your system so that you'll feel more pleasure, and raspberries because they've got Vitamin E in them. Vitamin E has the nickname "the sex vitamin" because of its uncanny ability to help us to strengthen our sexual performance.
3. Enjoy an Orgasm Cocktail
If you want a technical breakdown for why and how alcohol makes you horny,Maxim broke it all down pretty well. And, if your favorite alcoholic beverage of choice is wine, word on the street is the scent of Zinfandel or Pinot Noir is what will get you all hot 'n bothered, while the aroma of champagne or Moscato will do a man in.
Still, I figured that in honor of National Orgasm Day, why not toast one another and/or the sex you're about to have with a couple of Screaming Orgasm Cocktails? It's basically a combination of vodka, Irish cream and coffee liqueur that gets the name because of how good it tastes. But if somehow, even after reading through all of this, I still can't convince you to engage in a couple of romps, at least you can make this drink and not be lying when you say, "Yep. I had an orgasm last night" while talking to one of your girls tomorrow.
4. Affirm Your Partner
There's no question that the biggest erogenous zone that we have is our brain. After all, how could any of us become sexually stimulated without it? That's why you should never underestimate how much you and your partner need to feel positive, connected and affirmed by one another before, during and even after coitus goes down.
Take a few moments to talk about what you enjoy about one another and even what some of your fantasies are. Eye contact, heartfelt sentiments and honest compliments are some of the most slept-on acts of foreplay that there is.
5. Go Someplace Other than Your Bed
I'm known to ask people I know (and even people I don't know) random questions. One that I asked semi-recently is what can cause a person to get bored in the bedroom. Something that seemed to be a general consensus is "always having sex in the bed". When I asked where they'd prefer to go in order to switch things up, many said the kitchen, backyard or on the stairs.
Hey, I'm not saying that you should automatically aim for those locations. What I am saying is if the bed is always the go-to, at least try the couch or the floor. When it comes to good sex, variety is always key.
6. Incorporate a Little Honey
Back when I was sexually active, a favorite sex addition of mine was honey. I liked it for what I'm assuming are pretty obvious reasons, but apparently it was doing more for my bedroom action than I thought! There is a mineral in honey called boron that 1) raises testosterone levels in men and 2) increases men and women's libidos and can help orgasms to last longer.
So yeah, having some honey on your bed stand certainly can't hurt either.I'm sure you don't need me to tell you how to make honey work in your favor, but if you'd like an edible massage recipe that's got honey as one of its ingredients, you can find one here.
7. Play Musical Chairs (for Him)
As far as a sexual position that your man will be totally in love with, try your own sex twist to musical chairs. Maybe put on a throwback like Montell Jordan's "Let's Ride" (who remembers that?), do a quick little dance and then sit him down on a chair. Put your legs over his shoulders and, well, you get it. The visuals alone will be sure to do wonders and the deep penetration makes this a male orgasm favorite!
8. Get in the Missionary with a Pillow Underneath (for You)
The missionary position is a classic—always has been and always will be. I think for us, we like it a lot because it's comfortable, it's intimate (there's eye-to-eye contact that way), and it's a great way to enhance clitoral and G-spot stimulation. The best way to up the chances of this particular sex position giving you an orgasm is by putting some pillows underneath your butt. Your partner's access will be easier and deeper. And you know what that means.
9. Spell “Coconut”
If you ain't neva had sex with a Gemini before, you'd betta ask somebody. I am a proud card-carrying one. I've also had sex with one. There are no words (le sigh). Anyway, when all of the coconut memes went viral last month, personally, I found it to be quite fitting. Why not, during the month of June, should a new hot sex trend be on everyone's lips?
If you happened to miss it, the tip is to ride cowgirl while slowly spelling out the word "coconut" with your hips. Although the memes were jokes more than anything else, I know some folks who actually attempted it. Chile, they think that the Kenyan women who got the viral thing started in the first place were truly onto something, whether they realized it or not. And, since the cowgirl position is one of the praised positions for achieving an orgasm, why not give it a shot?
10. Set Your Sights on a Multiple Orgasm
What better day to have a multiple orgasm—or at least try to—than on National Orgasm Day? The way to achieve these is by making sure you are truly at ease with your partner, extending foreplay, doing some deep breathing (and edging) and increasing your stamina.
For more of a breakdown, "How to Have Multiple Orgasms: Tips and Techniques for Better Pleasure" is an enlightening read. But more than anything, purpose in your mind to enjoy yourself. While orgasms should be a regular occurrence, National Orgasm Day only comes around once a year. Make sure to make it totally worth you—and y'all's—while!
Want more stories like this? Sign up for our newsletter here and check out the related reads below:
10 Secrets To Feeling Super Sexy (When You Don't)
What GROWN Women Consider Great Sex To Be
Why You Should Stop Faking Orgasms ASAP
My First Orgasm Changed Everything I Thought I Knew About Sex
Feature image by Getty Images
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Different puzzle pieces are creating bigger pictures these days. 2024 will mark a milestone on a few different levels, including the release of my third book next June (yay!).
I am also a Professional Certified Coach. My main mission for attaining that particular goal is to use my formal credentials to help people navigate through the sometimes tumultuous waters, both on and offline, when it comes to information about marriage, sex and relationships that is oftentimes misinformation (because "coach" is a word that gets thrown around a lot, oftentimes quite poorly).
I am also still super devoted to helping to bring life into this world as a doula, marriage life coaching will always be my first love (next to writing, of course), a platform that advocates for good Black men is currently in the works and my keystrokes continue to be devoted to HEALTHY over HAPPY in the areas of holistic intimacy, spiritual evolution, purpose manifestation and self-love...because maturity teaches that it's impossible to be happy all of the time when it comes to reaching goals yet healthy is a choice that can be made on a daily basis (amen?).
If you have any PERSONAL QUESTIONS (please do not contact me with any story pitches; that is an *editorial* need), feel free to reach out at missnosipho@gmail.com. A sistah will certainly do what she can. ;)
ItGirl 100 Honors Black Women Who Create Culture & Put On For Their Cities
As they say, create the change you want to see in this world, besties. That’s why xoNecole linked up with Hyundai for the inaugural ItGirl 100 List, a celebration of 100 Genzennial women who aren’t afraid to pull up their own seats to the table. Across regions and industries, these women embody the essence of discovering self-value through purpose, honey! They're fierce, they’re ultra-creative, and we know they make their cities proud.
VIEW THE FULL ITGIRL 100 LIST HERE.
Don’t forget to also check out the ItGirl Directory, featuring 50 Black-woman-owned marketing and branding agencies, photographers and videographers, publicists, and more.
THE ITGIRL MEMO
I. An ItGirl puts on for her city and masters her self-worth through purpose.
II. An ItGirl celebrates all the things that make her unique.
III. An ItGirl empowers others to become the best versions of themselves.
IV. An ItGirl leads by example, inspiring others through her actions and integrity.
V. An ItGirl paves the way for authenticity and diversity in all aspects of life.
VI. An ItGirl uses the power of her voice to advocate for positive change in the world.
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We all see it on social: "Romanticize your life" and having "main character energy." The trend is trending, for sure, and it doesn't seem to look like it'll lose momentum any time soon. And I'm not mad at it. As Black women, we deserve to romanticize any and everything about ourselves and our lives that we want to. You can embrace ways to romanticize your work life that allow you the freedom to enjoy, even when it's part of the job you absolutely hate.
Romanticizing even the most simple parts of our lives is nothing new to Black women. Our favorites, like Maya Angelou, Tracee Ellis Ross, Eartha Kitt, and Beyoncé have all either embodied, talked about, or written about creating big moments out of the minor, and they're always the main character. We know all too well how to normalize being "extra," and we unapologetically do it without even blinking an eye. (The other day, my sister came to the house to braid my hair and I served custom mocktails in my newest eclectic cocktail glasses I found at HomeSense, because, romanticize a kitchen-tician moment, shall we?)
Here are three small but impactful and self-affirming ways to add a little more delight, allure, and joy into your work day:
1. Invest in decorating your space in a way that reflects your true personality and work style.
I find romance in my surroundings, whether it's choosing to go to a chic coffee shop to work or having lunch on an outdoor patio filled with my favorite lush greenery or bright colors. And when it comes to my office space, I have to have inspiration on my walls, in the background sounds, and even in the temperature. I've recently invested in buying vinyl albums with music that keeps my motivation going and the writing juices flowing. (Janelle Monáe'sThe Age of Pleasure is my latest, and it allows me to escape into an alluring playland of spunky confidence and joy.)
Even if it's a cubicle, add an aromatherapy element (within reason and consideration of your office mates). Treat your space to a weekly or monthly bouquet of flowers (or invest in some great faux ones). Include an easy-to-maintain snake plant or a glorious spider plant that you create a routine of watering and nurturing.
Get that new cordless mouse in a neutral or metallic color. Keep dainty notepads and journals around to write Thank-you cards or send birthday greetings to clients, coworkers, or industry friends. Add mood bulbs in your lamps or overhead lighting for creative brainstorming, or a meditative sound machine for in-office breaks.
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2. Make getting dressed for work a time for self-expression and self-care.
I feel much more ready to conquer my work day when taking meetings or even just doing the regular workday things when I'm wearing something not only comfy but chic. I'm not big on fussy fashion so that means, for me, sticking to a uniform of a well-fitting blazer, some casual slacks (or even sweatpants in a luxe or dressier fabric), and either a graphic tee or a tank. When it's cold (which is rare for me because of where I live), I'll throw on a scarf or swap the blazer for a cardigan, coat, or shacket in a bright hue or a print. For shoes, I either wear a pump, sneakers, or strappy sandals.
Put the sweatpants, pajama sets, or ill-fitting throw-ons away and start dressing. It doesn't have to be stressful, too dramatic, or expensive. If your job requires casual wear, take time to invest in quality pieces, a daily routine where your clothing is set the day or week before, and a deliberate step-by-step daily grooming habit that screams luxury in the way you do it (whatever that looks like for your lifestyle and obligations.)
I love creating different combos with the same work outfit formula, and when I can take these items out with ease and take my time putting them on, I don't have to rush through my skincare and haircare routines before starting work.
If you're not into dressing up, that's fine, but still, take the deliberate time to put that athleisure wear together in a way that affirms that you love yourself and you are super-aware that your look is the first impression people get before you even utter a word. Embrace your body type, so-called "flaws" and all, and wear things that make you feel refreshed, empowered, and confident.
Find ways to take the stress out of dressing, like getting a stylist, sticking to a capsule wardrobe, or allowing your favorite fashion influencer to do all the work for you. If you find that working from home has you a bit lazier and indifferent when it comes to grooming and getting dressed, start dressing to go to a co-working space, coffee shop, or park at least once per week.
3. Date yourself...as a job candidate who is somewhat taken but is open to other options.
I remember those fun days of the "roster," where I'd date multiple men and keep my options open simply because I just wasn't going to let anybody's son Reesa Teesa me into commitment. What was fun about this was the pressure was off, I could enjoy different personalities and experiences, and I could have fun in the process of finding the "one." (When I met my current man of seven years, I was dating three guys who I had to cut off once I fell in love. And to add context, just because you're dating someone, doesn't mean you're sleeping with them. Sad I have to note that, but just looking at the Black love and dating conversations being had in these Internet streets, I feel I must.)
The same way you'd have an adventure, keeping your options open while dating, is the same thing you can do being a 9-to-5 professional. It's an adventure that might boost your motivation and joy in working.
Just because you like your current job doesn't mean you shouldn't be shooting your shot at other places, especially if you're not 100 percent satisfied or are looking to advance. Within reason, this is a great way to explore what's fresh and new in the job market, what employers are looking for today, and what other wonderful career adventures are out there that you might be missing while you're comfortable at your current job. Be sure to know your company policies, use discretion, and only agree to interviews with companies that allow you to level up via travel opportunities, a higher salary, or more fulfillment.
If interviewing at other companies isn't your thing, try taking on a fun side hustle, where you can place your passions that don't fit your job per se, into something else. Enjoy the ride of building something from scratch, seeing it flourish, trying new skills, and meeting new people.
As with all things, we should find joy in our careers and the paths we're taking to fulfill our highest dreams.
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