If you frequent this site a lot—and hopefully, you do—you can certainly vouch for the fact that we talk about orgasms. A LOT. Off the top of my head, we've published "WTF Is A Blended Orgasm?", "10 Unexpected Ways To Intensify Your Orgasm", "This Is How To Master The Female Orgasm", "10 Things You Didn't Know About The Male And Female Orgasm" and "4 Hit It From The Back Moves That Are Bound To Get You To Orgasm"—and that's just for starters!
Are we obsessed? Eh, maybe a little. I mean, who doesn't enjoy having an orgasm?! But aside from the close-to-indescribable rush of pleasure that orgasms bring, there is also plenty of research and documentation that they do wonders for our health and well-being too. How?
Orgasms relieve stress, increase blood circulation, help to regulate your period, lessen pain (including headaches), strengthen your immune system, put you in a better mood, make you smarter—I mean, really…need I go on?
So, when I happened to notice that July 31 is National Orgasm Day, of course, I had to give a day that is so important to us—and hopefully to you—a big ole' shout out! When you think of all of the holidays and other special days of observance that come up in a 365-day cycle, be honest. Can you think of any other day (shy of your birthday) that you'd want to take out the time to celebrate more? Yeah, me neither. If you'd like to make this particular orgasm day the best one yet, here are some things that will literally turn your climaxes into the gift that just keeps on givin'.
1. Workout for 30-45 Minutes
Although I don't live in the gym, some of my closest friends do, and a few of them are big fans of post-sex coitus. They claim that it provides a high like no other (I did some Googling and there are several articles that actually cosign on that). At the same time, there are also articles that give rave reviews when it comes to getting a little cardio in on the front-end as well. The feel-good hormones endorphins, dopamine and oxytocin that come from exercising will intensify during sex, the increased blood flow from the workout will make your orgasms stronger, and since exercising can improve flexibility, it'll be easier to get into all of those sex positions that help you to orgasm the easiest too.
So yeah, if you didn't already workout this morning, try and get a half-hour or so in before heading home. That, combined with a warm shower (or even some shower sex), can take your climaxes totally to the next level!
2. Have a Fresh Berry Salad
If you're hungry but you're not sure what you want, this is the perfect time of year to enjoy a fresh salad; preferably one with some spinach and berries on it. Spinach, because the manganese that's in it will increase your estrogen levels, while the zinc that it contains will boost up your sex drive. Berries, because strawberries contain vitamin C, zinc, and iron to give you more stamina, blueberries trigger dopamine in your system so that you'll feel more pleasure, and raspberries because they've got Vitamin E in them. Vitamin E has the nickname "the sex vitamin" because of its uncanny ability to help us to strengthen our sexual performance.
3. Enjoy an Orgasm Cocktail
If you want a technical breakdown for why and how alcohol makes you horny,Maxim broke it all down pretty well. And, if your favorite alcoholic beverage of choice is wine, word on the street is the scent of Zinfandel or Pinot Noir is what will get you all hot 'n bothered, while the aroma of champagne or Moscato will do a man in.
Still, I figured that in honor of National Orgasm Day, why not toast one another and/or the sex you're about to have with a couple of Screaming Orgasm Cocktails? It's basically a combination of vodka, Irish cream and coffee liqueur that gets the name because of how good it tastes. But if somehow, even after reading through all of this, I still can't convince you to engage in a couple of romps, at least you can make this drink and not be lying when you say, "Yep. I had an orgasm last night" while talking to one of your girls tomorrow.
4. Affirm Your Partner
There's no question that the biggest erogenous zone that we have is our brain. After all, how could any of us become sexually stimulated without it? That's why you should never underestimate how much you and your partner need to feel positive, connected and affirmed by one another before, during and even after coitus goes down.
Take a few moments to talk about what you enjoy about one another and even what some of your fantasies are. Eye contact, heartfelt sentiments and honest compliments are some of the most slept-on acts of foreplay that there is.
5. Go Someplace Other than Your Bed
I'm known to ask people I know (and even people I don't know) random questions. One that I asked semi-recently is what can cause a person to get bored in the bedroom. Something that seemed to be a general consensus is "always having sex in the bed". When I asked where they'd prefer to go in order to switch things up, many said the kitchen, backyard or on the stairs.
Hey, I'm not saying that you should automatically aim for those locations. What I am saying is if the bed is always the go-to, at least try the couch or the floor. When it comes to good sex, variety is always key.
6. Incorporate a Little Honey
Back when I was sexually active, a favorite sex addition of mine was honey. I liked it for what I'm assuming are pretty obvious reasons, but apparently it was doing more for my bedroom action than I thought! There is a mineral in honey called boron that 1) raises testosterone levels in men and 2) increases men and women's libidos and can help orgasms to last longer.
So yeah, having some honey on your bed stand certainly can't hurt either.I'm sure you don't need me to tell you how to make honey work in your favor, but if you'd like an edible massage recipe that's got honey as one of its ingredients, you can find one here.
7. Play Musical Chairs (for Him)
As far as a sexual position that your man will be totally in love with, try your own sex twist to musical chairs. Maybe put on a throwback like Montell Jordan's "Let's Ride" (who remembers that?), do a quick little dance and then sit him down on a chair. Put your legs over his shoulders and, well, you get it. The visuals alone will be sure to do wonders and the deep penetration makes this a male orgasm favorite!
8. Get in the Missionary with a Pillow Underneath (for You)
The missionary position is a classic—always has been and always will be. I think for us, we like it a lot because it's comfortable, it's intimate (there's eye-to-eye contact that way), and it's a great way to enhance clitoral and G-spot stimulation. The best way to up the chances of this particular sex position giving you an orgasm is by putting some pillows underneath your butt. Your partner's access will be easier and deeper. And you know what that means.
9. Spell “Coconut”
If you ain't neva had sex with a Gemini before, you'd betta ask somebody. I am a proud card-carrying one. I've also had sex with one. There are no words (le sigh). Anyway, when all of the coconut memes went viral last month, personally, I found it to be quite fitting. Why not, during the month of June, should a new hot sex trend be on everyone's lips?
If you happened to miss it, the tip is to ride cowgirl while slowly spelling out the word "coconut" with your hips. Although the memes were jokes more than anything else, I know some folks who actually attempted it. Chile, they think that the Kenyan women who got the viral thing started in the first place were truly onto something, whether they realized it or not. And, since the cowgirl position is one of the praised positions for achieving an orgasm, why not give it a shot?
10. Set Your Sights on a Multiple Orgasm
What better day to have a multiple orgasm—or at least try to—than on National Orgasm Day? The way to achieve these is by making sure you are truly at ease with your partner, extending foreplay, doing some deep breathing (and edging) and increasing your stamina.
For more of a breakdown, "How to Have Multiple Orgasms: Tips and Techniques for Better Pleasure" is an enlightening read. But more than anything, purpose in your mind to enjoy yourself. While orgasms should be a regular occurrence, National Orgasm Day only comes around once a year. Make sure to make it totally worth you—and y'all's—while!
Want more stories like this? Sign up for our newsletter here and check out the related reads below:
Feature image by Getty Images
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- National Orgasm Day - Wikipedia ›
After being a regular contributor for about four years and being (eh hem) MIA in 2022, Shellie is back penning for the platform (did you miss her? LOL).
In some ways, nothing has changed and in others, everything has. For now, she'll just say that she's working on the 20th anniversary edition of her first book, she's in school to take life coaching to another level and she's putting together a platform that supports and encourages Black men because she loves them from head to toe.
Other than that, she still works with couples, she's still a doula, she's still not on social media and her email contact (email@example.com) still hasn't changed (neither has her request to contact her ONLY for personal reasons; pitch to the platform if you have story ideas).
Life is a funny thing but if you stay calm, moments can come full circle and this is one of them. No doubt about it.
This post is in partnership with SheaMoisture.
When it comes to healthy hair care, there are a few things that will help you achieve healthy strands: a healthy hair care regime, hydration, consistent treatments, and scalp care. While scalp care is one of the most neglected practices, it is also one of the most important. Why? Because it helps promote healthy hair growth, clear hair follicles, and remove build-up.
When it comes to creating a healthy scalp routine, it helps to know exactly what you’re up against so you know how to specifically treat it. Two of the most common concerns are dandruff and dry scalp. It can be tough to decipher which is which, but here’s a quick breakdown: dry scalp is caused by a lack of moisture in the skin, while dandruff is caused by an excess of oil and yeast buildup on the scalp. Knowing that both of these are big concerns, SheaMoisture released two separate product lines to address both issues: the Scalp Moisture collection and the Anti-Dandruff collection.
Needless to say, if you tend to experience dandruff then I’d recommend you try the Anti-Dandruff collection. However, my biggest concern has always been dry scalp. A lack of moisture on the scalp can be caused by several factors like weather, age, and hair products to name a few. I’ve noticed that when I use certain gels or skip out on a deep scalp cleanse, my roots feel itchy and dry nonstop, which is uncomfortable.
The only way to relieve the discomfort is to properly wash and moisturize my roots, so I tried the Scalp Moisture collection and this is what I thought.
Krissy Lewis for xoNecole
First, What’s In The Collection?
The Scalp Moisture collection is a four-product line that includes a pre-wash masque, a moisturizing shampoo and conditioner, and a moisturizing scalp cream. Each product uses moisturizing and strengthening ingredients like aloe butter and vitamin B3 as active ingredients to provide eight times the moisture. Together, aloe butter and vitamin B3 work to restore dry and brittle hair, as well as add relief to the scalp.
Now, let’s break down each product…
Krissy Lewis for xoNecole
Scalp Moisture Pre-Wash Masque
The SheaMoisture Scalp Moisture Pre-Wash Masque may actually be the all-star of the collection. Using this deep conditioning masque is one of the best ways to target your dry scalp, restore hydration, and nourish your strands before shampooing.
I started by completely saturating my hair and scalp with water, then making small sections to apply the masque directly to the root. For my girls who have experience with relaxers and perms, it helps to apply the masque to your roots just like you would do with a relaxer. This way you can make sure you’ve covered as much of your scalp as possible while minimizing any breakage.
Pro tip: you can also use a color application brush to make this step easier.
After I completely covered my scalp, I massaged the product into my roots, used any excess on my strands, then left the masque in for 30 minutes. I was shocked by how moisturizing and clarifying my scalp and hair felt. One of the things that I love about the masque is the slip and how much softer it made my hair. While this is marketed as a scalp care product, it can completely transform your hair from dry and parched to completely hydrated.
In my opinion, the downside of this masque is that the quantity is too small for my liking. Truth be told, naturals go through deep conditioners faster than any other product (especially when it’s this good.) So SheaMoisture, if you’re reading this, we’d love a bigger jar.
Krissy Lewis for xoNecole
Scalp Moisture Shampoo
The SheaMoisture Scalp Moisture Shampoo is a gentle cleanser packed with the same moisture as the masque. The pearl-colored shampoo is lightweight with a serum-like consistency and a light and clean scent. The smell is pleasant, subtle, and not overbearing. When I applied the shampoo, I noticed immediately that it foams and lathers up very quickly, so less is more.
After applying the shampoo, I parted my hair and started at the roots to target as much of my scalp as possible. I recommend really taking the time to work the product and massage your scalp as much as possible.
Pro tip: using a scalp massager makes it easier and it feels amazing.
Once you start to massage your hair you’ll feel the product start to work. There’s a tingling sensation that might catch you off guard if you’re not used to it, but it’s not nearly as strong as other scalp products I’ve tried. I know some may not appreciate the sensation, but I loved it! My scalp felt clean, light, and breathable.
Krissy Lewis for xoNecole
Scalp Moisture Conditioner
Like the shampoo, the SheaMoisture Scalp Moisture Conditioner shares that pearly color and serum-like feel. It applies very easily while softening and moisturizing your hair. When I applied it to my hand, it gave my hands a lotion-like feel, which speaks volumes about its hydration capabilities. I also loved that the conditioner comes with a pump, instead of having to squeeze the product out – to me, it makes application easier.
I typically apply my conditioner to the ends first but because this is a scalp care product I started at the root and worked my way down to my ends. I did leave the conditioner in for ten minutes, although the bottle recommends leaving it in for three. The conditioner also provides that same breathable feel to your scalp. I honestly loved the relief.
Krissy Lewis for xoNecole
Scalp Moisture Cream
The SheaMoisture Scalp Moisture Cream is more of a daily relief product for your roots rather than your overall hair. It’s great for providing moisture and immediate relief to a dry and itchy scalp. Just like most of the collection, it gives a light and breathable feel – without the tingle. The applicator bottle targets specific parts of your scalp and makes applying easier.
Pro tip: I typically just squeeze the bottle to wherever I need the relief and use the tip to massage it into my scalp so it doesn’t mess up the hairstyle.
Overall, SheaMoisture’s scalp care line lives up to its claims – it moisturizes, strengthens, and provides immediate scalp relief. I definitely recommend trying the Scalp Moisture collection for an affordable way to treat itchy and dry scalp.
Featured image by Krissy Lewis for xoNecole
We’ve all heard the age-old adage, “If you have nothing nice to say, don’t say anything at all.” But have we ever considered an amendment to the rule when we’re in the safe and confiding space of a close friend?
As humans, we share information — it’s what keeps us connected with the world around us. And women, specifically, have a special way of forming connections with their friends through deep emotional support, bonding complex experiences, and seeking advice as a means of problem-solving and processing information.
However, without the proper conversational boundaries in place, these seemingly harmless moments of friendly banter can easily drift into a space we know as gossip.
All across TikTok, users are stripping the veil between casual chit-chat and juicy tea-spilling by partaking in a viral trend where friends ask one another, “Can I be mean for a second?” to which their request is met by their circle of friends being revived by the enticing invitation.
“Can I Be Mean for a Second?” TikTok Trend
But what differentiates an everyday catch-up session with a friend from all-out gossiping that you may or may not have intended to participate in? And once we're there, why does it make us feel so bad?
"The reason we feel guilty about [gossip] is because we misunderstand it," says friendship coach Danielle Bayard Jackson. "Gossip simply means you are talking about people who are not in the room, who are not present. That's it. But it has taken on a negative connotation, and if you have people saying gossip is bad, then whenever I talk about people, I'm going to feel bad because I've been told, culturally, that it's wrong."
The self-described "Female Friendship Educator" and creator of the Friend Forward podcast explains that gossip isn't inherently "negative" and can, in fact, be positive or neutral.
And while this form of conversation helps us to determine and establish cultural and social norms, there is a clear distinction, coined by author Deborah Tannin, that Danielle says can detect what direction your next convo might be headed in. "Ask yourself, 'Am I talking about her, or am I talking against her? If you're talking against her, ask yourself, why do I take pleasure in making her look bad?"
"Ask yourself, 'Am I talking about her, or am I talking against her? If you're talking against her, ask yourself, why do I take pleasure in making her look bad?"
What makes gossip so traceable is the impact it has on those who find themselves partaking in the negative end of it, not just the subject of conversation. "Some of us feel bad even when we don't contribute to the gossip just by being in the room while it happens. And that's one of the impacts of gossip: it makes the bystanders still leave feeling complicit because they didn't necessarily stop it," Danielle says.
Because we've been culturally and socially conditioned to demonize this form of discussion as opposed to understanding it as a social skill, it's natural to have "good gossipers" and "bad" ones, i.e., mean girls, within our many different circles. If we tend to find ourselves in the company of people who take part in bringing a person down, disparaging someone, or trying to tarnish her reputation, what we might be experiencing is something Danielle has coined as "sophisticated stealth."
Sophisticated Stealth: The Art of Mean-Girling
The most effective mean girls use “sophistictaed stealth”. You may not have heard of the term, but you will when my book comes out next spring! Love having this discussion.
"Sophisticated stealth is an elevated version of 'mean girl tactics,'" Danielle explains. "The whole idea is to hit somebody without landing or without throwing a punch — it's the psychological warfare that causes emotional harm to someone."
It's a style of communication that's laced with veiled insults like comments on one's appearance, downplaying a recent accomplishment, or packaging gossip as a noble gesture in order to maintain an appearance of cooperation.
"That's the number one rule in sophisticated stealth: I'm going to hit somebody while keeping myself looking good because we know there are social consequences," she explains, "If I do that, then I look bad, I look petty, I look vindictive, and I have to maintain my reputation. This is why the women with some of the best reputations can also be some of the meanest women."
There is an art to this. So much so that we can find ourselves in the midst of this tactic and not even know it's being done. And while this is often sparked by deep-rooted insecurities and feeling threatened by someone else's success or status, it's important to know how to get yourself out of a negative-leaning conversation when you notice the signs.
How To Get Good at Navigating Gossip
Be a Bore:
"Remember that you don't have to respond to make negative gossip stop. You just have to be very unfun to tell it to."
Sympathize With the Subject of Gossip:
"You might say, 'I feel bad. Because I know if people were talking about my business, I'd be so embarrassed." Show empathy. Showing solidarity with the person they're talking about.
Use a Playful Excuse:
"This helps to not come off as self-righteous by correcting them. Playfully excusing yourself, say, 'I'm your peer, I'm with you, but I can't contribute to this.' It shows you're not participating and signals that you believe that it's not a thing we should be participating in."
Call It Out:
"I strongly encourage you to call it out one on one because if you call out a girl with sophisticated stealth in front of people, you run the risk of people being like, 'What are you talking about?' Okay, because it's so elusive. But one on one, you would say, 'Hey, what did you mean by that comment that you made yesterday?'"
Set the Tone:
"Front load the conversation with your purpose so that nobody misunderstands your intentions. This shakes off some shame so you don't fear your friends leaving, thinking you initiated negative talk."
"The whole point is for the insult/gossip to land, make you be impacted by it, or hurt your feelings. So if you don't react, like you're not even registering, it has less of a hit."
Understanding these moments of conversational transparency and the type of gossip you're participating in is a vital skill to master as society continues to become more connected again. And as we find our way in forming and maintaining new bonds with people, it's good to know who we can confide in and who might take advantage of our vulnerability by understanding what company we're in.
"I think some of the reason why that trend is so popular is because we do that with girls who are our vault. We do that with women we know we're in a safe space with," Danielle says. "I know I'm with girls who understand this as a part of my process to get my feelings out. I understand I'm with women who are not going to go and tell this person.
"Keeping entrusted company around you that's non-judgemental and open-minded promotes an environment where "good" and healthy gossip can be processed and, ultimately, released.
Because we all need a safe space to pop off.
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