Like xoNecole on Facebook
Common has become a fixture in the hip-hop scene thanks to his longevity in the game. And while he is known for hits like "Go!" and "Come Close", he is also known to have dated some of the most beautiful and talented Black women in the world. The "Glory" rapper has dated Erykah Badu, Serena Williams and now he is romantically linked to Tiffany Haddish.
With his new album A Beautiful Revolution, Pt. 2, the Chi-town star is reflecting on his past dating experiences and using it as inspiration for his music. Talking to Essence, the 49-year-old said:
"Some of the Black women that I've dated, been in relationships with, are crazy talented people, so that's inspiring in itself. You see the work that they put in, and then how they can still go out and be good family people. That's been very influential on my personal life, but it also comes through in my art."
Not only is the album a love letter to Black women, Common also has women representation with features like R&B singer PJ and poets Jessica Care Moore and Morgan Parker.
When it comes to the special lady in Common's life now, the rapper doesn't shy away from his relationship. After meeting on the film The Kitchen in 2019, Tiffany and Common became friends, but the rapper revealed that the pandemic made him stop and reflect on his life and the people he wants in it and Tiffany was one of those people.
"That was very unique, man, because when the world is going through something, it makes you reflect on, 'If things was ending now, who do I want to be around?'"
"Naturally, Tiffany and I just spent a lot of time together, just really enjoying life and being grateful for life and not putting too much pressure on our relationship, just really being present with each other and supportive and having fun. We spent a lot of time together, and then we also understood, 'I need some time to myself; you need some time to yourself.' But in all truth, it was one of the times that I really was still for a relationship, to be able to be present in the relationship and not just be on the move as much."
Before the two became an item, the comedian admitted that she was hesitant about dating the rapper due to his dating past.
"He was, like, tryna holler, and I was like…'Um…no, I'm not really interested. I'm good. My eyes are set on other things. I'm interested in somebody else. I'm sorry. But you seem like a nice person,'" Tiffany said during a February 2021 appearance on The Late Show with Stephen Colbert.
"'I know too many people that dated you, let's be honest,'" she said. "I didn't say that, though. You know. You know."
However, they have since gotten past that bump in the road and been together for over a year now.
A Beautiful Revolution, Pt. 2 is a follow up to A Beautiful Revolution, Pt. 1 that was released last year.
Featured image by Emma McIntyre/Getty Images for Netflix
- Common & Angela Rye Have Split - xoNecole: Women's Interest ... ›
- Tiffany Haddish Common Dating History - xoNecole: Women's ... ›
So, if you've been rocking with this site for several years now, you might vaguely recall an article that I wrote, a couple of years back entitled, "Why You Need To Grieve Your Past Relationship". The bottom line was, if you don't make the time to go through the five stages of grief — denial, anger, bargaining, depression, acceptance — even when it comes to the ending of a romantic relationship, you could 1) mistake a lack of thorough and proper grieving for still loving someone and/or 2) prolong the process of healing, so that you can actually move forward.
Today, while this topic is somewhat along these lines, I'm actually going to touch on something a bit different. The reason why is because, after watching a movie where one of the female characters said, "How dare you not be the man I thought that you were in my mind," I felt it was also important to address that sometimes, we as women have a tendency to send ourselves through stress, strain and total emotional upheaval — not so much because the guy we were (or are) seeing did anything "wrong" to us or even because anything tumultuous happened in the relationship. It's simply because, if we're being really real with our own selves, we know that we wanted "him" to be someone he's not — and that is what we need to grieve so that we can know what to do next.
If that paragraph totally resonates with your mind, body and spirit on some level, let's walk through how you can grieve who you thought the man you care about was…even as you're catching on that he's not really that person at all.
Be Honest: Have You Been Ignoring Some Somewhat Subtle Red Flags?
Wanna know a sign of being a low-key control freak in relationships? When you ignore red flags under the guise of "I can change him". While this way of thinking is pretty common, I don't know if it's addressed enough, just how arrogant and presumptuous that sounds. Who are we to change anyone? That's not our job in any kind of relational dynamic. Yet when folks are of this mindset, they can be so caught up in what they think they are capable of doing — or even should do — that they will dismiss all kinds of blaring red flags.
How do I know? I used to struggle with being a control freak in this lane and it definitely caused me to overlook some stuff that I shouldn't have. And just what are some red flags that are beyond obvious ones like abuse or blatant disrespect? If you and the guy you're seeing don't want the same things (for instance, you want to be married and he absolutely does not). If you and the guy that you are seeing have different standards and values. If you and the guy you are seeing communicate poorly (like you chalk up constant arguing to being playful banter; relationships need to be peace-filled as much as possible).
If you and the guy you are seeing define things like exclusivity in dating in totally different ways. If you and the guy you are seeing are not doing a good job at meeting each other's needs. These are just some examples of what are considered to be signs of an unhealthy relational dynamic; still, so many people ignore them because whether it's fear, ego or both, they tell themselves, "I mean, I might see that this person isn't the right fit but because I already decided that they should be, I will make them fit by trying to make them be who I want."
What a lot of folks who think like this don't realize is, the moment they've got to apply force (or even manipulation) in order to try and make something manifest, they actually need to be seen as a red flag to other people. Because y'all, it is off-the-charts crazy, just how many individuals will ignore signs that someone isn't a good match for them, believing that they will put their blood, sweat and tears into turning them into something else and then acting like that person is the bad guy when things don't go as they planned. No one is the villain just because they didn't succumb to an agenda that consisted of trying to change them into something that they're not. And just why does this happen so often? I mean, besides the control freak thing? This brings us to my next point.
Did You Cast Him into Your Fairy Tale Without His Knowledge…or Permission?
Living for the fairy tale. Personally, I close-to-loathe that phrase. I've shared before that it's because I know that fairy tale means "a story, usually for children" and "an incredible or misleading statement, account, or belief". You know, not too long ago, someone asked me what has surprised me the most about adulthood; the first thing that came to my mind is how many "old children" there are. In this lane, the stories that are often told to children are ones that far too many adults are still using to program their own minds when it comes to romantic situations.
Is it wrong to want to be in a relationship that you can describe as amazing, wonderful and fulfilling? Absolutely not. At the same time, when you run with phrases like "my Prince Charming", I mean, don't even get me started on how even the Bible says that "charm is deceitful" (Proverbs 31:30); for now, we can just go with…who do you know is married to a prince? And if we tie this into fairy tales, do you ever hear what happens after the "…and they lived happily ever after part" of the story? Chile, we don't have a clue what Prince Charming and Cinderella went through after their wedding day. It's like we're left to make the rest of the story up.
And that's kind of my point. If you are still leaning into a "fairy tale mentality", you also can make up narratives to go however you want. If you're not careful, you can also carry that into your relationships with men. Before you know it, you've decided that some guy you like should be some leading character with all of the traits that you created in your mind. Then, you find ways to "sway" him into fitting into those roles — oftentimes without him knowing that that's what you're up to or that he wasn't even asked to sign up to go through those kind of emotional contortionist positions.
Hey, I never said that this article was going to be an easy one. I simply said that sometimes grieving who you thought someone was needs to happen. If you know that you've been guilty of coming up with your own story and then inserting some man that you like into it, script and all, this is a reality that must be faced. Otherwise, you are more of a villain in your own fairy tale than you will probably ever choose to accept.
Is Denial a Pattern for You (Especially in Relationships)?
Those of us who work in the lane of therapy/counseling/life coaching know that it's pretty common to have clients who use a state of denial as their front line of defense when you're trying to confront them about something. And what are some telling indicators that someone is indeed living this way? They refuse to talk about their issues (or they don't tell all of what has led up to them). They are constantly on the defensive. They only share the good stuff. They find all kinds of ways to justify their mindset, behavior or patterns. They "edit out" what they don't want to face head-on.
One of the boyfriends from my past, I was in a lot of denial about. I wasn't really physically attracted to him. I carried 90 percent of the financial burden in the relationship. He loved me more than I loved him while I wanted different things at a different time than he did (for instance, he actually loved me enough to marry me while I wanted to get married much sooner than he did; I ignored that I didn't love him enough because marriage was such a personally priority at the time). Yet because I wanted to be cherished so badly and I had already invested so much time into us, I spent a lot of time denying what was while telling myself to ONLY focus on the good. In the long run, it wasn't worth it. Living in denial rarely is.
The thing about making denial a pattern in your life is it's directly connected to self-delusion and self-deception. So, when it comes to this particular point, if you're not sure if you're living in denial when it comes to your relationship or not, ask some of your friends what they think. Real friends only want what's best for us and because they are not mentally, emotionally and perhaps physically invested into the guy we're with in the way that we are, they can pick up on "hold up signals" in a way that we simply cannot. Can't. Yet still need to.
Is Whatever’s Disappointing You Deal-Breaking Material?
A couple of years ago, I wrote an article for the platform entitled, "What Should You Do If You Feel Like You Married The Wrong Person?" The reason why I'm mentioning it here is because, while it might seem on the onset that my recommendation to grieve who you thought someone was means that you are to kill and bury the relationship altogether, that is not necessarily the case at all.
Again, the five stages of grief are denial, anger, bargaining, depression, acceptance. So, what I mean is if you are in a constant state of irritation or even frustration because the man you want or even prefer (because want and prefer are not exactly the same thing) doesn't exist even though you keep trying to make want you want or prefer to be so, sometimes you really need to face that you are 1) in denial; 2) angry; 3) using pressure, ultimatums, manipulation, nagging and/or control to bargain with him to change; 4) you might actually be somewhat depressed about your situation (a profound definition of depressed is "anger turned inward") and so 5) it's time to accept reality for what it is.
And in this case, what you really need to come to terms with is, can you ACCEPT him for who he ACTUALLY is or do you need to accept that you both should probably part ways, so that you both can be with someone who want try to change either one of you? One of the most helpful ways to come to the decision that you need to make is, when it comes to who he truly is, are you upset because things aren't going your way or are there real deal-breakers on the table? For instance, if you told yourself that he will become uber romantic and he just isn't that guy, can you deal with that long-term? Or if you told yourself that physical attraction doesn't have to be that important yet it's affecting your intimacy with him, can you really learn to adjust or is it not something that you can get past? Or if he's all that you want in a husband but he has stated, more than once, that he doesn't want to get married (check out "He Loves You. He's Just Never Gonna Marry You. Now What?"), where do you go from here? Like, for real, for real?
A part of the reason why it's crucial to go through the grieving process whenever someone reveals themselves to not be who we thought they were is because it's the acceptance of this fact that helps us to make wiser decisions when it comes to what to do about the relationship, moving forward. If you don't grieve all of this, you could remain stagnant. And in this case, on a lot of levels, unfortunately, that typically equates to settling.
If This Stuff Applies to You, GRIEVE.
A writer by the name of Anne Rophe once said, "Grief is in two parts. The first is loss. The second is the remaking of life." To me, this is one of the best ways to bring this article to a close. I say this because, if you now know, beyond the shadow of a doubt, that you are grieving, not so much who a man actually is but who you thought he was, you can embrace the fact that it's not until you fully acknowledge the loss of that version of him that you can start to remake your life — whether that means coming to accept that it needs to be with him which includes the reality of the facts of what you're actually dealing with or alone so that you can 1) learn to become more honest with yourself about seeing people for who they really are so that 2) you can start dating and building with someone from a more realistic perspective.
And what should the grieving process look like?
Journal out what you've been in DENIAL about and why. While you're at it, if you know that all of this is a pattern of yours, write about that too.
Give yourself the opportunity to be ANGRY about what you've been denying, so that you can get out your frustrations and not take them out on him. If this means venting to a friend or even speaking with a counselor, please do it.
Determine NOT TO BARGAIN over what you want vs. who he is. While all relationships require compromise and it's important to realize that it's rare to get everything that you want on your list from someone else (check out "The Pros & Cons Of Creating A 'What I Want In A Man' Checklist"), if you feel like you're making concessions that are going to leave you completely unfulfilled, long-term, you need to understand that aren't making the true definition of what a sacrifice is — "a surrender of something of value as a means of gaining something more desirable". No one should feel like they've got to convince themselves to stay with someone else. Bargaining is oftentimes doing just that.
If you come to the decision to end the relationship, it's OK to feel SAD. Clearly, there was some good things about the person and the dynamic that caused you to stand. Internalizing your emotions will just prolong the healing process.
ACCEPT whatever you ultimately decide to do. If you decide to stay, be intentional about not trying to change him. If you decide to leave, be disciplined enough to not go back until you know, beyond the shadow of a doubt, that you can accept him as-is; that you will only be there to support him in the changes he desires to make based on the man he needs to become vs. the man you want him to be (because that is not always or automatically one in the same).
Grieving can be hard. Shoot, harder than even that. This includes when it's tied to something like conjuring up an image in our mind that doesn't actually exist. But if you do it, you allow healing and clarity to manifest — and when you approach relationships from this space, you are more whole, you are more relaxed and you are better able to see things for what they are, not for what you want them to be. And then you can make wiser mate selection decisions from that. I know this from very up close and personal experience. So, grieve it out, sis. Grieve it all out. The pain won't last forever and you'll be the better for it. You truly will.
Join our xoTribe, an exclusive community dedicated to YOU and your stories and all things xoNecole. Be a part of a growing community of women from all over the world who come together to uplift, inspire, and inform each other on all things related to the glow up.
Featured image by Getty Images
HBO's hit show Insecure has been heralded as one of the best and most authentic shows on TV by fans thanks to its real-life depictions of friendships and romantic relationships. One of the friendships that keep fans tuned in is between Issa Rae's character Issa Dee and Yvonne Orji's character Molly.
Viewers have seen the best friends experience a rollercoaster of emotions in their personal lives and in their friendship and after five seasons, we still may not know where their friendship will end up.
Speaking with Entertainment Tonight, Yvonne revealed she was feeling some kind of way about how Issa and Molly's story ends.
"I told Issa I have beef for the first time in six years, but I think she did a great job," she said.
"I think Molly's happy. I hope the fans are going to be happy. They didn't even call that that was my last scene. I just felt it and I think they knew not to call it because it was already so heavy. In the scene is already emotional, so I'm trying to get through my lines. I'm crying and Issa's crying I was like, 'oh this is going to be a long night,' but we got through it, we hugged it out and it was just a beautiful experience."
The comedian has become accustomed to a lot of online hate as her character Molly. Many Insecure fans have accused Molly of not being a good friend to Issa, but during an interview with CNN, Yvonne says she "don't fight on Twitter" or "in real life" and she believes Molly has been a good friend to Issa.
"Can we go back to season one though? Can we go back to season one where she definitely saved Issa from Daniel and Lawrence meeting? Can we go back to season one where she drove to Malibu? Where do you want to start?" she said.
Yvonne may be right about that, but viewers witnessed their friendship make a turn for the worst after (Spoiler alert) their fight at the block party in Season 4, but based on the season five premiere, their friendship seems to be getting back on track because according to Yvonne, their relationship is based on authenticity.
"You know, when you can actually be honest and be vulnerable and authentic, like authentically you. They get each other because they've known each other for so long, but they also understand how each other vibes. And even in your friendships now, like you have to appreciate their quirks."
The fifth and final season of Insecure comes on Sundays at 10 pm ET.
Featured image by Jeff Kravitz/FilmMagic for HBO
We all know that advocacy for inclusion and equality should be year-round, since we all have to be our fullest selves all day every day. Identity is a key element of doing that, and for LGBTQ+ professionals, this can include the question of coming out at work. Some may wonder whether their personal business is, well, anybody's business at work, while others might want to feel safe in the office being out, loud, and proud. Either way, coming out in the workplace is indeed an issue that not only must be addressed, but addressed appropriately.
"We conducted some research on this and found that 1 in 4 members of the LGBTQ+ community were hiding their identity at work and were worried that if they did come out, they might be treated differently," said Leonna Spilman, a senior corporate communications manager at LinkedIn. "It's important to note that this is in the context of national and federal regulations that make it illegal to fire employees based on their identities."
Spilman added that companies must ensure that all employees have the opportunity to feel safe, confident, and embraced, and it starts with having protocols and resources that put equity and inclusion at the forefront.
"I'm a queer Black woman, and I was fortunate to find a community of other queer women. I got to see, from them, how to casually mention partners during meetings or talk about weekend plans. And so it really felt natural. I think it's important to recognize that coming out at work is really an ongoing part of our professional journey, and it can happen at a lot of different points."
While coming out is a very personal decision, Spilman added, "It's not something you have to do. Should you choose to do so, it's important that you feel comfortable and confident sharing it at whatever stage you're at in your professional journey."
We talked more with Spilman about best practices, finding your tribe, and making the decision:
What reasons do professionals cite for coming out at work?
If you think about what it takes to hide a big part of your identity, it's a lot of work. It takes a lot of mental and emotional energy, so when you do have spaces that are safe and rooted in inclusion and belonging, it can feel like a lifted weight. In addition to not having to carry that, it's fantastic for networking, for connecting with peers for support, and for building a diverse network.
Courtesy of LinkedIn/Leonna Spilman
Many people are still trying to figure out how to appropriately approach identity topics in the office. How can these conversations be responsibly initiated?
Having a culture that has inclusion as a foundation and equity is a journey. It's a journey as much for individuals as it is for companies and brands. With HR professionals, there's a lot to being in an HR function or even being in a social function within your organization as a leader.
Establishing clear anti-discrimination and anti-harassment protocols is a great start, and committing to inclusive hiring processes is vital. We have data that shows that nearly 80% of LGBTQ professionals said it was important for companies to express a commitment to supporting the community and to have inclusive practices and goals.
"I think it's important to recognize that coming out at work is really an ongoing part of our professional journey and can happen at a lot of different points."
And third, [it's about] looking for opportunities to host discussions and create safe spaces for the community where they can talk about their experiences they're having at work. As an ally as well, we must really be open to sharing feedback—whether that's with an individual or some outcome of work that's being done—and value that feedback.
Always keep in mind that coming out doesn't necessarily have to be your defining moment.
How should someone go about finding an advocate or support in the workplace?
A great place to start are professional groups, called employee resource groups (ERGs), where you can connect with LGBTQ+ leaders and peers. LinkedIn has an ERG called Out@In, and it's a fantastic space that looks to support the community here and elevate those voices at the company. We also launched a "Conversations for Change" campaign, an ongoing program that focuses on conversations that intersect life and work.
Try connecting with someone, for instance, you went to college with or someone who is part of other LGBTQ+ organizations, like Lesbians Who Tech, for example.
There are also things you can do if you're looking for a company that has that built-in community already. As you're interviewing, look to see if they have an ERG and what organizations they support. Look on their LinkedIn page or via another online [platform] to see if they've made outward commitments to supporting the community. Try to get a sense from the hiring manager and ask what inclusion looks like for teams.
Featured image via Getty Images
Love is beautiful and social media is a wonderful way to showcase and spread it. However, many times it's the content with a bit of controversy or drama tied to it that gets all the double taps. But as my father once told me, "It's fine to seek drama in your art and interests, but love should make you happy and feel peace." When he said that, it stuck with me. For a long time, I think I sought out excitement in my relationships and that can lead to a lot of unhappiness or unhealthy situations.
Now, I'm working to see things differently. In fact, when I think about a few of my favorite celebrity couples, I realize they're kind of lowkey. While their names ring bells professionally, their personal lives seem somewhat normal and peaceful. They're just unproblematic, in love, and successful, and I think it's OK to say, "That's goals."
Check out these Black celebrity couples that keep the intimate details of their relationship to themselves but still made our list of faves.
Sabrina Dhowre and Idris Elba
I still remember when the news dropped that actor and musician Idris Elba was married. It was like Black women around the world were a little heartbroken. But that changed when we got introduced to his wife, TV host, model, and former Miss Vancouver, Sabrina Dhowre Elba.
On an episode of The Sip, Sabrina mentioned the couple met in a jazz bar where she chatted with the Luther star in plans of connecting him with a friend. But apparently, Mr. Elba read the situation wrong because he was very much into her. So after Sabrina got her friend's approval, they continued talking and the magic happened.
Clearly, that worked out, because years later they're still going strong. And although the pair seems to value their privacy, when they do share, it puts us in our feelings and makes it super hard to be a hater. Sabrina told The Sip:
"Early on Idris told me, 'Do not read what people say, the internet is a toxic place.' I took that on, and I started living for myself and not feeling like I have to justify my relationship. It's not for other people."
"I know what we have is amazing and I cherish it," she continued. "But at the same time we're trying to get used to exploring it openly and that's one of the reasons we started our podcast, Coupledom."
Tia Mowry and Cory Hardrict
Tia Mowry is one of those celebrities we've admired for decades. Her work on timeless classics like Sister, Sister and The Game have entertained and inspired so many, so it always feels good to support celebrities who not only share positivity through their work but through their personal lives as well. And one way she and her husband, actor Cory Hardrict, do that is through their beautiful display of love and marriage.
When reflecting on how they met, The Chi actor told Global Grind, "I was waiting at a bus stop after I shot my first film. She and her sister drove by, they saw me waiting, and asked to give me a ride. I was so embarrassed."
He continued, "But, they gave me a ride and we have been friends ever since." Today, they are both successful actors and very much in love after 13 years of marriage.
Eudoxie and Chris "Ludacris" Bridges
As an Atlanta transplant, I have to start this by saying we don't give Ludacris enough credit for a lot of things. But one area I think definitely isn't discussed enough is his happy marriage to the influencer, author, and philanthropist Eudoxie. The couple met in 2008 at "Luda Day Weekend," an annual celebrity celebration focused on service. They quickly developed a friendship. Fast-forward to six years later: they tied the knot in a baecation ceremony at a secret location.
Since that time, the rapper has gained dual citizenship in Gabon, showing a true interest in his wife's heritage.
"I had a miscarriage and needed to have surgery. It was very easy to complain and self-pity but I refused to let the enemy win. I stayed faithful and prayed up. I spent hours focusing on the many ways the Lord has blessed me. How could I complain when God has blessed me with the opportunity to already experience motherhood? I'm sharing this with you all to remind you to live in gratitude."
She continued, " Thank you God for your favor over my life. Thank you for my beautiful family and friends who have been so supportive. Thank you for another year!" The couple has recently welcomed their second child together and is excited about the launch of Karma's World, a children's series created by Ludricis, dedicated to his oldest daughter Karma, now streaming on Netflix.
Meagan Good and DeVon Franklin
Meagan Good and DeVon Franklin were very open about their courtship and their decision to be celibate before getting married. However, more recently, they've kept their marriage details pretty close to the chest. When they do share with us, it seems pretty clear that these two are very much in love.
In their book The Wait, the couple shared that they met years ago but reconnected on the set of the 2011 film, Jumping the Broom.
On Oprah's Super Soul Sunday Meagan reflected on meeting DeVon saying, "I remember thinking, wow, that's the kind of guy I wish I could marry. I thought he was out of my league because of how amazing he was."
DeVon expressed that he thought she was too much of a celebrity and out of his league as well. But thanks to their commitment to each other and their faith they ended up together a little over a year later.
Keith Powers and Ryan Destiny
Both of these actors have a loyal following of admirers so it was quite a story when these two hit the scene together. I mean when they drop a picture, it only takes a few seconds for the post to be full of comments and emojis. The actors told Teen Vogue that they met at the mag's 2015 party. As soon as Keith Powers saw Ryan Destiny, he walked over and introduced himself, sparking a beautiful friendship. Then, thanks to social media and a genuine bond, the relationship grew from there.
Powers told Teen Vogue, "I realized I was in love when I knew my life would be extremely affected negatively if Ryan wasn't in it."
"Loving someone is a very natural feeling that just happens," he added. "You can't just wake up and say, 'I love this person.' You feel it. You realize like, 'Wow, this person is a piece of me,' and regardless, you don't ever want that person out of your life."
Still, we don't see the couple in the mix too much. And the reason why may surprise you. In an interview with The Jed Foundation, Keith revealed his battles with anxiety and depression and that he can sometimes become uncomfortable with the attention that his relationship receives. He recalled a dark time, adding, "People speaking on my relationship and having opinions on it really hurt me. I'd have mornings where I'd literally dread the fact that I had to get up for the day. The anxiety of getting on social media was really getting to me."
Featured image via Getty Images/Gregg DeGuire