Can You Be Friends With An Ex AND Be In A Relationship? 4 ‘Insecure’ Fans Sound-Off
With the Black Lives Matter movement rightfully capturing the attention of the country, it's been a tough couple of weeks but leave it to Issa and friends to offer a nice little reprieve of Black joy with another Insecure episode. Last week left off with Issa getting that old thing back with Lawrence. This week, Nathan re-entered the equation.
Who's watching @insecurehbo 🔥#InsecureHBO Just finished protesting in the streets so I can't watch with y'all but I'm tweeting in spirit. Hopefully this can be healing for y'all. ✊🏽🙏🏽🖤 pic.twitter.com/DrEIy0ugEr
— Kendrick Sampson (@kendrick38) June 8, 2020
Long story short…
Issa and Molly FINALLY had the talk. But it did not go at all how fans of the dynamic duo hoped. In the meantime, Issa was juggling her new situationship status with Lawrence and a friendship with her ex-bae-turned-homie Nathan. She was honest with both men but still stressed at even the potential of drama.
Stressed Issa Rae GIF by Insecure on HBOGiphy
I personally feel like "ex" and "friends" shouldn't be in the same sentence. Friendly, OK. But friends, no. If I'm super into you, then knowing you're hanging out and chatting with your ex, without me, will only make me think the worst. I'm aware that some folks remain really good friends with exes even in new thriving relationships, but I'm also aware that I don't have that level of maturity. Rather than have my mind constantly wandering, I'd avoid putting myself in this situation altogether. I understand they were around first, but my partner would have to understand that I'm bae now. Asking them to cut ties with old bae shouldn't be an issue.
I'm sure Insecure fans everywhere were chatting about the sticky situation like my friends were, so I reached out to a few more super fans of the show to see what they think about this:
Can you be friends with an ex and be in a relationship?
It’s On You To Create A Respect Level
"You can but you can't. It'll always be a topic of conversation. There will also be tension there on all sides. But it's all about understanding that the person you're with had a whole life before meeting you. I'm friends with most of my exes.
"I've experienced them still feeling entitled to my attention when I have a new relationship."
"I've seen signals get crossed when the person I'm with feels like they have something to prove. But it's really on you to create a respect level and not make it awkward. It's also up to you to reassure your partner that the past is the past." –Hala Maroc, Personality/Wellness Advocate TheBadassBootcamp.com
A Facebook Friend, But Not A Real-Life Friend
"I think we should all know the answer to this one... NO! (laughs) I just don't think it's necessary to be friends with your ex. I think you should just leave your ex in the past. Being friends with your ex can interfere with your next relationship so why even run the risk. Your partner might not trust you around your ex, so many issues can arise from being friends with an ex. You had friends before your ex and you'll have friends after them so your friendship with them is unnecessary.
"A lot of times one party still has feelings, and if that's the case is that a true friendship? You're probably just low key waiting for the person to be single again so you can try to get back together with them. At best, your ex can maybe be an acquaintance or your Facebook friend but not a real-life friend." –Ayana Gotay
The Real Question Is, SHOULD You?
"You CAN be friends with an ex and be in a relationship, but the real question is SHOULD you? I have exes who I'm cordial with. We don't hang out (unless it's a group setting if we share friends), we don't talk daily and I'm pretty sure they're not going to ask me (a woman) to help them move or pack boxes.
"Should you choose to have an active friendship with your ex, there needs to be strong boundaries in place."
"They need to know if they cross any lines that you deem disrespectful or malicious, the friendship is done. If the relationship with your ex makes your new bae uncomfortable, then you have to decide which relationship is more important to you." –Amiyah Deziire, Author, Midnight Confessions
It’s Situational
"Before forming a new bond with an ex and labeling him/her as a friend; communicate with your significant other and get his/her opinion on the situation. If they are against it or question it, then take that into consideration. It depends on the situation, how you would conduct that friendship, and where that other person is in his/her life. For example, my boyfriend's ex is married with a kid, he is in a relationship with me therefore, there isn't a reason why they would be friends, right? Both are in different stages, states, and situations in their life." –Kateri Fischer, On-Air Scheduling Coordinator, BET Networks
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Featured image by HBO/Insecure
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Jazmine A. Ortiz is a creative born and raised in Bushwick, Brooklyn and currently living in Staten Island, NY. She started in the entertainment industry in 2012 and now works as a Lifestyle Editor where she explores everything from mental health to vegan foodie trends. For more on what she's doing in the digital space follow her on Instagram at @liddle_bitt.
Beyond Burnout: Nicole Walters' Blueprint For Achieving Career Success On Your Own Terms
Nicole Walters has always been known for two things: her ambition and her ability to recognize when life’s challenges can also double as an inspiring, lucrative brand.
This was first evident more than a decade ago when she quit her job as the corporate executive of a Fortune 500 company during a Periscope livestream. “I’m not sure if there’s an alignment of [our] future trajectory. I’m going to work for myself. I'm promoting myself to work for myself,” she said at the time before flashing a smile at the viewing audience. As she resigned on camera, a constant stream of encouraging messages floated upwards on the screen.
By 2021, she’d fashioned her work as a corporate consultant and her personal life with her husband and three adopted daughters into a reality show, She’s The Boss, for USA Network. This year, she released the New York Times bestselling memoir Nothing Is Missing, written as she was in the process of getting a divorce and dealing with her eldest daughter’s struggles with substance use.
Convinced that there’s no way the 39-year-old has achieved all of this without intentional strategic planning, I asked her about it when we spoke less than a week before Christmas. I’d seen videos on social media of her working on 2024 planning for other brands, and I wanted to know what that looked like following her own year of success.
She listed a number of goals, including ensuring that the projects she takes on in the new year align with her identity “as a Black woman, as an African woman, as a mother, as someone who has lived a [rebuilding] season and is now trying to live boldly and entirely as themselves.” But, I was shocked by how much of her business planning also prioritized rest.
Despite the bestselling book, a self-titled podcast, and working with numerous corporations, Walters said she’s been taking Fridays off. This year, she doesn’t want to work on Mondays, either.
“A lot of us think we work hard until retirement hits. I want to progress towards retirement,” she said, noting that she’ll check in with herself around March to see how successful this plan has been. The goal, Walters said, is to only be working on Tuesdays and Thursdays by sometime in 2025. “It is intentionally building out what I know I would like to have happen and not waiting for exhaustion to be the trigger of change.”
"A lot of us think we work hard until retirement hits. I want to progress towards retirement... It is intentionally building out what I know I would like to happen and not waiting for exhaustion to be the trigger of change."
Walters said the decision to progressively work less was partially in response to her previously held notions about her career, especially as an entrepreneur. “When I first started, I thought burnout was a part of it,” she said. “What I didn’t realize is that even if you’re able to bounce out of burnout or get back to it, there’s a cumulative impact on your body. If you think of your body as a tree and every time you go through burnout, you are taking a hack out of your trunk, yes, that trunk will heal over, and the tree will continue to grow, but it doesn't mean that you don’t have a weakened stem.”
But, the desire for increased rest was also in response to the major shifts that occurred three years ago when she was experiencing major changes in her family and realized her metaphorical tree was “bending all the way over.”
Courtesy
“One of the things we have to recognize, especially as Black women, is that there is this engrained, societal, systemic notion that our worth is built around our productivity,” she added. “That is some language that I think is just now starting to really get unpacked.” In recent years, there’s been an increased awareness of achieving balance in life, with Tricia Hersey’s “The Nap Ministry” gaining attention based on the idea that rest, especially for Black women, is a form of resistance. Even online phrases such as “soft life” and “quiet quitting” have hinted at a cultural shift in prioritizing leisure over professional ambition.
"One of the things we have to recognize, especially as Black women, is that there is this engrained, societal, systemic notion that our worth is built around our productivity."
If companies are lining up to consult with Walters about their brands and products, then women have been looking to her for guidance on starting over since she invited them to livestream her resignation 12 years ago. As viewers continue to demand more from content creators in the form of intimate, personal details, Walters has navigated her personal brand with a sense of transparency without oversharing the vulnerable details about her life, especially when it comes to her family.
The entrepreneur said she’d been approached to write a book for several years and was initially convinced she was finally ready to write one about business. “I started to do that, and then I went through my divorce. When that happened, I said, why would I write a book telling people to get the life that I have when I’m not sure about the life that I have,” she said.
Instead, she decided to write Nothing Is Missing and provide a closer look at her life, starting with being born to immigrant Ghanaian parents (“You need to know my childhood to know why I’m passionate about entrepreneurship.”) through the adoption of her three daughters and eventual divorce. Despite her desire to share, however, she said she felt protective of the privacy of her family, including her ex-husband.
When discussing this with me, Walters said she was reminded of a lesson she learned from actress Kerry Washington, who released her own memoir, Thicker Than Water, just a week before Walters’ book release. Washington’s memoir grapples with family secrets, too, specifically the fact that she was conceived using a sperm donor and didn’t learn about it until she was already a successful TV star. While Washington reflects on how the decision and subsequent deception impacted her, she’s also careful to hold space for her parents’ experiences, too. “A lot of things she said was that she had to recognize where she was the supporting character and where she was the main character,” Walter said.
This is something Walter worked to do in Nothing Is Missing when discussing her daughter’s struggles with addiction. “I was very intentional about making sure that I did not reveal more than what was required,” she said. “If I say something about someone’s addiction, I don’t need to go into the list of the substances they used, how they used them, what I found. [I don’t need to] walk into a room and paint a picture of what it looked like for people to understand.”
Walters said some of the most vulnerable moments in the book barely made a ripple once it was released. She was extremely nervous to write about getting an abortion, she said. But no one has asked her about this in the months since the book was released. Instead, people have been more interested in quirkier revelations, such as the fact that she once appeared on Wheel of Fortune.
“I have bared my soul about this thing I went through in my youth that has changed me for people, and people are like, ‘So how heavy was the wheel when you spun it?’” she said, chuckling. “It just goes to show that people never worry about the thing that you worry about.”
With the success of Nothing Is Missing, Walters said she still isn’t planning to release a business book at the moment. But, as she navigates parenting a teenager and two adult children while also navigating a relationship with her new fiancé, Walters said she believes she has at least one or two more books to write about her personal journey. “There is sort of an arc of where my life has gone that I know I’ve got something more to say about this that I think is important, relevant and necessary,” she said.
In just three years, Walters’ life has undergone a major transformation. There’s no telling what the next three years will have in store for her, but it seems likely she’ll retain an inspired audience wherever life takes her.
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Quiet Luxury Is The Secret To The Rich Wife Aesthetic: Here's How To Achieve The Look
Throughout centuries, signs of fortune and wealth have been depicted through a louder, more luxurious appearance. From precious jewels to the finest furs, elites have been able to speak a common language through fashion and extravagance. In 2024, when money talks, it's loud with monogram logos and large graphics.
Wealth whispers, screaming effortless taste and style. A low-key approach to luxury, it can be described as an "anti-trend" by maintaining the same aesthetic characteristics over the years, focusing on quality, design, and polished craftsmanship.
What Exactly Is Quiet Luxury?
Quiet luxury is rooted in understated heroes, exuding power and sophistication. It's the subtle details with a minimalist aesthetic that portray passion, confidence, and wealth. Think Sabrina Elba meets Jasmine Tookes with a hint of Michelle Obama. Whether day-to-day shopping, cocktail parties, or a casual day out, it’s more than style. Quiet luxury is a state of mind, a way of life that anyone can aspire to.
Muted colors such as black, brown, and beige are at the core of quiet luxury, with minimal hardware and discreet logo-less designs that give off its sophisticated, anonymously chic appeal.
Rich Wife Aesthetic: Sabrina Elba exuding quiet luxury as she attends Paris Fashion Week.
Darren Gerrish/Getty Images for Victoria Beckham
To achieve the rich-wife aesthetic, less is more with quality, timeless designs, fine everyday jewelry, and designer denim. With these attributes, the key to achieving quiet luxury is not being influenced by trends but gravitating towards statement pieces that are essential and more sustainable.
Need more defining features of rich-wife energy? Below, see what they’re wearing to master this subtle chic way of life.
Mastering the Quiet Luxury Aesthetic: The Blazer
A quality blazer is a staple that is worth investing in. No matter the season, a structured luxe look can be easily achieved with an oversized silhouette with a matching trouser, straight-legged denim, or a dress along with statement jewelry or a classic watch. The possibilities are both easy and endless.
Jasmine Tookes shows a quality blazer is worth the investment.
Rachpoot/Bauer-Griffin/GC Images
Mastering the Quiet Luxury Aesthetic: The White Button Down
A simple yet powerful item to include on your list of rich wife essentials is a button-down collared shirt. This core item is worth seeking a quality fit and material to achieve the right look. Tuck in or leave out for an effortless feel, from resort wear to an everyday casual look.
A white button down is a simple yet powerful staple to include in your rich wife essentials.
Rachpoot/Bauer-Griffin/GC Images
Mastering the Quiet Luxury Aesthetic: Denim
Denim is a staple in everyone's wardrobe; however, fit and quality are what separates the rich mom aesthetic from others. Pair a straight-leg pant with denim or a white button-down with a loafer and oversized tote for a conspicuously chic moment.
Quality is what separates how quiet luxury does denim from the others.
Edward Berthelot/Getty Images
Mastering the Quiet Luxury Aesthetic: Overstated Wool Coat
Just because it's quiet doesn’t mean there can’t be any statements. The underestimated power of a quality wool coat demonstrates true style and elegance. Layer with a wrap-around oversized scarf is the cherry on top of a minimal masterpiece.
Nothing says true style and elegance quite like a wool coat.
Vittorio Zunino Celotto/Getty Images for Gucci
Mastering the Quiet Luxury Aesthetic: The Shopper
RIP to the mini bag; oversized totes are back and bigger than ever. With intricate details and textured designs, there’s a level of maturity and sophistication when splurging on a designer shopper. Style with a wool trench, denim jeans, a white tee, and casual sneakers for an on-the-go luxe look.
Lingeer (L) and James Corbin (R) serve muted looks without sacrificing personal style during Paris Fashion Week.
Jeremy Moeller/Getty Images
Mastering the Quiet Luxury Aesthetic: The Slingback Heel
The epitome of class, the slingback is a conservative yet elegant heel. Layer with stockings or wear with long-length denim for a range of occasions. Details are extremely important, especially for an individual take on the style. Look out for hardware and heel silhouettes for a more modern option.
The epitome of class, Emilie Joseph demonstrates how to rock the conservative yet elegant slingback heels.
Edward Berthelot/Getty Images
Mastering the Quiet Luxury Aesthetic: Knitted Maxi Dress
A maxi dress is worn during any part of the year, no matter the season. A long-length blazer or wool trench is the perfect top layer. Pair with chunky clogs or keep it simple with a calf boot and statement earrings.
Mastering the Quiet Luxury Aesthetic: Soft Cargo Pants
The cargo pants are having a long run and not letting up any time soon. Doubling as a trouser, the comfort and utility of the wide straight leg is a no-brainer in the quiet luxe category. Pair with high heels or boots for a slightly edgier take on the look.
The cargo pants are here to stay, and they absolutely give in the category of rich wife aesthetic.
Valentina Frugiuele/Getty Images
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