This Couple Shares What It Means To Be A True Example Of Black Love
In xoNecole's Our First Year series, we take an in-depth look at love and relationships between couples with an emphasis on what their first year of marriage was like.
Do you remember the first time you fell in love? It is this indescribable feeling that takes over your body without warning. The lucky ones get to experience this feeling more than once in their lifetime. Regardless, if this feeling lasted for forever or just for a moment, we will always remember the person who made us feel this way. When you experience love, yes we are physically attracted to that person, but it's deeper than that. Love is about accepting someone for who they are on the inside and wanting to share your life with them.
On June 2, 2019, I was honored to witness two people devote their lives to each other because of that indescribable feeling. I was able to see my sister, Calina Kimbrough, marry the love of her life. As Calina exchanged her vows to the woman that became everything she needed and more, it was a perfect moment to see what true black love looks like and feels like. Before this moment, things actually moved a little faster for my sister and her now-wife, Rennetta Kimbrough.
Calina and Rennetta met at a nightclub six months before they became engaged to be married. Calina spotted Rennetta across the dance floor and knew she wanted to learn more about her. With the power of using her best wing woman, Calina asked her friend to see if Rennetta was single. After they connected and Rennetta walked Calina to her car that night, it was only right for Calina to return the favor by taking her hand in marriage and later walking down the aisle.
Courtesy of Calina and Rennetta
After being married for three years, Calina and Rennetta have created a successful life for themselves and their children. They started a clothing business together called LiXX Clothing and plan to expand this business in order to leave a legacy for their family. When it comes to keeping the love alive, Calina and Rennetta have learned that it is about showing up for one another and working together as a team. Showing up can mean different things to different people, but for Calina and Rennetta, it is about lessening the load for one another and communicating openly and honestly.
Love will always have its ebbs and flows, but when you are able to navigate through it with the person that gave you that feeling, any couple will tell you it's worth it. Calina and Rennetta continue to pour the love they have for each other into their new family. They have been able to set an example and display what love really looks like.
In this installment of xoNecole's "Our First Year", Calina and Rennetta share how love is about supporting each other, navigating through the good and bad, and valuing the importance of family. Here's their story:
How We Met
Netta: We both happened to be at this club called Taste. Calina was looking at me and actually sent her friend over to try and talk to me. I told the friend that if Calina wanted to talk to me, then she had to talk to me (laughs). But then after that, I didn't see her in the club for a little while and I got kind of worried. But she came back to the club and we finally spoke to each other. After that, I walked her to her car and it's been us since then.
Calina: So that night, I was persuaded to go out with my friends. I had no intention of trying to meet someone that night because I was completely fine with being single. It was my first time being at this club and I noticed Netta at the bar with one of her friends. I did ask my friend to go over to Netta and ask her if she was single. When my friend came back with Netta's message, I honestly got nervous. I felt Netta was out of my league so I basically left to walk around to ponder about the situation and to see if Netta would still be there once I got back (laughs). But I came back and Netta actually walked up to me. So we started talking, she walked me to my car, and yes we have not left each other's side since.
"I felt Netta was out of my league so I basically left to walk around to ponder about the situation and to see if Netta would still be there once I got back. But I came back and Netta actually walked up to me. So we started talking, she walked me to my car, and yes we have not left each other's side since."
First Impressions
Calina: So my initial thought when I saw Netta was that I like the way she dresses. I have always been attracted to her style and her confidence. Her confidence exudes from out of nowhere and she doesn't try too hard. After I got to know her and within those first couple of weeks, I thought she was pretty cool. But she was trying to play hard to get and I didn't like that (laughs).
Netta: At first I thought Calina was really shy. But I noticed her stance and that is what initially made me want to approach her. She is ultimately very beautiful. She is very smart and I love this woman.
Favorite Things
Netta: I love Calina's intelligence. I don't think she gives herself enough credit for how smart she is. She's my beauty and my brains.
Calina: I love Netta's passion for family. Family is something that I look for in the people I date because I am very close with my family. Netta is always keeping family first in mind and she makes sure that our home is straight before anything. I truly appreciate and admire that about her.
The Big Day
Calina: One thing I remember about my wedding day was how calm I was. Normally, I have very high anxiety. I am usually overthinking and trying to fix things when I am super anxious. Mind you, on our wedding day, nothing went right (laughs). My favorite part of the wedding was when my dad gave me away to my son and then my son gave me away to Netta. That moment was something I pictured in my head over and over again. The fact that my father was eager to get me down the aisle and then seeing my son being happy to be a part of the wedding is something I hold dear to my heart.
Netta: I remember seeing her at the back of the room before she was going to walk down the aisle. I cried like a baby (laughs). She looked so beautiful. I was definitely nervous and I am usually not a nervous person. But at that moment, when Calina was down the aisle I thought to myself, 'This is it. No take backs!' (laughs).
"I remember seeing her at the back of the room before she was going to walk down the aisle. I cried like a baby. She looked so beautiful."
Courtesy of Calina and Rennetta
The One
Netta: Calina is very different from any other woman I have ever dated. We would have real conversations about anything and I liked that we could do that together. I also felt like Calina was "put away". What I mean is, she wasn't mixed in any of the crowds that I was a part of and that made her sacred to me. I also think she was a saving grace after losing my mother. My mother passed on the 10th and I met Calina on the 10th. Everything just lined up and I just knew she was the one.
Calina: I am very much big into the kids. One thing that she had above other people that I've dated, is that she knows what it means to be a mom. Netta has three daughters and when she mentioned that when we were getting to know each other, that was a green flag for me. But more importantly, I needed to know if Netta knew how to be a parent. There was this moment when my son and I were at Netta's house. My son needed something and my son and her were having this conversation without me. I really needed to see that my son is OK with whomever I bring into my life without me needing to be present. I needed to see that someone is going to care for him the same way I care for him.
Courtship
Calina: I wouldn't say there was a key defining moment for when I knew I wanted to take the next step into marriage. I will say that everything happened so quickly for us. We were dating almost six months before she proposed. But everything that happened within those six months was very pivotal for me. We were able to try different things and see if we could really blend our lives together in the smallest ways. So by the time the proposal happened, even though I wasn't expecting it at all, it was very reassuring to me. Usually I am the one that is ready to take the next step, waiting on the other person to be ready. But this time, it was the other way around.
Netta: I know that we took a trip to Louisville together and I don't know, something happened with us down there. I don't know what she did to me, but that day, I remember telling my sister that it may be time for me to take the next step. We were in the mall and we walked into the jewelry store. Calina spotted her eye on this ring. After she walked out, I dropped money on the ring right then and there. I can't explain what kind of power Calina has over me, but she got me (laughs).
Biggest Fears
Netta: My biggest fear was failing. I have seen so many failed marriages firsthand and that really affected me. I didn't want to fall into that category like everybody else. What has helped me get over that fear is that each year Calina and I prove that we can make it through anything together. Even if we have a disagreement, we always come back and work out our issues.
Calina: My biggest fear was being exposed. I have done very well keeping a wall up for the majority of my life. So being completely vulnerable and open to someone scared me. I thought that I was being open enough with her when we were dating. But in marriage, it is a whole other level. However, when I have slowly opened up to Netta more, she has proven that she is going to love me through it all. She may not agree with everything or accept everything I say initially. But she is willing to work through things with me and be beside me regardless.
"My biggest fear was failing. I have seen so many failed marriages firsthand and that really affected me. I didn't want to fall into that category like everybody else. What has helped me get over that fear is that each year Calina and I prove that we can make it through anything together."
Early Challenges
Calina: I wouldn't say the kids were a challenge, but it ebbed and flowed. I know at one point I'm their favorite person and then the next, I'm not. I think that's just parenting in general (laughs). But for me, those questions like, "Are you going to stay?" or "Are you going to make my mom happy?" were definitely questions we had to work through and I make sure I reassure the kids all the time.
Netta: For me, my challenge was not knowing everything about Calina. There were certain things that I had to find out later about her. It was mainly because I didn't feel prepared to help support her with her struggles or at least learn how to support her. I don't want to say it was because of a lack of communication. But to her point about her fear of exposure. It definitely played a part in the beginning of our marriage.
Courtesy of Calina and Rennetta
Love Lessons
Netta: I want to say communication. If we do not talk to each other, everything goes downhill. It's important for us to talk to each other about if we are in a good mood and especially if we are in a bad mood. That is the biggest thing for me.
Calina: I think an important lesson is to make sure you do not lose yourself in the other person. I have done that plenty of times before and even in my marriage. Netta has definitely been my mirror. She has reminded me that I need to establish who I am outside of being a wife and doing things that make me happy at the end of the day.
"Netta has definitely been my mirror. She has reminded me that I need to establish who I am outside of being a wife and doing things that make me happy at the end of the day."
Showing Love
Calina: I like to show up for Netta by realizing how I can support her. How can I lighten the load for her when she is stressed or when she needs to just take a breath. That is how I like to insert myself. Now Netta would agree that sometimes I don't just lighten the load, I take the whole thing (laughs). But then that's not good, so I am definitely working on that. But yes, just reassuring her that I appreciate her and that I am here to be a true partner/teammate.
Netta: I am very protective of Calina. I always try to make sure that no harm comes to her and take the load off of her as well, when I see her juggling so many things. I also like to make her laugh when I see her in a bad mood. I try to brighten her day the best way I can.
Common Goals
Calina: I would love to say the ultimate goal is til' death do us part. I want us to be a strong example of black love. Not lesbian love, but black love period. I feel like that growing up for me, I was shown the example of what a healthy union looks like. So being the exception of everyone and showing how true love works in a marriage is a good common goal for me.
Netta: I agree with her. But I also want to add that I want us to take our business to another level. I want us to leave a legacy for our children.
For more of Calina and Rennetta, follow them on Instagram @only1_sereniti and @baklikinevaleft.
Featured image courtesy of Calina and Rennetta
'K' is a multi-hyphenated free spirit from Chicago. She is a lover of stories and the people who tell them. As a writer, 9-5er, and Safe Space Curator, she values creating the life she wants and enjoying the journey along the way. You can follow her on Instagram @theletter__k_.
Beyond Burnout: Nicole Walters' Blueprint For Achieving Career Success On Your Own Terms
Nicole Walters has always been known for two things: her ambition and her ability to recognize when life’s challenges can also double as an inspiring, lucrative brand.
This was first evident more than a decade ago when she quit her job as the corporate executive of a Fortune 500 company during a Periscope livestream. “I’m not sure if there’s an alignment of [our] future trajectory. I’m going to work for myself. I'm promoting myself to work for myself,” she said at the time before flashing a smile at the viewing audience. As she resigned on camera, a constant stream of encouraging messages floated upwards on the screen.
By 2021, she’d fashioned her work as a corporate consultant and her personal life with her husband and three adopted daughters into a reality show, She’s The Boss, for USA Network. This year, she released the New York Times bestselling memoir Nothing Is Missing, written as she was in the process of getting a divorce and dealing with her eldest daughter’s struggles with substance use.
Convinced that there’s no way the 39-year-old has achieved all of this without intentional strategic planning, I asked her about it when we spoke less than a week before Christmas. I’d seen videos on social media of her working on 2024 planning for other brands, and I wanted to know what that looked like following her own year of success.
She listed a number of goals, including ensuring that the projects she takes on in the new year align with her identity “as a Black woman, as an African woman, as a mother, as someone who has lived a [rebuilding] season and is now trying to live boldly and entirely as themselves.” But, I was shocked by how much of her business planning also prioritized rest.
Despite the bestselling book, a self-titled podcast, and working with numerous corporations, Walters said she’s been taking Fridays off. This year, she doesn’t want to work on Mondays, either.
“A lot of us think we work hard until retirement hits. I want to progress towards retirement,” she said, noting that she’ll check in with herself around March to see how successful this plan has been. The goal, Walters said, is to only be working on Tuesdays and Thursdays by sometime in 2025. “It is intentionally building out what I know I would like to have happen and not waiting for exhaustion to be the trigger of change.”
"A lot of us think we work hard until retirement hits. I want to progress towards retirement... It is intentionally building out what I know I would like to happen and not waiting for exhaustion to be the trigger of change."
Walters said the decision to progressively work less was partially in response to her previously held notions about her career, especially as an entrepreneur. “When I first started, I thought burnout was a part of it,” she said. “What I didn’t realize is that even if you’re able to bounce out of burnout or get back to it, there’s a cumulative impact on your body. If you think of your body as a tree and every time you go through burnout, you are taking a hack out of your trunk, yes, that trunk will heal over, and the tree will continue to grow, but it doesn't mean that you don’t have a weakened stem.”
But, the desire for increased rest was also in response to the major shifts that occurred three years ago when she was experiencing major changes in her family and realized her metaphorical tree was “bending all the way over.”
Courtesy
“One of the things we have to recognize, especially as Black women, is that there is this engrained, societal, systemic notion that our worth is built around our productivity,” she added. “That is some language that I think is just now starting to really get unpacked.” In recent years, there’s been an increased awareness of achieving balance in life, with Tricia Hersey’s “The Nap Ministry” gaining attention based on the idea that rest, especially for Black women, is a form of resistance. Even online phrases such as “soft life” and “quiet quitting” have hinted at a cultural shift in prioritizing leisure over professional ambition.
"One of the things we have to recognize, especially as Black women, is that there is this engrained, societal, systemic notion that our worth is built around our productivity."
If companies are lining up to consult with Walters about their brands and products, then women have been looking to her for guidance on starting over since she invited them to livestream her resignation 12 years ago. As viewers continue to demand more from content creators in the form of intimate, personal details, Walters has navigated her personal brand with a sense of transparency without oversharing the vulnerable details about her life, especially when it comes to her family.
The entrepreneur said she’d been approached to write a book for several years and was initially convinced she was finally ready to write one about business. “I started to do that, and then I went through my divorce. When that happened, I said, why would I write a book telling people to get the life that I have when I’m not sure about the life that I have,” she said.
Instead, she decided to write Nothing Is Missing and provide a closer look at her life, starting with being born to immigrant Ghanaian parents (“You need to know my childhood to know why I’m passionate about entrepreneurship.”) through the adoption of her three daughters and eventual divorce. Despite her desire to share, however, she said she felt protective of the privacy of her family, including her ex-husband.
When discussing this with me, Walters said she was reminded of a lesson she learned from actress Kerry Washington, who released her own memoir, Thicker Than Water, just a week before Walters’ book release. Washington’s memoir grapples with family secrets, too, specifically the fact that she was conceived using a sperm donor and didn’t learn about it until she was already a successful TV star. While Washington reflects on how the decision and subsequent deception impacted her, she’s also careful to hold space for her parents’ experiences, too. “A lot of things she said was that she had to recognize where she was the supporting character and where she was the main character,” Walter said.
This is something Walter worked to do in Nothing Is Missing when discussing her daughter’s struggles with addiction. “I was very intentional about making sure that I did not reveal more than what was required,” she said. “If I say something about someone’s addiction, I don’t need to go into the list of the substances they used, how they used them, what I found. [I don’t need to] walk into a room and paint a picture of what it looked like for people to understand.”
Walters said some of the most vulnerable moments in the book barely made a ripple once it was released. She was extremely nervous to write about getting an abortion, she said. But no one has asked her about this in the months since the book was released. Instead, people have been more interested in quirkier revelations, such as the fact that she once appeared on Wheel of Fortune.
“I have bared my soul about this thing I went through in my youth that has changed me for people, and people are like, ‘So how heavy was the wheel when you spun it?’” she said, chuckling. “It just goes to show that people never worry about the thing that you worry about.”
With the success of Nothing Is Missing, Walters said she still isn’t planning to release a business book at the moment. But, as she navigates parenting a teenager and two adult children while also navigating a relationship with her new fiancé, Walters said she believes she has at least one or two more books to write about her personal journey. “There is sort of an arc of where my life has gone that I know I’ve got something more to say about this that I think is important, relevant and necessary,” she said.
In just three years, Walters’ life has undergone a major transformation. There’s no telling what the next three years will have in store for her, but it seems likely she’ll retain an inspired audience wherever life takes her.
Let’s make things inbox official! Sign up for the xoNecole newsletter for daily love, wellness, career, and exclusive content delivered straight to your inbox.
Featured image courtesy
The first Full Moon of 2024 is on January 25, and we are letting go of all that no longer serves us. This Full Moon will be in Leo, and it’s only fitting we start the year on a confident tone like this fire sign. This Full Moon is all about releasing past versions of yourself that were aligned with self-doubt, honoring the gift of who you are, and choosing to forgive. When the Moon is in Leo, emotions run high, and you can expect people to speak their truth, open up emotionally, and connect deeper to the heart. An opportunity for reflection and redirection is being given now, and this Full Moon is a powerful one.
What Full Moons Mean in Astrology
Full Moons are the time of the month to let go, heal, renew, and rest. They are a time when matters from the past month come full circle, and when you get to gain some much-needed clarity needed for closure. The past month comes into focus during a Full Moon, and what you were once just initiating or pondering over prior, is now illuminated. Whereas New Moons are a time to set intentions, Full Moons are a time to seek gratitude for what you already have. With this Full Moon being a Wolf Moon, this particular Full Moon signifies a time of fulfillment, awakening, and recognition.
The First Full Moon of 2024
During the Full Moon, take time to acknowledge how worthy you are to live in your truth, to love yourself unconditionally, and to be confident in what you have built and are building for yourself. As the Aquarius Sun opposes the Leo Moon, we are being reminded that loving yourself isn’t selfish, and being in this energy only attracts those who recognize the love within you and match that. Let go of anything that makes you feel unworthy of all that you are capable of or want for yourself, and give gratitude to where you do feel authentic love.
Full Moon In Leo: How The First Full Moon Of 2024 Will Affect Each Zodiac Sign
Read for your sun, moon, and rising sign below, to see how this Full Moon will be illuminating your life.
1.ARIES
The first Full Moon of the year is happening in fellow fire sign, Leo, and things are heating up for you in regard to romance right now, Aries. This Leo Full Moon will be moving through your 5th house of love, joy, pleasure, and self-expression, and this is an exciting time for you overall. More opportunities for fun, creativity, and entertainment come to fruition for you now, and your heart is opening to the love that is here for you.
Life is coming full circle, and your heart is getting a clear view of how much love you are truly worthy of.
The clarity you are gaining this Full Moon is healing things for you in love and is creating an opening for a fresh start to take place for you in life. Luck is on your side during this Full Moon.
2.TAURUS
This Full Moon is bringing matters of the home to the front and center of your life, Taurus. You may be feeling some conflicting energy here with family and close loved ones as you seek to let go of any misunderstandings or miscommunications that have left you feeling unstable. This is a time for gaining some much-needed clarity when it comes to your support systems and sense of safety in life, and you are getting the opportunity to regroup and maintain that.
This is a very karmic time for you overall, with this Full Moon being in your 4th house of destiny, and a lot is changing and coming to light when it comes to your foundations in life. Honor your need for more rest and nurture, and reset if you need to.
3.GEMINI
The Leo Full Moon is a time of culmination for you financially and when it comes to communication matters, Gemini. Past hard work and efforts have come to fruition for you now, and you are seeing your due rewards and recognition. Abundance is blooming, and you have everything you need beside you. Allow yourself to consider how one culmination can lead to many other doors that will open, and know the successes you are seeing right now are only the beginning of what is possible for you.
Honor your goals and inspirations, communicate from the heart, and connect with like-minded souls with whom you resonate. Messages and divine guidance are coming in for you during this Full Moon, and you are creating space for dreams to be fulfilled.
4.CANCER
You are letting go of fears and aligning with self-trust and abundance during this Full Moon, Cancer. This Full Moon for you is reminding you to be patient on what you are building for yourself and to trust that your intentions will see manifestation when they are ready to. This is a good time to plan long-term financially, pay off any debts, clean out your purse or wallet, and clear things up in this area of your life.
Remember the gifts that come from valuing yourself rather than valuing what you have, and be confident in where you stand right now.
This Full Moon is giving you clarity on financial matters, clearing things up here, and helping you see where you can grow, let go, and replan.
5.LEO
The first Full Moon of the year is happening in your sign, and it’s setting the tone for the spotlight that is going to be on you this year, and also on the major culminations and changes you will be moving through as well. With this Full Moon occurring in your 1st house of self, this is one of the most important Full Moons of the year for you. A lot is wrapping up for you at this time; past goals are coming full circle, and you will soon be beginning anew in your personal life.
This is a time of being seen, recognized, and supported, and for seeing yourself with new clarity, love, and acceptance as well. This is a good Full Moon to honor your renewed passions and interests in life and to do what feels good for you right now.
6.VIRGO
Passion and creativity are high for you during this Full Moon, and things are especially inspiring for you right now, Virgo. This Full Moon will be happening at the very bottom of your chart, and you are going through a major release and regrouping in your life. You are letting go of any heaviness that has been weighing you down and keeping you stuck and uninspired, and are seeing the gifts in showing up and being confident to put yourself out there.
You deserve to be heard and you deserve to take up space, and you are letting go of shying away or isolating yourself from potential connections and opportunities. You are living in your truth and doing things your way right now, and this Full Moon is a time of healing through self-love.
7.LIBRA
The Leo Full Moon is a chance at clarity and acceptance, Libra. This Full Moon will be in your 11th house of friendship, community, hopes, and dreams; and you are getting the full picture on these matters right now. During this Full Moon, you are thinking about your destiny, life purpose, who you surround yourself with, and what your overall dreams are in life. Circumstances within your friendships, social circle, or finances may be changing right now, and you could feel more pressure to hold onto things that need to be let go of for now.
Closures happening in your life during this Full Moon, but they are leading to more fulfilling experiences for you. Know that what ends or transforms for you right now is helping you gain a new perspective and facilitate the manifestation of your dreams.
8.SCORPIO
This Full Moon is all about your career and professional goals, reputation, and achievements. Scorpio, you are getting a clearer view of what accomplishments you can settle into now, and which goals don’t make sense for you anymore. You may be feeling more pressure to perform, to complete projects, or to be in a more successful state than you currently feel. Allow yourself to gain a new perspective, and to believe in yourself and what dreams you want to go after in life, no matter how impossible they may seem to you now.
You are on your own timeline, and there is a lot to be grateful for here.
This Full Moon overall is helping you do a major let go of what’s been hindering your personal growth and is giving you the space and freedom to forge a new path for yourself. Think more long-term right now and give yourself grace.
9.SAGITTARIUS
There is a lot to grasp during this Full Moon, and you need some time and space to do so, Sag. This Full Moon is occurring in your 9th house of perspective, expansion, travel, and the higher mind- and is the time to get aligned and get centered. You are thinking a lot about your belief systems and which ones have been serving you or limiting you, and are getting some much-needed personal clarity. This is a good time to find healthy ways to mentally heal, gain peace of mind, and be in spaces where you don’t have to overthink.
This is a more spiritual, intuitive, and eye-opening time for you, as you awaken to more than you could have ever dreamed of. Take a moment of gratitude for all that’s become clear to you, and keep the faith.
10.CAPRICORN
Everything is coming into balance for you right now, Capricorn. This is a Full Moon where the clarity you gain changes everything moving forward, and one when your past investments are seeing a return. What you have been putting your time, energy, and dedication into is coming full circle, and you are recognizing where your commitments have served you well, and which ones have felt more like time wasted. You are ready to make some important decisions right now, and you are being supported as you do so.
Financially, you may be seeing some wins now as well, as you are being recognized for your savvy mindset and ambitious energy. You are ready to let go of past fears and are overcoming a lot during this Full Moon.
11.AQUARIUS
Aquarius Season is underway, and the first Full Moon of the year happens in your sister sign, Leo. With this Leo Full Moon, love is the focus, and relationship matters are coming full circle for you right now. This Full Moon is a time to let go of what’s been keeping you away from feeling more connected and in tune with your relationships, and to give this area of your life more of your attention. Romance wants to bloom for you now, but you may need to let go, forgive the past, and create some space to allow more of that energy in.
This Full Moon is teaching you to be confident in love and to know that you deserve all the good you dream of here. Life is reflecting to you how you have been feeling within, and you are coming to some conclusions on what you want to do from here.
12.PISCES
This is an exciting Full Moon for you Pisces, and a time when things begin to move forward again where they were once stagnant. The Full Moon is transiting your 6th house of health, work, and daily routines, and you are moving through a culmination here in your life. You are focused on taking care of your well-being, doing things that benefit your body, handling your responsibilities, and letting go of any unhealthy habits that have been restricting you in any way.
You are ready to let go of what isn’t serving in mind, body, and soul overall right now, and this is positively benefiting you. There is a lot of growth taking place in your life during this Full Moon, and support is coming in for you.
Let’s make things inbox official! Sign up for the xoNecole newsletter for daily love, wellness, career, and exclusive content delivered straight to your inbox.
Featured image by master1305/Getty Images