

I've got a girlfriend who stays in some female relationship drama. It's like, every six months, I can almost set my watch on receiving an email full of expletives or a phone call that starts off with a deep long sigh followed by a 15-minute rant about how she and a woman in her life 1) have had a colossal misunderstanding; 2) both feel totally taken for granted by one another; 3) were close but now are two steps away from being enemies or 4) were working together on something that will probably never see the light of day.
Before going deeper, let me just say that I don't care if it's a mom and daughter, two sisters, a couple of female roommates or two women who are besties—although there is nothing more beautiful and supernatural than two women who are in relationship with one another, in many ways, there's also nothing more challenging either. Women are strong. Women are intuitive. Women are creative. Let's be honest, we also feel things very deeply and that can oftentimes cause us to take things very personally. All of these things combined can sometimes cause the perfect storm when we choose to form a business alliance with another woman (or women).
Even though what I just said should be duly noted and sistah-girl partnerships certainly pose a few risks, that doesn't mean we shouldn't explore them (even if we've been burned before). We simply need to go into them with our eyes wide open, some boundaries set and with mutual understandings put into place. I believe that if all of us do the following six things, we can very much so shake some things up in the business world, along with some of the women we know, without it turning into a Lifetime movie or World War III.
Put a Written Plan into Place
When one of my friends and I agree to meet up for dinner or a movie and one of us cancels at the last minute, while it's inconvenient, it's not earth-shattering or anything. All we're doing is trying to get some quality time in together. No (real) biggie. But when I was writing content for a Black female greeting card owner back in the day, although things were super-amicable between us, if I missed a deadline, it was an issue. It cost her money with her printer and sometimes affected sales. Problem is, sometimes things got lost in translation because while we would verbally discuss what needed to be done, since nothing was in writing, sometimes details would slip through the cracks.
The main takeaway I took from all of that is while with friends, it's fine to take them at their word, because a professional partnership usually has money on the line, it's always a good idea to get things down on paper.
I'll take it a step further and say that anyone who has a problem with some sort of written agreement or contract should be someone you're hesitant to do business with in the first place.
Putting plans in writing is beneficial in a lot of ways. It holds both people accountable. It prevents conversations from being taken out of context or misconstrued. It also helps you both remain focused and progressive when it comes to achieving your goals. Plus, should you decide to bring the partnership to a close at some point, everyone is crystal clear on what that means and requires. Getting things down in black and white avoids the messiness of grey areas.
Have Realistic Expectations—Personally and Professionally
There's someone I had an unofficial partnership with once upon a time. Already, that "unofficial" part was an issue. SMH. Anyway, it basically consisted of being an unofficial model for her and her being an unofficial photographer for me. That meant when she needed a guinea pig or even just a subject for some photos, I made myself available. In exchange, when I needed to use some of the pics that I was in, I could. Usually, I paid very little for her photo time too.
But as my writing platform started to grow, the photographer began to feel some type of way if I used anyone but her. She felt like if an opportunity came up that would result in her getting a lot of exposure and recognition, it should be a given that she have it (like the cover of my first book, for instance). It's not that I didn't want her to shine (to this day, she's one of my faves); it's that we never discussed that she had sole or even first rights to work with me like that. And sometimes, either I or the publication wanted to try someone else.
What I learned the hard way was because she and I were super cool, that caused her to have "assumed expectations" and that resulted in quite a few bumps in the road. What that taught me, moving forward, is when someone offers to do something for me or if someone even suggests that we should collaborate, I ask what their expectations are out of the gate. What it also taught me is if their expectations don't gel well with my own, rather than grin and bear what they are saying or tell myself that we can deal with it later, that I should say upfront what will work for me and what won't. No apologies either.
Keep Certain Matters Totally Confidential
I can't recall where I first heard what I'm about to say, but once I started to apply it to my life, my social world became a much safer place. The pearl of wisdom was this—"If before you get ready to tell someone something, you have to preface it with 'Don't say anything', that's probably not the individual that you should be telling it to."
In my personal and professional life, I can't tell you the last time I've had to start a sentence off in that way. One reason is because I am a lot more discerning with the information that I share than I used to be. Another reason is because I surround myself with individuals that I can trust. Even through rough patches, I don't have to worry about my business being used as ammo.
A lot of great partnerships between women get real ugly, real quick because intellectual property isn't valued, plans are shared without a mutual agreement that they can be and/or when partnerships come to a close, all of the details of why are divulged.
Just like it's important to get things in writing, it's equally (if not more) imperative that you both discuss how to handle information that is exchanged. Matter of fact, if that needs to be put in writing too, so be it.
Know the Difference Between Being Friends and Being Friendly
If you don't retain anything else in here, please try and keep this at the forefront of your mind. Just because two people get along and have certain things in common, that doesn't automatically make them besties. It takes time, commitment and mutual desire for individuals to evolve into a true friendship. Not only that, but you don't have to make it your life's mission to befriend everyone in the world that you know. Trust me, if you take friendship seriously, you don't have the time or energy to pull off that kind of feat anyway.
Keeping what I just said in mind, there is also no law that says that just because you've got great chemistry with someone and you both decide to do business together that you also need to tell one another your deepest and darkest secrets and babysit each other's kids. I have some great energy with virtually all of the women I work with, but we're not friends so much as we are friendly with another. We treat one another with respect and we get along well, but our interaction is still mostly professional.
A lot of great partnerships have come to a screeching halt because one or both individuals assumed that just because they are a part of one another's professional world that they should also be a part of each other's personal life.
There's a reason why folks are leery about doing business with family members and friends. It can make the boundary lines very blurry. If you're trying to become your business partner's BFF, that's definitely something you should think about—first.
Revisit Things on a Regular Basis
I share, as often as possible, that one of my favorite quotes is, "People change and forget to tell one another." I use it a lot in marriage life coaching sessions. It also applies to business partnerships. Unfortunately, there are a lot of partnerships that blow up, simply because one or both people involved expects the other to be just like they were in the beginning. Or, they think that whatever initial arrangement was made, it should remain that way until they decide they want to do something different.
There are a couple of people in my world who roll their eyes whenever I'm like, "Can we discuss our relationship for a sec?" To them, they're like, "If it ain't broke, don't fix it" while I'm more along the lines of, "If we don't do maintenance on this thing, it will break down over time."
Everything requires maintenance.
So, no matter how great things may be going at the present moment when it comes to your business arrangement, it's healthy, wise and super proactive to hold a meeting, every three months or so, just to see if everything's cool, needs are still being met and there are no feelings that are being suppressed. This brings me to my final suggestion and point.
Be Open, Honest and Real. ALWAYS.
If you ask just about any CEO about what they consider the keys are for a successful business relationship or partnership with someone, I'm willing to bet that their top five would be trust, mutual respect, communication, honesty and being as genuine as possible.
I've heard more than my fair share of horror stories about women who went into business together and then fell all the way out. A top cause of the drama was one or both people either not being total honest about their feelings or needs or one or both people were being passive aggressive in their communication approach.
A partnership only works effectively when both people are benefiting from it. The only way both parties can be sure that they are is if they are real with one another. Respectful, yes. But still very real.
I can't guarantee that if you do all of these things, that there won't be some rough waters from time to time. But what I will say is it will safeguard you from a lot of unnecessary foolishness. That way, you can both focus on making money and making moves. Instead of making full-on drama.
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It's kinda wild that, in 2025, my byline will have appeared on this platform for (what?!) seven years. And yeah, when I'm not waxing poetic on here about sex, relationships and then...more sex and relationships, I am working as a certified marriage life coach, helping to birth babies (as a doula) or penning for other places (oftentimes under pen names).
As some of you know, something that I've been "threatening" to do for a few years now is write another book. Welp, October 2024 was the month that I "gave birth" to my third one: 'Inside of Me 2.0: My Story. With a 20-Year Lens'. It's fitting considering I hit a milestone during the same year.
Beyond that, Pumas and lip gloss are still my faves along with sweatshirts and tees that have a pro-Black message on them. I've also started really getting into big ass unique handbags and I'm always gonna have a signature scent that ain't nobody's business but my own.
As far as where to find me, I continue to be MIA on the social media front and I honestly don't know if that will ever change. Still, if you need to hit me up about something *that has nothing to do with pitching on the site (I'm gonna start ignoring those emails because...boundaries)*, hit me up at missnosipho@gmail.com. I'll do what I can. ;)
After Decades-Long Career, Terri J. Vaughn Is Finally The Main Character: Exclusive
Terri J. Vaughn first captured our attention in the late ‘90s as Lovita Alizay Jenkins on The Steve Harvey Show. Decades later, she is starring in her very own series, She The People, which is now available to stream on Netflix.
The political sitcom, which she co-created with Niya Palmer and later teamed up with Tyler Perry Studios, is about a Black woman named Antoinette Dunkerson who runs for lieutenant governor of Mississippi. She wins and becomes the state’s first Black lieutenant governor. Now, she’s forced to balance working with a racist and sexist governor while also trying to keep her family from running amok.
According to the beloved actress, this project was a long time coming. “I’ve been trying to get my own television series for like 20 years, pounding the pavement, meeting with people, getting clothes, being lied to, just a whole bunch of stuff,” she says in an exclusive interview with xoNecole.
“But just keep going, because this is what I do. This is what I love, and I know how important it is for us to continue to show up and make sure that we are seen, make sure that our voices are heard. For several reasons. I just never give up. So here I am, 20 years later, finally sold my show.”
She The People is inspired by the true story of London Breed, who became the first Black female mayor of San Francisco, Terri’s hometown. And to help make the show more authentic, the Cherish the Day actress tapped former Atlanta mayor, Keisha Lance Bottoms to come on as a producer.'“I’ve been trying to get my own television series for like 20 years, pounding the pavement, meeting with people, getting clothes, being lied to, just a whole bunch of stuff."
After bringing the former mayor aboard, it was time to pitch again. And this time, the companies were pitching them. Ultimately, Terri decided to work with Tyler Perry on the series.
“We decided to do it with Tyler for several reasons. I love that. Well, most of the companies we met with were Black-owned companies, but he was the only studio,” she explains. “Tyler is like Walt Disney. That's literally what he is. He has the studio, he has the content. He operates just like Walt Disney.”
And thanks to the cast, the show is nothing short of laughs. The series also stars social media creator Jade Novah as Antoinette’s crazy cousin/ assistant, Shamika, Family Mattersstar Jo Marie Payton as Anotinette’s mom, Cleo, and Terri’s husband, Karon Riley, who plays Michael, her driver and love interest.
While we’ve watched Terri’s career blossom in various ways. From directing to producing, and playing diverse characters, the mom of two says her The Steve Harvey Show character will always be her favorite.
“Well, Lovita was definitely my favorite, especially for my time, the age and everything that I was. Now as a grown ass woman over 50, Antoinette Dunkerson is everything that I've wanted to play. She's everything. She's a mother of two teenagers. She's divorced, so she's co-parenting with her ex-husband. She has to wrangle in a very eclectic family,” she says.
“So I like playing characters that are really flawed and trying to figure it out and doing their best to try to figure it. And she's very flawed and she is trying to figure it out, and she fucks up sometimes. But her heart and what she's trying to do and what her vision is and purpose, it's all for the people. I mean, she the people. She’s for the people, she is the people.”
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Feature image by Jamie Lamor Thompson/ Shutterstock
Practical Parenting Tools To Raise Emotionally Resilient Kids—From A Therapist (& Mom)
As a millennial who wants kids, I sometimes read about and watch parenting content on social media. Other times, I'm having conversations with parents and my friends who also want kids. During these talks, I noticed a topic that kept coming up, how kids today are so different from when we were kids and the generations before.
Dr. Chinwé Williams is a board-certified licensed counselor and therapist, trauma expert and author. Her work makes her the perfect person to talk to about today’s kids. During our chat, Dr. Williams provides answers to the questions about generation Alpha and how we can connect to them.
According to a study by The Chronicle of Evidence-Based Mentoring, 40% of kids in the US don’t have a strong relationship with their parents, a statistic that Dr. Williams is working to change.
Dr. Chinwé Williams
Courtesy
“I wrote this new book, which is calledCalm, Courageous and Connected,, a parent's guide to raising emotionally resilient kids, because I wanted to help parents. I wanted to equip them with tools and strategies. Because even though I'm known for working with young people, I work a lot with parents who want resources and want strategies to help their kids,” she tells xoNecole.
“I got a call from a parent the other day. Her child is suicidal. He's a young child. I don't want to say too much, because I don't want to give the details away. I want to keep it as anonymous as possible. But a young child, male, Black male, who was suicidal. He did get into therapy, thank goodness. And he told the therapist, I love my parents. I know my parents love me, but my dad can be really hard on me. He described his dad as kind of authoritative and he said mom hovered. So isn't that interesting?
She adds, “Some parents would be like, that's what we're supposed to be doing, right? And so I think with kids today, we can't use the old tools. We cannot use the strategies that we were raised with.”
Dr. Williams, who is also a mother, explained how the pandemic, social media, and school shootings have increased anxiety and more in kids. So what tools should parents use? She recommends intentional parenting, “understanding who your child is, understanding the environment that they are growing up in right now, not the environment that you grew up in and shielding them from the harm that comes from social media.”
Fizkes/ Shutterstock
When taking steps toward intentional parenting, here’s what parents should remember. “Kids brains are still under construction, and this is important to know, because we want our kids to be strong and emotionally resilient and able to control their emotions. Well, they can't do that,” she explains. “They can't even start to do that until about age eight. And the truth is the frontal lobes, where our executive functioning skills come from and the ability to manage disappointment, setbacks and big emotions really doesn't get fully developed until the mid 20s.”
Another thing for parents to keep in mind is that mistakes happen. “In my field, we talk a lot about relationships, and we know that relationships can sometimes hurt us. People we love, people that are supposed to care for us, will make mistakes, and we call that a rupture,” she says. “When you mess up, you want to repair as quickly as possible. And what does repair look like? It looks like acknowledging you made a mistake because we will lose it on our kids, and we will say things that we don't mean.
“We will do things, I even raise my voice with mine. Try really hard not to, but if I'm tired from a long client day, if I've been traveling, if I'm hungry, and I've said it three times. I make mistakes, but I always go back and say, you doing, okay? I'm so sorry. I was tired and I did not say it the way that I wanted to say it. I raised my voice.”
Lastly, she adds, “It is a good thing for parents to not deny or minimize when they’ve said something that they didn’t mean or did something they didn’t want to do. Be honest and really acknowledge how it has impacted your child.”
For more information about Dr. Chinwé Williams, visit her website.
*Edited for clarity
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