Even One Is Too Many: The Current Sex Trafficking Crisis Among Black Women
A couple of nights ago, I got triggered (more on that in just a bit). Let me give a little history as to why. Back when I was in high school (a "Christian" high school at that), two guys—a Black male junior and a white male senior—pulled me into the back of the white senior's car. They handcuffed me, ripped open my shirt and bra and proceeded to sexually assault me. The Black junior had every intention of raping me, he even joked about making me give him some, but when the white senior saw the dead look in my eyes and noticed how silent I was—which was totally out of character for me—he convinced his "friend" to not do it. Instead, they drove me to the back of an old strip mall and, with my shirt still open, they dumped me outside of it. Luckily, another student's grandmother owned a beauty salon in that same strip mall, so I sought refuge there. The administration somehow convinced my mother and stepfather to not press charges. Instead, the guys were suspended for two days. That was it. They committed a crime yet they were able to go home and watch television for a couple of days while I returned to school feeling completely mortified, vulnerable and unprotected. It happened on a Wednesday prior to Thanksgiving. Every time this time of the year rolls around, I think about it.
That's why, as someone who is a survivor of sexual abuse, sexual assault and date rape (twice), I get triggered whenever I read headlines like "White South Carolina DJ Accused Of Sex-Trafficking Nearly 700 Black Girls" (how is this not international news, y'all?!) or I hear a quote from a Black male serial killer of Black female sex workers who rationalized his targeting based on the belief that no one would notice that that they were gone. Not notice? Or not care? Based on the lack of consistent coverage that the topic of sex trafficking among Black women is NOT receiving, I think there is a very fine line between the two. And that? That has me mad as hell.
It's not like this issue is some sort of conspiracy theory or an internet rumor that has gotten out of hand. Let's take Atlanta, for example. If you look on Wikipedia's page on sex trafficking in Georgia, it says this specifically about the city: "Atlanta is a major transportation hub for trafficking young girls from Mexico and is one of the fourteen U.S. cities with the highest levels of child sex trafficking. In 2007, the sex trade generated $290 million in Atlanta." That's not hard to believe when you are able to Google headlines like "Atlanta Hotel Employees Helped Sex Traffickers Avoid Police, Four Plaintiffs Allege in Federal Lawsuits", "Not For Sale: 100+ Minors Rescued In Child Sex Trafficking Op" and "Rampant Sex Trafficking Ignored at Atlanta-Area Hotels: Lawsuits". Have mercy.
Thankfully, I've never been a victim of sex trafficking. But as a survivor of sexual abuse and assault, there is absolutely no way that I can stand by and only read about what is going on. I have to give a voice to this ongoing evil. I have to do more than just "be triggered". Just like it takes a village to raise our children, it takes a village to protect our own as well. And so, I wanted to share just a few things that should make us all want to do whatever we can to shed light on what so many wish would remain in the dark.
Sex Trafficking Happens Daily. DAILY.
Even as I'm writing all of this this out, I caught the following headline—"Man Accused of Kidnapping, Sex Trafficking Girls". This monster was not in ATL; he is in Memphis. Sex trafficking is happening everywhere. Everywhere. It's been reported that between 20-40 million are victims of this form of modern-day slavery (which is exactly what sex trafficking is), that it's a $150 billion a year business, and that it flies under the radar because most victims go undetected; especially Black women. In fact, according to the National Center for Victims of Crime:
"Evidence suggests that Black youths ages 12 to 19 are victims of violent crime at significantly higher rates than their white peers. Black youths are three times more likely to be victims of reported child abuse or neglect, three times more likely to be victims of robbery and five times more likely to be victims of homicide."
Not only that but the article "Sex Trafficking's True Victims: Why Are Our Black Girls/Women So Vulnerable?" states this:
"Per the FBI, 59 percent of all juvenile prostitution arrests involve African-Americans. With law enforcement more likely to see a Black sex trafficking victim as a prostitute and not as someone needing help, trying to find solutions toward keeping our girls safe may require a radical examination of the core beliefs American society is currently based on."
One woman interviewed in the article said something that Cyntoia Brown-Long has stated based on her own sex trafficking survival story; she said that it wasn't until she read what happened to another woman that she even realized what sex trafficking was.
Sex Trafficking Is Way More Common than You Might Think
If you find that data hard to believe, take a moment to check out this sex trafficking survivor's recount. I'll give you the heads up that is absolutely heartbreaking to hear, although her courage and strength are absolutely mind-blowing. Black women amaze me; their resilience is like no other.
As Black Women, We Are Extremely Vulnerable When It Comes to Sex Trafficking
So, here comes my trigger point. Y'all, I wish that I could find it in my inbox, but a couple of weeks ago, a woman tweeted a story about hailing a Lyft or Uber (I can't remember) and the driver initially attempted to drop her off at an abandoned building instead of the airport. It wasn't until she persisted that he do otherwise that he took her to where she was actually supposed to be. Who knows what that man's motive was, but I thought about him when I watched a now viral video about a woman who has a similar story.
She took a Lyft but, rather than the driver taking her to her place of employment, he drove up behind a truck who had a man in it who opened up the gates to a warehouse. How did she escape? She got out of the car and ran. Watch the video. She is clearly shaken. Me? Triggered. And you know what? Anyone who is even remotely tempted to be skeptical or cynical about stories like these, they should read articles like "Las Vegas Police Trying to Combat Sex Trafficking in Ride Shares" and "Uber Trains Drivers On How To Spot Victims Of Human Trafficking". Again, just because this isn't getting the kind of coverage that it should, that doesn't mean it isn't happening. Lyft and Uber are not oblivious either. Not even a little bit.
So, What Should We Do About this...Whispered Epidemic?
Yeah. This a lot. A LOT. And please believe that I'm not sharing all of this to paralyze you with fear; it's more about simply heightening the awareness of this…whispered epidemic. Why do I call it that? It's because while sex trafficking among Black women and Black girls (Black boys too) isn't exactly something that is being silenced, it is most definitely something that we should be getting louder and louder about. Consistently and unapologetically so.
We can start by being proactive about some of the ways to protect ourselves while supporting the women around us—whether we know them personally or not.
1. Tweet and Retweet Missing People's Info
Another tweet that I recently saw simply asked, "Where are all of the Amber Alerts for all of these missing Black women?" I mean, and I'm saying. We all know that mainstream media is, let's say passively aggressively ignorant to a lot of what happens in our community. At the same time, what we also know is Black Twitter is a powerhouse that is close-to-impossible to rival. So, when you're on your social media, if someone comes up in your feed who is asking you to use your voice to spread the word about a missing person, please retweet it.
Even though there are murmurings of hoaxes going on that are purely for the sake of getting attention (which is absolutely deplorable), I would rather RT and be wrong than not do it and always wonder if I should have. All of the stories that go viral happen because we share the information. According to Statista, as of last year, there were 200,000 files of missing Black people. There are several other outlets that state between 64,000-75,000 Black women and girls are missing. These numbers are way too high to be wondering if someone is telling the truth or not when a picture of a loved one scrolls up on our timeline.
2. Share Insightful Survival Tips with Others
Even without all of the trafficking that is going on, I am not someone who parks next to vans or trucks. I don't care if I'm at the grocery store, a post office or the movies. I need to park where folks can see me get in and out of my car and large vehicles make that pretty difficult. If you think that leans on the side of being paranoid, I am totally fine with that. Besides, this video right here co-signs on why it really is a super smart thing to do.
Even though I don't have social media accounts, when I saw this video, I shared it. Every little bit of proactive insight helps. Whenever you get some, please make sure to pass it along as well.
3. If You’re a Guy, Check on Your Sistahs
I'm a single Black woman and the men in my life never let me forget it. One of my closest male friends is a retired Marine and he is perfectly fine letting me know that he knows how to keep tabs on me, whether I like it or not. My male friends request that I let them know if I'm heading out at night and, if so, to reach out when I return home so that they know that I'm safe. They're good dudes. They really are.
A man by the name of Minister Tony Bradford once said, "The most revolutionary thing that a Black man can do, living in a racist society, is to love, protect and respect his Black woman." Amen. The only thing that I would add to that is, Black men, we need you to love, protect and respect us whether we're in a personal relationship with you or not.
If you see a Black woman walking alone in a parking lot, watch to make sure that she gets there safely. If it seems like someone is harassing her in any way, don't be hesitant to ask, "Are you OK, sis?" Little gestures like this help to make us feel like we're not alone; like someone is truly looking out. (Which means ladies, when guys do stuff like this, don't automatically assume it's game. Give the benefit of the doubt that they are simply being gentlemen.)
4. If You’re a Non-Black Person, Please Do Your Part
Essence.Atlanta Black Star.The Root. If you go to your favorite search engine and put "Black human trafficking" in the search field, these are the publications that will have links on the topic. And what does they have in common? They are Black sites. My point?
If you're a non-Black person reading this and you're like, "Wow. That's horrible" but that response is not followed up with "What can I do?" then your sympathy is not enough. We need compassion and compassion is defined as being "a feeling of deep sympathy and sorrow for another who is stricken by misfortune, accompanied by a strong desire to alleviate the suffering".
Also share the missing reports that you see. And please, make the time to contact non-Black media outlets to alert them to what they seem to be overlooking far more than they should—missing Black women and girls. While they might claim to not know, they will end up looking real crazy out here if ALL OF US are writing them so much that we're like, "Oh, you know. We've been hounding you for weeks now." Not just Black people (which should be enough…SMDH). Everyone.
5. As Far as Ridesharing Goes…
I can count the amount of times that I've been in an Uber or Lyft. None of the times have I been uneasy but that doesn't mean that I wasn't aware of my surroundings either. In the effort to protect yourself—wait indoors until your ride comes. If you need to, take a picture of the license plate before getting into the vehicle (it's not illegal to do that) and then send it to a loved one or co-worker. Before shutting the door, make sure that there are no child safety locks on it (if there are…step out of the vehicle). Confirm that they know your first name and where you are going before leaving with the driver (if they are legitimate, they will know both). Remember, you are not catching a ride with a friend; you are paying for a service. So, if you feel uneasy for any reason, make sure to report the driver, even if you get to your destination safely. Do not offer up any personal details with the driver. Download a tracking app like Tego so that someone you trust can track where you are walking or riding to. Make sure that someone knows when you got into the car and when you got out (if you feel more comfortable remaining on the phone the entire time, that's cool too). Tips like these should help to put you more at ease if ridesharing is what you choose to do.
6. Protect Yourself. AT ALL TIMES.
A lot of people are talking more and more about arming themselves; especially Black women. If that is not something that you desire or are yet prepared to do, there are other ways to protect yourself. Pepper spray. Tactical pens. Stun guns. These are just some of the other things that you can carry while you're out 'n about. Several years ago, I took a self-defense class and it was one of the most self-empowering things that I've ever done. If money is tight and you need to take a free set of courses, click here for info on where to find what you need. If you must go out late at night, try and avoid being alone. Oh, and always carry a flashlight in your purse or get a key chain one. Two things that hate the light are rodents and criminals (which is pretty much interchangeable, if you ask me).
Y'all, we all know that so much more can be said. But it is my hope and prayer that this at least reminded you that none of us are alone in this and that there are things that can be done to fight back. Black sex trafficking is criminal, evil and an ongoing epidemic. But Black love, power and support is unstoppable. Let's not lose sight of our light…in the midst of what so many are trying to keep in the dark.
If you or someone you know is a victim of sex trafficking, contact the National Human Trafficking Hotline at 1-888-373-7888 or visit HumanTraffickingHotline.org.
Want more stories like this? Sign up for our newsletter here and check out the related reads below:
The Empowering Way This Rape Survivor Took Back Her Life
We Can't Only Demand & Refute Justice When It Serves To Help Our Men
Being Sexually Assaulted Led Me To Myself
My Partner Knew I Had Been Sexually Assaulted Before I Told Him
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Different puzzle pieces are creating bigger pictures these days. 2024 will mark a milestone on a few different levels, including the release of my third book next June (yay!).
I am also a Professional Certified Coach. My main mission for attaining that particular goal is to use my formal credentials to help people navigate through the sometimes tumultuous waters, both on and offline, when it comes to information about marriage, sex and relationships that is oftentimes misinformation (because "coach" is a word that gets thrown around a lot, oftentimes quite poorly).
I am also still super devoted to helping to bring life into this world as a doula, marriage life coaching will always be my first love (next to writing, of course), a platform that advocates for good Black men is currently in the works and my keystrokes continue to be devoted to HEALTHY over HAPPY in the areas of holistic intimacy, spiritual evolution, purpose manifestation and self-love...because maturity teaches that it's impossible to be happy all of the time when it comes to reaching goals yet healthy is a choice that can be made on a daily basis (amen?).
If you have any PERSONAL QUESTIONS (please do not contact me with any story pitches; that is an *editorial* need), feel free to reach out at missnosipho@gmail.com. A sistah will certainly do what she can. ;)
From Heartbreak To Healing: The Multifaceted Journey Of Nazanin Mandi
Nazanin Mandi is never out of options.
About a year ago, the 37-year-old life coach and actress was navigating life after divorce and determined to experience homeownership for the first time as a single woman. She’d been married to the R&B singer Miguel for three years, following a long-term relationship that started when she was 18 years old. But, in 2022, she filed for divorce. It was certainly the most public change she made but, in reality, it was just one of many decisions to refocus and reach her full potential in recent years.
“During my 20s, I was not ready for more. I was living a really crazy life. It was unpredictable. I was helping somebody else grow. It was a lot, and it was intense. I was not pouring into myself the way I should’ve been,” she says in an xoNecole exclusive.
Still, as Mandi worked to get to know herself and her needs during this new phase of life, she realized the home she’d purchased wasn’t a good fit. Overwhelmed by the echoing of her voice in the spacious home, she had a breakdown and called her cousin, who immediately suggested she lease the home and live somewhere else. “I woke up in my house, and I was like, ‘This is not it for me,” she says. “All those years, I had been accustomed to living a certain way [and] in a certain house, so I bought myself a house like [my old home]. But my family was not the same. Waking up in that house by myself, it highlighted the divorce. I was like, ‘Oh, no, we can’t do this. This is not it.’ My life has changed, so my choices need to change.” At that moment, Mandi became open to the idea that there wasn’t one set way to achieve ownership on her own.
“I feel so much better. I’m in a smaller place. My best friend lives a minute from me and I can walk to her house,” she tells me during a Zoom interview from her home one recent afternoon in early February. In the past two years, she hasn’t just been advising other people on varying circumstances, she’s also been healing herself.
"During my 20s, I was not ready for more. I was living a really crazy life. It was unpredictable. I was helping somebody else grow. It was a lot, and it was intense. I was not pouring into myself the way I should’ve been."
Credit: Solmaz Saberi
If supporters began following Nazanin Mandi because of her conventional beauty or the contagious, bright, white smile she often wears in many of her photos, that’s likely not the reason they’ve stuck around. Instead, she’s amassed a following based on her transparency about her own anxiety and depression, along with the encouraging messages of self-acceptance, gratitude, ambition, and humility that are often sprinkled into her social media posts.
In an era where looking at Instagram photos of models can often lead to feelings of self-doubt and insecurity, Nazanin Mandi is determined to be more than eye candy. She’s food for her follower’s souls, too.
Since being recruited to model while dining at an In-N-Out at 10 years old, Mandi has worked in many areas of entertainment. The Valencia, California native has modeled for brands such as Olay, Savage X Fenty, and Good American. As a teen, she sang at Carnegie Hall and auditioned for season 1 of American Idol, making it all the way to Hollywood before producers disqualified her for lying about her age. (Mandi was 15 at the time, and contestants had to be at least 16 years old.) Mandi has acted, too, including appearing on Disney’s That’s So Raven as a teenager and on the BET+ series Games People Play and the Prime series Á La Carte in more recent years.
In recent years, though, she’s also expanded her professional goals outside of entertainment, too. After becoming a certified life coach in 2020, Mandi launched the membership platform You Bloome in 2022 with the hopes of providing wellness services to others, including her self-published gratitude journal. “I wish I had access to something like You Bloome earlier in my own life,” she writes on the company’s website. The actress, who has been forthcoming about her struggles with anxiety and depression, has never had a life coach, but credits therapy as a tool that “really, really saved me and it laid the foundation to who I am becoming.”
Credit: Solmaz Saberi
"I’m trying to find the balance between living life and knowing that whatever is meant for me is going to happen, but also know that I’m doing everything in my power to make those things happen and better myself."
While she’s always had a nurturing personality, Mandi says her interest in becoming a life coach was inspired by the women who would message her for advice on social media. “I would answer them back. It really sparked a fire within myself to help people,” she says.
You Bloome currently has three membership tiers, ranging in price from $2.99 to $39.99 per month. The highest tier offers a motivational text message twice a week, two live, group coaching sessions per month, and more. “We get emotional. We cry. We laugh. It’s really beautiful. I’ve built close relationships with my members through this. It’s been inspiring both ways,” Mandi says of the sessions. Still, the founder says she hopes to take on more motivational and keynote speaking opportunities in the future with the hopes of impacting as many people as possible.
And, she’s hoping to do all of this while continuing to explore a career as an entertainer.
At this point in her life, Mandi says she’s gained enough perspective on modeling, music, and acting to realize what she wants to prioritize moving forward. “We are going full force with acting,” she says, noting her goal is “to book a series regular or a film that impacts my career and the world.” She plans to continue to model, too, but has no desire to pursue music.
“I don’t want any part of that because I know what that life entails,” she says. “I don’t want to tour. I don’t want to do any of that. That is not where my heart is at.”
Credit: Solmaz Saberi
If you ask Mandi, she’ll tell you she feels most comfortable in front of a camera, but she’ll also admit that she’s recently experienced a lot of imposter syndrome when thinking about her acting career. “I think it’s a fear of not succeeding,” she says. If anything, she adds, she’s harder on herself now than she’s ever been. “There were distractions before. There’s no distractions now,” she says. “I’m putting pressure on myself for no reason.”
This is where the life coach’s own personal healing comes into play. Mandi says she’s learning recently that “slow progress is still big progress at the end of the day.”
“Currently, I’m trying to find the balance between living life and knowing that whatever is meant for me is going to happen, but also know that I’m doing everything in my power to make those things happen and better myself,” she adds.
Still, one of Mandi’s strengths is that she doesn’t feel the pressure to limit herself to just one passion. From working as a life coach to pursuing acting, she has given herself grace to explore all other dreams.
“We can be allowed to be many different things in this lifetime,” she says. “As people, our identities are allowed to expand. Don’t put us in a fucking box. I cannot live that way anymore.”
For more of Nazanin, follow her on Instagram @nazaninmandi.
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Featured image by Solmaz Saberi
'Raising Kanan''s Hailey Kilgore Talks Seeing Herself In Jukebox & Broadway Background
Hailey Kilgore, who has brought the character Jukebox to life on Power Book III: Raising Kanan for the past three seasons, was working hard in show business long before landing the role on coveted Starz franchise. She's already a Tony- and Grammy-nominated talent whose credits include the Jennifer Hudson-led Aretha Franklin biopic Respect and the Tony-winning revival of Once on This Island.
Hailey may play a teen on the Mekai Curtis-centered series but she's been training in singing, acting, and performance since the tender age of 9—that's 16 years now. If you take a look at her social media profiles, it will almost make you do a double take as her real personality couldn't be further from what's depicted on the show—proving just how talented she really is. The Broadway veteran, who is gearing up to release her first album, is what many would describe a girl's girl wearing loads of sequins, gowns, and serving face!
This will prompt you to dig a little deeper to find out more about the girl who is a multi-hyphenate and earned two major nominations before even making it on the big screen.
Getty Images
xoNecole caught up Hailey as season 3 came to an end and was surprised to learn that although they may be completely different people, her real life is mirroring what's going on with Jukebox in Raising Kanan. "I really made the epiphany season 3." She continued, "[Jukebox] just wants to be seen. She works so hard, she's a really sweet girl. She has a beautiful spirit and she just wants people to see her—to see how hard she works. I feel that right now. I'm like, please just see me. I know you love Jukebox...but there's a super cool girl in here and she's got a lot to say. A lot to contribute to the world artistically."
She even delved more into her background, telling us about the extensive training and hard work she's put in to get to this point. "I started training when I was 9. I trained in acting, singing, and performance." She further explained, "I did my first job when I was 12, so I've been doing this for awhile. Performing is what I love. I've always said I wanted to be Beyoncé when I grew up...I'm really blessed to have the resume and the background that I do."
The latest season of Power Book III: Raising Kanan has come to a close but in true fashion, Hailey is still hard at work. Her first single "Drama Queen" is out now and her debut album will be released on May 3. It's safe to say that Hailey is having her moment. One can't deny that she's worked hard for it and we can't wait to see what's next!
Watch the full interview below.
Hailey Kilgore AKA Jukebox on 'Raising Kanan' Talks Broadway Background
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