Black Women Professionals Give Us Tips & Tricks For Reducing Anxiety
By show of hands, who here feels like they're slowly going nuts sitting in the house all day, everyday? You? You? I think I see a few hands in the back. I can confidently say that, at least, 80 percent of people I know are just about ready to lose their minds. At this point, we just want to go outside. I found myself looking outside of the window in my boyfriend's apartment for the fourth time today and constructing a fictional narrative for everyone on the block. I may have created a show better than Courtney Kemp's Power in my mind, but boredom strikes creativity. Actually, it's not boredom, it's angst. I'm envious that certain people in the world don't care enough about their own health to stay inside per the orders of the local police, the government and the president of the United States.
For those of us who are trying to take this quarantine thing "day-by-day" and staying our asses indoors, I've got just the thing for you. I spoke with entrepreneurs, mental health professionals and medical experts about combating anxiety and stress during COVID-19.
In a world where we're feeling out of control, what are some ways people can feel more in control?
Step Up Your Self-Care Game:
Kelley Green, International Yoga Instructor & Self-Love Enthusiast
"Journal your thoughts, speak to someone you trust like a therapist or life coach, calm your body's response to stress with breath-work, yoga, or meditation, and/or form new mental shifts that lead to you having a more positive outlook on life, like practicing gratitude."
Sit Close To The Window While You Work:
Yasmine Jameelah, CEO & Founder of Transparent Black Girl
"Studies show that decreased sun exposure has been associated with a drop in serotonin levels, which can lead to depression. When my face hits the sun as I work, it makes me feel like I'm still connected to the world. Also, create a bomb playlist to work to that soothes you - Solange, Amerie, Earth, Wind, & Fire, and Lucky Daye are in heavy rotation for me right now."
Log Off Or Turn Off The Information:
Joi Britt, Podcast Host, The Joi of Social Work
"It is important to be informed but there is something about too much information that can make you anxious or fearful of honestly something we cannot control. When we are thinking about the lack of control that we have, it is also important to remember there are things in life we still can control and that might not have changed as drastically."
Remember You Have Full Control Over Your Internal Space:
Erica James-Strayhorn, Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist and Owner of Erica James Counseling, LLC
"You can remind yourself [that you have full control of your internal space] by reciting affirmations or mantras. This is also a great time to maybe redecorate or re-arrange furniture in your home. Also, maybe letting go of items that no longer serve you."
Focus On Getting Grounded & Centered:
Eliza Boquin, MA, LMFT, Co-Founder of Melanin & Mental Health, LLC
"It's easy to feel overwhelmed and out of control. This is the perfect time to focus on activities centered around regulating what is happening in your body. Start with moving your body--walk, a jog, dance. Moving your body is an excellent way to move emotions out of your body, boost your mood, and regulate your nervous system."
Writing Your Thoughts Down:
Jay Blessed, Podcaster, “IN MY HEAD” & Mental Health Advocate
"I started a #QuarantineWriting group on Instagram where I challenge my friends to 15 minutes of daily writing. Writing can be so cathartic during painful times but the therapeutic qualities of putting your thoughts down on paper or your phone's notepad are beyond valuable. This creative act has pushed me to address my emotions, to call it by name and to let them go."
Talk To Your Spirit/Higher Power:
Brianne Cash, Editor-in-Chief, Sad Girls Club + Sad Moms Club
"My meditations with Spirit have involved deeper, more intense conversation, fluid body movement and energy pulls; I listen with both my heart and ears open. We are all in an incubation period. We are all cocooning and as scary as times may seem right now, Spirit says not to worry-- a new world is on the way."
Continue Your Normal Routine:
Tiffany L. Mayers, MSW, LCSW, Mental Health Advocate & Clinician
"If you routinely work out at the gym, try working out at home or outside, if the weather permits. With anxiety, maintaining a sense of normalcy is very important. Loss of control can be a major trigger so you want to keep with a routine to help with reducing stress."
Stay In Gratitude:
Shevon Jones, MSW, Social Worker & Founder of the Mental Wellness Collective
"Gratitude interrupts anxiety. It allows for you to focus on all that you are grateful for and only that. So often we go through life aimlessly ignoring the things that feed us life and keep us going daily. In times of crisis it is important to focus on what you are grateful for. Each morning pick five things you are grateful for to set the tone for the day. And, every time you feel yourself getting anxious or overwhelmed, think back to what you are grateful for. It is hard to focus on negative thoughts and positive ones at the same time."
Get Organized:
Camryn Triplett, Mental Health Advocate & Communications Manager, Silence The Shame
"With so much uncertainty around us, find comfort in controlling the things around you. Now is the time to reorganize your bathroom, closet, kitchen, etc."
Gain Control Of Your Sex Life:
Tatyannah King, Sex Blogger, Sex Therapist in Training
"For sex, despite social distancing, couples can still focus on more sexting and phone sex. They can text their partner re-describing their favorite sexual experience together or do a creative challenge in which they go back and forth, daring each other to pose a certain way in their nudes without repeating any ideas."
Featured image by Yasmine Jameelah
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Exclusive: KJ Smith Talks Viral Wedding With Skyh Black: ‘We Did What We Wanted To Do’
Whether it was your group chat, social media feed, or your favorite media outlet covering the spectacle, I’m pretty sure you’ve come across the viral Black wedding between actress KJ Smith (Sistas, Raising Kanan) and actor Skyh Black (All the Queen’s Men, Sistas). From their grand entrance to Jay-Z, Kayne West, and Beyoncé’s song “Lift Off” to KJ’s standout dance routine and the endless celebrity appearances, it’s an addictive TikTok scroll you can’t help but delve into.
But what many people would be surprised to know is that the couple’s original wedding plan was nothing like what it grew to be. What started as her simply scrolling through posts to get ideas eventually transformed into what the internet knows now as #TheBlackExperience. In an exclusive conversation with xoNecole, KJ walked us through her planning process, the morning of her wedding, and what she thinks of the online response.
Some women have their whole wedding planned out, from the bridal gown and venue to the bridal party and playlist. However, KJ was not one of those people. “I didn’t foresee a wedding in my future,” she reveals. “I was just gonna be the boss chick, rich auntie. I didn’t force love in my life until recently. I never had an idea of what a dream wedding would look like, it was easier for me to elope.”
KJ Smith
Photo by Stanley Babb/ Stanlo Photography
And to many people’s surprise, that was their original plan – until Skyh brought up a valid concern. He was raised by his grandmother and thought she should be at the wedding, and naturally, that led to KJ wanting her grandmother to be there as well – then her mom – and later her sister – and, you’ve gotta invite the besties too, right? From there, the guest list continued to blossom. Much like the updo and pop of color bold red lip, she wore on her special day, which was initially on her Pinterest board as a soft glam look with her hair hanging on her shoulders, KJ is okay with changing her plan if it brings her and her loved ones happiness.
So let’s get into the wedding, which took place in Malibu, CA. The first thing you should know about the celebrity couple is that they’re non-traditional. They know, and they don’t care. So, in true unconventional fashion, they shared the morning of the wedding together.
“I woke up with Skyh, we walked our dog, had black coffee, and said good morning to the people who stayed at the venue with us,” she says.
Now, it was time for hair and makeup. While she was getting glammed up, she had Black-owned McBride Sisters wine and champagne (which ties into The Black Experience theme) on deck with her mom and friends, had her besties help rework her vows, retried on every outfit (sis is very Type-A), took photos, and ended the early-celebration with prayer and meditation. It seems very non-Bridezilla, I said.
“Yeah, I was the most unbothered bride ever. Everyone was just so supportive. As entertainers, we go on red carpets all the time. We actually have a production company,” she explains. “The get-ready process was like a day at work, but with people we love the most. Being entertainers, we didn’t feel stressed at all, but my excitement was so high.”
Things moved quickly, and before she knew it, it was time to line up to walk down the aisle.
“Yeah, I was the most unbothered bride ever. Everyone was just so supportive. As entertainers, we go on red carpets all the time. We actually have a production company. The get-ready process was like a day at work, but with people we love the most. Being entertainers, we didn’t feel stressed at all, but my excitement was so high.”
KJ Smith and her bridal party
Photo by Stanley Babb/ Stanlo Photography
Since everything started with their grandmothers, the couple wanted to ensure they honored them and planned to keep an element of their wedding traditional. Although we’ve all seen the reception videos and photos online, you may have noticed visuals from the wedding itself are harder to find.
“We planned for it to be traditional, but we’re not like that, so we tried to create those moments. We jumped the broom and had a salt ceremony (where the bride and groom individually pour salt into a glass container, symbolizing their lives becoming one.) But honestly, still, nothing was traditional about it.”
She goes on to explain that her mom caught the holy ghost coming down the aisle, her glam team was on deck, and she became so nervous with excitement that she had an anxiety attack – something she struggled with for years, she explains tearfully. Her friends had to literally cheer her down the aisle because of how overwhelmed she felt until she eventually calmed down.
“Skyh was standing there with his hand on his heart; we have our own little language, and I could feel the support,” she shares.
It was surprising to hear all these emotional moments happened before the party we saw online. That is until she once again got into the backstory.
“As a Black woman actress, for so long, it was popular to be mysterious and secretive, but that’s not who I am or what I like. Plus, we both wanted to create an experience for everyone there. We are the people who always host family and friends,” she says. “Like for me, the first order of business was getting sandals for the women so they can dance all night long. We had oxtail, D'ussé, and a coffee and sativa lounge – which is part of Skyh and I’s lifestyle and routine. We wanted to bring them into our world.”
Skyh Black (L) and KJ Smith (R)
Photo by Stanley Babb/ Stanlo Photography
She went on to discuss the dance routine she did for her husband at the reception, which has taken over the internet. Apparently, that’s another thing that didn’t go according to plan. According to KJ, she had promised a performance at their joint bachelor/ bachelorette party, but her outfit got stolen from her car. So, Skyh ended up performing for her – complete with a strip tease. Still, she never forgot her promise to dance for him.
So, she hired her friend as a choreographer, learned the routine, made friends and family watch it endless times, and attended Beyoncé’s Renaissance show a few days before for a confidence boost. It ended up being a show to remember. But that wasn’t all the night offered. Lil Mo performed, and the guests received special goody bags featuring their favorite Black-owned products like journals, hair care, and more.
“We made sure everyone was taken care of all night. That kind of stuff makes us happy. I wanted everyone there to experience the joy and love I have for myself, my partner, and for them. I wanted them to feel full and whole, and they had the time of their lives,” she says.
But naturally, the internet is going to internet, and while there were countless people praising the event and applauding the newlyweds, some thought it was too over the top. I was curious to know her thoughts on some of the criticism.
“It’s cool. We did what we wanted to do. I’ve decided to share my world with people. Just how I went on social media platforms and found inspiration, I want people to do the same,” she explains. “I don’t think it's fair to my supporters not to give that out. There’s so much I wanna share with brides, specifically Black brides. I love that people are adding it to their Pinterest boards."
"I wanted everyone there to experience the joy and love I have for myself, my partner, and for them. I wanted them to feel full and whole, and they had the time of their lives."
KJ Smith
Photo by Stanley Babb/ Stanlo Photography
“I’m happy with it because we did what we wanted to do. They can do what they wanna do. Don’t be cruel, though, because you will get blocked,” she said, laughing.
The more I spoke with her, the more her sense of freedom shined through. People are always going to have their opinions, but at the end of the day, it’s you who has to live your life, and it seems like the couple realizes that and embraces that power. She also stressed the importance of not living for others and the lessons life has taught her.
“I’ve been to countless weddings, and I’ve been in countless weddings. I’m a generally older bride. So when women in my demographic get married, and you and your husband are busy working people like us, you deserve to have the one you want to have,” she shares.
“This is what we wanted to do. Our loved ones love and support us. We did so much to honor them, but we also wanted to start our own tradition, legacy, and creation. I'm not going to be pulled back into ideas of the past when I’m trying to create a future with my partner. “
If you’d like to see more of the couple, you probably won’t have to wait long. Although no content is planned yet, she admits to being an oversharer. “Me being open and transparent about my experiences lets people know it’s okay to have flaws; it makes you human, and for many years, I didn’t believe that was okay. I had pressure to be perfect, and I’d crumble every time,” she explains to xoNecole.
Now, she owns her flaws and uses them as a superpower to connect with her community and feel and express her love.
“Some people give us [Skyh and KJ] a hard time because they say we just seem too perfect. I’m like, why is that a bad thing? I love the people I love. From my man to my mama, to my friends - unabashedly. We move through time and space how we want to move. If we did it another way, we’d let ourselves and our union down.”
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Feature image by Stanley Babb/ Stanlo Photography
Glass skin is a popular Korean beauty term and trend that has taken over many of our For You Pages on TikTok. However, if you’re unfamiliar with the term, glass skin essentially means skin that is so flawless that it looks like a piece of glass. Many Black women have also taken on the trend and shared their skincare recommendations on how they achieve glass skin. Because a lot of Black women deal with similar skincare struggles, such as hyperpigmentation, xoNecole spoke to dermatologists on how they can, too, obtain immaculate skin that gives the appearance of glass.
K’ept Health is a virtual dermatology clinic that provides affordable virtual visits with board-certified dermatologists and skincare consultations with licensed estheticians, helping women reach their skincare goals. Sheena D. Franklin founded K’ept Health with women of color in mind by ensuring that women receive care from dermatologists who are experienced in treating skin of color and holistic care.
@beingcrystalnicolee Affordable glass skin routine to reduce hyperpigmentation for under $100 | yall asked for a more affordable skin routine & here it is! @Good Molecules cleanser $12 and brightening toner $14 @The Ordinary hyaluronic acid $9, ascorbic acid (form of Vit C) $12, and retinol emulsion $11 @Black Girl Sunscreen moisturizer + spf $16 #affordableskincare #affordableskincareroutine #hyperpigmentation #fyp #hyperpigmentationtips #skincare101 #skincaretips #skincareroutine #skincareproducts
“The number one concern we routinely hear is acne coupled with postinflammatory hyperpigmentation, followed closely by hair loss,” Franklin said.
Franklin, along with her medical advisors, Dr. Chesahna Kindred, MD, MBA FAAD, and Dr. Keira Barr, MD, works to address challenges many women of color face “while centering the experience of Black women.” Below, the K’ept Health team gives us a step-by-step process of achieving glass skin.
PixelCatchers/ Getty Images
Hydration
According to the K’ept Health team, one of the key things that they tell any client they begin working with is hydrate. “When our team of practitioners works with a client, we first stress the importance of prioritizing healthy skin to achieve glass skin. To achieve glass skin, your skin must have proper hydration and moisture.”
Simplicity
Next, they highlight the importance of finding products that work for your skin type and tone, using sun protection, and using no more than one active product in the morning and one active product at night. “People often overwhelm themselves by using too many products at the same time, resulting in unexpected and unwanted skin reactions,” they explained. “Keep your routine simple and focus on ingredients that promote healthy skin and the glass skin look. The most popular skincare ingredients for achieving glass skin are azelaic acid, alpha hydroxy acid (AHA), beta hydroxy acid (BHA), niacinamide, retinoids, squalene, and vitamin A.”
Customization
Lastly, the K’ept Health team recommends seeing a licensed esthetician who can help customize a routine that is best for your skin, health, and lifestyle. “It can take several weeks or months to see a noticeable change in your skin, especially for those who have acne-prone skin, hyperpigmentation, and oily skin,” they explained. “In these cases, your skin may need professional treatments in addition to an at-home skincare regimen. Achieving glass skin requires regimented discipline, but can be achieved with the right regimen and professional guidance."
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Feature image by Delmaine Donson/ Getty Images