Black Women Professionals Give Us Tips & Tricks For Reducing Anxiety
By show of hands, who here feels like they're slowly going nuts sitting in the house all day, everyday? You? You? I think I see a few hands in the back. I can confidently say that, at least, 80 percent of people I know are just about ready to lose their minds. At this point, we just want to go outside. I found myself looking outside of the window in my boyfriend's apartment for the fourth time today and constructing a fictional narrative for everyone on the block. I may have created a show better than Courtney Kemp's Power in my mind, but boredom strikes creativity. Actually, it's not boredom, it's angst. I'm envious that certain people in the world don't care enough about their own health to stay inside per the orders of the local police, the government and the president of the United States.
For those of us who are trying to take this quarantine thing "day-by-day" and staying our asses indoors, I've got just the thing for you. I spoke with entrepreneurs, mental health professionals and medical experts about combating anxiety and stress during COVID-19.
In a world where we're feeling out of control, what are some ways people can feel more in control?
Step Up Your Self-Care Game:
Kelley Green, International Yoga Instructor & Self-Love Enthusiast
"Journal your thoughts, speak to someone you trust like a therapist or life coach, calm your body's response to stress with breath-work, yoga, or meditation, and/or form new mental shifts that lead to you having a more positive outlook on life, like practicing gratitude."
Sit Close To The Window While You Work:
Yasmine Jameelah, CEO & Founder of Transparent Black Girl
"Studies show that decreased sun exposure has been associated with a drop in serotonin levels, which can lead to depression. When my face hits the sun as I work, it makes me feel like I'm still connected to the world. Also, create a bomb playlist to work to that soothes you - Solange, Amerie, Earth, Wind, & Fire, and Lucky Daye are in heavy rotation for me right now."
Log Off Or Turn Off The Information:
Joi Britt, Podcast Host, The Joi of Social Work
"It is important to be informed but there is something about too much information that can make you anxious or fearful of honestly something we cannot control. When we are thinking about the lack of control that we have, it is also important to remember there are things in life we still can control and that might not have changed as drastically."
Remember You Have Full Control Over Your Internal Space:
Erica James-Strayhorn, Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist and Owner of Erica James Counseling, LLC
"You can remind yourself [that you have full control of your internal space] by reciting affirmations or mantras. This is also a great time to maybe redecorate or re-arrange furniture in your home. Also, maybe letting go of items that no longer serve you."
Focus On Getting Grounded & Centered:
Eliza Boquin, MA, LMFT, Co-Founder of Melanin & Mental Health, LLC
"It's easy to feel overwhelmed and out of control. This is the perfect time to focus on activities centered around regulating what is happening in your body. Start with moving your body--walk, a jog, dance. Moving your body is an excellent way to move emotions out of your body, boost your mood, and regulate your nervous system."
Writing Your Thoughts Down:
Jay Blessed, Podcaster, “IN MY HEAD” & Mental Health Advocate
"I started a #QuarantineWriting group on Instagram where I challenge my friends to 15 minutes of daily writing. Writing can be so cathartic during painful times but the therapeutic qualities of putting your thoughts down on paper or your phone's notepad are beyond valuable. This creative act has pushed me to address my emotions, to call it by name and to let them go."
Talk To Your Spirit/Higher Power:
Brianne Cash, Editor-in-Chief, Sad Girls Club + Sad Moms Club
"My meditations with Spirit have involved deeper, more intense conversation, fluid body movement and energy pulls; I listen with both my heart and ears open. We are all in an incubation period. We are all cocooning and as scary as times may seem right now, Spirit says not to worry-- a new world is on the way."
Continue Your Normal Routine:
Tiffany L. Mayers, MSW, LCSW, Mental Health Advocate & Clinician
"If you routinely work out at the gym, try working out at home or outside, if the weather permits. With anxiety, maintaining a sense of normalcy is very important. Loss of control can be a major trigger so you want to keep with a routine to help with reducing stress."
Stay In Gratitude:
Shevon Jones, MSW, Social Worker & Founder of the Mental Wellness Collective
"Gratitude interrupts anxiety. It allows for you to focus on all that you are grateful for and only that. So often we go through life aimlessly ignoring the things that feed us life and keep us going daily. In times of crisis it is important to focus on what you are grateful for. Each morning pick five things you are grateful for to set the tone for the day. And, every time you feel yourself getting anxious or overwhelmed, think back to what you are grateful for. It is hard to focus on negative thoughts and positive ones at the same time."
Get Organized:
Camryn Triplett, Mental Health Advocate & Communications Manager, Silence The Shame
"With so much uncertainty around us, find comfort in controlling the things around you. Now is the time to reorganize your bathroom, closet, kitchen, etc."
Gain Control Of Your Sex Life:
Tatyannah King, Sex Blogger, Sex Therapist in Training
"For sex, despite social distancing, couples can still focus on more sexting and phone sex. They can text their partner re-describing their favorite sexual experience together or do a creative challenge in which they go back and forth, daring each other to pose a certain way in their nudes without repeating any ideas."
Featured image by Yasmine Jameelah
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Exclusive: Gabrielle Union On Radical Transparency, Being Diagnosed With Perimenopause And Embracing What’s Next
Whenever Gabrielle Union graces the movie screen, she immediately commands attention. From her unforgettable scenes in films like Bring It On and Two Can Play That Game to her most recent film, in which she stars and produces Netflix’s The Perfect Find, there’s no denying that she is that girl.
Off-screen, she uses that power for good by sharing her trials and tribulations with other women in hopes of helping those who may be going through the same things or preventing them from experiencing them altogether. Recently, the Flawless by Gabrielle Union founder partnered with Clearblue to speak at the launch of their Menopause Stage Indicator, where she also shared her experience with being perimenopausal.
In a xoNecoleexclusive, the iconic actress opens up about embracing this season of her life, new projects, and overall being a “bad motherfucker.” Gabrielle reveals that she was 37 years old when she was diagnosed with perimenopause and is still going through it at 51 years old. Mayo Clinic says perimenopause “refers to the time during which your body makes the natural transition to menopause, marking the end of the reproductive years.”
“I haven't crossed over the next phase just yet, but I think part of it is when you hear any form of menopause, you automatically think of your mother or grandmother. It feels like an old-person thing, but for me, I was 37 and like not understanding what that really meant for me. And I don't think we focus so much on the word menopause without understanding that perimenopause is just the time before menopause,” she tells us.
Gabrielle Union
Photo by Brian Thomas
"But you can experience a lot of the same things during that period that people talk about, that they experienced during menopause. So you could get a hot flash, you could get the weight gain, the hair loss, depression, anxiety, like all of it, mental health challenges, all of that can come, you know, at any stage of the menopausal journey and like for me, I've been in perimenopause like 13, 14 years. When you know, most doctors are like, ‘Oh, but it's usually about ten years, and I'm like, ‘Uhh, I’m still going (laughs).’”
Conversations about perimenopause, fibroids, and all the things that are associated with women’s bodies have often been considered taboo and thus not discussed publicly. However, times are changing, and thanks to the Gabrielle’s and the Tia Mowry’s, more women are having an authentic discourse about women’s health. These open discussions lead to the creation of more safe spaces and support for one another.
“I want to be in community with folks. I don't ever want to feel like I'm on an island about anything. So, if I can help create community where we are lacking, I want to be a part of that,” she says. “So, it's like there's no harm in talking about it. You know what I mean? Like, I was a bad motherfucker before perimenopause. I’m a bad motherfucker now, and I'll be a bad motherfucker after menopause. Know what I’m saying? None of that has to change. How I’m a bad motherfucker, I welcome that part of the change. I'm just getting better and stronger and more intelligent, more wise, more patient, more compassionate, more empathetic. All of that is very, very welcomed, and none of it should be scary.”
The Being Mary Jane star hasn’t been shy about her stance on therapy. If you don’t know, here’s a hint: she’s all for it, and she encourages others to try it as well. She likens therapy to dating by suggesting that you keep looking for the right therapist to match your needs. Two other essential keys to her growth are radical transparency and radical acceptance (though she admits she is still working on the latter).
"I was a bad motherfucker before perimenopause. I’m a bad motherfucker now, and I'll be a bad motherfucker after menopause. Know what I’m saying? None of that has to change. How I’m a bad motherfucker, I welcome that part of the change."
Gabrielle Union and Kaavia Union-Wade
Photo by Monica Schipper/Getty Images
“I hope that a.) you recognize that you're not alone. Seek out help and know that it's okay to be honest about what the hell is happening in your life. That's the only way that you know you can get help, and that's also the only other way that people know that you are in need if there's something going on,” she says, “because we have all these big, very wild, high expectations of people, but if they don't know what they're actually dealing with, they're always going to be failing, and you will always be disappointed. So how about just tell the truth, be transparent, and let people know where you are. So they can be of service, they can be compassionate.”
Gabrielle’s transparency is what makes her so relatable, and has so many people root for her. Whether through her TV and film projects, her memoirs, or her social media, the actress has a knack for making you feel like she’s your homegirl. Scrolling through her Instagram, you see the special moments with her family, exciting new business ventures, and jaw-dropping fashion moments. Throughout her life and career, we’ve seen her evolve in a multitude of ways. From producing films to starting a haircare line to marriage and motherhood, her journey is a story of courage and triumph. And right now, in this season, she’s asking, “What’s next?”
“This is a season of discovery and change. In a billion ways,” says the NAACP Image Award winner. “The notion of like, ‘Oh, so and so changed. They got brand new.’ I want you to be brand new. I want me to be brand new. I want us to be always constantly growing, evolving. Having more clarity, moving with different purpose, like, and all of that is for me very, very welcomed."
"I want you to be brand new. I want me to be brand new. I want us to be always constantly growing, evolving. Having more clarity, moving with different purpose, like, and all of that is for me very, very welcomed."
She continues, “So I'm just trying to figure out what's next. You know what I mean? I'm jumping into what's next. I'm excited going into what's next and new. I'm just sort of embracing all of what life has to offer.”
Look out for Gabrielle in the upcoming indie film Riff Raff, which is a crime comedy starring her and Jennifer Coolidge, and she will also produce The Idea of You, which stars Anne Hathaway.
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Feature image by Mike Lawrie/Getty Images
If you are looking to bring a little spice into your life, dating a fire sign is the way to do it. These bold lovers are confident enough to take the lead but may surprise you with how generous they are as well. Fire signs are the heat, the passion, the charisma, and the heart of the zodiac. They are often the initiators in love, and don’t mind making the first move. The three fire signs: Aries, Leo, and Sagittarius, love uniquely in their own way, but all have a lasting impact on those they meet.
You can feel a fire sign’s energy from a mile away, and getting close to them on a romantic level is a whole other type of heat.
Fire Signs in Love: What Is It Like To Date a Fire Sign?
Dating a fire sign is exciting, heartfelt, intense, and sexy. Fire signs are some of the most independent of the zodiac signs, yet they are also some of the most loyal. Their inner fire will warm your heart, but treat them badly, and it can just as easily burn. Due to fire signs' nature of feeling everything a little more heightened, they make empathic lovers, but they can also let their feelings overwhelm them and become easily irrational or agitated.
Fire signs can get heated quickly, and dating an unevolved one can get messy as they love to put on a show. They need a partner who is a good balance to their fierce nature, but someone who isn’t going to put out their inner fire in the process.
When it comes to who fire signs are looking to date, they look for partners who can love just as passionately as they can, and expect an unwavering type of loyalty. They are also looking for confident lovers, as they aren’t one to play games or beat around the bush. They are the type of partner to be your biggest cheerleader and will support you in all your endeavors, building up your self-esteem in the process.
These lovers are ready to risk it all when it comes to their relationships and love, and dating them is a fun adventure, to say the least. These are creative, confident, romantic, and heart-warming souls, and dating a fire sign is inspiring.
Dating an Aries
Aries are independent lovers. They are free spirits that are a little hard to settle down with, as most fire signs are, yet you will know how much they are willing to give and put into the relationship through their efforts. You have to be going at the same pace as them in life, and they need to see you as someone who can keep up with them to gain their respect and commitment. Aries have a vision when it comes to their life and love, and are looking for a partner that aligns with their plans or goals that they have for themselves.
Aries, at their best, are loyal and exciting; at their worst, they are competitive and brash.
When it comes to dating an Aries, they want to do things that keep their energy moving and stimulate them. They are fun lovers and are constantly doing things as a young soul does, fueling their spirit. Aries doesn’t want to feel restricted or limited in any way and seek relationships where there is a certain amount of freedom, which in turn sometimes leads them into emotionally unavailable relationships. An evolved Aries seeks their balance and finds themselves in long-lasting partnerships where they can still feel authentically themselves.
Dating an Aries is a compelling adventure.
Learn how an Aries pairs with each sign of the zodiac in love here.
Dating a Leo
Dating a Leo is like entering a rom-com movie. Leos are bold, outspoken, and dramatic lovers. They tend to prefer a spotlight on them, but when it comes to love, they are usually willing to share the stage. Leos want a grand love. They are all about outrageous romantic gestures, complete and utter loyalty, and a little spice. Leos want to be adored, and when you are dating one, they want all of your attention to be on them. Evolved Leos understand they cannot be the center of everyone's world, but Leo’s still going through their love journey may find themselves entertaining drama and controlling the scenario.
Leo’s, at their best, are playful and loving; at their worst, they are irrational and disruptive.
All in all, however, Leos can make some of the best partners to date as they rule the 5th house, the house of romance, dating, love, and flirtation. They are fun partners and are often the ones planning the dates or outings, and creating an atmosphere that is happy and inviting. They are the type to create an uplifting energy in their relationships, and you can expect a lot of laughs in this pairing. Leos don’t hold back when it comes to most things in life, including love. They will express their love and admiration for you often and will expect the same respect in turn.
Dating a Leo is a statement.
Learn how a Leo pairs with each sign of the zodiac in love here.
Dating a Sagittarius
Sagittariuses are hard to grasp, but if they decide to let you into their world, you’ll find a space of wonder, adventure, and magic. There are many different stages a Sagittarius moves through in love, and as much as they like to do things quickly in all other aspects of their lives, when it comes to dating, they tend to take it more slowly. They are not the type to be in a rush to define the relationship and take their time when opening their heart. You will feel their love, their personality, and their attention, but getting to know their deepest selves, their goals, and their dreams is going to take time for Sagittarius, and they prefer to have some fun with you while they get there.
Sagittarius, at their best, are warm and hopeful; at their worst, they are harsh and disingenuous.
Being ruled by abundant Jupiter, Sagittarius lives larger than life. They want a love that feels like it was destined by the stars, and it needs to make sense and fall into place for them with ease. They are looking for all types of synchronicities and signs when dating you, and once you make it past this stage, they truly have their eyes open to you. Sagittarius wants to go on adventures, learn, travel, and explore the world and you while dating. This is a spontaneous sign, and if you can match their energy of passion and wanderlust, then this is a good match for you when it comes to love.
Dating a Sagittarius is a journey.
Learn how a Sagittarius pairs with each sign of the zodiac in love here.
The Love Compatibility Between A Sagittarius Woman And Leo Man
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Featured image by Milena Magazin/Getty Images