These Black Plant Moms Are Cultivating Self-Care Through Houseplants
If you have an Instagram page, then surely you've seen the growing number of black women getting into the plant game. Since we began quarantining due to the COVID-19 pandemic, the number of black women becoming plant moms has grown exponentially. Caring for plants has propelled itself far past its aesthetic roots, and instead the act of growing, cultivating, and watering something outside of ourselves has become a lifeline, a reminder of normalcy, and an act of self-care. From the Fiddle-leaf fig tree to Bird of Paradise, houseplants have become a reminder of how beautiful growth can be.
Still, for many, having plants was a passion long before we even heard of COVID-19. I reached out to some of these women, women I like to call OG plant moms. During our conversation, we discussed how they got into caring for plants, what plants they love, and tips and tricks for caring for plants just in case you need help like me. Here's the rundown.
Meet the Ladies
Antonia
Antonia, who is a teacher by day, not only cares for her two dogs, she also has over 60 plants. She runs a site called The Modern Plant Lady where she gives you the quick rundown and simple steps to care for your houseplants. Follow Antonia @themodernplantlady.
Chanel
Chanel Anice is a self-proclaimed plant mom, vibe cultivator and yogi. Chanel drops tons of tips and tricks on her Instagram page, so make sure you follow her @chanel.alamode.
Veronica
Veronica, who is known in the houseplant space as The Houseplant Therapist, uses plants for therapy. She's also the creator of #brownskinplantmama. Access a free plant buying guide here and follow her @brownskinplantmama.
How did you develop your green thumb?
Antonia: I developed my green thumb through lots of research and plant conversations with my mother. I spent many hours reading and learning about plants.
Chanel: Growing up, my mom always kept a ton of plants around the house. Like, a lot, even by my standards. But they were just always there so I never paid them much attention— until I bought my first plant (a snake plant) back in 2016. One plant became two, then three and my collection just slowly grew from there! I always say to start with something easy and low-maintenance to boost your confidence. From there, you really can learn a lot from YouTube University! There's a whole thriving plant community on there with a wealth of knowledge. I can be kind of intense and love learning about new things, so there was a period of time where I was literally watching hours of plant videos daily, just completely in awe of their magic!
Veronica: My mother is a master gardener and I grew up with a living room full of houseplants of all different types. There were so many plants you could barely see out of the front window! In addition to our indoor plant collection, we grew food in our outdoor garden. I would help my mother tend to our different fruits and vegetables at a young age, so I guess you could say that my ability to care for plants is an inherited gift that was passed down because, in addition to my mother, I come from a lineage of sharecroppers.
What plants do you find yourself gravitating towards?
Antonia: I find myself gravitating towards big ones! I get excited about anything that's big and green. I love tall plants and ones that spread out wide. I remember the first time I got my hands on a tall Fiddle-leaf fig (taller than me), I was ecstatic! I would walk into my living room and regularly gawk at it. To have something so beautiful in my home made me extremely happy.
Chanel: I have all sorts of plants in my collection, but I always find myself drawn to tropical plants— Monsteras, birds of paradise, ZZ plants, Rubber Plants. Those are a few of my favorites. They make such a bold statement with their striking leaves, and I really love that kind of boho, jungle vibe for my space. Tropical plants are the perfect way to add that flair.
Veronica: I absolutely love pothos and philodendron varieties. Each have their own uniqueness and I love that they can either climb or trail.
"Plants have become a form of self-care for me because they force me to slow down and give them attention. I check on my plants every Wednesday and Saturday. This means that no matter how crazy the week is, right in the middle of it all, I have to take time to check on every plant in my home and give it the care it needs. When Saturday rolls around after an exhausting week, waking up and tending to my plants provides me a sense of calmness and clarity."
How have plants become a form of self-care in your home, especially during these times of COVID-19?
Antonia: Plants have become a form of self-care for me because they force me to slow down and give them attention. I check on my plants every Wednesday and Saturday. This means that no matter how crazy the week is, right in the middle of it all, I have to take time to check on every plant in my home and give it the care it needs. When Saturday rolls around after an exhausting week, waking up and tending to my plants provides me a sense of calmness and clarity. It relaxes me and helps me decompress from the week.
Chanel: My plants have always been a form of self-care for me. They are natural mood-boosters and stress-reducers, which is one of the first things that I noticed when I first started taking care of plants a few years ago. With all the uncertainty in the world, it's so easy to get caught up in thinking about the past or worrying about the future, which is ultimately the root of a lot of the feelings of sadness, worry, and anxiety we might be experiencing. My plants keep me grounded in the moment because you really have to get still and pay attention to learn each plant and her unique needs. Putting that time and energy into taking care of my plants naturally translates into me taking better care of and being kinder to myself. Plus, the simple joy of seeing the plant you've been nurturing putting out a new leaf is like nothing else! All the amazing people and communities I've met through my plant journey have been an unexpected bonus. That sense of connectedness is something that a lot of us are missing while we're stuck at home.
"My plants keep me grounded in the moment because you really have to get still and pay attention to learn each plant and her unique needs. Putting that time and energy into taking care of my plants naturally translates into me taking better care of and being kinder to myself."
Veronica: I truly believe that plants can be used as therapeutic properties for mental emotional and spiritual healing. My sister died unexpectedly in February of 2018. I avoided going to grief therapy for a year and finally embarked on the journey after putting it off for an entire year. Having successfully gone through a year and one month of traditional talk therapy, I ended our relationship (it was amicable) and was met with the responsibility of continuing the hard work I had done over the last year. One week prior to the shutdown, I visited my local nursery to grab some new plants hoping that they would uplift my spirit from the late winter blues.
Little did I know that one trip would not only bring me back to my love for plants, but provide me with a healthy practice to continue my journey of self-love and healing after the intentional work with my therapist. I had lost myself completely when my sister died. I was in a very dark place and didn't have the will to care for myself or anything else (other than my daughter). It was all a divine connection the way plants saved me. Had I not selected the therapist that I did (who had plants all over her office which piqued my interest in them again), I would not have seen and experienced the healing properties of plants and I most certainly would not have a platform that is geared towards helping others find and understand that plant therapy is real! All of this happened unexpectedly during the pandemic as my next necessary pivot. I am humbled to be the vessel to do such divinely inspired empowerment work.
"I truly believe that plants can be used as therapeutic properties for mental emotional and spiritual healing... I had lost myself completely when my sister died. I was in a very dark place and didn't have the will to care for myself or anything else (other than my daughter). It was all a divine connection the way plants saved me."
Can you share any tips or tricks that you’ve learned on your plant journey?
Antonia: Reach out and connect with other plant parents and lovers. There's a wealth of knowledge in the plant community and most plant folks love to talk about plants and help others with their plants. Most plants get overwatered. Go under before over. If you're struggling with a plant, don't give up. Do some research, reach out to plant-loving people and keep trying. Don't be so quick to throw it out and get a new one. Getting to know a new plant takes time. The tips and tricks out there on the web are a great starting point, but sometimes it takes you figuring it out on your own as you get to know your plant. Be patient.
Chanel:It might sound obvious, but when it comes to keeping your plants happy, light and water are really the two most important factors. So, before you choose a plant, take some time to learn your space. Are there lots of trees or tall buildings outside of your window? What type of light does your space get? Watch how the light moves and changes in different rooms throughout the day. Pull out the compass app on your phone and figure out which direction your windows face— a north-facing window is going to get a lot less light than a south- or west-facing window. Then you can choose plants that will actually survive and thrive in your space. Next, I always recommend you get a moisture meter. They're only $12 on Amazon and they basically take all the guesswork out of watering.
Veronica: The most vital tip that I have learned and constantly share is that you must know the conditions of your living space first because going out to buy a ton of plants. If you don't have the environment for your plants to thrive, you will not be successful at keeping them alive. Knowing the lighting situation in your home is so important because it will lessen the headache that comes with trying to care for a plant in the ways it needs. Knowing the lighting situation in your space also allows you to find particular plants that thrive in that environment. Not doing so will cause many headaches down the line so let's avoid that before it becomes an issue (P.S. grow lights are helpful when you don't have the best lighting, but I wouldn't recommend them until one has some care experience under their belt).
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Featured image by Look Studio/Shutterstock
Originally published August 20, 2020
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Erica Green is a Clinical Research Associate, blogger, and a sneakerhead. She has a love for all things women and she's pretty sure that women are God's greatest creation. Connect with her on Instagram @ erica_britt_ or www.lovethegspot.com
Beyond Burnout: Nicole Walters' Blueprint For Achieving Career Success On Your Own Terms
Nicole Walters has always been known for two things: her ambition and her ability to recognize when life’s challenges can also double as an inspiring, lucrative brand.
This was first evident more than a decade ago when she quit her job as the corporate executive of a Fortune 500 company during a Periscope livestream. “I’m not sure if there’s an alignment of [our] future trajectory. I’m going to work for myself. I'm promoting myself to work for myself,” she said at the time before flashing a smile at the viewing audience. As she resigned on camera, a constant stream of encouraging messages floated upwards on the screen.
By 2021, she’d fashioned her work as a corporate consultant and her personal life with her husband and three adopted daughters into a reality show, She’s The Boss, for USA Network. This year, she released the New York Times bestselling memoir Nothing Is Missing, written as she was in the process of getting a divorce and dealing with her eldest daughter’s struggles with substance use.
Convinced that there’s no way the 39-year-old has achieved all of this without intentional strategic planning, I asked her about it when we spoke less than a week before Christmas. I’d seen videos on social media of her working on 2024 planning for other brands, and I wanted to know what that looked like following her own year of success.
She listed a number of goals, including ensuring that the projects she takes on in the new year align with her identity “as a Black woman, as an African woman, as a mother, as someone who has lived a [rebuilding] season and is now trying to live boldly and entirely as themselves.” But, I was shocked by how much of her business planning also prioritized rest.
Despite the bestselling book, a self-titled podcast, and working with numerous corporations, Walters said she’s been taking Fridays off. This year, she doesn’t want to work on Mondays, either.
“A lot of us think we work hard until retirement hits. I want to progress towards retirement,” she said, noting that she’ll check in with herself around March to see how successful this plan has been. The goal, Walters said, is to only be working on Tuesdays and Thursdays by sometime in 2025. “It is intentionally building out what I know I would like to have happen and not waiting for exhaustion to be the trigger of change.”
"A lot of us think we work hard until retirement hits. I want to progress towards retirement... It is intentionally building out what I know I would like to happen and not waiting for exhaustion to be the trigger of change."
Walters said the decision to progressively work less was partially in response to her previously held notions about her career, especially as an entrepreneur. “When I first started, I thought burnout was a part of it,” she said. “What I didn’t realize is that even if you’re able to bounce out of burnout or get back to it, there’s a cumulative impact on your body. If you think of your body as a tree and every time you go through burnout, you are taking a hack out of your trunk, yes, that trunk will heal over, and the tree will continue to grow, but it doesn't mean that you don’t have a weakened stem.”
But, the desire for increased rest was also in response to the major shifts that occurred three years ago when she was experiencing major changes in her family and realized her metaphorical tree was “bending all the way over.”
Courtesy
“One of the things we have to recognize, especially as Black women, is that there is this engrained, societal, systemic notion that our worth is built around our productivity,” she added. “That is some language that I think is just now starting to really get unpacked.” In recent years, there’s been an increased awareness of achieving balance in life, with Tricia Hersey’s “The Nap Ministry” gaining attention based on the idea that rest, especially for Black women, is a form of resistance. Even online phrases such as “soft life” and “quiet quitting” have hinted at a cultural shift in prioritizing leisure over professional ambition.
"One of the things we have to recognize, especially as Black women, is that there is this engrained, societal, systemic notion that our worth is built around our productivity."
If companies are lining up to consult with Walters about their brands and products, then women have been looking to her for guidance on starting over since she invited them to livestream her resignation 12 years ago. As viewers continue to demand more from content creators in the form of intimate, personal details, Walters has navigated her personal brand with a sense of transparency without oversharing the vulnerable details about her life, especially when it comes to her family.
The entrepreneur said she’d been approached to write a book for several years and was initially convinced she was finally ready to write one about business. “I started to do that, and then I went through my divorce. When that happened, I said, why would I write a book telling people to get the life that I have when I’m not sure about the life that I have,” she said.
Instead, she decided to write Nothing Is Missing and provide a closer look at her life, starting with being born to immigrant Ghanaian parents (“You need to know my childhood to know why I’m passionate about entrepreneurship.”) through the adoption of her three daughters and eventual divorce. Despite her desire to share, however, she said she felt protective of the privacy of her family, including her ex-husband.
When discussing this with me, Walters said she was reminded of a lesson she learned from actress Kerry Washington, who released her own memoir, Thicker Than Water, just a week before Walters’ book release. Washington’s memoir grapples with family secrets, too, specifically the fact that she was conceived using a sperm donor and didn’t learn about it until she was already a successful TV star. While Washington reflects on how the decision and subsequent deception impacted her, she’s also careful to hold space for her parents’ experiences, too. “A lot of things she said was that she had to recognize where she was the supporting character and where she was the main character,” Walter said.
This is something Walter worked to do in Nothing Is Missing when discussing her daughter’s struggles with addiction. “I was very intentional about making sure that I did not reveal more than what was required,” she said. “If I say something about someone’s addiction, I don’t need to go into the list of the substances they used, how they used them, what I found. [I don’t need to] walk into a room and paint a picture of what it looked like for people to understand.”
Walters said some of the most vulnerable moments in the book barely made a ripple once it was released. She was extremely nervous to write about getting an abortion, she said. But no one has asked her about this in the months since the book was released. Instead, people have been more interested in quirkier revelations, such as the fact that she once appeared on Wheel of Fortune.
“I have bared my soul about this thing I went through in my youth that has changed me for people, and people are like, ‘So how heavy was the wheel when you spun it?’” she said, chuckling. “It just goes to show that people never worry about the thing that you worry about.”
With the success of Nothing Is Missing, Walters said she still isn’t planning to release a business book at the moment. But, as she navigates parenting a teenager and two adult children while also navigating a relationship with her new fiancé, Walters said she believes she has at least one or two more books to write about her personal journey. “There is sort of an arc of where my life has gone that I know I’ve got something more to say about this that I think is important, relevant and necessary,” she said.
In just three years, Walters’ life has undergone a major transformation. There’s no telling what the next three years will have in store for her, but it seems likely she’ll retain an inspired audience wherever life takes her.
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The Key To True Career Fulfillment Is Healing That Trauma, Sis.
As Black women, we're no strangers to trauma, especially when it comes to our professional lives. And as empowered as many of us are, there are still lingering triggers that are a direct result of trauma. So, this makes taking on a healing journey vital for us, especially when we're ambitious and making big moves in our careers.
"We deserve ease and the mental clarity that comes with resolving the wounds within us–that continue to exist within our families and our communities," said Dr. Mariel Buqué, a trained psychologist and author of Break the Cycle: A Guide To Healing Intergenerational Trauma. "Our addressing the remnants of trauma means that we give ourselves the opportunity to have healthier connections and healthier outcomes in every area of our lives."
I caught up with Dr. Buqué to talk more, in this exclusive interview with xoNecole, about what exactly intergenerational trauma is, how its effects can manifest in the workplace, and how Black women can tap into our higher selves for healing.
Dr. Mariel Buqué
Photo via DrMarielBuqué.com
xoNecole: Your book talks about intergenerational trauma, and I’d love to get more context on how it affects the way we show up at work. What is intergenerational trauma, and how can the effects be reflected in the workplace?
Dr. Mariel Buqué: Intergenerational trauma is the only type of trauma that’s actually handed down the family line. It happens at the intersection of our biology and psychology. … It’s a very comprehensive and complex process by which we are to acquire any kind of genetic imprints from our parents, grandparents, great-grandparents, [and] ancestors who have suffered.
Typically, when we’re conceived, we inherit gene markers that actually are reflective of the emotional pain that the people that came before us have suffered.
xoN: Whoa! That's deep!
MB: I always get that. [Laughs] What that means, in essence, is that it creates a biological vulnerability for us in reference to stress and trauma, so we become more tender and vulnerable to stress, and our emotions become more heightened. Intergenerational trauma shows up at work in multiple ways. We can talk about how it shows up from an individual standpoint. Many Black and Brown women might have already been socialized to self-soothe or take care of themselves, and that leads to the kind of behaviors that reflect hyper-independence and an inability to show any signs of perceived weakness.
In a workplace environment, they might be susceptible to being overburdened with work or having more work put on them because of their hyper-independent behavior. They may engage with folks in a way that may be perceived [as] distant or cold, but in reality, we’re just socialized to be very sturdy, and even when things are happening around us that might unnerve other people, there’s a sturdiness in us that’s there because we’ve had to hold so much—socialized to hold a lot of the burdens that surround us.
"Intergenerational trauma shows up at work in multiple ways. Many Black and Brown women might have already been socialized to self-soothe or take care of themselves, and that leads to the kind of behaviors that reflect hyper-independence and an inability to show any signs of perceived weakness."
xoN: You also detail grounding methods as tools for healing intergenerational trauma. How can we use these methods at work in cases where we’re in situations where we feel triggered due to trauma or where trauma shows up manifested in our workplace interactions?
MB: The sound bath meditations are one of the [tools] I use in my practice because sound bowls emit frequencies that make us feel more calm. They actually create micro-vibrations that help heal both the mind and body.
Sound medicine is not just constricted to sound bowls. We have so many instruments.
xoN: How can we practice grounding while at work? What methods can we use that are office- or work-friendly?
MB: There are three skills that I usually gravitate toward [in helping] people who are really busy, including professionals, to integrate grounding into their day in a way that doesn’t feel like an added task.
There’s a lot that’s happening when we’re doing any one of these practices. I’m very specific about the deep breathing. I think we’ve popularized, ‘Oh girl, go take a breath,’ and people take one or three breaths and think that it’s done. They forget that we’re fighting against the imprints that have been decades—sometimes hundreds of years long—living in our family line. Those imprints are really deeply embedded into our cellular memories. So we need to take at least five minutes to really let our nervous system register, ‘Oh we’re relaxed. We’re trying to relax.’
Usually, people who are very busy say, ‘Who has five minutes?’ and I say, ‘Well, you have 1,440 minutes in the day. If you take five of those minutes, let’s say, at the top of your day, in case you can’t bake it in any time else, you’re already doing so much of the work to help you relieve some of that stored-up tension.’
Humming is a ventral vagal nerve stimulator. In particular, when we hum very low, like a Barry White low, or the ‘Ohm’ sound, derived from Sangsritch. We can sing any song we love—just hum it in a low tone—that already creates that stimulation process.
The third is rocking. When we move slowly to a rhythm and sway back and forth, we’re actually creating that relaxation response. I always like to remind folks, take it back to when you were a baby or toddler and a caregiver—grandma or somebody—was rocking you to sleep. Why did you go to sleep? Because it’s actually stimulated a relaxation response and your mind and body and you felt like you were safe.
There are tangible, acceptable tools that anybody can use at any point and time in their day, and just bake it in. You can do it without anyone noticing.
xoN: You get into the concept of the “intergenerational higher self” in your book as well. What is it, and how can we pursue this or find our higher self in the context of work?
MB: It’s the version of ourselves that’s not deep in trauma but has a higher consciousness and has an elevated mindset. They want to really draw from innate wisdom, but also ancestral wisdom—whatever it is that has made it so that the people who came before us actually made it to overcome. All of that lives in us—both from a biological and a psychological end. We have biological preparedness that helps us to overcome things our ancestors went through. There’s so much in our bodies and minds that holds a lot of true and innate strength.
When we’re presented with circumstances in our work environment that might be triggering or could be challenging, we have an opportunity to tap into that innate wisdom within us and engage in choices that can align with our values, rather than make choices that are coming out of places of trauma. We [need to] tap into our higher self, with greater frequency, on any given day—not when we’re the most stressed out. We need it when we’re the most stressed out, but it’s essential for us to practice just tapping into it every day.
Any one of us will need to actually do some of the work to help soothe ourselves on a regular basis in order to be able to easily tap into that wiser part of ourselves.
When we do the humming, the rocking, and all those things—anything that’s grounding—on a consistent basis, it buys us time. It gives us a 2- to 3-second window between when someone says something out of pocket… to be able to sit with the information, hold it in a way that doesn’t create toxic stress within us, and think about how we’re going to respond. And those 2-3 seconds are gold because it allows that innate wisdom to come in. When we’re settling our nervous system, with greater frequency, on a daily basis, it allows us to buy that time.
Take five minutes of each and every one of those days, and you deposit those five minutes into regenerating your nervous system and the way in which your emotions are structured. Within a year’s time, you’d be able to sit with the emotions you hold much differently than you have in the last four decades.
"When we’re presented with circumstances in our work environment that might be triggering or could be challenging, we have an opportunity to tap into that innate wisdom within us and engage in choices that can align with our values, rather than make choices that are coming out of places of trauma."
xoN: But how do we know or recognize that person? How can those of us who are stuck in patterns or whose interactions are often driven or triggered by trauma even recognize and pursue the “intergenerational higher self”?
MB: It’s really helpful to actually imagine. A lot of us, Black and Brown women, are doing a lot of imaginative work. And that’s the thing, sometimes we have to imagine who these people are because they are a version of ourselves in a future sense. A version of ourselves that has done the healing work, that can walk upright and step into a room with our heads held high and knows what to say and how to settle themselves and all these things. It’s a version of ourselves we have to imagine.
For example, when I first imagined my intergenerational higher self, I knew she had short hair, had glasses. She was surrounded by books. She was independent in her work—meaning she worked with other people but didn’t belong to one particular organization, which I don’t.
She was writing. She also held this wisdom and ability to use her voice. I’m a very introverted person—I’ve always been very shy–but it was a lot of the trauma. I needed to imagine [that version of me] to be able to now be somebody who speaks to crowds, who does the healing work, who writes, has glasses, and has short hair. She’s also the living embody of her grandmother’s wisdom and kindness. All of that is who I’m stepping into, but we have to imagine her first.
To find out more about Dr. Mariel Buqué, and her book, Break the Cycle: A Guide To Healing Intergenerational Trauma, follow her on Instagram or visit her website.
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