I have an ex who used to say, "If you've got to rely on condiments to make your food taste good, it wasn't prepared right in the first place." Say that. And you know what? When it comes to sex, on many levels, I would apply this very point. I mean, when I get the right medium-well steak, it doesn't need Worcestershire sauce marinade; sometimes, I just want it. And when two people are in sync and have good chemistry and sex technique, a sexual condiment isn't required. It is simply the icing on the cake. Quite literally.
Since a condiment is technically defined as being a spice, sauce or particular way a food is prepared in order to enhance its flavor and since what I'm gonna share today are 12 different ways that you can incorporate certain condiments into sex — look at all of these as a way to "enhance" whatever you and your partner already have going on in the bedroom. Because "cake" is already delicious. "Icing" just makes it that much sweeter.
Ah, the icing on the cake. Did you catch the pun (icing? CAKE?). Anyway, frosting can serve as a really cool sex condiment for a couple of reasons. One, it comes in boatloads of different flavors. Two, because it's a much thicker texture than some of the other things that I'm about to discuss, it tends to be easier to clean up because it provides a clean, umm, lick. So, if it's been a minute since you've had frosting on, well, anything, pick up a jar or two at your local grocery store. It could make for a really fun night.
2. Chocolate Syrup
Out of all of the condiments that I plan to shout-out today, I'm thinking that the most predictable one is probably chocolate syrup. Unlike frosting, while it can make for a somewhat messy event (so be careful where you use it), it works because a lot of people like the taste and texture of it. Matter of fact, if you're someone who hates giving oral sex (check out "Sooo...What If You HATE Oral?"), it's the kind of condiment that can make everything so much easier to, well, handle.
3. Caramel Sauce
And what if you are one of the weirdos — sorry, I mean rarities — who loathes chocolate? A great substitute is caramel sauce. While it tends to be thicker than chocolate, if you warm it up a bit and add some butter (more on butter later), that can thin it out. Plus, the warmth can make going this route a little something extra special too.
While I doubt meeting dietary needs is the main focus when it comes to sex condiments, if you're curious about which one is probably the healthiest, I would have to say that it's honey. It's full of antioxidants. It's able to lower your blood pressure. It can even help you to sleep at night.
And while it is super sticky — like SUPER sticky — it tastes wonderful; plus, a little bit goes a really long way. So yeah, for all of these reasons (and more), this sex condiment definitely deserved a shout-out.
5. Whipped Cream
Something that a lot of movies promote, when it comes to sex scenes, is whipped cream. It makes sense on a few levels because it's got a delicate kind of sweetness to it and, if you don't want anything that tastes super heavy, it's light in texture too. Plus, in this case, you've got two options because you can either go with whipped cream that comes in small tubs and goes in the freezer or whipped cream that's in a can. Personally, I think it's more of a fun factor than anything because whipped cream does get sticky once it dries and it has a tendency to leave a milky scent on your skin until you wash it all off. Still, it's another option and definitely not one to turn your nose up about.
Personally, I think it's kind of crazy that prepared fruit, in the form of jelly/jam/preserves, doesn't get more love in this kind of sex space. If you look for jelly or jam at your local grocery store, there are plenty of different flavors, you can apply it at room temperature or put it in the fridge for a couple of hours first to make it chilly, and it's got a texture that is unlike anything else on this list. If fruit is one of your favorite things, using jelly/jam/preserves (that you can also make at home, by the way) is something to definitely incorporate into one of your other…favorite things.
7. Fruit Puree
At the end of the day, all fruit puree has in it is fruit and some sort of sweetener. You know what this means, right? You can stop by the store, pick up a favorite fruit along with some honey, brown sugar or whatever your sweetener of choice is, throw it all in a blender and you're good to go.
I actually like fruit puree a lot because you're able to customize the taste and texture and, to a certain extent, the temp too. I know this particular sex condiment doesn't typically come up in conversation. Stick with me. I'll take you places. #wink
8. Condensed Milk
Bet you didn't see this one coming; at the same time, whoever bakes on the regular can probably get exactly where I am coming from. While you do indeed need to like the taste of milk and not mind it being way thicker and super sweet in order for this to tantalize you, don't sleep on condensed milk. If you dip it into your favorite fruit and then rub it on each other — your life will never be the same, sis.
9. Cinnamon Oil
Remember how I said in the intro that condiments are sauces or spices (or a kind of preparation) that are meant to give something a specific taste or enhance the flavor of it? Back in my gettin'-it-in days, I was a huge fan of cinnamon oil. It's sweet. It's spicy. And it provides a bit of a natural heat sensation that can stimulate both parties simultaneously. Whenever I suggest this to couples, something that they will ask is if the oil burns. Well, for one thing, none of these condiments need to be going up inside of folks (for a myriad of reasons). Secondly, no. However, if you want to dilute the oil with a bit of coconut oil, just for safe measure, I totally get it.
10. Flavored Butter
Butter is a trip because, while I don't personally know anyone who just eats spoonfuls of it at a time, I do think that most of us can definitely vouch for the fact that butter makes everything better. Sex ain't exempt. The key is to make sure you go with a flavored kind. For instance, Land O' Lakes has butter that comes in honey and cinnamon spice flavors. They're tasty. They're smooth. And they melt semi-slowly. All three points are big wins. Or, if you'd prefer, you can make your own flavored butter from the comfort and convenience of your house. If this is something that you'd like to try, Happy Money Saver has three sweet recipes that you can test out for yourself right here.
11. Sweet Spice
This condiment is awesome; then add tax. The reason why I say that is because you can make it at home, put it into a jar that has a sprinkle lid and lightly sprinkle it onto your partner and lick it off — no muss, no fuss. And just what is in sweet spice? Stuff like vanilla beans, cinnamon, ginger, dried orange peels and nutmeg.
Out of all of the condiments on this list, it's probably the most drama-free in the messiness department. Anyway, if you wanna test it out for yourself, you can cop a recipe here (feel free to add or remove ingredients to your liking).
12. Ice Cream
Something that can really turn you and your partner on is switching up drastic temperatures during oral sex and intercourse. A really amazing and delicious way to do that is with the help of ice cream. The combination of the warmth of your mouth and the coolness of the creamy dessert can make for a truly unmatched experience. Just keep in mind that ice cream melts fast, it's also sticky and it will definitely require you washing your sheets immediately after. But if you're down, it's a sex condiment that can make for an unforgettable evening. Undeniably so.
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