Black Women Travelers Share Their Best And Worst Travel Experiences
It's always good to be able to get a warning or preview of travel experiences before booking a trip. Who wants to spend hard-earned money traveling somewhere only to find that they've gotten themselves into a horrible, unsafe, or unsavory experience that could've been avoided? And if you love to travel or are looking for your next vacay spot, you've probably come across lists detailing the best and worst countries for Black women via your IG Explore page or your YouTube suggestions.
Black women have been leading the charge in shifting the narrative on travel as of late, framing it as a great way to expand our horizons, find a better quality of life, or reach extraordinary personal milestones. And with the challenges of COVID and the recent national epidemic of police brutality, some have decided that relocating abroad is the best move. Whether you're simply planning your next vacay or looking to make a major life change, take a nod from other experienced travel lovers. That's the beauty of the Black female travel tribe.
(Oh, and this list is neither to discourage nor overly encourage visiting any city or country, but to offer a diverse perspective to help you make your own sound decisions for what's best for you during your travel journey.)
NICOLE GRIMES, PH.D., Educator, New York
Nicole is an education consultant and founder of Carib Biz Network who has traveled to 40 countries including Zambia, St. Lucia, Chile, and New Zealand. "We will at times encounter things or people that stand counter to our values or belief systems, but the goal is to move in understanding and respect," she says.
BEST: Portugal
I recently came back from a multiple-stop Euro-trip where I visited Portugal for the first time. It was a phenomenal surprise! First, it's all things Western Europe but at a more affordable price point. The colorful tuk-tuks and trams that traveled up and down hilly Lisbon added so much old-world charm to the city.
If you're a seafood lover, the food there is everything. Octopus, sardines, cuttlefish, and shrimp are served practically everywhere. The most awesome part was seeing so much diversity. Lots of melanin everywhere!
The most amazing day trip I did was to a village called Sintra, a whimsical, hilly town with palaces and castles. Visiting the world-famous Pena Palace was like stepping into a fairytale. It's a must-see!
NOT SO GREAT: The United Arab Emirates (UAE)
I have been to the UAE twice, once in 2013 and then in 2015, and I really wouldn't return with any degree of fervor. Traveling solo as a woman of color in Muslim countries comes with certain challenges. I remember—whether it was trying to get a taxi, interacting with front desk staff at my hotel, or just walking the streets and asking questions—men were often rude and sometimes menacing.
There were male taxi drivers who didn't want to give me change back. Store clerks also tried to rob me and grew belligerent when I asked questions. A lot of times they had attitudes like, 'How dare you question me, woman?!'
I quickly realized that I had to remember where I was and not prance around with any degree of what could be interpreted as arrogance. I just tried to move in patience. It was what it was. My safety was way more important.
JENNIFER HENDERSON, Travel Influencer, Washington, D.C. Area
Jennifer is a makeup lover and foodie whose platform, Lipsticks and Passports, covers unique ways to affordably appease your travel bug and all that comes with prepping for your next adventure. She's been to more than a dozen countries, including Iceland, the Netherlands, and Ethiopia. "If it's your first time traveling, find a list of things to know for first-time travelers," she tells xoNecole. "It will be a lifesaver!"
BEST: Mexico
Isla Holbox has a totally different vibe than Cancun or Cozumel. It's way more chill. There are flamingos, friendly people, clear water, and $1 tacos! Does it get any better than that? I spent the majority of the time laid up on the beach drinking cheap champagne, but I did venture out and do an island tour, and I explored the local food scene. Everyone on the island was pretty friendly and they were definitely helpful, especially when it came to translating.
Oh, and since there are no cars on the island, there is minimal smog, so you can see the stars!
I live in a city, so seeing stars is a rare occurrence! I [was tempted to book] another trip to visit the island before my first visit to Mexico even ended.
NOT SO GREAT: Canada
I can't say I have ever had a bad experience traveling, per se, but I have had several interesting experiences in various countries. My most memorable experience was in 2016 in Vancouver, Canada. It was my first time traveling internationally. I was headed to Sydney, Australia, and I had a four-hour layover in Vancouver.
I was scared and confused because I couldn't find the gate for my flight on my boarding pass. I had no idea what I was doing. So, I walked up to a woman who looked like she would know how to help me. She grabbed her purse as If I was about to rob her.
The entire time I was there I noticed various people staring and pointing any time I made eye contact. I ended up finding a customer service desk and asked about my boarding pass. They were able to help.
NGOZI OGBANNA, Tech Professional, New York
Ngozi enjoys her work as a growth marketer and has proudly visited "20 countries and counting!" including Jamaica, Indonesia, and Kenya. For Black women looking to take their next trip, she adds, "Ultimately, be aware of your surroundings, stay street smart, and know that isolated incidents are not representative of your entire travel experience."
BEST: Ghana
I've had amazing experiences across a number of continents and countries, but one of my absolute favorite experiences was visiting Ghana during the "Year of the Return" festivities in 2019. Africa in December is the best—and typically most expensive—time to visit since it's when most people return home to see family, attend weddings, and of course, party into the new year.
My trip felt like a homecoming: lots of fabulous Black people from all over the world connecting, vibing, luxuriating, and enjoying the sights, food, culture, and music of Accra.
I can definitely picture myself living in Accra—going to the beaches, hanging out at rooftop bars, enjoying the concerts, and hiking across waterfalls and jungle canopy walks.
NOT SO GREAT: Argentina
I went to both Patagonia and Buenos Aires. While it was a diverse group of people, I was the only Black person on the trip. I was also one of the very few Black people, in general, in the Patagonia region during my entire trip.
I definitely stood out—Black Girl Magic!—and it was very awkward to get blatant stares from some of the locals, especially having one man point at me—in surprise, but still rudely—and say 'la negra,' which means 'Black woman,' because he clearly doesn't see many of us in his day-to-day life.
I did not, however, let that sour my overall trip nor my desire to travel to more remote regions (like mountain regions in Peru, for example) because I will make the best of any situation.
CHARMAINE RADWAY, Regulatory Specialist, Florida
Along with her day job, Charmaine hosts her own podcast, Kulcha Shock Abroad, and serves as director of Yawd Cards, a fun game that pays homage to her Jamaican heritage. She's been to 30 countries including Costa Rica, Cuba, and Belgium. "Visit everywhere with an open mind," she urges. "Someone else may have a terrible experience and hate a country or city. You may go and have the time of your life!"
BEST: Turkey
It was an unexpected love-at-first-sight destination. You know those places where you get off the plane and the excitement starts but continues throughout the trip and you are devastated to leave? Yeah, that one! The food, for me, puts it in the top five places I've been.
The beach towns are quieter and just as beautiful as many other coastal European cities. The people were unbelievably welcoming and nice, and as a Black woman, I never felt uncomfortable at all.
If you are a geology or ruins junkie like me, this country is definitely a must-go.
NOT SO GREAT: United Kingdom
I experienced blatant racism for the first time on my first long-haul trip there at 16. I never forgot being followed around museums or while shopping on Bond Street.
It left a bad taste in my mouth, and although I live in the U.S. where these things happen all the time, that experience as a teenager shaped the way I felt about being Black for a very long time.
Gladly, I resumed traveling extensively in my 30s and have since embraced Blackness and Caribbean culture. I have not been back to London since, but I will within a year!
DAVIDA SELBY, Entrepreneur, Georgia
Davida is the founder of the skincare and lifestyle brand, Katelynn and Adwoa, and she's traveled to South Africa, Cambodia, and Germany, to name a few.
BEST: Ghana
The experience starts as soon as I get off the airplane at Kotoka International Airport. Each person makes it a point to say "Akwaaba" which means "Welcome Back."
The amazing food, beautiful beaches, top fashion, and culture, in general, all add to the amazing experience that I always have in Ghana, but specifically as a Black woman, it feels good to travel to a country with billboards and ads of women who look like me.
Knowing that I am safe to roam by myself, can sit at a restaurant, or even walk into any bar without being harassed puts Ghana at the top of my favorite countries to explore. I book all of the tourist tours to Cape Coast, Kakum National Park, local festivals, shopping at the night market, and of course restaurant- and bar-hopping.
NOT SO GREAT: France
I've traveled to Paris two times. The first time was in 2007 for work, and I had a terrible experience. I left my hotel and decided to explore the city on my own. When the cab pulled up in front of me, I proceeded to get in when a man started yelling and cursing at me in French, pushed me out of the way, and proceeded to get in the cab I hailed. No one helped. No one at the restaurants was welcoming or warm at all.
Between all of the cigarette smoke everywhere, the blunt, rude attitudes of the locals, and the language barrier, I did not have a good experience in Paris.
The second time I went was in 2011, and this time I was with my mom, sister, and best friends. The experience was about the same: bad customer service, rude locals, and just an overall feeling of not being welcome.
Nevertheless, [I think] I would have been able to navigate a bit better had I learned the language. And going with a group of friends is a good idea. I wouldn't recommend Paris for solo travelers. Also, search #BlackParis on Instagram before visiting. It gives a list of cool Black-owned restaurants and tours in Paris.
Featured image via Getty Images
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ItGirl 100 Honors Black Women Who Create Culture & Put On For Their Cities
As they say, create the change you want to see in this world, besties. That’s why xoNecole linked up with Hyundai for the inaugural ItGirl 100 List, a celebration of 100 Genzennial women who aren’t afraid to pull up their own seats to the table. Across regions and industries, these women embody the essence of discovering self-value through purpose, honey! They're fierce, they’re ultra-creative, and we know they make their cities proud.
VIEW THE FULL ITGIRL 100 LIST HERE.
Don’t forget to also check out the ItGirl Directory, featuring 50 Black-woman-owned marketing and branding agencies, photographers and videographers, publicists, and more.
THE ITGIRL MEMO
I. An ItGirl puts on for her city and masters her self-worth through purpose.
II. An ItGirl celebrates all the things that make her unique.
III. An ItGirl empowers others to become the best versions of themselves.
IV. An ItGirl leads by example, inspiring others through her actions and integrity.
V. An ItGirl paves the way for authenticity and diversity in all aspects of life.
VI. An ItGirl uses the power of her voice to advocate for positive change in the world.
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Do You Want To Be A Wife? Or Do You Just Want To Have A Wedding?
Even though it’s my life, sometimes I look at it and totally trip out over certain things.
For instance, even though I am aware that both Hebrew and African cultures put a lot of stock in the name of a child (because they believe it speaks to their purpose; so do I) and I know that my name is pretty much Hebrew for divine covenant, it’s still wild that in a couple of years, I will have been working with married couples for a whopping two decades — and boy, is it an honor when they will say something like, “Shellie, we’ve seen [professionally] multiple people and no one has been nearly as effective as you have been.”
Yep, me. Little ole’ never-been-married-before me. Yeah, y’all better quit letting people tell you what you’re called to do in this world. That is between you and the One who made you.
Okay, but let me stay on track. When it comes to the engaged couples specifically, who have crossed my path, something that I believe I’ve said to each and every one of them (especially the bride-to-be) is — “You better enjoy every single minute of your wedding day because you deserve a big ‘ole party for all of the work that you’re about to do.” And then I look at the woman as intensely as I can and say, “And you? Remember, you are a bride for a day. You are a wife for the rest of your life.”
Why do I emphasize that point so much? It’s because those two things are not one and the same. Hmph. Let me tell it, a huge reason why 70 percent of divorces are initiated by women, however, is because a lot of them think that it is. And so, in the effort to do my part to help make marriages last longer and cause the divorce rate to go down, I think it’s important for more women to ponder if they really want to be a wife — or if they just want to throw a big party (a wedding), go on a trip (a honeymoon) and not much more than that.
Buckle in. This one might be a bit of a ride (for some, at least).
It’s Time to Stop “Living for the Fairy Tale”
GiphyIf you’ve been reading my content for a while (and if so, thank you), it will not shock you in the least that I’ve spent many years studying the origins of things as they directly relate to marriage. I know that the engagement ring is not about love but about a jewelry company that was about to go bust. So, they came up with the slogan “A diamond is forever” and then made some serious bank from it (you can read about that here).
I know that white wedding dresses have nothing to do with purity and virtue; in fact, women in the Bible often wore lots of bright colors during their more-than-one-day wedding celebrations. Actually, white comes from Queen Victoria making it famous back in the 1840s. I also know that a lot of people were pretty obsessed with evil spirits back in the day because things like wearing a wedding veil and bridesmaids wearing the same dresses were all about hiding from said spirits. Another pretty popular wedding day tradition? Well, I’ll just let you read Insider’s “Here's the horrifying truth about why grooms carry brides across the threshold,” if you’re interested.
And as far as marriage goes, don’t even get me started on the whole “I’m living for the fairy tale” narrative that gets pushed incessantly. I’ve said in other articles before that "fairy tale" literally means “a story, usually for children, about elves, hobgoblins, dragons, fairies, or other magical creatures” and “an incredible or misleading statement, account, or belief.” Who wants to live for childish stories that are incredibly misleading? And the ones that have a character like Prince Charming in it? The Bible literally says that “charm is deceitful” (Proverbs 31:30).
Know what else the Bible says? It states that death and life are in the power of the tongue (Proverbs 18:21). So, what’s up with all of this wedding/marriage rhetoric that’s so popular and also, so… “silly” is the first word that comes to mind, “unrealistic” is the second and “unnecessary” is the third?
Why are there so many expectations, especially when it comes to the wedding day, that push folks to the point where a whopping 49 percent of couples end up going into debt right after jumping the broom — all because they wanted to live for the fairy tale and throw a big party that they basically couldn’t afford? SMDH.
It really is wild, just how much human nature tends to do things without even really knowing WHY it does it — even when it comes to marriage. And so, if you are someone who desires this type of union, be honest with yourself: what is your “why”?
When it comes to becoming a wife someday, WHY do you want to do that?
A man needing to spend three times his salary on an engagement ring, WHY?
When it comes to having a big traditional wedding, WHY is it necessary?
Marriage is a goal for you (and don’t get me wrong, marriage is a beautiful thing) — WHY is that the case?
When it comes to being married, WHY do you think it will better serve you than your single state?
Motivational speaker Eric Thomas once said, “When you find your ‘why’, you will find a way to make it happen.” And when it comes to something as big (and supposed to be lifetime lasting) as marriage, perhaps a big part of the reason WHY so many of them do not go the distance is because there aren’t enough “why” questions, on the front end, that are asked (which is why you should partake in premarital counseling before your wedding day). Oh, but there should be.
Because saying “why” you want a huge wedding is nothing more than “because I want to” or “why” you chose the man that you did is simply “I love him” — I’ve been doing this couples work thing long enough to assure you that those answers simply aren’t good enough. You need to know what it means to be a wife and why a marriage and a wedding are not the same thing…not by the longest country mile that you can imagine.
What It Means to Be a Wife
GiphyIf you’ve been reading my content for a while now, you know that I’m good for throwing some Scripture in; it’s a part of my foundation and I make no apologies for it. And so, when it comes to what it means to be a wife, the first word that’s used to define it in the Bible is “helpmate” (Genesis 2:18). A helpmate is a companion, a helper and someone who assists another individual — in this case, a husband.
While we’re here, a helper is not helping unless the help is actually needed and it’s good. Lawd, I can’t tell you how many wife clients I’ve had who have totally missed that part. So, what does “good help” look like?
- A good helper ASKS the person they are assisting what they need.
- A good helper does not try to control another person or make them do what they want.
- A good helper gets that needs can shift based on what is transpiring at any given time.
- A good helper makes things easier and less stressful.
- A good helper learns how to master good listening, effective communication, and wise timing.
And yes, in many ways, this is what it means to be a good wife. So, if you are someone who desires marriage, when it comes to what is required to be not just a wife but a GOOD WIFE, how much have you factored helping your man into the dynamic?
Not mothering him. Not bossing him around. Not trying to manipulate him into being a version of a husband that you would prefer. No, how much thought have you put into “Am I equipped to help another person be their best self? Am I ready to be supportive, encouraging, and nurturing? Was it even modeled to me, while growing up, to know what a proper helpmate looks like? Have I realized how much sacrifice goes into that type of role? Am I even selfless enough to be a consistent helper?”
I know this is probably gonna ruffle some feathers yet, you know something that I’m not big on? Women saying that their man should give them the “princess treatment.” Every time I hear that, the first thought that comes to my mind is “Fathers make their daughters princesses while men make their wives a queen” — and little girls are treated differently than grown women. And to that, Proverbs 12:4(NKJV) says, “An excellent wife is the crown of her husband, but she who causes shame is like rottenness in his bones.”
My point? There is a MATURITY that is to come from going from princess to queen. A queen does have more privileges, yet, at the same time, she also has way more responsibility. It’s not about sitting around and being catered to all day long. Queens have work to do — and it’s not always comfortable or pretty. Same thing goes for being a wife.
Y’all, I could go on and on (and on and on and on) about what it means to be a wife in a marriage. For now, I’ll just end this part of the article with, “If you’re not ready to help, each and every day of your relationship, you’re not ready to be a wife.” Plain and simple.
Weddings Are Not Marriages (and Vice Versa)
GiphySo, why do so many people jump brooms (I’m writing this with Black folks in mind first; jumping brooms is for us only), only to turn around and get divorced a few years later? Oh, I could go on and on as well about how a lot of people don’t have much integrity when it comes to the promises that they make. Listen singles, when you’re dating someone, pay very close attention to whether the person you’re seeing keeps their word — and if you do the same.
It makes absolutely no sense to keep letting someone slide when it comes to reneging now, only to act shocked when they do the same thing after saying “I do.” And while we’re here, being a man or woman of your word is a character issue. Maybe folks are not strong in character when it comes to this.
Yet another reason why folks will get all dolled up, stand before God, family, and friends, look someone straight in the eye, and promise to never leave, only to do just that, is because many people honestly don’t see past their wedding (and maybe their newlywed years). That is why you will hear so many people describe their perfect wedding day, down to the last detail, and yet, if you ask what their five-year plan for their marriage is, they have absolutely not one clue.
I mean, I get it — to a certain extent. A wedding is a big party where you get to dress to the nines, have people come to celebrate you and you get to have everything go your way — down to the font on the programs and reception napkins. Oh, but what a “trick” that can be if you think that your marriage is going to move like that, all of the time, moving forward. I liken it to The Bachelor franchise. Who wouldn’t feel like they are falling for someone when they’re able to live in a mansion with no bills, have fantasy dates that cost thousands of dollars, and a big ole’ rock that a famed jeweler donates?
Meanwhile, folks should watchUnREAL (the television series from several years back where some former producers of the franchise talk about what really happens behind the scenes) to get a reality check. To a certain extent, the same thing goes for marriage: while weddings produce this belief that marriage will be one big party where everyone focuses on you and everything goes your way, that isn’t even close to being the reality of being married.
Honestly, the real deal is 1) if you don’t want to learn how to love on a supernatural level; 2) if you don’t want your strengths to be refined and your weaknesses to be challenged; 3) if you don’t want to be held accountable in ways that you would never be if you remained single; 4) if you don’t want to compromise on a daily basis and, 5) if you don’t want to be challenged to become a truly selfless individual — marriage isn’t for you.
You’d be far better off just throwing a big ass party for yourself, just because (and no, I don’t mean marry yourself; you are already “one” with you; no need for that), and call it a day. Spare yourself and another person the heartache of divorce because…divorce is A LOT to go through.
Lawd, I can only imagine how much drama could be spared if folks simply took into their spirit that weddings ARE NOT marriages and marriages ARE NOT weddings. Weddings are a party to celebrate your union — yet your union? That requires daily energy, effort, and time. It’s not a party. It’s a relationship. BIG DIFFERENCE.
Please Don’t Get Married Until You’re Sure That You Want…BOTH
GiphyAnd this is why, whenever someone tells me that they are going to get married, I don’t immediately respond with, “Congrats! That’s awesome.” NOPE. The very first thing that comes out of my mouth is something along the lines of, “For real. Why?” WHY? Because, it never fails that, about 7.5 times outta 10, folks will be caught off guard and say, “What do you mean ‘why’?” and then follow that up with, “Because I’m in love” or…they don’t really know what to say at all.
Is being in love a good answer? I mean, it explains why you picked the person that you did; it doesn’t really explain why you are choosing to commit to them for the rest of your life, on a marital level, though. Are you getting married because you know that the two of you will make each other better people? Are you getting married because you want to raise your children in a two-parent dynamic? Are you getting married for biblical reasons like wanting to love like Christ loves his bride (the Church and the Church sent him through A LOT — Ephesians 5)?
Are you getting married because you think you’ve gone as far as you can in your evolution as an individual without the assistance of another? Are you getting married because you want to serve another person as they do the same for you (perhaps not in the same ways because you’re both different people)?
Is that asking the most? Chile, that’s not asking enough. I don’t care how much people mock marriage in the media by changing partners like they change cars or homes. I don’t care how much divorce has been normalized. I don’t care how much folks like to act like a husband is a 2.0 boyfriend (it’s not) and having a wife is a 2.0 girlfriend (it’s not) — marriage is special, sacred, and needs to be honored as such. A wedding should be seen as a happy occasion where two people publicly acknowledge what I just said…not simply a time to get a lot of attention and presents only to come home and go from heaven to hell in six months.
And honestly, that’s a bit part of the reason why I do what I do: it’s because I actually think the covenant of marriage is SO MAGNIFICENT that I want to make sure that people know, as much as possible, what they are signing up for — not an endless wedding; a very real relationship that will challenge them and mature them like nothing else ever will in this lifetime.
____
This was a lot. I already know. Still, it beats spending thousands of dollars on a wedding to stand before a chaplain only to spend thousands of more dollars several years later on a divorce lawyer and therapy while standing before a judge.
Weddings are awesome; you’ll get no argument from me there. Still, I think if I was to narrow all of this down into one statement, it would simply be this: “When it comes to marriage, if the thought of being a wife doesn’t excite you more than being a bride — wait. You’re not ready yet.”
Thank me later, sis. YOU WILL.
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