If You've Always Wanted A 'Lubricant Cheat Sheet,' Here Ya Go
Goodness, y'all. I don't know if this started off as being some twisted TikTok challenge or what, but you'll never guess what some folks are using as lubricant these days? Freakin' toothpaste. Yep, you heard me. Just like I don't get why people use toothpaste on pimples (why would you put that on any kind of lesion or open wound?!), when you think about how thick, sticky and strong toothpaste is, how in the world does it seem like it would be a good look when it comes to making sex wetter—or better? Chile, I promise you I don't know. Hmph. From what I've read, all it basically does is create genital burning, potential scarring, and a big ol' mess.
I'm hoping that none of the xoTribe is out here using what they brush their teeth with on anything else, but I will say that reading about all of that ridiculousness did inspire me to write up a lil' something on how to choose the right kind of lubricant. Not that natural bodily fluids aren't bomb or anything, but sometimes, bringing a little extra slip to the table—well, bedroom—can be what makes sex even more extraordinary. Feel me?
If you're a lubrication fan, but you're not always sure how to get about getting the kind that's best for you, here are 10 facts that can make the selection process so much easier.
1. Water-Based Lube Is Most Popular. Silicone-Based Lube Lasts the Longest.
I'm thinking that water-based lubricant is probably the most popular simply because a lot of people aren't as aware of the other options. As far as what its benefits are, it's pretty good if you happen to have sensitive skin or are prone to irritation. Another benefit is it easily washes out of fabric. The downside is it tends to have a residue to it that can be a bit on the sticky side. Plus, it is an absolute no-no when it comes to shower sex (you would need a different kind of lubricant; something "slicker" than water).
This is where silicone-based lube comes in. It has way more slip, you can use it in water, and you don't have to keep reapplying it (like you do with the water-based kind). So, is there a downside to lube that's made from silicone? I guess it all depends on how you look at it. It's thicker, so you can't just rinse it off with water; you usually need soap too. But if you plan on cleaning up after sex anyway, I hardly see how (or why) that should be a deterrent. Do you?
2. Don’t Use Silicone-Based Lube with Silicone Sex Toys
OK, so this is one of those points that will probably seem really obvious to some and not so obvious to others. While yes, it is totally safe to use silicone-based lube with condoms, what you do need to avoid is using it with any sex toys that may have silicone in them. The reason is because putting this kind of lube on them can actually break down the silicone material over time. When that happens, your toys can start to become a personal breeding ground for bacteria. Yuck.
3. Oil-Based Lubes Should Be for Unprotected Sex Only
If you prefer oil-based lubes, that's cool. Well, it's cool if you and your partner have been tested for STDs and you are in an honest and exclusive relationship. If there is a place where condoms and lubes do not work hand in hand, it's when it comes to lubes that have any oil in them. Oil can break down latex which defeats the entire purpose of wearing a condom in the first place.
That's why, unless you're going to have unprotected sex (or give your man a hand job), it really is best to go with a lubricant that's made out of water or silicone. Otherwise, you could end up with a few surprises.
4. There Is Such a Thing As Powder, Cream, and CBD-Based Lubricants, Too
Another option on the market are lubes that come in powder form. Yeah, that might sound a little counterproductive at first, but the reason some people prefer to go this route is because they can control how thick or thin they want their lubrication to be. And just how are they able to do that? Well, since water must be added to the lube, a little or a lot is what ultimately determines the consistency. A popular brand, for example, is X Lube.
If anal sex is more of your thing, cream lubes are something that you should have somewhere in your collection. They're thicker and longer lasting. I'm pretty sure I don't have to explain why that works in your favor when it comes to…backdoor activities. One of the oldest brands around is B. Cumming Elbow Grease Original Lubricant Cream. Just make sure to keep in mind that it's mineral-oil based. Yep—that means it can wreak havoc on latex condoms, so use wisely. (By the way, EROS has a line that is silicone-based that has some pretty strong reviews, too.)
Oh, and if you love all things CBD, we did an article on lubricant that is made from it as well. You can check that out here.
5. Warming Lubricants Suck When It Comes to Vaginal Dryness
If vaginal dryness is something that you struggle with, avoid using a lube that is packaged as being a "warming lubricant". More times than not, they've got glycerin in them and that is an ingredient that, ironically, will only dry you out more at some point. Come to think of it, if you are prone to yeast infections, that's another reason to leave lubes that contain glycerin alone. They have been known to irritate the vagina and throw off one's pH balance. I'm pretty sure you'll agree when I say that no lube is worth all of that.
6. Use “Sperm-Friendly” Lube If You’re Trying to Get Pregnant
Here's something that you may not have known. There is some research that indicates lubricants can directly affect sperm motility. What that basically means is, if you're trying to conceive, a lot of lubes can actually work against, rather than for, you. That's why, if you are trying to make a baby, look for the kind of lubricant that says "sperm-friendly" or "fertility-friendly" on the packaging. A particular brand that comes to mind is Pre-Seed Fertility Friendly Lubricant.
7. It’s Pretty Easy to Make Your Own Lube
Of course, DIY'ing your lubricant is also an option. This basically falls under the category of being a plant-based lube since the ingredients that it takes to make it consists of natural things like aloe vera gel, Vitamin E, coconut oil, cocoa butter and shea butter. The pros with these are they are gentle and organic. Other benefits are they last longer than water-based lubes and are compatible with virtually any sex toy. Plus, since you are making them yourself, you know exactly what is in them. The cons are they aren't compatible with latex condoms and they can be harder to clean up. But, if you would prefer to go the homemade route, you can try out a great recipe here.
8. Lubricants Aren’t Exactly As “Safe” As You Might Think
Dun, dun, dun, dun. While lubes can most definitely make sex more pleasurable, I wouldn't say that it always or automatically makes sex safer. On one hand, it does result in less friction, which is a good thing.
But still—there are reports that lubricants can mess around and increase your chances of getting gonorrhea or chlamydia if you're using them during anal activity. How? Apparently, lube can trigger inflammation, which can make it easier for organisms to spread.
By the way, it's usually ingredients like glycerin, nonoxynol-9, propylene glycol and chlorhexidine gluconate that leads to the inflammation, so if you want to decrease the chances, read the ingredients and make sure these are as low on the list as possible before making a purchase.
9. There Are Five Things to Keep in Mind When Applying Lubricant
Now that you know just about everything you need to in order to make a wise lubricant selection, I thought it would only be right to share a few tips on how to actually apply your lube.
- Put a towel down to prevent staining.
- Warm the lube up with your hands before applying.
- Use a liberal amount during foreplay and right before penetration, for maximal pleasure.
- Apply the lube directly onto the penis or your sex toy of choice right before penetration for best results.
- Remember to reapply as needed; if you feel dry or irritated by sexual friction, that would be your cue.
While it's not super common for lubricants to cause side effects, if you experience any itching or hives, or you or your partner start to have difficulty breathing, discontinue use immediately. Also, take a shower and call your doctor if the symptoms do not subside. Again, this isn't something to get too alarmed about, but I had to make sure that I covered as many bases as possible.
10. Always Remember That Lubricants Do Expire
I'm not sure what makes people think that they can keep the same container of lube for the entire duration of their sex life because nothing could be further from the truth. Actually, a lubricant's clock starts ticking from the very moment you open it up. And just how long does it last once you do? Eh, about a year. So, if you've got anything that's been sitting in your bathroom cabinet or on your bedroom nightstand for longer than that, toss it. It's only gonna do you more harm than good if you don't.
For a list of some of the best lubes on the market, check out NY Mag's "What Is the Best Lube?" And whatever you do, stay away from that toothpaste (SMDH)!
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Different puzzle pieces are creating bigger pictures these days. 2024 will mark a milestone on a few different levels, including the release of my third book next June (yay!).
I am also a Professional Certified Coach. My main mission for attaining that particular goal is to use my formal credentials to help people navigate through the sometimes tumultuous waters, both on and offline, when it comes to information about marriage, sex and relationships that is oftentimes misinformation (because "coach" is a word that gets thrown around a lot, oftentimes quite poorly).
I am also still super devoted to helping to bring life into this world as a doula, marriage life coaching will always be my first love (next to writing, of course), a platform that advocates for good Black men is currently in the works and my keystrokes continue to be devoted to HEALTHY over HAPPY in the areas of holistic intimacy, spiritual evolution, purpose manifestation and self-love...because maturity teaches that it's impossible to be happy all of the time when it comes to reaching goals yet healthy is a choice that can be made on a daily basis (amen?).
If you have any PERSONAL QUESTIONS (please do not contact me with any story pitches; that is an *editorial* need), feel free to reach out at missnosipho@gmail.com. A sistah will certainly do what she can. ;)
Jada Pinkett Smith On How Psychedelics Saved Her Life & The Status Of Her Marriage To Will Smith
Jada Pinkett Smith is speaking her piece on the status of her marriage with longtime love Will Smith. On the heels of releasing her highly anticipated memoir, Worthy, Jada is gracing the cover of PEOPLE and sharing the truth about her mental health struggles throughout the years, the infamous Oscars slap, and her marriage.
According to the 52-year-old author, though she seemed to "have it all" in life - the riches, the fame, the love, the family, there was a part of her that couldn't escape her past traumas and depression that plagued her early on in her career. "While I was really living the dream, I hit a huge wall — a massive amount of depression. I think that I looked at having outside sources to supplement for the voids that I was feeling inside," she told PEOPLE.
By the time she turned 40, she had encountered her breaking point and spiraled so deeply that she saw no way out for herself aside from death. She went on to say that she heard voices in her head telling her to end her life and that told her of her unworthiness, pulling her deeper into her depression. "I started looking for places, cliffs where I could have an accident because I didn't want my kids to think that their mother had committed suicide.”
Jada credited friends of her son Jaden for putting her on to ayahuasca, a powerful and traditional plant-based brew used for shamanic and healing rituals known for its psychoactive properties. She said partaking in ayahuasca changed her profoundly and "the suicidal thoughts completely went away."
"Ayahuasca helped me, it gave me a new intimate relationship with myself that I had never had before," she told the outlet about her first time taking the psychedelic. Keep reading for more key takeaways from Jada's PEOPLE exclusive.
Jada Pinkett Smith on the status of her marriage to Will Smith:
In what might have been a shocking revelation to most, Jada revealed to the world that she and Will have actually been separated for the past six years, going on seven years. She explained the status of their 26-year marriage to PEOPLE:
“We’re still figuring it out. We’ve been doing some really heavy-duty work together. We just got deep love for each other and we are going to figure out what that looks like for us.”
Amy Sussman/WireImage
Jada on how her relationship with Will Smith caused her to abandon her mental health:
As her star in Hollywood was rising thanks to starring roles in projects like A Different World, Jason's Lyric, and Set It Off, Jada revealed that she was taking Prozac and being treated for depression and suicidal ideation. Meeting Will would cause her to develop a false sense of not needing to take care of her mental health.
"Once I met Will, I completely abandoned my mental health. I was so intoxicated by him and our dynamic. I really felt like I'm cured," she said to PEOPLE. "He became the drug."
Albert L. Ortega/Getty Images
Jada Pinkett Smith on the self-acceptance her kids have taught her:
"My children, they’re little gurus," she told the mag of her kids, bonus son Trey, 30, Jaden, 25, and Willow, 22. "They’ve taught me a deep sense of self-acceptance.”
“They love every part of me. The level of love, unconditional love that they have for me and their dad. And it's one thing to want to be the person that gives that unconditional love. And then there's, to be the recipient of that.”
For the full cover story and photos, head over to PEOPLE here.
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Featured image by Amy Sussman/WireImage
Fenty Favs Fever: The Top 10 Beauty And Skin Products You Need In Your Bag
Rihanna has been a game-changer in the beauty industry with the launch of Fenty Beauty and Fenty Skin. For me, this impact has been nothing short of transformational and, let's be real, a bit of a splurge. I mean, it's no accident that I've achieved the coveted ROUGE Status at Sephora for another year, thanks to my obsession with all things Fenty. But when it comes to beauty perfection, who's counting the cost?
Fenty Beauty and Fenty Skin have evolved from mere products in my routine to absolute must-haves. From the iconic lip gloss that's a staple in every girl's purse to the skincare saviors that have my skin looking the best it has in YEARS, Fenty has everything I need. I've even nailed down a quick and easy 10-minute everyday makeup look using only Fenty Beauty products. It's my secret weapon for looking effortlessly chic, no matter what life throws at me.
So, I'm here to spill the tea (and maybe start a few beauty addictions in the process) with a curated list of my top 10 Fenty products that I can't get enough of. These are the holy grail favorites that I reach for day in and day out.
1. Fenty Skin Butta Drop Whipped Oil Body Cream with Tropical Oils + Shea Butter
When it comes to body care, the Butta Drop Whipped Oil Body Cream with Tropical Oils + Shea Butter is a must-have. This oil-infused body cream is incredibly hydrating and retails for $44, with a $39 refill option. You can also get this in other scents, including a Shimmering Warm Cinnamon and Shimmering Vanilla Dream. Trust me, you'll want to keep this in your basket on repeat. The mini trio set is currently retailing for $59 on their website.
2. Fenty Beauty Cherry Treat Conditioning + Strengthening Lip Oil
Fenty Beauty
Say goodbye to dry, chapped lips with the Cherry Treat Conditioning + Strengthening Lip Oil. Priced at $24, this lip oil is a game-changer for anyone looking to achieve soft, luscious lips. It provides intense hydration and moisturization, leaving your lips feeling smooth and supple. Plus, its glossy finish makes it perfect for creating a no-fuss, everyday look when you're in a hurry.
3. Fenty Beauty Killawatt Freestyle Highlighter
Next up is the Killawatt Freestyle Highlighter, retailing for $40. I absolutely adore the Trophy Wife shade – it's the perfect addition to any makeup look. My favorite hack? Applying it to my chest and shoulders for an extra pop when I'm showing off my amazing cleavage in a low-cut outfit.
4. Fenty Beauty Gloss Bomb Universal Lip Luminizer
For the perfect lip gloss, look no further than the Gloss Bomb Universal Lip Luminizer, priced between $21 and $26. It's available in various versions, including Heat and Cream, and offers a thick yet not super sticky formula. The range of color shades and tints is also a major plus.
5. Fenty Beauty Match Stix Shimmer Skinstick
Fenty Beauty
The Match Stix Shimmer Skinstick, retailing for $32, is my special secret weapon. This versatile product can be used as a light highlighter or eyeshadow or even applied to the inner corners of your eyes and cupid's bow for a pop of shimmer.
6. Fenty Skin Cherry Dub Superfine Daily Cleansing Face Scrub
The Cherry Dub Superfine Daily Cleansing Face Scrub, priced at $28, is the perfect gentle exfoliator for those with sensitive skin or anyone experiencing peeling around the nose and above the lip during seasonal changes.
7. Fenty Skin Blemish Defeat'r BHA Spot-Targeting Gel
The Blemish Defeat'r BHA Spot-Targeting Gel is one of Rihanna's newest products, and it's quickly become a favorite of mine. At $22, it's perfect for tackling those random breakouts without worrying about your makeup peeling or moving.
8. Fenty Beauty Pro Filt'r Instant Retouch Setting Powder
The Pro Filt'r Instant Retouch Setting Powder is another essential, priced at $36. This powder provides a beautiful blurring effect while keeping your makeup in place all day long.
9. Fenty Eau de Parfum
Fenty Beauty
If you're looking for a new fragrance, the Fenty Eau de Parfum is a must-try. It's priced at $140, with a $95 travel set option. While opinions on the scent may vary, I personally love it and have received many compliments while wearing it. The travel-sized bottle is also a cute addition. The full-size and one-refill duo set is currently retailing for $155 on their website.
10. Fenty Beauty Hella Thicc Volumizing Mascara
For voluminous lashes that make a statement, the Hella Thicc Volumizing Mascara is a must-have. Priced at $19, this mascara will transform your lashes from barely there to bold and beautiful in just a few seconds.
Rihanna has truly set a new standard for inclusivity and diversity in the beauty industry, making other brands step up their game. With Fenty Beauty, she shook things up by offering an extensive range of foundation shades that catered to every skin tone, challenging the industry's historical lack of representation. This not only earned her brand a devoted following but also ignited a much-needed conversation about inclusivity in beauty.
As a result, other brands have taken note, broadening their shade ranges and reevaluating their product development strategies. Rihanna's influence extends beyond Fenty Beauty, as she continues to challenge the status quo and push boundaries with Fenty Skin. Her dedication to creating high-quality, inclusive products has raised the bar for celebrity beauty brands, proving that with the right vision and values, they can be more than just a celebrity endorsement.
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Feature image by Kevin Mazur/Getty Images for Fenty Beauty by Rihanna