How Becoming Spiritually Woke Is Empowering Women To Choose Themselves
I found freedom y'all and I refuse to give it up. I am not ready to give it up. I don't want to give it up.
Well, at least not quite yet.
If you grew up in the 1980s, 1990s, or early 2000s the majority of women are raised to pursue higher education, build a career, secure the bag, invest in property, buy a home, be a wife, and a mother. For generations upon generations, this societal standard has always been the American dream. It is what we measure our worth by. It is what we believe is happiness; the things we own, the things we have accomplished, and the titles we have earned.
And we are to believe we must achieve all of these things in our twenties and thirties.
Say what, and says who?
Now, don't get me wrong, we as women, and our role in society has most definitely transformed.
We are resiliently multifaceted. We are boss SHEeos, entrepreneurs, doctors, law enforcement officers, firefighters, pilots, scientists, officers in the military, and G.O.A.T athletes on top of being wives and mothers. We are leading in male-dominated industries and we have a 17-year-old Swedish girl on the other side of the world advocating for climate change. We as women have come up and came through tenfold. We have shown our worth to the world in a gender-biased society. Clap for yourselves ladies because we do this effortlessly and more importantly, it is done with grace.
Yet, there are times we often lose ourselves to this so-called American dream.
We lose our identity while maintaining a family, a career, an image, or living up to expectations that are not our own. We slowly unravel without notice until we do not know our reflection in the mirror. We stop looking in the mirror because all we see is a stranger in a body. And to try to pull yourself out of a dark place seems impossible.
I lost myself assuming an identity that was not my own.
I had a respectable career. I had a fancy career title. I had a six-figure salary. I dressed the part, faked the role, played the game, sold the lie, but it was not fulfilling. Nor was it me. I had no control over my life so by choice I let it all go. Sometimes being a straight arrow is so blinding. Sometimes tradition is so misleading. Sometimes we outgrow cultural norms. You start to come to a point where you ask yourself, "Who am I doing all of this for?"
The answer is, "Not for me."
I was able to find myself again and I am still exploring parts of myself unknown; undoing conditioned thoughts and behavior.
I am free and I have never been happier.
The American dream has been redefined, shifted, flipped, and reversed. We live in a society that is becoming spiritually woke. With this widespread shift, more and more women are becoming spiritually aligned.
Some women are walking away from stressful careers and opting for simplicity. We are living in different countries and experiencing new cultures. We are renovating vans to be living spaces and taking road trips. We are mastering our craft and learning new skills. We're doing whatever it takes to live the life we dream of. And you know what? We are completely happy.
It's peace, purpose, and freedom over everything.
We adopt and alter what is aligned with our authentic selves. This shift in thinking and alignment to self has made me realize your twenties and thirties are meant to be lived and lived fully.
It's a time for silly mistakes, lessons learned, knowledge, new experiences, exploration, and travel. It's a time for being eccentric, vibrant, and authentic. It's a time for digging deep into yourself with thought-provoking questions. It's about creating a life you love for yourself before sharing it with anyone else.
It's about pouring into your cup (mentally, emotionally, and physically) and the only commitment you should have is to honor yourself first. I mean hey, if that man comes along, and he is aligned with all that you're doing — co-create this life together.
But wait, so what are your forties for?
After everything is said and done, I think it's perfectly OK to settle down in your forties. At least, that is what I have decided for myself. Yes, I know, this may happen before I enter my forties. Women are getting married and having children later, regardless of the path chosen to get there. It is also our new normal. A friend of mine, once married and divorced, selflessly decided to raise a child on her own. By the way, she is a boss marine, fitness competitor, and mother to a beautiful little girl. My mother was pregnant with me at 34 years old and a cousin delivered her last baby at 43 years old.
Now, here I am at 35 still living my best life.
Are women selfish because they choose a less traditional route? I think we have the right to be, I mean look at how far we have come. Are women who choose themselves for a little bit longer doing so out of fear? No, I think we just want to live a life without regret.
Women can be successful in all areas of their lives. It is never going to be linear or based on a timeline either. Success will never manifest in a specific order. If you were to ask me four years ago if I saw myself having the freedom I do now, I would have not even imagined it.
I still would have been tied to conditioned beliefs, traditions, societal norms, and timelines. Timelines set forth by none other than my father. After all that I have accomplished–let me tell you he is still not satisfied, and I still do not care. I check the boxes off my own list.
Everyone has their path to follow, some are more spiritually aligned than others, and some are just beginning their journey, and that's OK. People find themselves in the process, through experiences, and often through trauma. My only wish for all women is to create a life you love with your own rules and standards. It is never too late to start.
We write our own stories.
We define our own success.
Featured image by Shutterstock
Originally published on September 27, 2020
Camille is a lover of all things skin, curls, music, justice, and wanderlust; oceans and islands are her thing. Her words inspire and her power is her voice. A California native with Trinidadian roots, she has penned personal essays, interviews, and lifestyle pieces for POPSUGAR, FEMI magazine, and SelfishBabe. Camille is currently creating a life she loves through words, self-love, fitness, travel, and empowerment. You can follow her on Instagram @cam_just_living or @written_by_cam.
ItGirl 100 Honors Black Women Who Create Culture & Put On For Their Cities
As they say, create the change you want to see in this world, besties. That’s why xoNecole linked up with Hyundai for the inaugural ItGirl 100 List, a celebration of 100 Genzennial women who aren’t afraid to pull up their own seats to the table. Across regions and industries, these women embody the essence of discovering self-value through purpose, honey! They're fierce, they’re ultra-creative, and we know they make their cities proud.
VIEW THE FULL ITGIRL 100 LIST HERE.
Don’t forget to also check out the ItGirl Directory, featuring 50 Black-woman-owned marketing and branding agencies, photographers and videographers, publicists, and more.
THE ITGIRL MEMO
I. An ItGirl puts on for her city and masters her self-worth through purpose.
II. An ItGirl celebrates all the things that make her unique.
III. An ItGirl empowers others to become the best versions of themselves.
IV. An ItGirl leads by example, inspiring others through her actions and integrity.
V. An ItGirl paves the way for authenticity and diversity in all aspects of life.
VI. An ItGirl uses the power of her voice to advocate for positive change in the world.
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ItGirl 100: Get To Know Some Of The Most Inspiring And Empowering Women On Our List
The ItGirl 100 List, in partnership with Hyundai, is a celebration of 100 Black women who aren’t afraid to pull up their own seats to the table.
We often see lists featuring amazing women who are seasoned in this thing called life, and our ItGirl 100 List gives flowers to the people they’ve passed the torch to: young millennial and Gen Z women who are innovating and disrupting in today’s world of advancement.
xoNecole has partnered with Hyundai for its inaugural ItGirl 100 List to give these women their flowers today. It’s a celebration of 100 Genzennial women who have built their own tables, launched new businesses, and redefined what it truly means to be blessed, booked, and busy.
Here’s a snapshot of fun facts from a few of the women listed on the ItGirl 100, representing the East, West, Midwest, and South:
EAST
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DJ 9AM: DJ & Curator
Representing: Brooklyn
Ultimate ItGirl Song: "On My Mama" by Victoria Monét
Favorite OG It Girl: Nia Long
Zodiac Big Three: Cancer Sun, Taurus Moon, Pisces Rising
Favoring open-format, multi-genre mixes, this DJ has created a winning reputation for rocking a crowd with seamless transitions and selections, always representing Southwest musical and cultural influences.
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Tiffany James, Founder, Modern BLK Girl
Representing:Brooklyn
Ultimate ItGirl Song: "Lucky Girl" by Carlina
Favorite OG It Girl:Naomi Campbell
Zodiac Big Three: Sagittarius Sun, Leo Moon, Virgo Rising
Modern BLK Girl is one of the leading investment groups among women of color, and the founder serves as an avid investor, community builder, and advocate. Tiffany James is also a mentor, utilizing her unique combination of financial and fashion expertise.
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Kat Mateo, Casting Director
Representing: New Jersey
Ultimate ItGirl Song: "Princess Going Digital" by Amaarae
Favorite OG It Girl: Kelis, Eve, Lil Kim
Zodiac Big Three: Aries Sun, Cancer Moon, Cancer Rising
Thriving as a casting director and stylist, Kat Mateo offers a unique point of view that has shaped New York Fashion Week shows, ad campaigns, and editorials. She has also been a major contributor to cultural conversations related to fashion and inclusivity.
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Denise Stephanie Hewitt, Photographer
Representing: Brooklyn
Ultimate ItGirl Song: "Experience" by Victoria Monét
Favorite OG It Girl: Hannah Montana
Zodiac Big Three: Taurus Sun, Aquarius Moon, Aquarius Rising
This Gordon Parks Foundation scholar is a full-time student who has been working to expand her freelance career in photography. Denise is also been featured among Essence'sinaugural list of "Top 10 Creators Under 30," for her unique aesthetics and perceptions through her art.
WEST
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Nayamka Roberts-Smith, Aesthetician
Representing: Los Angeles
Ultimate ItGirl Song: "Tomorrow 2" by GloRilla & Cardi B
Favorite OG It Girl: Meagan Good
Zodiac Big Three: Sagittarius Sun, Leo Moon, Capricorn Rising
Nayamka Roberts-Smith is an award-winning professional in the skincare industry and serves as an educator, offering knowledge on beauty culture. She also is a well-sought-after speaker on beauty and women’s issues, with a following of more than 1 million on social.
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Desiree L. Talley, Esq., Vice President, Legal & Business Affairs, Revolt TV
Representing: Los Angeles
Ultimate ItGirl Song: "Nice" by The Carters
Favorite OG It Girl: Issa Rae
Zodiac Big Three: Cancer Sun, Scorpio Moon, Cancer Rising
An attorney and storyteller, Desiree L. Talley meshes relatability with her legal smarts for the culture. She advocates for cultural advancement and societal change through her POPLAW Podcast while balancing her executive duties at Revolt TV.
Marley Rae
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Marley Rae, Organizer, WalkGood
Representing: Los Angeles
Ultimate ItGirl Song: "Nice For What" by Drake
Favorite OG It Girl: Mariah Carey
Zodiac Big Three: Capricorn Sun, Taurus Moon, Leo Rising
Marley Rae is a Nike Athlete, certified yoga instructor, COO, and Director of Health and Wellness for WalkGood LA, a family-founded non-profit organization. She is dedicated to fostering understanding and care in local and global communities.
MIDWEST
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Shawnee Dez
Representing: Chicago
Ultimate ItGirl Song: "FreeBody Freestyle" by Shawnee Dez
Favorite OG It Girl: Toni Morrison
Zodiac Big Three: Cancer Sun, Aquarius Moon, Cancer Rising
Shawnee Dez is an artist who's all about captivating her audience through encouragement and empowerment. Her music features fluid harmonic layering, live instrumentation fused with digital production, and her unique multi-talented voice in an alto melodic tone.
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Bianca Pastel, Visual Artist
Representing: Chicago
Ultimate ItGirl Song: Anything by Whitney Houston
Favorite OG It Girl: Grace Jones
Zodiac Big Three: Taurus Sun, Leo Moon, Sagittarius Rising
Bianca Pastel's artistic portfolio includes fine art, illustrations, and animation, and she's worked with clients including Disney Pixar, and the NFL, to name a few. Her focus is "empowering the experience of being a Black child and dealing with mental health issues."
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Donyale Walton, Founder, Hoop Mobb
Representing: Detroit
Ultimate ItGirl Song: "Yeah I Said It" by Rihanna
Favorite OG It Girl: Aaliyah
Zodiac Big Three: Virgo Sun, Libra Moon, Capricorn Rising
Donyale Walton's brand Hoop Mobb, celebrates the Black and Brown fashion and cultural impact and presence of hoop earrings. It's grown to earn more than seven figures in annual revenue and a nationwide community of loyal consumers.
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Ticara Devone, Content Creator
Representing: Chicago
Ultimate ItGirl Song: "She's a Bitch" by Missy Elliott
Favorite OG It Girl: Ananda Lewis
The Zodiac Big Three: Libra Sun, Taurus Moon, Virgo Rising
A trusted sneaker enthusiast and content creator, Ticara Devone uses dynamic storytelling to hold space for others with a passion for sneakers. A published writer, she’s worked with brands including Nike and Footlocker and inspires us all by ensuring women are vocal and seen in the multi-billion dollar shoe space.
SOUTH
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AllyiahsFace, Content Creator
Representing: Atlanta
Ultimate ItGirl Song: "Go Off" Doja Cat
Favorite OG It Girl: Gabrielle Union and Halle Berry
Zodiac Big Three: Gemini Sun, Leo Moon, Scorpio Rising
AllyiahsFace's YouTube channel has more than 830,000 subscribers, and she's been hitting the ground running since 2015. Her content creation, which centers on beauty, fashion, and lifestyle, has led to a lucrative career and drawn a close-knit social and real-life community to view and be inspired.
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Jaycina, Executive Director, Tender
Representing: Atlanta
Ultimate ItGirl Song: "All I Got" by Amel Larrieux
Favorite OG It Girl:Tracee Ellis Ross
Zodiac Big Three: Leo Sun, Sagittarius Moon, Sagittarius Rising
Jaycina is a signed model with a nonprofit that works to provide support and community for single mothers in Atlanta. She's also appeared in campaigns for brands including Fenty and GAP as well as features in all your favorite magazines and on billboards across the country.
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Asha Christian, Founder, Coily App
Representing: Atlanta
Ultimate ItGirl Song: "It's My Life" by Mariah Carey
Favorite OG It Girl: Toni Childs (Girlfriends)
Zodiac Big Three: Sagittarius Sun, Leo Moon, Leo Rising
Asha Christian created Coily to provide beauty recommendations utilizing social data. It offers a more personalized, AI-driven experience for users and part of her mission is to provide solutions related to diversity and put the focus back on the consumer. Meshing tech and culture, Christian is innovating with options that exemplify the Black girl magic needed in tech.
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Featured image by FG Trade/Getty