Your August 2020 Horoscopes Are All About Bossing Up
The month ahead inspires you to boldly take your place in the world by kicking things off with the Full Moon on the 3rd inviting you to transform the narrative of your destiny. Once Mercury enters Leo, you'll have the confidence you need to unwaveringly pursue your vision. On the 7th, Venus gets cozy in Cancer, sweetening up your relationships and home life. Around the middle of the month, Uranus joins the retrograde party, inviting you to embrace your changing value system. The New Moon on the 18th encourages you to embrace the healing power of creativity and play. Mercury shifts gears on the 20th, helping you streamline your routines so you can stay on track towards those big dreams of yours. When the Sun enters Virgo on the 22nd, the cosmos tests how disciplined you are in balancing self-care with how much you're serving others.
Check out what's in store for your zodiac sign in the month ahead.
Aries
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The beginning of August encourages you to expand your social network which you shouldn't have any problem doing with Leo season amping up your charm factor. The Full Moon on the 3rd is a perfect time to launch that online business, blog, or project you've been working on behind the scenes. You're in the mood to spice things up romantically and creatively when Mercury moves into Leo on the 4th. The planet of love creates a steamy effect when she enters Cancer on the 7th, making the next few weeks the perfect time to call out of work for a staycation. Indulge your senses by cooking your favorite comfort foods, cuddling up with a blanket (or bae), and watching your fave rom-coms from the comfort of your home.
On the 15th, Uranus goes retrograde, making this a good time to check in with yourself. Are you making money doing what you love? These next several months will help you get clear about your personal values and how to align those with opportunities that are truly a match for you. The New Moon on the 18th has you inspired to get back into the dating scene or start that new hobby that recently caught your interest. Towards the end of the month, Mercury and the Sun meet up in Virgo motivating you to whip your butt, and your work routine (or lack thereof), into shape. Hit the gym, try that detox, and organize your environment to help you stay clear-headed and grounded.
Taurus
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The month begins with a Full Moon on the 3rd creating a little friction between you and an authority figure—whether it be your nosey dad, micromanaging boss, or the "institution". You're ready to go your own way and this lunation could give you the push you need to strike out on your own. The next day, Mercury enters Leo and conversations with family or in the home can get a little heated if you don't keep your ego in check. However, this transit can serve as the fire beneath your ass to make some changes in your living environment if you've simply had enough with your current circumstances.
Your ruling planet, Venus, attempts to smooth things out when she enters Cancer. Spending some quality time with your siblings can be just what you need to bring you back down to earth. On the 15th, Uranus goes retrograde in your sign, inviting you to reconnect with your inner wild, child. Embrace what makes you unique (and even a little rebellious). The New Moon on the 18th could suggest a relocation, the beginning of a renovation project, or a new addition to the family. When the Sun meets up with Mercury on the 22nd, the energy becomes more harmonious for you. Indulge in some creativity, play, and romance to bring some balance into your world.
Gemini
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The Full Moon on the 3rd is an exciting time for your big reveal, whether you're launching that novel, a workshop, or that blog. It's time to showcase your expertise and receive the acknowledgment you deserve for your forward-thinking approach to life. On the 4th, Mercury enters Leo which could result in sudden emotional outbursts if you feel like your intelligence or beliefs are being challenged. Choose your battles, wisely. As long as you're confident in your truth, there's no need to convince others to believe it, too. Venus, planet of love, enters Cancer on the 7th and you're receiving tons of support (and possibly some gifts and money) from people who want to nurture you.
Around the middle of the month, Uranus goes retrograde, making your psychic sense all the more sensitive. Divine inspiration, and some million-dollar ideas, are bound to come your way during this transit. Make sure to connect with your spiritual allies for assistance in growing your finances during this transit. On the 18th, the New Moon is a good time to start a new creative project that pushes you to express yourself more authentically. Towards the end of the month, Mercury and the Sun enters Virgo, encouraging you to get your home life in order by decluttering and getting organized. As family comes into greater focus, make sure to practice more compassion in your interaction instead of passing judgment so easily.
Cancer
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The beginning of the month is a little more quiet for you thanks to the Full Moon illuminating your psyche—including the limiting beliefs that inhibit you from embracing the weird qualities that people have criticized about you. This is a powerful time to break free from the chains of "normalcy" to allow yourself to truly blossom. On the 4th, Mercury enters Leo, motivating you to get to the bag in ways that highlight your natural gifts and talents. A few days later, Venus is bringing the blessings––and the affection––when she enters your sign. Bask in the love, babe! You deserve it.
On the 15th, Uranus goes retrograde, inviting you to reconnect with your friends or make some new ones that reflect the changes you've been making in your life. Sometimes we grow together and sometimes we grow apart. Give yourself, and others, grace during these times of transition. The New Moon on the 18th invites you to plant the seeds for a new source of income that will require you to develop confidence in yourself. Consistency is key and maybe a new outfit that will help you feel the part. On the 22nd, the Sun links up with Mercury, making this a good time to get your thoughts organized for that business plan, brand, or website you're working on. It's time to roll up your sleeves and get to work!
Leo
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Happy birthday, goddess! The month kicks off with a Full Moon highlighting your relationships and any contractual agreements. This a great time to renegotiate the terms of any existing partnerships to make sure you both are still on the same page. On the 4th, Mercury enters your sign, making you the talk of the town. You live for a little drama and you may very well find yourself at the center of it during this transit. Venus attempts to soften the energy when she enters Cancer on the 7th, encouraging you to balance out all of that playtime with some rest. The spirit world often communicates to us through our dreams but you can't receive the messages if you're not getting quality sleep.
Around the middle of the month, Taurus goes retrograde which could present some career changes that will gift you with a greater sense of individuality and freedom once the dust settles. On the 18th, the New Moon invites you to blaze a new path that aligns with your truth. Can you say that you're truly proud of yourself or do some of your wins feel empty? As much as you care about making your loved ones proud, it's time to assert more of your authority by living a life that you can be proud of. Towards the end of the month, Mercury and the Sun shift into Virgo, inviting you to build up your self-esteem so you won't be easily swayed by the opinions of others. When it comes to your finances, this is an opportune time to revamp your budget and strategize new ways to gain income.
Virgo
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Your health and wellness are top priority at the onset of the month due to the Full Moon revealing a troublesome area that could use a little improvement. Don't fall down the trap of diagnosing yourself with WebMD before you consult with your doctor. On the 4th, Mercury enters Leo which is sending your dream time into overdrive. This placement could also make you the center of some gossip due to your rising affluence. However, this is a powerful time to release an old narrative that requires you to dim your shine so others aren't intimidated by you. On the 7th, Venus enters Cancer where she'll be sweetening your friendships and providing the space for any healing that's necessary.
Around the middle of the month, Uranus goes retrograde encouraging you to be flexible when it comes to your beliefs. There's a possibility to hold space for multiple truths at once and this transit can help you better embrace how connected everything truly is. If you're in school, you may decide to switch your major or go in a completely new direction with how you choose to share your wisdom with the collective. On the 18th, the New Moon in Leo reminds you that every accomplishment starts with a dream. Plant the seeds for what you'd like to manifest—specifically by the Full Moon in Leo six months from now. On the 20th, Mercury enters your sign shortly followed by the Sun on the 22nd. All eyes are on you, birthday girl! It's time to celebrate your growth over the past year and the new heights you'll be reaching in the year to come.
Libra
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The Full Moon on the 3rd lights up your life with some much-needed romance and creativity. This is a supportive time to reveal your more artistic side. Even if you're no Van Gogh, it's important to flex your creative muscle from time-to-time. Organize a Sip & Paint with bae or your girls to give your inner child a little love. On the 4th, Mercury enters Leo, making you the life of the party. So many moves to make but so little time. You're in the mood to network and connect with your friends. Host a Zoom mixer to get some of your faves together while still practicing social distancing. Your ruling planet, Venus, moves into Cancer on the 7th, helping you attract more support when it comes to your career endeavors. You don't necessarily need someone to provide you with solutions to all of your work problems. Sometimes you just want to enjoy a glass of wine with a friend while venting about your annoying ass boss. Let that be enough, my love.
On the 15th, Uranus goes retrograde which could shake up the power dynamics within a close relationship or someone you share finances with. In matters of intimacy, this is a powerful time to shift your narrative related to experiences that negatively impacted your self-esteem. The New Moon on the 18th encourages you to expand your friendship circle. It's OK to meet new people that you vibe with more organically. Use this energy to also set an intention to boldly (re)commit to a dream of yours that has gone neglected. On the 22nd, the Sun and Mercury meet up in Virgo, inviting you to rest up and reflect on the past year as you prepare for your birthday season. Reassess what needs to be purged from your life so you can step into your new year feeling lighter, happier, and more at peace.
Scorpio
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The month begins with a Full Moon on the 3rd which could stir up some tension on the home-front. You're feeling an intense need to assert your individualism while your family's expectations attempt to overshadow your desires. When Mercury enters Leo on the 4th, you'll have the confidence you need to express yourself without fear of your family's disproval. During this transit, you'll be adjusting your relationship with authority as you come into your own power. On the 7th, Venus gets cozy in Cancer in a part of your chart that has you longing for home which could easily be some far off place that you've always dreamt of traveling to.
Relationships may be a little strained around the Quarter Moon on the 11th. Do you want to be right or do you actually want to compromise? Make sure to hold that standard to others as well to discern whether this matter truly deserves your energy. On the 15th, Uranus goes retrograde, giving you a chance to establish more freedom for yourself within your relationships. Sudden "a-ha" moments about codependent tendencies will come to the light. The New Moon on the 18th invites you to shine more authentically in the work that you do. A few days later, Mercury and the Sun link up in Virgo, encouraging you to take an honest assessment of your social circle to weed out who you don't click with and reprioritize your energy for those that you're more compatible with.
Sagittarius
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August kicks off with a Full Moon on the 3rd, encouraging you to speak life into your dreams! There could be cause for celebrating a recent win that affirms how much it pays off to just be yourself. On the 4th, Mercury enters Leo, enticing your wanderlust that much more. If you're dealing with travel restrictions, you may find a little relief in getting lost in travel blogs or TV shows that give you a little taste of culture and adventure. A few days later, Venus moves into Cancer, inviting you into deeper levels of intimacy within your connections. You deserve softness, Saggie. Let other people take care of you, too.
On the 15th, Uranus goes retrograde which could cause some sudden changes in your daily routines (but you're not one to complain about switching things up). This could be just the shift that you needed to reinvigorate your drive. Your health and wellness also take the front seat during this transit, making this a supportive transit for revolutionizing the way you take care of yourself. The New Moon on the 18th is a great time to start writing that book, organizing that workshop, or looking into options to further your education. On the 18th, Mercury enters Virgo followed by the Sun a few days later, making your career the center of your focus over the next few weeks. It's time to buckle down and handle your responsibilities like a boss. More success and influence is coming towards you. All you have to do is meet it halfway.
Capricorn
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The Full Moon at the beginning of the month helps you break through any financial barriers by providing you with the perfect strategy for increasing your flow of abundance. It's not just about the money you make but HOW you're making the money. With the Moon in Aquarius, it's important to prioritize authentic ways of aligning with wealth. What do you actually enjoy doing that you can make a profit from? On the 4th, Mercury enters Leo which could be triggering some soft spots related to your confidence and ego. Owning up to your insecurities can actually lessen the effects of them. A few days later, Venus moves into Cancer to sweeten up your relationships. Just make sure you're available to receive the love being offered to you.
On the 15th, Uranus goes retrograde, stirring up some changes in your dating life and creative expression. If you're suddenly overcome with the burning desire to hire an acting coach, learn photography, or invest in some new sketchpads and pencils, go for it! Your inner child needs some attention from you. What your parents may have not been able to do for you in the past is something you have the ability to do for yourself now. The New Moon on the 18th is a great time to apply for a loan or to reconsider that offer from that sugar daddy that's been hanging out in your DMs. On the 20th, Mercury enters Virgo and the Sun follows behind on the 22nd, making it a good time to expand your knowledge through going back to school, attending seminars, or reading books to sharpen your expertise.
Aquarius
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The spotlight is on you at the beginning of the month, thanks to the Full Moon in your sign. This lunation could have you feeling on edge especially if you've been repressing some emotions lately. Remember—"The truth shall set you free." Communication may be even more difficult once Mercury enters Leo but try to look at any uncomfortable moments as opportunities to grow. On the 7th, Venus invites you to adjust your routine if you've been feeling overwhelmed. Sometimes less is more. Say "no" to any invitations that don't feel like a complete "yes". Get into some gentle forms of exercise to soothe any anxiety.
Be mindful of squabbles with family, roommates, or a landlord around the Quarter Moon on the 11th. On the 15th, Uranus goes retrograde, bringing some changes to your household dynamic. A sudden relocation may be on the horizon for some while others of you are breaking through the chains of your family's expectations to create a life that you can be happy with. The New Moon on the 18th has you signing your name on the dotted line for your new condo, work contract, or business partnership. When it comes to romance, talks of the next level of commitment may be on the table. On the 20th, Mercury enters Virgo followed by the Sun on the 25th, bringing your attention to intimacy blockages. How are you overthinking your way out of getting close to others?
Pisces
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August kicks off with a Full Moon enlivening your dream world with the clues you need to actualize a long-term vision of yours. You could even receive intuitive insights about who will play a key role in helping your manifest your dreams into reality. On the 4th, Mercury enters Leo, motivating you to get your eating habits and body into shape. Luck is on your side when Venus enters Cancer where she'll be sweetening up your world with an abundance of romance and creative inspiration. You could even be making some extra money from a project you've recently launched.
Around the middle of the month, Uranus goes retrograde, encouraging you to speak your mind. Oftentimes, you're a little too considerate of other people's emotions to the point that you water down your truth. This transit will challenge you to let people know how you really feel and what matters most to you. On the 18th, the New Moon invites you to make some changes in your routine or work environment that cultivate more adventure and creativity in your busy (and boring) schedule. On the 20th, Mercury moves into Virgo with the Sun following behind. Important conversations about your close relationships and business partnerships are on the table. It's time to address what isn't working in the connection or detox it out of your life entirely.
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ItGirl 100 Honors Black Women Who Create Culture & Put On For Their Cities
As they say, create the change you want to see in this world, besties. That’s why xoNecole linked up with Hyundai for the inaugural ItGirl 100 List, a celebration of 100 Genzennial women who aren’t afraid to pull up their own seats to the table. Across regions and industries, these women embody the essence of discovering self-value through purpose, honey! They're fierce, they’re ultra-creative, and we know they make their cities proud.
VIEW THE FULL ITGIRL 100 LIST HERE.
Don’t forget to also check out the ItGirl Directory, featuring 50 Black-woman-owned marketing and branding agencies, photographers and videographers, publicists, and more.
THE ITGIRL MEMO
I. An ItGirl puts on for her city and masters her self-worth through purpose.
II. An ItGirl celebrates all the things that make her unique.
III. An ItGirl empowers others to become the best versions of themselves.
IV. An ItGirl leads by example, inspiring others through her actions and integrity.
V. An ItGirl paves the way for authenticity and diversity in all aspects of life.
VI. An ItGirl uses the power of her voice to advocate for positive change in the world.
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Do You Want To Be A Wife? Or Do You Just Want To Have A Wedding?
Even though it’s my life, sometimes I look at it and totally trip out over certain things.
For instance, even though I am aware that both Hebrew and African cultures put a lot of stock in the name of a child (because they believe it speaks to their purpose; so do I) and I know that my name is pretty much Hebrew for divine covenant, it’s still wild that in a couple of years, I will have been working with married couples for a whopping two decades — and boy, is it an honor when they will say something like, “Shellie, we’ve seen [professionally] multiple people and no one has been nearly as effective as you have been.”
Yep, me. Little ole’ never-been-married-before me. Yeah, y’all better quit letting people tell you what you’re called to do in this world. That is between you and the One who made you.
Okay, but let me stay on track. When it comes to the engaged couples specifically, who have crossed my path, something that I believe I’ve said to each and every one of them (especially the bride-to-be) is — “You better enjoy every single minute of your wedding day because you deserve a big ‘ole party for all of the work that you’re about to do.” And then I look at the woman as intensely as I can and say, “And you? Remember, you are a bride for a day. You are a wife for the rest of your life.”
Why do I emphasize that point so much? It’s because those two things are not one and the same. Hmph. Let me tell it, a huge reason why 70 percent of divorces are initiated by women, however, is because a lot of them think that it is. And so, in the effort to do my part to help make marriages last longer and cause the divorce rate to go down, I think it’s important for more women to ponder if they really want to be a wife — or if they just want to throw a big party (a wedding), go on a trip (a honeymoon) and not much more than that.
Buckle in. This one might be a bit of a ride (for some, at least).
It’s Time to Stop “Living for the Fairy Tale”
GiphyIf you’ve been reading my content for a while (and if so, thank you), it will not shock you in the least that I’ve spent many years studying the origins of things as they directly relate to marriage. I know that the engagement ring is not about love but about a jewelry company that was about to go bust. So, they came up with the slogan “A diamond is forever” and then made some serious bank from it (you can read about that here).
I know that white wedding dresses have nothing to do with purity and virtue; in fact, women in the Bible often wore lots of bright colors during their more-than-one-day wedding celebrations. Actually, white comes from Queen Victoria making it famous back in the 1840s. I also know that a lot of people were pretty obsessed with evil spirits back in the day because things like wearing a wedding veil and bridesmaids wearing the same dresses were all about hiding from said spirits. Another pretty popular wedding day tradition? Well, I’ll just let you read Insider’s “Here's the horrifying truth about why grooms carry brides across the threshold,” if you’re interested.
And as far as marriage goes, don’t even get me started on the whole “I’m living for the fairy tale” narrative that gets pushed incessantly. I’ve said in other articles before that "fairy tale" literally means “a story, usually for children, about elves, hobgoblins, dragons, fairies, or other magical creatures” and “an incredible or misleading statement, account, or belief.” Who wants to live for childish stories that are incredibly misleading? And the ones that have a character like Prince Charming in it? The Bible literally says that “charm is deceitful” (Proverbs 31:30).
Know what else the Bible says? It states that death and life are in the power of the tongue (Proverbs 18:21). So, what’s up with all of this wedding/marriage rhetoric that’s so popular and also, so… “silly” is the first word that comes to mind, “unrealistic” is the second and “unnecessary” is the third?
Why are there so many expectations, especially when it comes to the wedding day, that push folks to the point where a whopping 49 percent of couples end up going into debt right after jumping the broom — all because they wanted to live for the fairy tale and throw a big party that they basically couldn’t afford? SMDH.
It really is wild, just how much human nature tends to do things without even really knowing WHY it does it — even when it comes to marriage. And so, if you are someone who desires this type of union, be honest with yourself: what is your “why”?
When it comes to becoming a wife someday, WHY do you want to do that?
A man needing to spend three times his salary on an engagement ring, WHY?
When it comes to having a big traditional wedding, WHY is it necessary?
Marriage is a goal for you (and don’t get me wrong, marriage is a beautiful thing) — WHY is that the case?
When it comes to being married, WHY do you think it will better serve you than your single state?
Motivational speaker Eric Thomas once said, “When you find your ‘why’, you will find a way to make it happen.” And when it comes to something as big (and supposed to be lifetime lasting) as marriage, perhaps a big part of the reason WHY so many of them do not go the distance is because there aren’t enough “why” questions, on the front end, that are asked (which is why you should partake in premarital counseling before your wedding day). Oh, but there should be.
Because saying “why” you want a huge wedding is nothing more than “because I want to” or “why” you chose the man that you did is simply “I love him” — I’ve been doing this couples work thing long enough to assure you that those answers simply aren’t good enough. You need to know what it means to be a wife and why a marriage and a wedding are not the same thing…not by the longest country mile that you can imagine.
What It Means to Be a Wife
GiphyIf you’ve been reading my content for a while now, you know that I’m good for throwing some Scripture in; it’s a part of my foundation and I make no apologies for it. And so, when it comes to what it means to be a wife, the first word that’s used to define it in the Bible is “helpmate” (Genesis 2:18). A helpmate is a companion, a helper and someone who assists another individual — in this case, a husband.
While we’re here, a helper is not helping unless the help is actually needed and it’s good. Lawd, I can’t tell you how many wife clients I’ve had who have totally missed that part. So, what does “good help” look like?
- A good helper ASKS the person they are assisting what they need.
- A good helper does not try to control another person or make them do what they want.
- A good helper gets that needs can shift based on what is transpiring at any given time.
- A good helper makes things easier and less stressful.
- A good helper learns how to master good listening, effective communication, and wise timing.
And yes, in many ways, this is what it means to be a good wife. So, if you are someone who desires marriage, when it comes to what is required to be not just a wife but a GOOD WIFE, how much have you factored helping your man into the dynamic?
Not mothering him. Not bossing him around. Not trying to manipulate him into being a version of a husband that you would prefer. No, how much thought have you put into “Am I equipped to help another person be their best self? Am I ready to be supportive, encouraging, and nurturing? Was it even modeled to me, while growing up, to know what a proper helpmate looks like? Have I realized how much sacrifice goes into that type of role? Am I even selfless enough to be a consistent helper?”
I know this is probably gonna ruffle some feathers yet, you know something that I’m not big on? Women saying that their man should give them the “princess treatment.” Every time I hear that, the first thought that comes to my mind is “Fathers make their daughters princesses while men make their wives a queen” — and little girls are treated differently than grown women. And to that, Proverbs 12:4(NKJV) says, “An excellent wife is the crown of her husband, but she who causes shame is like rottenness in his bones.”
My point? There is a MATURITY that is to come from going from princess to queen. A queen does have more privileges, yet, at the same time, she also has way more responsibility. It’s not about sitting around and being catered to all day long. Queens have work to do — and it’s not always comfortable or pretty. Same thing goes for being a wife.
Y’all, I could go on and on (and on and on and on) about what it means to be a wife in a marriage. For now, I’ll just end this part of the article with, “If you’re not ready to help, each and every day of your relationship, you’re not ready to be a wife.” Plain and simple.
Weddings Are Not Marriages (and Vice Versa)
GiphySo, why do so many people jump brooms (I’m writing this with Black folks in mind first; jumping brooms is for us only), only to turn around and get divorced a few years later? Oh, I could go on and on as well about how a lot of people don’t have much integrity when it comes to the promises that they make. Listen singles, when you’re dating someone, pay very close attention to whether the person you’re seeing keeps their word — and if you do the same.
It makes absolutely no sense to keep letting someone slide when it comes to reneging now, only to act shocked when they do the same thing after saying “I do.” And while we’re here, being a man or woman of your word is a character issue. Maybe folks are not strong in character when it comes to this.
Yet another reason why folks will get all dolled up, stand before God, family, and friends, look someone straight in the eye, and promise to never leave, only to do just that, is because many people honestly don’t see past their wedding (and maybe their newlywed years). That is why you will hear so many people describe their perfect wedding day, down to the last detail, and yet, if you ask what their five-year plan for their marriage is, they have absolutely not one clue.
I mean, I get it — to a certain extent. A wedding is a big party where you get to dress to the nines, have people come to celebrate you and you get to have everything go your way — down to the font on the programs and reception napkins. Oh, but what a “trick” that can be if you think that your marriage is going to move like that, all of the time, moving forward. I liken it to The Bachelor franchise. Who wouldn’t feel like they are falling for someone when they’re able to live in a mansion with no bills, have fantasy dates that cost thousands of dollars, and a big ole’ rock that a famed jeweler donates?
Meanwhile, folks should watchUnREAL (the television series from several years back where some former producers of the franchise talk about what really happens behind the scenes) to get a reality check. To a certain extent, the same thing goes for marriage: while weddings produce this belief that marriage will be one big party where everyone focuses on you and everything goes your way, that isn’t even close to being the reality of being married.
Honestly, the real deal is 1) if you don’t want to learn how to love on a supernatural level; 2) if you don’t want your strengths to be refined and your weaknesses to be challenged; 3) if you don’t want to be held accountable in ways that you would never be if you remained single; 4) if you don’t want to compromise on a daily basis and, 5) if you don’t want to be challenged to become a truly selfless individual — marriage isn’t for you.
You’d be far better off just throwing a big ass party for yourself, just because (and no, I don’t mean marry yourself; you are already “one” with you; no need for that), and call it a day. Spare yourself and another person the heartache of divorce because…divorce is A LOT to go through.
Lawd, I can only imagine how much drama could be spared if folks simply took into their spirit that weddings ARE NOT marriages and marriages ARE NOT weddings. Weddings are a party to celebrate your union — yet your union? That requires daily energy, effort, and time. It’s not a party. It’s a relationship. BIG DIFFERENCE.
Please Don’t Get Married Until You’re Sure That You Want…BOTH
GiphyAnd this is why, whenever someone tells me that they are going to get married, I don’t immediately respond with, “Congrats! That’s awesome.” NOPE. The very first thing that comes out of my mouth is something along the lines of, “For real. Why?” WHY? Because, it never fails that, about 7.5 times outta 10, folks will be caught off guard and say, “What do you mean ‘why’?” and then follow that up with, “Because I’m in love” or…they don’t really know what to say at all.
Is being in love a good answer? I mean, it explains why you picked the person that you did; it doesn’t really explain why you are choosing to commit to them for the rest of your life, on a marital level, though. Are you getting married because you know that the two of you will make each other better people? Are you getting married because you want to raise your children in a two-parent dynamic? Are you getting married for biblical reasons like wanting to love like Christ loves his bride (the Church and the Church sent him through A LOT — Ephesians 5)?
Are you getting married because you think you’ve gone as far as you can in your evolution as an individual without the assistance of another? Are you getting married because you want to serve another person as they do the same for you (perhaps not in the same ways because you’re both different people)?
Is that asking the most? Chile, that’s not asking enough. I don’t care how much people mock marriage in the media by changing partners like they change cars or homes. I don’t care how much divorce has been normalized. I don’t care how much folks like to act like a husband is a 2.0 boyfriend (it’s not) and having a wife is a 2.0 girlfriend (it’s not) — marriage is special, sacred, and needs to be honored as such. A wedding should be seen as a happy occasion where two people publicly acknowledge what I just said…not simply a time to get a lot of attention and presents only to come home and go from heaven to hell in six months.
And honestly, that’s a bit part of the reason why I do what I do: it’s because I actually think the covenant of marriage is SO MAGNIFICENT that I want to make sure that people know, as much as possible, what they are signing up for — not an endless wedding; a very real relationship that will challenge them and mature them like nothing else ever will in this lifetime.
____
This was a lot. I already know. Still, it beats spending thousands of dollars on a wedding to stand before a chaplain only to spend thousands of more dollars several years later on a divorce lawyer and therapy while standing before a judge.
Weddings are awesome; you’ll get no argument from me there. Still, I think if I was to narrow all of this down into one statement, it would simply be this: “When it comes to marriage, if the thought of being a wife doesn’t excite you more than being a bride — wait. You’re not ready yet.”
Thank me later, sis. YOU WILL.
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