Here's Why Blogger Ashlei Lauren Refuses To Sacrifice Her Mental Health For Wealth
In xoNecole's Finding Balance, we profile boss women making boss moves in the world and in their respective industries. We talk to them about their business, and most of all, what they do to find balance in their busy lives.
Two years ago, Ashlei Lauren posted her very first video on YouTube as a natural hair care blogger. Since that day, the 28-year-old influencer has started multiple businesses and amassed more than 85K followers. A lot can change in a short amount of time and adaptability is the name of the game when it comes to leveling up after making a major transition, but the key to this Pretty Hippie's hustle is balance.
Born and raised in Birmingham, Ashlei is a self-proclaimed workaholic in recovery. As a full-time wife, mother, songwriter, and business owner, it's not easy to find time for herself, but according to her, self-care is not an option, issa necessity. She told xoNecole, "I will work day and night until I get overwhelmed and desperately need a break. One day I sat back and analyzed my life and I put everything into perspective. My son needs a mother and my husband needs a wife and that is more important than anything else."
Courtesy of @kevcolephotography
When she's not burning Palo Santo, creating content, designing jewelry, or spending some hardcore one-on-one time with her fam, Ashlei is somewhere manifesting the life of her dreams. The blogger shared that by focusing on what she wants in life, she's found herself seeing less of what she doesn't.
"I always use basic Law of Attraction: What you put out into the universe is what you are going to get back," she explained. "So if you focus on the things that are hard or negative in your life, that's what you're going to keep attracting. If you continue to focus on the things that are going well when life gets hard, you can shift your reality to align with your thoughts."
We got a chance to sit down with Ashlei, who shared exactly how she finds balance as a sage burning mommy on a mission. Here's what she had to say:
What’s been the driving force behind all of the hats that you wear these days? What is your “why”?
My why is my two-year-old Sun "Solar Ray". I'm determined to provide a better life for him. When he's of age to work, I don't want him to have to clock-in to a 9-5. I'm focused on establishing a brand that will remain in the family so that when I retire, Solar and my future children can take over.
What is a typical day in your life? If no day is quite the same, give me a rundown of a typical work week and what that might consist of.
A typical day for me would be waking up and cooking breakfast for my son and feeding our puppy, Heru. Then, after breakfast, I do learning activities and interact with Solar. After that, I check emails and IG messages and see how my pages and content are doing. Then, I plan my posts (sometimes I do this the night before) and edit pictures. If I have to take pictures, I get dolled up and play in makeup!
After that, I have to put my son down for a nap. Normally while he is napping, I edit my Youtube videos or use this time to record when it's nice and quiet. When Solar wakes from his nap, I make him lunch then we may go outside or to the neighborhood park. After my husband comes home from work, I prepare dinner and then start my studio sessions. I'm currently working on my first EP.
Courtesy of Ashlei Lauren
What are your mornings like?
My mornings are funny! I wake up to a demanding two-year-old screaming, "Mommy I want Juice! Mommy I want to eat! Mommy, Mommy, Mommy!" And an occasional jump on the head if I don't get up in a timely fashion! I'm grateful to have such a happy child. We normally spend our mornings dancing and playing while getting breakfast ready. Oh, and potty training! Oh what fun! (Laughs)
How do you wind down at night?
I wind down by rounding up my family and putting on a movie while we lay in bed. It's another way we make sure we are spending that quality time. Then, we all just pass out and fall asleep.
When you have a busy week, what’s the most hectic part of it?
Courtesy of Ashlei Lauren
The most hectic part of my week is having to make products and ship them out in a timely fashion. Because I'm so busy working on content and doing all of the other things I mentioned, running two businesses where I physically have to make and ship the products is the most hectic for me. I do everything myself at the moment. I can't wait for the day my husband can leave his job. Then it won't be such a big load for me.
Do you practice self-care? What does that look like for you?
Absolutely! Self-care is taking the time to heal your mind, body, and spirit. I do this by taking out time for myself. Whether it be going to shop, attending a hula hoop class, having a girl's night, or just [being] secluded in a room alone with just me and my thoughts and no interruptions, self-care is always on my to-do list.
What advice do you have for busy women who feel like they don’t have time for self-care?
I would say it's a necessity. If you don't have time to care for yourself, how can you properly care for someone else? I have to be 100% to give 100% to my family. If I'm stressed, it shows in the way I care for them.
Courtesy of Ashlei Lauren
"If you don't have time to care for yourself, how can you properly care for someone else? I have to be 100% to give 100% to my family. If I'm stressed, it shows in the way I care for them."
How do you find balance with:
Friends?
Honestly, I don't have many friends. I may go out with friends once a month, if that, so that doesn't really take up a lot of my time. My husband is literally my best friend and we are together for the majority of the time.
Love/Relationships?
I have been with my husband, Tevin, for eight years. We have been married for three years. Keeping the communication open and honest allows us to maintain a healthy relationship. He has an understanding of what I do and what it takes for me to reach my goals, so he is very supportive. Even if we are in the same room working on two different projects, at least we are together on the same page. We make sure we keep the romance alive in our relationship by having date nights. They are always spontaneous and never planned, but they are always so magical and remind us why we pursued each other eight years ago.
The self?
I find balance with myself by communicating with my spirit. Asking myself questions like, "Are you happy? Are you ok? Are you wasting time or progressing on your dreams?" That helps me get a sense of self and my state of being. If I feel weird about any of the questions I ask myself, then I know it's time to visit some of the areas and find out the root causes of my discomfort.
When you are going through a bout of uncertainty or feeling stuck, how do you handle it?
I pull out my labradorite crystal and wear it. This is my go-to for any creative block I may be having. It hasn't failed me yet. Wearing or holding Labradorite helps you tap into a higher state of consciousness, therefore I can create on a higher conscious level. Uncertainty has always been a struggle for me. Always being too critical of myself and wondering if people will even like me are the thoughts that used to consume me. I had to learn to let go of fear because fear keeps you comfortable. In order to get different results, you have to do different things. So if I'm doing "fear" and it hasn't been working for me, I now have to do "brave" if I want to accomplish my goals and that's exactly what I am doing now.
What does happiness mean to you?
To me, happiness means the mind being free. What I mean by that is, letting go of all hurt and anger, practicing forgiveness daily, and being aware of anything that may have caused pain or trauma and dealing with it. Once you dive deep into yourself and let go of things hiding in your soul, you can become mentally free which leads to everlasting happiness.
"I had to learn to let go of fear because fear keeps you comfortable. In order to get different results, you have to do different things. So if I'm doing 'fear' and it hasn't been working for me, I now have to do 'brave' if I want to accomplish my goals and that's exactly what I am doing now."
What is something you think others forget when it comes to finding balance?
I think people forget to love themselves and love those around them. It's easy to get caught up and neglect yourself and the ones you love while chasing your dreams. I know because I've done it. Finding that balance is very important.
To keep up with Ashlei, follow her on Instagram @_AsheliLauren_!
Featured image courtesy of Ashlei Lauren.
Taylor "Pretty" Honore is a spiritually centered and equally provocative rapper from Baton Rouge, Louisiana with a love for people and storytelling. You can probably find me planting herbs in your local community garden, blasting "Back That Thang Up" from my mini speaker. Let's get to know each other: @prettyhonore.
The Reality Of Living With Severe Asthma – As Told by 2 Women On Their Disease Journey
This post is in partnership with Amgen.
The seemingly simple task of taking a breath is something most of us don’t think twice about. But for people who live with severe asthma, breathing does not always come easily. Asthma, a chronic respiratory condition that inflames and narrows the airways in the lungs, affects millions of people worldwide – 5-10% of which live with severe asthma. Severe asthma is a chronic and lifelong condition that is unpredictable and can be difficult to manage. Though often invisible to the rest of the world, severe asthma is a not-so-silent companion for those who live with it, often interrupting schedules and impacting day-to-day life.
Among the many individuals who battle severe asthma, Black women face a unique set of challenges. It's not uncommon for us to go years without a proper diagnosis, and finding the right treatment often requires some trial and error. Thankfully, all hope is not lost for those who may be fighting to get their severe asthma under control. We spoke with Juanita Brown Ingram, Esq. and Jania Watson, two inspiring Black women who have been living with severe asthma and have found strength, resilience, and a sense of purpose in their journeys.
Juanita Brown Ingram, Esq.
Juanita Ingram has a resume that would make anyone’s jaw drop. On top of being recently crowned Mrs. Universe, she’s also an accomplished attorney, filmmaker, and philanthropist. From the outside, it seems there’s nothing this talented woman won’t try, and likely succeed at. In her everyday life, however, Juanita exercises a lot more caution. From a young age, Juanita has struggled with severe asthma. Her symptoms were always exacerbated by common illnesses like a cold or flu. “I've heard these stories of my breathing struggles, but I remember distinctly when I was younger not being able to breathe every time I got a virus,” says Ingram. “I remember missing a lot of school and crying a lot because asthma is painful. I [was taken] to see my doctor often if I got sick with anything so I was hypervigilant as a child, and I still am.”
Today, Juanita says her symptoms are best managed when she’s working closely with her care team, avoiding getting sick and staying ahead of any symptoms. Ingram said she’s been blessed with skilled doctors who are just as vigilant of her symptoms as she is. While competing in the Mrs. Universe competition, Juanita took extra care to stay clear of other competitors to ensure she didn’t catch a cold or virus that would trigger her severe asthma. “I would stand off to the side and sometimes that could be taken as ‘oh, she thinks she's better than everybody else.’ But if I get sick during a pageant, I'm done. I had to compete with that in mind because my sickness doesn't look like everybody else's sickness.”
Even when her symptoms are under control, living with severe asthma still presents challenges. Juanita relies on her strong support system to overcome the hurdles caused by a lack of understanding from the public, “I think that there's a lot of lack of awareness about how serious severe asthma is. I would [also] tell women to advocate and to trust their intuition and not to allow someone to dismiss what you're experiencing.”
Jania Watson
Jania, a content creator from Atlanta, Georgia, has been living with severe asthma for many years. Thanks to early testing by asthma specialists, Jania was diagnosed with severe asthma as a child after experiencing frequent flare-ups and challenges in her day-to-day life. “I specifically remember, I was starting school, and we were moving into a new house. One of the triggers for me and my younger sister at the time were certain types of carpets. We had just moved into this new house and within weeks of us being there, my parents literally had to pay for all new carpet in the house.”
As Jania grew older, she was suffering from fewer flare-ups and thought her asthma was well under control. However, a trip back to her doctor during high school revealed that her severe asthma was affecting her more than she realized. “That was the first time in a long time I had to do a breathing test,” she describes. “The doctor had me take a deep breath in and blow into a machine to test my breathing. They told me to blow as hard as I could. And I was doing it. I was giving everything I got. [My dad and the doctor] were looking at me like ‘girl, stop playing.’ And at that point [it confirmed] I still have severe asthma because I've given it all I got. It doesn't really go away, but I just learned how to help manage it better.”
Jania recognizes that people who aren’t living with asthma, may not understand the disease and mistake it for something less serious. Or there could be others who think their symptoms are minor, and not worth bringing up. So, for Jania, communicating with others about her diagnosis is key. “Having severe asthma [flare-ups] in some cases looks very similar to being out of shape,” she said. “But this is a chronic illness that I was born with. This is just something that I live with that I've been dealing with. And I think it's important for people to know because that determines the next steps. [They might ask] ‘Do you need a bottle of water, or do you need an inhaler? Do you need to take a break, or do we need to take you to the hospital?’ So, I think letting the people around you know what's going on, just in case anything were to happen plays a lot into it as well.”
Like Juanita, Jania’s journey has been marked by ups and downs, but she remains an unwavering advocate for asthma awareness and support within the Black community. She hopes that her story can be an inspiration to other women with asthma who may not yet have their symptoms under control. “There's still life to be lived outside of having severe asthma. It is always going to be there, but it's not meant to stop you from living your life. That’s why learning how to manage it and also having that support system around you, is so important.”
By sharing their journeys, Juanita and Jania hope to encourage others to embrace their conditions, obtain a proper management plan from a doctor or asthma specialist like a pulmonologist or allergist, and contribute to the improvement of asthma awareness and support, not only within the Black community, but for all individuals living with severe asthma.
Read more stories from others like Juanita and Jania on Amgen.com, or visit Uncontrolled Asthma In Black Women | BREAK THE CYCLE to find support and resources.
Fantasia Barrino And Phylicia Pearl Mpasi On Whoopi Goldberg’s Reaction To Them Playing Celie In 'The Color Purple'
The Color Purple is the gift that keeps on giving, and the reimagining of the beloved film has made us fall in love with the characters all over again. Whoopi Goldberg played Celie in the original film and passed the torch to Grammy award-winning singer Fantasia Barrino and TV writer turned actress Phylicia Pearl Mpasi. The Color Purplemarks Phylicia’s big screen debut, and she plays young Celie. In a xoNecole exclusive, the actress shared what it was like meeting Whoopi and their shared connection from another iconic project.
“When she walked into the makeup trailer, I was like, ‘Oh my gosh, that’s Whoopi Goldberg, don't say anything. Don't say anything,’” she said. “And she looks at me, and she goes, ‘Ugh, you're adorable. You must be young Celie,’ and I don't think I've ever heard the word adorable, you know, said about Celie. So that was really powerful.”
While the two have a shared connection, as Celie in The Color Purple, it turns out that they both have The Lion King in common as well. She continued, “She was Shenzi in The Lion King, the cartoon version. I did Shenzi for a couple of years on Broadway and on tour. And we connected on just being artists and just being honest in the work, and she was like, ‘You were chosen for a reason. It's yours. You've already got it. You're doing fantastic. Just keep going.’”
Not only did Whoopi come on the set of the film, but the EGOT winner also appeared in the film, birthing the next Celie’s baby. Fantasia revealed that she didn’t have the chance to meet Whoopi during filming, but they were able to share a moment afterward.
“I did not talk to her while we were filming, before we were filming. It was after. And I was able to speak with her when we all did The View, and she finally said, ‘You know, if I would have passed it to anybody, it would of been you,’ she recalled.
The “Free Yourself” singer admitted that she wanted to speak with the comedian prior to filming but suggested that their meeting during The View was meant to be. “I wanted to so bad, but maybe there was a reason why. But the fact that you just said, I just thought about that she comes back in the movie, and she delivers the next gen–. That's a generational–That's really, really, really good, but I don't think I was supposed to talk to her until then.”
Taraji P. Henson, Fantasia Barrino & Danielle Brooks On Whoopi Goldberg's 'Color Purple' Appearance
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Feature image by Michael Rowe/Getty Images for IMDb