Erykah Badu Gave Ari Lennox This Unconventional Advice When They Met
If you haven't heard of Ari Lennox before now, you will soon. Like most up-and-coming artists in the digital age, the D.C.-born singer began her music career by uploading songs to YouTube, and for the past seven years, "underrated" is an understatement for this overly slept-on new-age, old-school artist. Ari, who sings songs about self-love, f*ckboys, and good d*ck alike, is a voice we didn't know we needed in the industry, but her time didn't come until after years of playing the underdog. She told NPR:
"I always wanted to solo at the church and they didn't ever give it to me. But eventually they did and I froze. But then I killed it. I just feel like that kind of just followed me all throughout my life. I've always kind of been slept on a bit."
As the first woman to sign to J. Cole's record label, Dreamville, Ari recently released her debut studio album Shea Butter Baby and has been making waves so big that she even made it on to her soul-singing predecessor Erykah Badu's radar. In a recent interview with Bossip, the 28-year-old songstress opened up about the advice that Erykah gave her during their very first encounter, and honestly, all of us can relate. She explained:
"I was leaving the dressing room and she was just right there. I think she was there for me. I don't know. Maybe it just happened to be that way. She was just right there, I said [hi]...I couldn't hear anything! She was like, 'Are you nervous?' I was like, 'Yeah.' And she was like, 'Just sing from your p*ssy.'"
While Erykah's suggestion may seem like odd and unconventional advice, Ari says she felt that in her spirit.
"I was like, 'Oh my God, I will.' I know, this makes so much sense. When you wanna hit that note you gotta dig deep down in there. You gotta squeeze sometimes to hit that got-damn f*cking high note. So she knew. I knew what she was saying."
It's gems like this that kept Ari going when she thought about giving it all up. Last year, after going through a traumatic breakup, Ari wondered if music would "ever make her happy again" and considered quitting the business altogether. In a tweet, she wrote:
"I don't see how I can ever be happy doing music again. I don't want to write and I don't want to listen to [sic] listen to any beats. I don't want to perform. I think I'm literally done. Never thought I could feel that way but I do. Hopefully, god can give me happiness and peace because I feel so far from it. This has nothing to do with music. I'm not mentally ok. I don't know if I will ever be."
Luckily, months later, God gave Ari exactly what she asked for in the form of a new apartment in a new city and a trip to Nigeria that transformed her perspective. The singer told Madame Noire:
"I got super healthy and I found out about loving on myself. I fell in love with New York. I fell in love with Brooklyn, and that just helped me mentally. It's just a beautiful place to heal, I think. I don't know, the trauma eventually lessened over time. Oh, and going to Nigeria [helped]. It's a whole world out there other than like, you know, whatever city you live in. If you ever feel depressed, take your depressed a– out the country, or at least be depressed somewhere else and like, just live, you know what I'm saying? Because it can really help you find appreciation for life and different things."
Now, Ari is singing her truth from her p*ssy every damn day, and it's all thanks to the fact that she trusted the process and didn't give up. Goal-focused, mentally sound, and f*ckboy free, Ari is transitioning into a new version of herself, one that we'll continue to see reflected in her music:
"I kind of don't even want to drink anymore because I want to be able to just not be sick and just always have my voice and sh-t like that. I want to be as fire as India Arie one day or Erykah Badu, or just those real singers that be singing. So it's like now, I don't know, I just want to focus."
If you still aren't convinced that Ari is one of the true leaders of the old-school, new aged R&B; game, you should check out these 8 songs:
Featured image via Giphy
- Ari Lennox: "All Those No's Made Room For The Most Beautiful Yes ... ›
- Ari Lennox Is Taking A Break To Recalibrate - xoNecole: Women's ... ›
- Ari Lennox Says She Will Choose Love Over Her Career - xoNecole: Women's Interest, Love, Wellness, Beauty ›
Taylor "Pretty" Honore is a spiritually centered and equally provocative rapper from Baton Rouge, Louisiana with a love for people and storytelling. You can probably find me planting herbs in your local community garden, blasting "Back That Thang Up" from my mini speaker. Let's get to know each other: @prettyhonore.
Jada Pinkett Smith On How Psychedelics Saved Her Life & The Status Of Her Marriage To Will Smith
Jada Pinkett Smith is speaking her piece on the status of her marriage with longtime love Will Smith. On the heels of releasing her highly anticipated memoir, Worthy, Jada is gracing the cover of PEOPLE and sharing the truth about her mental health struggles throughout the years, the infamous Oscars slap, and her marriage.
According to the 52-year-old author, though she seemed to "have it all" in life - the riches, the fame, the love, the family, there was a part of her that couldn't escape her past traumas and depression that plagued her early on in her career. "While I was really living the dream, I hit a huge wall — a massive amount of depression. I think that I looked at having outside sources to supplement for the voids that I was feeling inside," she told PEOPLE.
By the time she turned 40, she had encountered her breaking point and spiraled so deeply that she saw no way out for herself aside from death. She went on to say that she heard voices in her head telling her to end her life and that told her of her unworthiness, pulling her deeper into her depression. "I started looking for places, cliffs where I could have an accident because I didn't want my kids to think that their mother had committed suicide.”
Jada credited friends of her son Jaden for putting her on to ayahuasca, a powerful and traditional plant-based brew used for shamanic and healing rituals known for its psychoactive properties. She said partaking in ayahuasca changed her profoundly and "the suicidal thoughts completely went away."
"Ayahuasca helped me, it gave me a new intimate relationship with myself that I had never had before," she told the outlet about her first time taking the psychedelic. Keep reading for more key takeaways from Jada's PEOPLE exclusive.
Jada Pinkett Smith on the status of her marriage to Will Smith:
In what might have been a shocking revelation to most, Jada revealed to the world that she and Will have actually been separated for the past six years, going on seven years. She explained the status of their 26-year marriage to PEOPLE:
“We’re still figuring it out. We’ve been doing some really heavy-duty work together. We just got deep love for each other and we are going to figure out what that looks like for us.”
Amy Sussman/WireImage
Jada on how her relationship with Will Smith caused her to abandon her mental health:
As her star in Hollywood was rising thanks to starring roles in projects like A Different World, Jason's Lyric, and Set It Off, Jada revealed that she was taking Prozac and being treated for depression and suicidal ideation. Meeting Will would cause her to develop a false sense of not needing to take care of her mental health.
"Once I met Will, I completely abandoned my mental health. I was so intoxicated by him and our dynamic. I really felt like I'm cured," she said to PEOPLE. "He became the drug."
Albert L. Ortega/Getty Images
Jada Pinkett Smith on the self-acceptance her kids have taught her:
"My children, they’re little gurus," she told the mag of her kids, bonus son Trey, 30, Jaden, 25, and Willow, 22. "They’ve taught me a deep sense of self-acceptance.”
“They love every part of me. The level of love, unconditional love that they have for me and their dad. And it's one thing to want to be the person that gives that unconditional love. And then there's, to be the recipient of that.”
For the full cover story and photos, head over to PEOPLE here.
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Having a relationship where there is no sex refers to a romantic partnership where the romantic or intimate aspect of physical intimacy isn't happening. It's like when that spark or connection between partners in terms of sexual activity is absent. A relationship where there's no sex can happen for various reasons – maybe there's a lack of desire, communication issues, stress, health concerns, or even just a natural ebb and flow in the relationship.
Regardless, the level of physical intimacy and sexual activity between partners is significantly low or even nonexistent. However, it is important to note that every relationship is unique, and what might be considered a lack of sexual activity for one couple might work for another. The reality is, in the journey of any relationship, there are ebbs and flows, ups and downs, and moments of growth and change. For some couples, that might mean seasons where there is more sex and seasons where there is less sex.
'No Sex' in a Relationship Means What?
While it's common for couples to experience periods of reduced sexual activity, it's essential to approach this aspect with understanding, communication, and an open heart.
Navigating a Sexless Relationship
It's important to recognize that a decrease in sexual activity doesn't necessarily indicate a lack of love or attraction between partners. Life's challenges, stressors, and changes can all play a role in affecting one's desire and ability to engage in physical intimacy. Health concerns, work pressures, family issues, and personal insecurities can all contribute to shifts in this area.
Communication is Key
Just like any other aspect of a relationship, communication is paramount when it comes to addressing changes in sexual activity. An open and non-judgmental conversation is crucial for understanding each other's perspectives and feelings. Creating a safe space where both partners can express their desires, concerns, and emotions is essential for building trust and finding solutions together.
Exploring the Why
Delving into the reasons behind the decrease in sex can lead to a better understanding of the situation. For instance, is stress playing a significant role? Are there unresolved emotional issues that need attention? By identifying the underlying factors contributing to your lack of desire, you can work together to address them and find ways to reconnect.
Rediscovering Intimacy
While the physical aspect of intimacy might be diminished, there are numerous other ways to connect on another level that isn't rooted in sex. Emotional intimacy, for example, involves sharing thoughts, goals, dreams, and fears with your partner. Engaging in activities you both enjoy can create opportunities for bonding and rekindling the spark. For inspiration, check out articles from our site, "Alphabet Dating Is The Trend You Need For A Thriving Love Life" and "15 Date Ideas Based On Your Love Language."
Supporting Each Other
During periods where there's little to no sex happening in the relationship, it's crucial to provide emotional support to your partner. Understanding their feelings, validating their concerns, and offering reassurance can go a long way in maintaining a strong emotional connection despite the less-than-stellar physical connection faltering. Remember, intimacy isn't solely about the physical; it's about feeling close and understood. Use this time to show support, as this could be a source of stress and contention for both of you.
Seeking Professional Help
If the lack of sex is causing significant strain on the relationship and attempts to address it on your own aren't yielding positive change, seeking the guidance of a sex therapist or counselor might be beneficial. Professional help can provide tools and insights to navigate these challenges effectively.
Ultimately, relationships are an ever-evolving journey that requires adaptability and understanding. Seeing a dip in the frequency of sex doesn't define the entirety of a relationship but rather presents an opportunity for growth, communication, and finding new ways to connect on a deeper level.
By fostering emotional intimacy, engaging in open dialogue, and seeking solutions together, couples can navigate this "dry" phase with love and empathy, ultimately strengthening the bond they share. Instead of resisting, consider learning how to embrace this chapter of your relationship with patience, kindness, and a willingness to explore new avenues of connection.
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