As I’ve been going through this perimenopausal season of mine, although pretty much all that I’ve had to deal with is erratic periods (thank goodness!), as someone who used to be able to set my watch to menstrual cycles, it really has convinced me that we, as women, should get our hormonal levels checked. The reason why I say this is because, if it does not have to do with our menstrual cycles, things like acne, hair loss, and even unexplained weight gain, are also some pretty clear indicators that, hormone-wise, something is a bit…off. Know what else can be a potential sign of a hormone-related issue? Not being able to orgasm.
Yep, I’m back here today, once more, ready to discuss yet another reason why climaxing may be easier for some than others because, as I pretty much said in the article, “Ladies, Please Stop Pressuring Yourself Over Vaginal Orgasms,” there are several things other than sexual chemistry, a man’s performance and a couple’s compatibility, that can make having an orgasm…challenging. For instance, as I said in that particular article, it could come down to basic anatomy in the sense that your clitoris and vaginal opening may be far apart (which can make having a vaginal orgasm difficult).
Or, as I just stated a second ago, you may need to see where your estrogen, progesterone, and testosterone levels are (especially if not being able to orgasm has only recently become a problem for you). Or, it could be that your genes are the underlying issue. Your genes? Yep. Believe it or not, there is also scientific research that says a part of the reason why some women can cum with ease while others seem to struggle could be due to what’s happening up in their DNA.
I’ll explain.
What Your DNA Has to Do with Your Sexual Pleasure
GiphyGoodness. Talk about putting a whole new spin on Victoria Monét's, “On My Mama” song. Yep, believe it or not, there are studies that say that having orgasms has quite a bit to do with one’s genetic material. See, some intel states that if a woman does have a problem with “getting there,” she might want to do some digging into her family tree because there is a significant amount of evidence to support the fact that if she can’t climax, her sisters, mother and grandmother(s) may have a hard time in that area too.
And how much of an impact does DNA make? Some say as much as a whopping 60 percent! A part of the study came from the result of testing identical twins vs. fraternal ones and seeing the sexual commonalities that they had. What they discovered is the identical twins had a lot of orgasming or not orgasming in common.
Now, I’ll be honest with you — there is a lot of science involved in all of this including things like what your dopamine levels (which plays a role in regulating pleasure) may be genetically if you have a predisposition to depression and anxiety; what your androgen levels (which are a type of sex hormone) are, and where the exact location of your G-spot is (although people are still debating if there is even such a thing; for the record, close to 60 percent of women believe that they do indeed have one).
If you add to this what I already said about your clit-to-vaginal opening factor (which definitely is an anatomy issue) — can you see how it really does make sense that your DNA plays a role in your (peak) sexual pleasure (as far as orgasms go)?
And why should you know all of this? Well, if you are climaxing easily — you know, you’re the kind of person where it really doesn’t take much to get you going — and you’ve always wondered why, your gene pool would like a bit of praise. On the other hand, if you’ve been doing all that you can to either have orgasms or to experience more consistent ones…try and give yourself (and your partner) a bit of a break. As you can see, some of what’s going on has nothing to do with you — or him. And does that mean that you just have to surrender to never “reaching the mountaintop?” No. I’ll get more into that towards the end of all of this.
Before sharing some (hopefully) helpful hacks, I first want to bring up one more thing that I found while reading up on this topic; something that caused me to partly chuckle and partly roll my eyes.
Something Else That I Found to Be…Interesting
GiphyOkay, so, although I personally think that something in the buttermilk ain’t clean (as far as tone goes) with a particular article that also touches on this topic, some other intel claims that another reason why some women cum easier and quicker than others is that — get this — they are more willing to settle for “low-quality men” (somebody sounds like a hater to me but…).
What’s the connection? Well, it would appear that, once upon a time, a part of the indication that a man would be an overall good provider and that he could be relied upon is if he could bring a woman to an orgasm. The theory is that since it takes a woman around twice the amount of time to have an orgasm as a man, if a guy is willing to put his needs aside to make sure that hers are met, then he is worthy of a relationship — and that a woman should require a man to “show up” (and some might say show out as well) in this way.
I don’t see a problem with any of that — in theory. Two things to consider, though: one, implying that the women who don’t need “the compromise” are settling when it comes to men is pretty close to ridiculous. Two, it really is time out for thinking that only men are responsible for women having orgasms. In fact, all of the stuff that I said about genetics and climaxing? That wasn’t just about when two people are engaged in sexual activity; many women who can’t have an orgasm aren’t able to do so via masturbation as well — and since we all know that it consists of having sex alone…well…that can’t be on the fellas, now can it?
Still, there is a takeaway from all of this that should be emphasized: If orgasms don’t come easily and naturally to you, do make sure that you have a partner who doesn’t Elmo shrug that off. Because although you can have great sex without an orgasm, a good partner will want to do what they can to help you get the absolute most out of intimacy with them — orgasms included.
With all of this out of the way, if you sense that a lot of what’s been standing in the way between you and some or more orgasms is indeed your DNA, what can be done? I’m glad that you asked.
What You Should Do If You Are Someone Who Has “Gene Pool” Challenges?
GiphyOkay, I’m gonna be real with you — DNA is DNA. So, I’m not gonna sit up here and act like there are some overnight miracle cures in this department. At the same time, though, because some of this is simply about having lower hormone levels than others naturally do, there are a few hacks to keep in mind.
If your dopamine levels are what’s on the lower side, it’s important that you get an amino acid known as tyrosine into your system. It’s beneficial because it is what dopamine is actually made from. Some foods that contain tyrosine include protein-enriched ones like beef, chicken, and fish, as well as white beans, squash and pumpkin seeds, and wild rice. Other things that can kick your dopamine levels up a few notches are exercise, reducing your sugar intake, meditating, listening to some of your favorite (non-triggering) music, and getting no less than 6-8 hours of rest every night.
When it comes to things like depression and anxiety, did you know that some studies say that around 50 percent of depression-related causes are considered to be genetic and that anxiety has some heredity tied to it, too? Just one more reminder that if you’re struggling in these areas, it’s absolutely nothing to be ashamed of.
See your physical doctor (so that they can check your hormones and other aspects of your health) and consider also speaking with a reputable therapist and, when it comes to sex-related stuff, a sex therapist as well (check out “Have You Ever Wondered If You Should See A Sex Therapist?”).
As far as your androgen levels go, although different forms of therapy are available to get it on track since testosterone is the main focus when it comes to androgen, consider doing things like lowering your stress levels, getting more ginseng and zinc into your system, staying at a healthy weight, consuming less alcohol and refined grains (because they can mess with your blood sugar levels and that can jack your testosterone up).
___
Y’all, knowledge really is power, and one of the things that I appreciate about findings like these is they’re a reminder to stop pressuring yourself when it comes to things like orgasms. Contrary to popular belief (or assumption), climaxing is not a black-and-white issue. Many layers go into why it’s easy for some and…not so easy for others.
And since one of those layers just happens to be your genetic material — please don’t beat yourself (or your partner) up (anymore). Do some (more) research. See your doctor and/or a therapist. Be patient with the process of learning more about what your body naturally needs. And with a few tweaks here and there, you never know what could happen — how you can buck your DNA all the way, chile.
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Featured image by Giphy
It's kinda wild that, in 2025, my byline will have appeared on this platform for (what?!) seven years. And yeah, when I'm not waxing poetic on here about sex, relationships and then...more sex and relationships, I am working as a certified marriage life coach, helping to birth babies (as a doula) or penning for other places (oftentimes under pen names).
As some of you know, something that I've been "threatening" to do for a few years now is write another book. Welp, October 2024 was the month that I "gave birth" to my third one: 'Inside of Me 2.0: My Story. With a 20-Year Lens'. It's fitting considering I hit a milestone during the same year.
Beyond that, Pumas and lip gloss are still my faves along with sweatshirts and tees that have a pro-Black message on them. I've also started really getting into big ass unique handbags and I'm always gonna have a signature scent that ain't nobody's business but my own.
As far as where to find me, I continue to be MIA on the social media front and I honestly don't know if that will ever change. Still, if you need to hit me up about something *that has nothing to do with pitching on the site (I'm gonna start ignoring those emails because...boundaries)*, hit me up at missnosipho@gmail.com. I'll do what I can. ;)
'Bel-Air' Actress Jazlyn Martin On Her Ongoing Identity Crisis And Its Influence On Her Creative Journey
Jazlyn Martin is a triple-threat performer known most for her role as Jackie on Peacock’sBel-Air. Her character’s fiery personality and questionable decisions have led to a few shocking moments in the series and quite a bit of convo on social media.
Now, I’ll be honest: as an avid TV-lover, I was well-prepared to hop on Zoom and jump into all the chatter around Bel-Air and her characters’ decisions. But after listening to her new EP Identity Crisis, I knew there was a lot more to talk about as well. During this exclusive conversation with xoNecole, Jazlyn Martin delved into the challenging journey she’s faced surrounding her identity, newfound fame, and family influence, and how it all plays a part in her art. Check it out!
xoNecole: So I know that your father is in the entertainment world, but when did you realize you shared the same passion?
Jazlyn Martin: I think it was very early on. I was a child who was full of attitude and fearlessness that would go after anything I wanted. I believe seeing my dad pursue music made me realize it was possible. I just had this hunger and fire, and my parents consciously fed and nurtured that - they are always all super supportive of whatever I do. So very, very early on, I was like, I'm meant to do this. And I just was like, I'm a star, and I know I'm a star.
xoN: Actually, let's talk about your family. What are some of your most important values, and how have your family and heritage played a part in shaping those values?
Jazlyn: I mean, my mom is like an angel; she's so graceful and kind, and I've had to work hard to get there. When I was young, I was very abrasive, headstrong, and stubborn. Whereas my mom gives an immense amount of grace in the way she carries herself. I had to learn that.
I think being strong is something I’ve always had. My parents always joke that they don't know where my personality came from. Because my dad is shy and timid and my mom is kind, and I'm a fireball. But my Dad always asked the important industry questions like, “Why do you want to do this?” And that instilled some purpose into me. It really carried me to keep going because it's so easy to be discouraged in this field, but that drive has helped me push through all of the challenges.
xoN: I bet. I have such a respect for actors and the way you all navigate the industry. Speaking of, let’s dig into “Bel-Air.” Were you a fan of the show? Did you have to go back and watch the episodes?
Jazlyn: So I actually did watch the show which is crazy because sometimes I don’t. I saw it was a reboot and was like, ‘Oh no, not another one.’ But I watched the first three episodes, realized how good it was, and ended up watching the whole season. I became a fan, and then a few months later, I booked the role!
I think the imagination is such a beautiful and powerful tool, and I feel like if you create something in your mind, it happens. It's a crazy thing, but I really just created Jackie's world - the house she grew up in, her parents leaving her, and everything. I created why she fell in love with dance. I really came at it from a human approach. If I see it, then the audience can see it.
xoN: Yeah, background plays into so much of how we deal with things, how we interact with people, and everything. And I feel like Jackie gets a lot of backlash. Like, we’ve all had a “Jackie Moment” to be real.
Jazlyn: She gets so much backlash! I just encourage people to give her grace and see the God in her because I do think she tells a lot of Black and brown girls' stories. People project on her, saying she’s too ratchet or hood, and I’m like does that mean she’s not loveable?
We have to be careful of what’s said and put out because Jackie has gone through things that I've never had to go through. The fact that she's alive and still highly functioning is a blessing. So what if she gets a little messy? I love her. Because she’s helped me extend empathy to people I don't necessarily want to or don't think deserve to have it. But she's 17, she's figuring it out, and she doesn't have parents. Like, that's such a huge factor.
"We have to be careful of what’s said and put out because Jackie has gone through things that I've never had to go through. The fact that she's alive and still highly functioning is a blessing. So what if she gets a little messy? I love her."
xoN: You mentioned how your character is viewed, which digs a bit into identity. So I want to talk a little bit about some of the emotional songs on your EP “Identity Crisis.” What inspired the track “Perfect?”
Jazlyn: When I was creating “Perfect,” I already had the EP title. So I kind of mapped out, like, the different conflicts I had in my head and categorized them into seven songs, and so one of my identity crises was being perfect. Because I feel like a lot of men tend to put women on pedestals. They're expected to be perfect - especially when you’re in the limelight. You know, you can't slip up. You can't say the wrong thing. Cancel culture is such a huge thing. And I just wanted to encourage people to give people grace to be themselves because that's not an easy thing to do.
I just wanted to take down this facade that I’m perfect because I never pretended to be. I never wanted to be. I think that's something people have placed on me, that I have it all figured out, I think I just carry it well, but that doesn't mean it's not heavy. I just wanted to be very vulnerable and honest. I think people think “perfect” is a compliment, but I think it's a cage because it doesn't allow room for error. It doesn't allow for you to be human and mess up and fail and take risks. So I just wanted to encourage grace.
xoN: Do you ever feel like you went through an identity crisis?
Jazlyn: I go through one constantly. Growing up, I didn't really have one. But I think as you get older and more aware and cognitive, you know how the world goes, and the world starts telling you who you are, instead of you deciding who you are. And I feel like being mixed played a big role in that, not feeling Black or Mexican enough. I wanted to belong to both worlds but didn’t so I was just “other.” That was an identity crisis in itself.
Also, being introduced to a level of fame has been interesting, too. I think we all go through identity crises all the time because we’re evolving and changing. It’s beautiful, but it’s also scary; you see yourself this one way, and then something happens, and there’s a shift. So yeah, I think it’s something we all go through but no one talks about.
"I think as you get older and more aware and cognitive, you know how the world goes, and the world starts telling you who you are, instead of you deciding who you are. And I feel like being mixed played a big role in that, not feeling Black or Mexican enough. I wanted to belong to both worlds but didn’t so I was just 'other.'"
xoN: I love that. And I know Hispanic Heritage Month is coming up, and you'll be speaking at the New York Latino Film Festival. Talk to me about what that moment means to you and what you hope to bring to the event. *Editor’s note: The interview was conducted before Hispanic Heritage Month began.
Jazlyn: I’m bringing some Afro-Latino-ness! I always grew up seeing Latinos being represented in a very specific way—very Spanish, not very Indigenous looking. So I'm really excited to bring the Black experience, with the Latino experience, to the stage because that's something a lot of people don't know exists.
People are always like, “Are you Black or Latina?” Well, I'm both! We were just dropped off in different parts. I’m excited to speak on that and highlight how prevalent anti-Blackness is within Latino communities. A lot of Afro-Latinos have faced an identity crisis because of it, including myself. It sometimes feels like you’re supposed to hate the other half of who you are.
For me, I held onto that little Black girl inside. I refused to let her go. And that’s what I want to represent when I speak—resilience and acceptance of our full selves. I’m also looking forward to meeting fellow Latino people, especially Afro-Latinos, and sharing our stories. It’s not a narrative that gets much attention, and I’m excited to represent.
xoN: I’m excited for you! Finally, with all the praise and recognition you’re receiving now, what has it been like to transition from working in music, dance, and acting to now being in the spotlight? How have you embraced this new level of fame?
Jazlyn: Um, it's overwhelming. I think that's the best word. Sometimes, I'm joyful, because I'm giving back to the community. People resonate with Jackie's stories and see themselves in her, which I think is the biggest compliment to me. But then sometimes, you know, I feel sad because I'm like, ‘Damn, I'm not doing enough,’ like I should be doing more. It's crazy, the industry is so fast-paced that you don't really try to celebrate wins. It's just a transition, an identity crisis of the like.
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There’s just something about HBCU Homecoming that just hits different. Whether it’s your first time stepping onto the yard since graduation or you’re a regular at every Homecoming tailgate, HBCU pride is undeniable. It’s a vibrant celebration that unites the legacy of excellence and tradition with the energy and resilience of Black culture.
The experience goes beyond a typical college reunion; HBCU Homecoming is a family reunion, a fashion show, a cultural festival, and a week-long turn-up that embodies what it means to be unapologetically Black and educated. For HBCU alumni, the journey back to the yard each year is rooted in a love and pride that’s hard to put into words but impossible to deny.
From statement pieces to tech must-haves, every item represents the intersection of Black pride and HBCU love, ensuring that you show up to the yard in style and with intention. So whether you’re repping your alma mater for the first time since graduation or looking for fresh pieces to express your HBCU pride, these essentials will have you standing out, because, at HBCU Homecoming, it’s not just about showing up—it’s about showing out.
Thread Goals
diarrablu Jant Pants in Alia Noir
High-waisted, wide-legged, and ready to shut down the yard, the Jant Pants by diarrablu bring a whole new meaning to campus chic. Handcrafted in Dakar, Senegal, these free-flowing jacquard pants are perfect for stepping onto the yard with style and ease—making them a must-have for any HBCU alum’s closet.
Silver & Riley Convertible Executive Leather Bag Classic Size in Olive
This all-in-one luxury bag isn’t a bestseller for nothing. The Silver & Riley essential is made of Italian calfskin leather and thoughtfully designed, as it can be worn in four different ways: a shoulder bag, crossbody, a top handle, and a backpack. Chic and elegant, the Convertible Executive Leather bag is “the bag that every woman needs in her collection.”
Renowned Women's Intuition Cotton Graphic T-Shirt
Renowned
Renowned’s Women’s Intuition Cotton Graphic T-shirt features a bold graphic print inspired by the power and essence of women’s intuition. With its striking design, this all-cotton tee is a vibrant thing, making it a statement piece that celebrates feminine energy.
Mifland Million M Mesh Crop Shirt
Talk about bold, the Million M Mesh Crop Shirt combines edgy style with comfort, featuring Mifland’s signature print on a semi-see-through mesh fabric. Show up and show out in sophisticated flair.
HBCU Love FUBU
Melanin Is Life Melanated & Educated - I Love My HBCU Hoodie
Show off your HBCU love with this piece that represents everything you gained from your alma mater: a top-tier education, a community that lifts you up, and a deep sense of esteem for yourself and your culture. Wear it loud and proud, because being melanated and educated isn’t just a flex—it’s a legacy.
HBCU Culture Spelmanite Sweatshirt in Navy
Spelmanites, rep your Spelman pride with this unisex crewneck sweatshirt, designed for ultimate comfort and a relaxed fit. Made from a cozy cotton/polyester blend, this classic sweatshirt is as durable as it is stylish—making it an ideal piece for any Spelmanite showing love for their alma mater.
HBCU Culture Howard Is The Culture T-Shirt
Rock the ultimate flex by showcasing your Howard U love with HBCU Culture’s Howard Is The Culture t-shirt. This unisex tee offers a comfortable, relaxed fit that’s perfect for celebrating your HBCU spirit without sacrificing style or comfort.
DungeonForward FAMU - Strike Bucket - Reversible
DungeonForward’s Strike Bucket Hat brings versatility and style to the FAMU Crown collection with its reversible design, giving you two looks in one. Featuring a sleek black snakeskin-embossed brim lining and a bold outline Rattler emblem, this hat is all about repping your Rattler pride in style.
DungeonForward Savannah State University - HBCU Hat - TheYard
The Savannah State University HBCU Hat by DungeonForward is more than just a hat—it’s a symbol of Tiger pride and a nod to the culture. Perfect for gamedays, tailgates, or just showing off your HBCU love, this hat lets you carry a piece of the yard wherever you go.
Tech the Halls
Anker iPhone 16 Portable Charger, Nano Power Bank
Stay charged up with the Anker Nano Power Bank, which features dual USB-C ports, a foldable connector, and a compact design, making it perfect for those HBCU tailgates and late-night parties you pull up to.
Drip Check
Wisdom Frame 14 Square Sunglasses
Elevate your look with these angular square-frame sunglasses by Wisdom, bringing an ultramodern edge to any outfit. The sleek design makes them perfect for blocking out the haters while you stunt on the yard.
Coco and Breezy Eyewear Fortune in Gray Turquoise
The Fortune Glasses in Grey Turquoise is a bold statement piece to any Homecoming weekend ‘fit that “embody our fearless and outspoken DNA.” With their color and edgy design, these frames by Coco and Breezy are perfect for anyone looking to stand out and express their unapologetic confidence.
Howard U Lapel Pin
Rep your Bison pride wherever you go with this Howard U Lapel Pin from Pretty AmbVision. Whether adding it to your jacket, shirt, or bag, this pin is the perfect way to showcase your love for your alma mater while rocking your HBCU love with honor and distinction.
Mifland Standard Rucksack Mini
The Standard Rucksack is designed to evolve like that HBCU pride—getting richer, bolder, and better with time. Durable, stylish, and built to last, this Rucksack by Mifland is a timeless piece equipped with versatile carrying options and fully adjustable back straps for ultimate comfort.
Stay Fresh, Stay Blessed
Slip Pure Silk Sleep Mask in Pink
Keeping it cute starts with beauty sleep. This luxurious silk mask is an essential for a reason. If protecting your skin and waking up refreshed is your priority, look no further than this Homecoming essential.
Liquid I.V.® Hydration Multiplier Lemon Lime - Hydration Powder Packets
Stay hydrated and energized throughout Homecoming weekend with this Liquid I.V.® Hydration Multiplier in Lemon Lime. Just add a packet to your water bottle, and bless your body with 2-3 times more hydration than water with every packet. Because staying hydrated is the key to popping up and showing out all weekend long!
Loop Experience Plus Earplugs High Fidelity Hearing Protection
Designed for your hearing protection, these sleek earplugs reduce noise without compromising sound quality—perfect for enjoying the band’s halftime show, late-night parties, and DJ sets. Whether you’re front row at the step show or hitting the yard, your ears deserve to be protected in style!
Black Girl Magic Glass Cup
Sip in style and celebrate your melanin with the Black Girl Magic Glass Cup. Perfect for morning coffee, your favorite iced drink, or showing off your HBCU pride on the yard—this cup is all about keeping it cute while radiating your endless supply of Black Girl Magic.
Glow Up & Show Out
Black Girl Sunscreen SPF 30
What Homecoming weekend can be complete without an assist from this beauty find? Formulated to blend seamlessly into melanin-rich skin (no white-cast), protect your glow while you turn up with the Black Girl Sunscreen SPF 30.
Sienna Naturals Issa Rae's Wash Day Ritual Set
Issa Rae’s Wash Day Ritual Set from Sienna Naturals includes the H.A.PI. Shampoo, the Plant Power Repair Mask, Dew Magic, and Lock and Seal to get your crown right. Whether you’re repping your coils or rocking a new color on the yard, these products restore and nourish your strands, keeping your hair healthy, strong, and Homecoming-ready!
54 Thrones Ivorian Cocoa + Ghanaian Coconut Beauty Butter
Stay glowing from the tailgate to the after-party with the 54 Thrones Ivorian Cocoa + Ghanaian Coconut Beauty Butter. Infused with African-sourced ingredients, this rich, multi-purpose butter is the answer to keeping your skin soft and radiant through all the festivities all Homecoming long.
Saie Glossybounce Hydrating Lip Oil
Keep your lips looking luscious and nourished with the Saie Glossybounce Hydrating Lip Oil. Perfect for adding an extra pop to your pout before hitting the yard or freshening up between events, this lip oil is a beauty essential for staying camera-ready all weekend.
Featured image by Visual Vic/Getty Images