

As I’ve been going through this perimenopausal season of mine, although pretty much all that I’ve had to deal with is erratic periods (thank goodness!), as someone who used to be able to set my watch to menstrual cycles, it really has convinced me that we, as women, should get our hormonal levels checked. The reason why I say this is because, if it does not have to do with our menstrual cycles, things like acne, hair loss, and even unexplained weight gain, are also some pretty clear indicators that, hormone-wise, something is a bit…off. Know what else can be a potential sign of a hormone-related issue? Not being able to orgasm.
Yep, I’m back here today, once more, ready to discuss yet another reason why climaxing may be easier for some than others because, as I pretty much said in the article, “Ladies, Please Stop Pressuring Yourself Over Vaginal Orgasms,” there are several things other than sexual chemistry, a man’s performance and a couple’s compatibility, that can make having an orgasm…challenging. For instance, as I said in that particular article, it could come down to basic anatomy in the sense that your clitoris and vaginal opening may be far apart (which can make having a vaginal orgasm difficult).
Or, as I just stated a second ago, you may need to see where your estrogen, progesterone, and testosterone levels are (especially if not being able to orgasm has only recently become a problem for you). Or, it could be that your genes are the underlying issue. Your genes? Yep. Believe it or not, there is also scientific research that says a part of the reason why some women can cum with ease while others seem to struggle could be due to what’s happening up in their DNA.
I’ll explain.
What Your DNA Has to Do with Your Sexual Pleasure
Goodness. Talk about putting a whole new spin on Victoria Monét's, “On My Mama” song. Yep, believe it or not, there are studies that say that having orgasms has quite a bit to do with one’s genetic material. See, some intel states that if a woman does have a problem with “getting there,” she might want to do some digging into her family tree because there is a significant amount of evidence to support the fact that if she can’t climax, her sisters, mother and grandmother(s) may have a hard time in that area too.
And how much of an impact does DNA make? Some say as much as a whopping 60 percent! A part of the study came from the result of testing identical twins vs. fraternal ones and seeing the sexual commonalities that they had. What they discovered is the identical twins had a lot of orgasming or not orgasming in common.
Now, I’ll be honest with you — there is a lot of science involved in all of this including things like what your dopamine levels (which plays a role in regulating pleasure) may be genetically if you have a predisposition to depression and anxiety; what your androgen levels (which are a type of sex hormone) are, and where the exact location of your G-spot is (although people are still debating if there is even such a thing; for the record, close to 60 percent of women believe that they do indeed have one).
If you add to this what I already said about your clit-to-vaginal opening factor (which definitely is an anatomy issue) — can you see how it really does make sense that your DNA plays a role in your (peak) sexual pleasure (as far as orgasms go)?
And why should you know all of this? Well, if you are climaxing easily — you know, you’re the kind of person where it really doesn’t take much to get you going — and you’ve always wondered why, your gene pool would like a bit of praise. On the other hand, if you’ve been doing all that you can to either have orgasms or to experience more consistent ones…try and give yourself (and your partner) a bit of a break. As you can see, some of what’s going on has nothing to do with you — or him. And does that mean that you just have to surrender to never “reaching the mountaintop?” No. I’ll get more into that towards the end of all of this.
Before sharing some (hopefully) helpful hacks, I first want to bring up one more thing that I found while reading up on this topic; something that caused me to partly chuckle and partly roll my eyes.
Something Else That I Found to Be…Interesting
Okay, so, although I personally think that something in the buttermilk ain’t clean (as far as tone goes) with a particular article that also touches on this topic, some other intel claims that another reason why some women cum easier and quicker than others is that — get this — they are more willing to settle for “low-quality men” (somebody sounds like a hater to me but…).
What’s the connection? Well, it would appear that, once upon a time, a part of the indication that a man would be an overall good provider and that he could be relied upon is if he could bring a woman to an orgasm. The theory is that since it takes a woman around twice the amount of time to have an orgasm as a man, if a guy is willing to put his needs aside to make sure that hers are met, then he is worthy of a relationship — and that a woman should require a man to “show up” (and some might say show out as well) in this way.
I don’t see a problem with any of that — in theory. Two things to consider, though: one, implying that the women who don’t need “the compromise” are settling when it comes to men is pretty close to ridiculous. Two, it really is time out for thinking that only men are responsible for women having orgasms. In fact, all of the stuff that I said about genetics and climaxing? That wasn’t just about when two people are engaged in sexual activity; many women who can’t have an orgasm aren’t able to do so via masturbation as well — and since we all know that it consists of having sex alone…well…that can’t be on the fellas, now can it?
Still, there is a takeaway from all of this that should be emphasized: If orgasms don’t come easily and naturally to you, do make sure that you have a partner who doesn’t Elmo shrug that off. Because although you can have great sex without an orgasm, a good partner will want to do what they can to help you get the absolute most out of intimacy with them — orgasms included.
With all of this out of the way, if you sense that a lot of what’s been standing in the way between you and some or more orgasms is indeed your DNA, what can be done? I’m glad that you asked.
What You Should Do If You Are Someone Who Has “Gene Pool” Challenges?
Okay, I’m gonna be real with you — DNA is DNA. So, I’m not gonna sit up here and act like there are some overnight miracle cures in this department. At the same time, though, because some of this is simply about having lower hormone levels than others naturally do, there are a few hacks to keep in mind.
If your dopamine levels are what’s on the lower side, it’s important that you get an amino acid known as tyrosine into your system. It’s beneficial because it is what dopamine is actually made from. Some foods that contain tyrosine include protein-enriched ones like beef, chicken, and fish, as well as white beans, squash and pumpkin seeds, and wild rice. Other things that can kick your dopamine levels up a few notches are exercise, reducing your sugar intake, meditating, listening to some of your favorite (non-triggering) music, and getting no less than 6-8 hours of rest every night.
When it comes to things like depression and anxiety, did you know that some studies say that around 50 percent of depression-related causes are considered to be genetic and that anxiety has some heredity tied to it, too? Just one more reminder that if you’re struggling in these areas, it’s absolutely nothing to be ashamed of.
See your physical doctor (so that they can check your hormones and other aspects of your health) and consider also speaking with a reputable therapist and, when it comes to sex-related stuff, a sex therapist as well (check out “Have You Ever Wondered If You Should See A Sex Therapist?”).
As far as your androgen levels go, although different forms of therapy are available to get it on track since testosterone is the main focus when it comes to androgen, consider doing things like lowering your stress levels, getting more ginseng and zinc into your system, staying at a healthy weight, consuming less alcohol and refined grains (because they can mess with your blood sugar levels and that can jack your testosterone up).
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Y’all, knowledge really is power, and one of the things that I appreciate about findings like these is they’re a reminder to stop pressuring yourself when it comes to things like orgasms. Contrary to popular belief (or assumption), climaxing is not a black-and-white issue. Many layers go into why it’s easy for some and…not so easy for others.
And since one of those layers just happens to be your genetic material — please don’t beat yourself (or your partner) up (anymore). Do some (more) research. See your doctor and/or a therapist. Be patient with the process of learning more about what your body naturally needs. And with a few tweaks here and there, you never know what could happen — how you can buck your DNA all the way, chile.
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It's kinda wild that, in 2025, my byline will have appeared on this platform for (what?!) seven years. And yeah, when I'm not waxing poetic on here about sex, relationships and then...more sex and relationships, I am working as a certified marriage life coach, helping to birth babies (as a doula) or penning for other places (oftentimes under pen names).
As some of you know, something that I've been "threatening" to do for a few years now is write another book. Welp, October 2024 was the month that I "gave birth" to my third one: 'Inside of Me 2.0: My Story. With a 20-Year Lens'. It's fitting considering I hit a milestone during the same year.
Beyond that, Pumas and lip gloss are still my faves along with sweatshirts and tees that have a pro-Black message on them. I've also started really getting into big ass unique handbags and I'm always gonna have a signature scent that ain't nobody's business but my own.
As far as where to find me, I continue to be MIA on the social media front and I honestly don't know if that will ever change. Still, if you need to hit me up about something *that has nothing to do with pitching on the site (I'm gonna start ignoring those emails because...boundaries)*, hit me up at missnosipho@gmail.com. I'll do what I can. ;)
Claudia Jordan, Demetria McKinney & Jill Marie Jones On 'Games Women Play' & Dating Over 40
What do you get when you mix unfiltered truths, high-stakes romance, and a few well-timed one-liners? You get Games Women Play—the sizzling new stage play by Je’Caryous Johnson that’s part relationship rollercoaster, part grown-woman group chat.
With a powerhouse cast that includes Claudia Jordan, Demetria McKinney, Jill Marie Jones, Carl Payne, Chico Bean, and Brian J. White, the play dives headfirst into the messy, hilarious, and heart-wrenching games people play for love, power, and peace of mind. And the women leading this story? They’re bringing their whole selves to the stage—and leaving nothing behind.
From Script to Spotlight
The road to Games Women Play started over 20 years ago—literally.
“This script was written 20 years ago,” Jill Marie Jones said with a smile. “It was originally called Men, Money & Gold Diggers, and I was in the film version. So when Je’Caryous called me to bring it to the stage, I was like, ‘Let’s go.’” Now reimagined for 2025, the play is updated with sharp dialogue and modern relationship dynamics that feel all too real.
Demetria McKinney, no stranger to Je’Caryous Johnson’s productions, jumped at the opportunity to join the cast once again. “This is my third time working with him,” she shared. “It was an opportunity to stretch. I’d never been directed by Carl Payne before, and the chance to work with talent I admire—Jill, Claudia, Chico—it was a no-brainer.”
Claudia Jordan joked that she originally saw the role as just another check. “I didn’t take it that seriously at first,” she admitted. “But this is my first full-on tour—and now I’ve got a whole new respect for how hard people work in theater. This ain’t easy.”
Modern Love, Stage Left
The play doesn’t hold back when it comes to the messier parts of love. One jaw-dropping moment comes when a live podcast proposal flips into a prenup bombshell—leaving the audience (and the characters) gasping.
Demetria broke it down with honesty. “People don’t ask the real questions when they date. Like, ‘Do you want kids? How do you feel about money?’ These convos aren’t happening, and then everyone’s confused. That moment in the play—it’s real. That happens all the time.”
Jill chimed in, noting how the play speaks to emotional disconnect. “We’re giving each other different tokens of love. Men might offer security and money. Women, we’re giving our hearts. But there’s a disconnect—and that’s where things fall apart.”
And then Claudia, of course, took it all the way there. “These men don’t even want to sign our prenups now!” she laughed. “They want to live the soft life, too. Wearing units, gloss, getting their brows done. We can’t have nothing! Y’all want to be like us? Then get a damn period and go through menopause.”
Dating Over 40: “You Better Come Correct”
When the conversation turned to real-life relationships, all three women lit up. Their experiences dating in their 40s and 50s have given them both clarity—and zero tolerance for games.
“I feel sexier than I’ve ever felt,” said Jill, who proudly turned 50 in January. “I say what I want. I mean what I say. I’m inside my woman, and I’m not apologizing for it.”
Demetria added that dating now comes with deeper self-awareness. “Anybody in my life is there because I want them there. I’ve worked hard to need nobody. But I’m open to love—as long as you keep doing what got me there in the first place.”
For Claudia, the bar is high—and the peace is priceless. “I’ve worked hard for my peace,” she said. “I’m not dating for food. I’m dating because I want to spend time with you. And honestly, if being with you isn’t better than being alone with my candles and fountains and cats? Then no thanks.”
Channeling Strength & Icon Status
Each actress brings something different to the play—but all of them deliver.
“I actually wish I could be messier on stage,” Claudia joked. “But I think about my grandmother—she was born in 1929, couldn’t even vote or buy a house without a man, and didn’t give a damn. She was fearless. That’s where my strength comes from.”
For Jill, the comparisons to her iconic Girlfriends character Toni Childs aren’t far off—but this role gave her a chance to dig deeper. “If you really understood Toni, you’d see how layered she was. And Paisley is the same—misunderstood, but strong. There’s more to her than people see at first glance.”
Demetria, who juggles singing and acting seamlessly, shared that live theater pushes her in a new way. “Every moment on stage counts. You can’t redo anything. It’s a different kind of love and discipline. You have to give the performance away—live, in the moment—and trust that it lands.”
Laughter, Lessons & Black Girl Gems
The show has plenty of laugh-out-loud moments—and the cast isn’t shy about who steals scenes.
“Chico Bean gets a lot of gasps and laughs,” Claudia said. “And Naomi Booker? Every scene she’s in—she’s hilarious.”
But the play isn’t just about humor. It leaves space for reflection—especially for Black women.
“I hope we get back to the foundation of love and communication,” said Demetria. “A lot of us are in protector mode. But that’s turned into survival mode. We’ve lost softness. We’ve lost connection.”
Claudia agreed. “We’re doing it all—but it’s not because we want to be strong all the time. It’s because we have to be. And I just want women to know: You can have peace, you can be soft. But stop bringing your old pain into new love. Don’t let past heartbreak build walls so high that the right person can’t climb over.”
Final Act: Pack the House
If there’s one thing this cast agrees on, it’s that this play isn’t just entertainment—it’s necessary.
“Atlanta is the Black entertainment hub,” Claudia said. “We need y’all to show up for this play. Support the arts. Support each other. Because when we pack the house, we make space for more stories like this.”
Games Women Play is more than a play—it’s a mirror. You’ll see yourself, your friends, your exes, and maybe even your next chapter. So get ready to laugh, reflect, and maybe even heal—because the games are on.
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Sterling K. Brown & Ryan Michelle Bathe Relationship Timeline
Sterling K. Brown and Ryan Michelle Bathe are one of our favorite Hollywood couples. We can't get over their adorable moments together on the red carpet and on social media. While they're both from St. Louis, they didn't meet until college, which they both attended Stanford. And the rest is as they say, history. Read below as we dive into their decades-long relationship.
Mid to Late1990s: Sterling K. Brown & Ryan Michelle Bathe Meet
Sterling and Ryan met as freshmen at Stanford University. "We were in the same dorm freshman year...that's kind of how we met," Ryan said in an interview with ET. "I was mesmerized," she said after watching him audition for the school play, Joe Turner's Come and Gone. Sterling revealed that The First Wives Club star was dating someone else, so they started off as friends.
"She got cast in the play as well, and we would ride bikes to rehearsal, and we would just talk. We found out that we were both from St. Louis. We didn't know that we were both from St. Louis, like, our parents went to rival high schools. We were born in the same hospital. Like, we were friends," he said.
The first few years of their relationship involved many breakups and makeups. However, they ended up graduating and attended NYU's Tisch Grad Acting Program together.
Early 2000s: Sterling K. Brown Tells Ryan Michelle Bathe She's 'The Love Of My Life'
The Paradise star opened up about telling Ryan that she was the one. "We broke up for three and a half years before we came back into each other's lives," he said. "She was on the treadmill working out, and I had this epiphany, 'I have to go tell this woman she's the love of my life.'"
"I go to her apartment, I tell her, and she's like, 'Well, I'm working out right now,' and I was like, 'No, I can see that—I'll just talk to you while you're on the treadmill,' and she's like, 'Well, I feel like going outside. So I'm gonna go on a run,'" he continued. "So I'm like dressed [in a suit], and she starts running through Koreatown, and I start running along with her. Brother had to work, but it was well worthwhile."
2006: Sterling K. Brown & Ryan Michelle Bathe Tie The Knot
The St. Louis natives eloped in 2006 and a year later held a larger ceremony. According to the bride, the best part of their wedding was the food. "The best thing about it was the food," she told ET.
"Can I just say, sometimes you go to weddings, and you get the winner-winner chicken dinner and you're like, 'I pay. OK, it's fine.' But I wanted people to remember their experience -- their culinary experience. So I was happy about that. The food was good."
2011: Sterling K. Brown & Ryan Michelle Bathe Welcome Their First Child
In 2011, Sterling and The Endgame actress welcomed their first son, Andrew. In a 2017 tweet, Sterling revealed they had a home birth. "An unexpected home delivery is something my wife and I went through ourselves with our first born, so this was round 2 for me!" he wrote while referring to a scene involving his character Randall, in This Is Us.
2012: Sterling K. Brown & Ryan Michelle Bathe Appear On-screen Together
A year later, the couple acted together on the Lifetime series Army Wives.
2015: Sterling K. Brown & Ryan Michelle Bathe Welcome Their Second Child
In 2015, Sterling and Ryan welcomed another son, Amaré. Sterling shared an Instagram post about their latest addition to the family. "1st post. 2nd child. All good! #imoninstagram," the Atlas star wrote.
2016: Ryan Michelle Bathe Joins Sterling K. Brown On 'This Is Us'
Ryan guest appears on her hubby's show, This Is Us.
Sterling K. Brown Reveals Ryan Michelle Bathe's Mother Didn't Like Him At First
During their sit-down interview for the Black Love series, Sterling revealed that Ryan's mother wasn't a fan of him, which caused friction in their relationship.
2024: Sterling K. Brown & Ryan Michelle Bathe Explain How Jennifer Lopez Once Broke Them Up
While visiting The Jennifer Hudson Show, Sterling and Ryan share their hilarious Jennifer Lopez break-up story. "We had just gone out, we were living in New York City, we were in grad school, and we had gone to see a Broadway play and we came back to my place and my roommate was playing the ["Love Don't Cost A Thing"] video on MTV," Sterling said.
"Now I'm a fan of Jennifer Lopez's dancing, and I was watching the video and I knew my young...21, 22-year-old girlfriend was looking at me watch the video. And I know I'm not supposed to have a reaction. In trying NOT to have a reaction, what had happened was, my eyes began to water."
Ryan jumped in, "Otherwise known as, TEARS! I turn around and my boyfriend is weeping, tears like big fat [tears]. And I'm looking and she's just a shakin' and a shimming, and he's just crying. I said 'Oh no, I got to go.' "
2024: Sterling K. Brown & Ryan Michelle Bathe Launch Their Podcast, We Don't Always Agree
The couple launched their podcast, We Don't Always Agree, where they disclose more intimate details about their love story.
Feature image by Chelsea Lauren/Shutterstock