Did You Know That You Can Add An NDA To Your Sexting? Yep.

Why Do People Like to Sext So Much?

Listen, a hill that I will forever die on is to be in your late teens or 20s (especially if you were in college) during the 90s and be Black? It was totally unmatched. The music, the television programming, the culture overall. And perhaps another reason why life was so sublime is the fact that, although technology was progressive AF, the internet and cell phones weren’t readily available (yet). This meant that communication was on landlines which forced you to want to do whatever you could to communicate in person (because let’s face it: cell phones make things more convenient because you can virtually talk to anyone from anywhere at any time; landlines keep you stuck in one spot).

Oh, but once cell phones became easier to get a hold of and the technology of them super evolved, here came texting. From what I’ve read and (briefly) researched, although texting was invented in the mid-1980s and the first official text was sent in December of 1992, we didn’t all start using it as a preferred form of communication until 1999-early 2000s. And ever since then? Reportedly, 75 percent of millennials and Gen Z folks prefer to text over talking on the phone, we all receive texts five times more than phone calls each day and, believe it or not, those between 35-44 happen to send the most texts on a daily basis, with the number of ‘em being around 52 (goodness!).

And so, since texting is such a popular mode of communication, wouldn’t it make sense that some people would enjoy using it to flirt, titillate and arouse their partner? Of course, it would — and many people do. In fact, one study from several years back stated that almost 90 percent of individuals who participated in it admitted to sexting at some point in their life; almost 83 percent had done it within the year of the conducted study alone. Another set of stats that I checked out stated that almost 74 percent of individuals admitted to sexting when they were in a relationship; 43 percent said that they did even when the situation was casual.

And just why do people like to sext so much? Well, at least when it comes to women, another far more recent study revealed that there is actually some science behind it all. Long story short, whenever women read racy content, it activates the prefrontal and temporal parts of the brain which is the part of the mind that helps them to process their emotions. Some researchers say that this could be why many women enjoy things like romance novels — and since sexting is its own form of literature (technically speaking)…well, there you go.

Okay, but even beyond the (perhaps totally subconscious) motive for sexting, are there benefits that come with doing it? Yep. A few of ‘em.

What Are Some of the Benefits of Sexting?

So…when you’re sexting, what you’re basically doing is intentionally sending sexually suggestive (or even outright direct) messages and/or images via your cell phone. And yes, when this happens between two people who trust each other,it can indeed be beneficial.

Sexting has the ability to:

• Boost your level of sexual self-confidence
• Make you (more) comfortable sharing your sexual fantasies and desires
• Cultivate sexual anticipation
  
• Help you to become a better sex-related communicator
• Cause you to feel more appreciative of and appreciated by your partner

Something else that sexting has the ability to do is create an atmosphere and platform to seduce your partner. That’s because, since yourbrain is the biggest sex organ that you have and seduction is all about saying and doing things that will make you more appealing and/or sexually desirable, by arousing someone’s mind, when it comes to engaging in sexual intimacy, you are just about halfway there. Yes, sexting is a tool of seduction.

6 Tips for Sexting Safely

Okay, so what if sexting is something that you want to do (or do more often) yet you’re a bit hesitant because it’s such a vulnerable thing to partake in (and indeed it is). If that is where you are, I’ve got a few tips.

1. Read the room (well, phone). A few years ago, a site called IFL Science published an article entitled, “76 Percent Of Adolescent Girls Have Received Unsolicited Dick Pics, Study Finds.” UGH. It actually reminds me of a conversation that a friend of mine and I had recently about how many celebrity penises we’ve seen, that we didn’t ask for, yet we kind of had no choice, because so much social media content is filled with pornography these days. SMDH. Anyway, this brings me to the the first rule of sexting which is NEVER ASSUME THAT SOMEONE WANTS TO DO IT — and yes, I am yelling that! Pay attention to their personality, their personal preferences and standards and where you are in the relationship before doing so. And even beyond that, apply the next point for extra safe measure.

2. Get consent. Although spontaneity can be sexy, when it specifically comes to sexting, please get consent. Even with guys, it shouldn’t be automatically assumed that they want to engage or that they are down for whatever kind of sexting that you are interested in. Yeah, before starting a sexting relationship, definitely ask if the individual is interested…and willing. It makes things easier on everyone.

3. Use a sexting privacy app. If it’s been mutually cleared to start sexting…while you could go ham on your phones, my two cents would be to download an app that is specifically designed for sexting; ones that have encryption features and go above and beyond to ensure your p​rivacy. Mashable has a list of some of the best ones that are currently on the market. You can read about them here.​

4. Mutually agree to not share sexts with other people. In a minute, I’m going to get to why this article has the title that it does. For now, though, it can’t be said enough that, before you begin sexting with someone, you both must agree that NOTHING that is exchanged between the two of you will be shared with other individuals. Not your BFF. Not some co-worker who doesn’t know your partner (and so you try to rationalize sharing it). Nobody. And definitely don’t do it by sending it to other phones, social media accounts or email addresses. A wise man once said that it is no longer a secret once more than one person knows. Words to live by.

5. Progress (semi) slowly. Listen, even if it does get to the point that y’all are gonna be in the space of, “I’ll show you mine, if you show me yours” — try and let that be a natural progression. Deciding to sext and then starting out with a full-on nude message could be a bit jarring for one or the other or it could be done prematurely before knowing if someone is “worthy” of all of that intel.

6. Go with your gut. It doesn’t matter how long you’ve been sexting with someone, if you get to the point where you want to take a break or you no longer want to engage in that way at all, please don’t talk yourself out of that feeling — go with your gut (check out “When You Should Trust Your Gut & When You Shouldn't”) because, no matter how popular sexting may be these days, it’s still a pretty intimate activity that shouldn’t be taken too lightly. Sis, you have every right to stop if/when you no longer feel comfortable or you simply don’t enjoy doing it anymore.

Wanna Add an Extra Measure of Protection? Add an NDA.

Aight, so now we’re at the portion of the program where the title of the article will make more sense. Did you know that if you want to bring a non-disclosure agreement into your sexting, you absolutely can do so?

So, there is an app out here called e.gree and what it does is give you the capability to create certain legally-binding contracts online — ones like business referrals, venue entry agreements, purchase and sales, bets between friends, allowance agreements with children (wild, right?) and yes, when it comes to relationships: move-in agreements and dating boundaries including when it comes to sexting (you can check out this particular online contract here). Via the app, you can customize the contract, you and your partner can sign it electronically and yes, it will hold up in court (each contract has a specified term in the sense of timeframe too, by the way…in case you were wondering).

And what if you’re somewhere thinking, “Okay, but if I need to have a contract with someone in order to sext with them, isn’t that a sign not to do it?”. Eh. People vow to each other and God that they will never leave one another and then turn around and get divorced, right? And many of them regret not having a prenup in place. Point is, life happens sometimes. Contracts help to protect you when it does. So yeah, I actually think it’s a pretty wise move to incorporate an NDA into sexting. Better to be safe than super-duper sorry.

Which reminds me to mention one more thing. If you do happen to sext with someone, you don’t have an NDA in place, and they start to threaten to expose you via your messages, consider visiting StopNCII.org. The letters stand for Stop Non-Consensual Intimate Image Abuse and it’s all about helping you to create a case to end the harassment. You can check it outhere.

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Now excuse me while I alert my semi-sext obsessed client, so that she can get these NDAs out stat (whew, chile). LOL.

An ounce of prevention…y’all know the rest.

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