Amandla Stenberg's 'Blue Girls Burn Fast' Film Reminds Us Of The Importance Of Facing Your Pain
I was 11 years old when I saw my mother nearly get killed by her partner. I remember him throwing her down a flight of stairs--there were about 27 of them. I also remember a police officer holding me while I was crying. I don't have a clue how the police found out about the incident, especially considering the fact that our neighbors would often close their doors and windows when me or my mom would get beaten by her partner. But what I remember vividly was my mother smoking a crack pipe after it happened. Instead of talking with me, sitting with me, holding me, or loving our pain away, she chose to deal with her own pain first, and self-medicate.
I watched my mother some crack for about 10 minutes straight from a hole in a door that led to her friend's bedroom. I wasn't sure what I was supposed to do. I wasn't sure what she was supposed to do. But what I did know was what I saw in the expression on her face. She was finally free from the hurt of dealing with an abusive partner. Free from having to comfort a child who was experiencing the same hell. For once, it was all about her. The look on her face told me that she surrendered all of her worries to crack, and I was happy with that. I didn't want my mother to worry.
It wasn't until I became a mom that I realized that my mom was facing her emotions in a very unproductive manner, and that's putting it nicely. Covering her emotions with addictions did absolutely nothing for my mother but make her face them again when she could no longer run from them, and the chickens always come home to roost.
Looking back, I learned that one of the best things about being a young woman is learning early on how to deal with your emotions in a healthy manner.
Blue Girls Burn Fast
It takes absolutely no effort to become a runaway and hide from the people who may have hurt you.
Blue Girls Burn Fast
It takes zero effort to make people think your heart is dark, and your thoughts are deranged with your raccoon eyeliner.
Blue Girls Burn Fast
It takes even less effort to put your ear buds in to drown out the sounds of your pain screaming to be taken from outside of the box that you've put them in.
Blue Girls Burn Fast
But it takes courage to face what's hurting you. No one in the world wants to deal with pain. Not me, or my mom, or anyone reading this. But you'll never live your best life if you spend all of it running away from your pain, instead of learning from it.
I was reminded of this lesson while watching Amandla Stenberg's short film, Blue Girls Burn Fast, which debuted on Vimeo earlier this week. The actress said that she plans to submit the film along with her application to NYU's prestigious film school program. I was amazed that Amandla managed to write, direct, produce, shoot, and edit a film by herself on a subject that takes some people a lifetime to learn.
The 18-minute film follows a teenage girl named Andy, who struggles with being a foster child and a teen girl trying to find her place in the world. While watching the film, I felt excited for the main character, played by actress Leeza Lester, because she learned that not facing your pain is as hurtful as lugging it around with you. By the end of the film, she was almost a different person because she finally allowed herself to be happy.
Seeing Leeza's character finally smile reminded me of the day that I decided to use the abuse that my mother and I endured to become a better person.
Facing my emotions head on made me a better mother, wife, and friend, and it was one of the best decisions I've ever made.
Watch Amandla's 18-minute short film, Blue Girls Burn Fastbelow.
Featured image by Featureflash Photo Agency / Shutterstock.com
ItGirl 100 Honors Black Women Who Create Culture & Put On For Their Cities
As they say, create the change you want to see in this world, besties. That’s why xoNecole linked up with Hyundai for the inaugural ItGirl 100 List, a celebration of 100 Genzennial women who aren’t afraid to pull up their own seats to the table. Across regions and industries, these women embody the essence of discovering self-value through purpose, honey! They're fierce, they’re ultra-creative, and we know they make their cities proud.
VIEW THE FULL ITGIRL 100 LIST HERE.
Don’t forget to also check out the ItGirl Directory, featuring 50 Black-woman-owned marketing and branding agencies, photographers and videographers, publicists, and more.
THE ITGIRL MEMO
I. An ItGirl puts on for her city and masters her self-worth through purpose.
II. An ItGirl celebrates all the things that make her unique.
III. An ItGirl empowers others to become the best versions of themselves.
IV. An ItGirl leads by example, inspiring others through her actions and integrity.
V. An ItGirl paves the way for authenticity and diversity in all aspects of life.
VI. An ItGirl uses the power of her voice to advocate for positive change in the world.
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Rihanna Talks Shedding Expectations And Finding Balance As A Mother
Since becoming a mother in 2022, Rihanna has defined parenthood by her terms and hopes to pass that sense of autonomy on to her children.
For Vogue China’s April cover story, Rihanna shared her perspective on raising her two sons with A$AP Rocky, and how she hopes to preserve her children’s uniqueness, devoid of societal expectations.
"The most beautiful thing...is that [children] come into the world with their own individuality and sincerity, without any logic or conformity,” she told the publication. “Which usually makes you feel that you must fit into a certain group."
The “Work” artist, known for her trendsetting style and captivating persona, expressed her desire to support children in fully embracing their individuality and encouraging them to be whoever they want to be. "It's really beautiful to see and I want to continue to help them navigate that and make sure that they know they can be whoever they want to be,” she says.
She continues, “They should embrace it completely, because it's beautiful, and it's unique. I love them just that way."
From shattering music charts to shaking up the beauty industry, Rihanna has forged a path that has since created the “dream” life we see today. One that she says has made her parents proud of.
“I’m living my dream,” she continued. “My parents were very proud of that because they just wanted me to be happy and successful. So, I think the key thing is to find some kind of balance. Yes, balance is important. Do this and you get the best of both worlds. You can write your own life the way you want, and it will be beautiful. Sometimes, you just need to let go of everyone’s expectations and start living your own story.”
Rihanna, who shares sons, RZA, 23 months, and Riot, 8 months, with rapper A$AP Rocky, recently shared her vision for expanding her family in the future in Interview Magazine.
When stylist Mel Ottenberg asked about the number of additional children she hoped to have, Rihanna replied, "As many as God wants me to have.”
"I don't know what God wants, but I would go for more than two. I would try for my girl,” she adds. “But of course, if it's another boy, it's another boy."
Featured image by Neil MockfordWireImage