Am I An Accidental Homewrecker?

Although the kiss was very unprofessional, I wouldn't consider you a homewrecker. Please believe that your Host Dad was a homewrecker


Dear xoNecole,

I need advice.

In December 2015 I graduated university. A month later, I was in France to spend six months working as an au pair, which is basically a nanny from a foreign country. In my new role, I would have to stay with a host family. I work for a family with two children: the daughter is two and their son is five.

My duties included preparing meals and feeding the kids, playing, driving them to appointment and I received £150 ($217 USD) per week.

The first week of my new gig flew by quickly. I stayed inau padoors most of the time and I was always supervised by my host mom's mother.

The second week was not too bad, but I was already feeling bored and I was questioning whether this job is really for me. Yes, I wanted to travel the world and being an au pair is the cheapest way to travel as you don't pay for accommodation or food and you are paid weekly, but honestly I hated every minute of it.

On Wednesday, my host dad had to take me to the tax office so I could apply for a tax number for insurance purposes since I would be staying there for six months. We were at the tax office for an hour, then he suggested we have lunch. After a few drinks one thing led to another and before I knew it, we were kissing in his car.

When we went home, he had a fight with his wife. She called her mother who came to pick her and the kids up and that night he came to my bedroom and tried to have sex with me but I said "no." I didn't want to. I'm 21 and he is like 50. I know his wife and I look after his kids. It was wrong on so many levels.

I feel so horrible and haven't been able to sleep or look his wife in the eye for past two days. Chances are that I am not the first or the last girl he has done this with. I hear him and his wife fighting everyday. The police were called today while they were fighting and it's all my fault.

What should I do? Am I an accidental homewrecker?




Dear Anonymous,

Although the kiss was very unprofessional, I wouldn't consider you a homewrecker. Please believe that your Host Dad was a homewrecker long before you stepped foot in the door.

To be honest, he's going to be a homewrecker long after you leave, and their problems started way before you got there. Any married man who feels comfortable enough to kiss a woman he barely knows is a man you want to run away from, and fast. And since he's already tried to have sex with you, I fear that it could lead to future uncomfortable situations, or even worse -- sexual assault.

I'm not well versed in the Au Pair game, but you may want to try to find another host family or another job all together that doesn't involve being thrust into a situation that's already boiling over.

This is an opportunity for you to do some soul searching, and professional development as well. Even if things went smoothly after this between you and your host family, you still have to figure out what you want to do next, since the Au Pair game isn't working out for you. Write down your passions and heart desires and work on your vision board. Try to find something that will give you purpose and confidence, while also helping you to get a step closer to your overall goals.

Most of all, forgive yourself for what has already happened. It's time to move forward, and that starts with finding the quickest way out of that situation.

Good luck!

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