7 Tips That Have Helped Me Abstain From Sex
If you're someone that has decided to abstain from intercourse or any type of sexual interaction for a course of time, you know the struggle is real.
I'm currently at a time in my life where I've been celibate for a year. I decided I was tired of the same routine with men and that I was going to wait until I felt a serious connection with a man to share my sexual energy. The frustration set in when I had just been ghosted by a dude I was talking to for a couple of months that I was highly interested in.
We talked, we dated, we had sex, he disappeared… A lot of us know this story like the back of our hand.
Looking back, I realized I missed a lot of red flags he was waving simply because I had low self-esteem and didn't know what I wanted in a relationship. I was just happy we were talking and forced the notion that there was some sort of connection between us. Whew chile! There really wasn't! A year later and the connection is nowhere in sight, let alone a good night of bust-it-wide-open sex. When I set out on my path of celibacy, I never thought it would go this long. So far it's been pretty smooth but there are those rough moments when I wish I had a good booty call on speed dial.
Here I am a year later, as dry as the desert I live in but more stronger mentally and physically than ever. Celibacy is not for everyone but is something that can be obtainable as long as you have these 7 tips!
1.Set the ground rules of what celibacy or abstinence specifically means to you and why you’re setting out on this journey.
Make sure abstaining from sex is something you are very serious about and are only doing for yourself! Celibacy is no walk in the park and can be extremely hard if you don't have a serious mindset. You are the one in control, and you always have the choice to decide to hold off from having a sexual relationship. Be extremely clear and transparent about your reasons for wanting to practice abstinence. Set feasible boundaries of how much sexual interaction you are willing to have and start to following those personal rules immediately.
There are different levels of abstinence. Some people do not want any physical contact, like kissing and hand-holding. Some people allow making out and some light touching but no activity that could lead to orgasm. I choose to practice an "everything but" approach, only abstaining from activities that involve genital to genital contact or penetration. Don't make a decision based off of someone else's expectations for you, make the decision to be celibate because it's something you truly want to experience.
2.Have a strong support system!
A strong support system makes the difference! You want people around you, whether friends or family, that support your decision to abstain from sex. Abstaining from sex is a very controversial topic and most people have strong opinions about why you should or shouldn't abstain from sex. Being able to talk to my girlfriends about the struggle of abstaining from sex and hearing their words of encouragement have helped me greatly. There are also many forums online where you can discuss abstinence. If you're shy about discussing your decision with friends and family, going online can help.
3.Be transparent about your decision and boundaries.
If you find yourself interested in a potential partner, you need to make the boundaries that you set in tip #1 clear. Talk to your partner about why you're choosing to practice abstinence and make your expectations and boundaries clear. This tip alone has helped me to avoid a lot of men that had no real interest in getting to know me but who just wanted to have sex. I've decided that any man that cannot support my decision to abstain from sex cannot be someone I move forward with in the future.
4.Avoid substances or situations that may impair your judgement.
Try to stay away from situations where it may be hard to say "no." One of the times I almost broke my commitment to myself was when I sent a booty call text while tipsy on alcohol. I was very aware of what I was doing and had decided I was going to have a wild night of tipsy sex. Thankfully, my text wasn't responded to quick enough and I didn't succumb to my desires. As I abstain from sex, I have to be aware of situations that may trigger my flesh and potentially challenge my decision to remain abstinent. I know it's extremely hard for me to be alone in a room with a man I'm strongly attracted to and not have sex. I avoid putting myself into a scenario where I may find myself weak. Be aware of situations that may test your will power and avoid them at all cost.
5.Remind yourself why you chose abstinence.
There have been times when I've become extremely impatient and wanted to revert back to my old ways with men and sex. Journaling the reasons you chose abstinence can help remind yourself that you made the right choice. Journaling and constantly referring back to the exact reason I started this journey helps me to stay strong and motivated.
6.Masturbate.
Masturbation has helped me tremendously! Masturbation can be good for mental and physical health. It has been a way for me to easily deal with sexual desires and also learn more about my body without having sex. Through self-pleasure, I've found a healthy way to relieve stress and become more comfortable with my body.
7.Find other ways to channel your sexual energy.
Channeling my built up sexual energy into other activities has helped me curve my urges. Some activities that have helped me on my journey are:
- Travel
- Blog
- Exercise
- Photography
- Dance
- YouTube
Although I didn't set out on this journey with a specific timeframe in mind, I'm thankful that I've had this year to really focus on myself and my personal goals! I've lost weight, my skin has glowed up, I've almost paid my car off, I joined a book club, made new girlfriends and I finally started my blog! This year of abstinence has been fulfilling in so many ways I never thought it would be! I legit thought I couldn't survive without sex. I had this notion that without sex I would become desperate and jump on the first penis I saw but I'm happy to say, I'm wrong!
Now when I think of what I want in a partner, my thoughts have become more clear due to being abstinent and I'm confident in what I have to offer in a relationship. When I'm craving that good booty call, I use these tips to remind myself of why I set out on this journey and that the connection I'm waiting for will be well-worth my enduring patience. If I've waited this long, I can wait a little bit longer for what the universe has in store for me. I must trust the process of growth that is happening eternally and externally in my life and know that when my fruit shows, it will be the sweetest fruit I've ever tasted.
Monique L. Spearman Is the quirky best friend you wish you always had! Self-proclaimed Beyhive president, this lipstick lover addicted to spicy food is living her best life based abroad. Storytelling her way around the world, the proud Seattle native seeks adventure through travel. Keep up with her on social media @raineyamore and her personal travel-lifestyle blog raineyamore.com.
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- What Is Outercourse & How To Have Some - xoNecole: Women's Interest, Love, Wellness, Beauty ›
- I Broke My Three-Year Celibacy Streak, And It Was So Worth It - xoNecole: Lifestyle, Culture, Love, Wellness ›
The Reality Of Living With Severe Asthma – As Told by 2 Women On Their Disease Journey
This post is in partnership with Amgen.
The seemingly simple task of taking a breath is something most of us don’t think twice about. But for people who live with severe asthma, breathing does not always come easily. Asthma, a chronic respiratory condition that inflames and narrows the airways in the lungs, affects millions of people worldwide – 5-10% of which live with severe asthma. Severe asthma is a chronic and lifelong condition that is unpredictable and can be difficult to manage. Though often invisible to the rest of the world, severe asthma is a not-so-silent companion for those who live with it, often interrupting schedules and impacting day-to-day life.
Among the many individuals who battle severe asthma, Black women face a unique set of challenges. It's not uncommon for us to go years without a proper diagnosis, and finding the right treatment often requires some trial and error. Thankfully, all hope is not lost for those who may be fighting to get their severe asthma under control. We spoke with Juanita Brown Ingram, Esq. and Jania Watson, two inspiring Black women who have been living with severe asthma and have found strength, resilience, and a sense of purpose in their journeys.
Juanita Brown Ingram, Esq.
Juanita Ingram has a resume that would make anyone’s jaw drop. On top of being recently crowned Mrs. Universe, she’s also an accomplished attorney, filmmaker, and philanthropist. From the outside, it seems there’s nothing this talented woman won’t try, and likely succeed at. In her everyday life, however, Juanita exercises a lot more caution. From a young age, Juanita has struggled with severe asthma. Her symptoms were always exacerbated by common illnesses like a cold or flu. “I've heard these stories of my breathing struggles, but I remember distinctly when I was younger not being able to breathe every time I got a virus,” says Ingram. “I remember missing a lot of school and crying a lot because asthma is painful. I [was taken] to see my doctor often if I got sick with anything so I was hypervigilant as a child, and I still am.”
Today, Juanita says her symptoms are best managed when she’s working closely with her care team, avoiding getting sick and staying ahead of any symptoms. Ingram said she’s been blessed with skilled doctors who are just as vigilant of her symptoms as she is. While competing in the Mrs. Universe competition, Juanita took extra care to stay clear of other competitors to ensure she didn’t catch a cold or virus that would trigger her severe asthma. “I would stand off to the side and sometimes that could be taken as ‘oh, she thinks she's better than everybody else.’ But if I get sick during a pageant, I'm done. I had to compete with that in mind because my sickness doesn't look like everybody else's sickness.”
Even when her symptoms are under control, living with severe asthma still presents challenges. Juanita relies on her strong support system to overcome the hurdles caused by a lack of understanding from the public, “I think that there's a lot of lack of awareness about how serious severe asthma is. I would [also] tell women to advocate and to trust their intuition and not to allow someone to dismiss what you're experiencing.”
Jania Watson
Jania, a content creator from Atlanta, Georgia, has been living with severe asthma for many years. Thanks to early testing by asthma specialists, Jania was diagnosed with severe asthma as a child after experiencing frequent flare-ups and challenges in her day-to-day life. “I specifically remember, I was starting school, and we were moving into a new house. One of the triggers for me and my younger sister at the time were certain types of carpets. We had just moved into this new house and within weeks of us being there, my parents literally had to pay for all new carpet in the house.”
As Jania grew older, she was suffering from fewer flare-ups and thought her asthma was well under control. However, a trip back to her doctor during high school revealed that her severe asthma was affecting her more than she realized. “That was the first time in a long time I had to do a breathing test,” she describes. “The doctor had me take a deep breath in and blow into a machine to test my breathing. They told me to blow as hard as I could. And I was doing it. I was giving everything I got. [My dad and the doctor] were looking at me like ‘girl, stop playing.’ And at that point [it confirmed] I still have severe asthma because I've given it all I got. It doesn't really go away, but I just learned how to help manage it better.”
Jania recognizes that people who aren’t living with asthma, may not understand the disease and mistake it for something less serious. Or there could be others who think their symptoms are minor, and not worth bringing up. So, for Jania, communicating with others about her diagnosis is key. “Having severe asthma [flare-ups] in some cases looks very similar to being out of shape,” she said. “But this is a chronic illness that I was born with. This is just something that I live with that I've been dealing with. And I think it's important for people to know because that determines the next steps. [They might ask] ‘Do you need a bottle of water, or do you need an inhaler? Do you need to take a break, or do we need to take you to the hospital?’ So, I think letting the people around you know what's going on, just in case anything were to happen plays a lot into it as well.”
Like Juanita, Jania’s journey has been marked by ups and downs, but she remains an unwavering advocate for asthma awareness and support within the Black community. She hopes that her story can be an inspiration to other women with asthma who may not yet have their symptoms under control. “There's still life to be lived outside of having severe asthma. It is always going to be there, but it's not meant to stop you from living your life. That’s why learning how to manage it and also having that support system around you, is so important.”
By sharing their journeys, Juanita and Jania hope to encourage others to embrace their conditions, obtain a proper management plan from a doctor or asthma specialist like a pulmonologist or allergist, and contribute to the improvement of asthma awareness and support, not only within the Black community, but for all individuals living with severe asthma.
Read more stories from others like Juanita and Jania on Amgen.com, or visit Uncontrolled Asthma In Black Women | BREAK THE CYCLE to find support and resources.
Ashwagandha has had a big year. Ever since this powerful supplement made waves on the wellness side of TikTok, it’s been a highly sought-after herb for its healing benefits. With stress levels at an all-time high, it’s nice to know that there’s a supplement that helps soothe our minds and put our anxieties at ease.
If ashwagandha is new to you, you may be curious about what it is and the benefits it can provide your body and mind. Look no further because we’re breaking down all the facts you need to know about this powerful super herb.
What is Ashwagandha?
Herbal adaptogen Ayurvedic medicine, otherwise known as ashwagandha.
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Ashwagandha, scientifically known as Withania somnifera, is a popular herb in traditional Ayurvedic medicine, which is one of the world's oldest holistic healing systems and is commonly referred to as Indian ginseng or winter cherry.
Ashwagandha has a long history of use in traditional medicine for various purposes, including promoting vitality, longevity, and overall well-being. It is classified as an adaptogen, which means it may help the body adapt to stress and maintain balance.
The Health Benefits of Ashwagandha
Ashwagandha Benefits: Stress and Anxiety Reduction
One of the most well-known benefits of ashwagandha is its potential to reduce stress and anxiety. Because it is considered an adaptogen, it may help the body adapt to and manage stress. Studies suggest that ashwagandha may lower cortisol levels, a hormone released in response to stress.
Improves Mood and Mental Well-Being
Ashwagandha is believed to have mood-stabilizing properties. Some research indicates that it may help alleviate symptoms of depression and improve overall mental well-being. It is thought to influence neurotransmitters in the brain, such as serotonin, which play a role in mood regulation.
Enhanced Cognitive Function
There is evidence to suggest that ashwagandha may support cognitive function and memory. Some studies indicate that it may have a neuroprotective effect, helping to safeguard the brain from oxidative stress and inflammation.
Ashwagandha is believed to have mood-stabilizing properties and is believed to play a role in mood regulation.
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Ashwagandha Benefits: Improves Quality of Sleep
According to Health.com, studies have shown that taking ashwagandha may help people sleep better. In a study involving 29 individuals with insomnia, those who took 300 mg of ashwagandha twice daily exhibited significant improvements compared to a placebo group of 19 individuals. The group taking ashwagandha experienced faster sleep onset, spent more time asleep while in bed, and reported better overall sleep quality.
Ashwagandha Benefits: Anti-Inflammatory Effects
Ashwagandha has been studied for its potential anti-inflammatory properties. Chronic inflammation is associated with various health conditions, and Ashwagandha may help modulate the immune system's response, potentially reducing inflammation in the body.
How To Take Ashwagandha
The upside to trying ashwagandha is that it comes in a variety of different forms to fit your needs — from supplements and capsules to powders and liquid extracts.
While Ashwagandha is generally considered safe for most people when used as directed, it's always a good idea to consult with a healthcare professional before adding any new supplement to your routine, especially if you have underlying health conditions, are pregnant, breastfeeding, or are taking medications.
According to experts, a 300-milligram dose of ashwagandha is a safe place to start; any larger doses could potentially lead to side effects like vomiting and diarrhea. To maximize the balancing effects of ashwagandha, it is suggested to take smaller doses in the morning, on an empty stomach.
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