

A new year is upon us, girl. I know you've got new goals to achieve, new ground to cover, new practices to master. You're on your "new year, new me" vibe and excited, maybe even slightly anxious for how it will go. I get it. I'm there too.
With all the big dreams and goals we set out on our journey to achieve, it can get overwhelming to figure out how to fight off all the things that vy for our attention on a daily basis. The inward commitment is strong but the practical tools are sometimes unclear.
Never fear! I caught up with 7 DOPE Black women to get a variety of tips, tricks, and motivation for how to combat distraction and how to feel good doing it!
Check out their nuggets of wisdom and comment, letting us know how you plan to kick distraction's butt in the new year!
xoQuestion: How do you successfully combat distractions from your calling/work in the age of social media?
Ashley Sharie
Business Advisor, Mindset Master, Founder of Aspire Business
Follow her on Twitter & Instagram: @loveasharie, @2aspireco
"I combat distractions literally by minding my business – in both a literal and figurative sense. Not only do I worry about myself and #slayinmylane, but I also practice a great deal of mindfulness and mindset mastery. When I get distracted in any form (comparison, over-consumption, perfectionism), I stop and ask, 'Why?' Rather than reprimand myself or rationalize the behavior, I take a step back and look at the 'why.' What is my trigger? How am I feeling?
"I assess my answers, course correct, and get back to business. Whether that means silencing notifications, unfollowing certain accounts, adjusting deadlines, unsubscribing from newsletters – whatever I need to do, I do it."
Gabrielle Hickmon
Writer. Founder & EIC of TheReignXY. Author, sunny.
Follow her on all social media: @gabbyhickmon, @thereignxy
(Photo credit: - Damola Akintunde)
"I get off social media. Anytime I feel myself getting too caught up in scrolling, I delete the apps and have a friend change my passwords. Sometimes it's for a week or two, others for a few months. It helps me refocus and get grounded. I try to remind myself that the work is the work. Posting about it isn't.
"In order to look like you're getting things done, you have to be doing something – even if it's crappy. So, get to work. Learn your cycles and work when you can. Rest when your body and spirit tell you to. You can't cheat the game. Well, you can. But don't you wanna earn your keep?"
"I try to remind myself that the work is the work. Posting about it isn't."
Inacent Saunders
Nonprofit Consultant
Follow her on Instagram: @groundworkforchange, and Facebook: www.facebook.com/G4CLLC
"First, I try my best to conduct my business in business settings. So, I find it easier to focus and ignore social media if I'm sitting at a desk in a coworking space, surrounded by other people doing their own work, than if I was at home on the couch, or in a local café, bumping the latest pop and hip hop tunes overhead. I rarely ever wander over to social media if I'm in a work/business environment.
"Second, regarding [online distraction/comparison], that's mitigated by simply remembering that my success is going to look different anyway! As a woman of faith, one of the things I've learned is that the path I have to take to get to my destiny and to fulfill my purpose, looks NOTHING like anyone else's path. My success won't look like their success. Who I'm called to, won't be who their called to. And my results won't look like their results. I'm learning to use social media in ways and at times that are not distracting to me. And when I do use it, I'm rarely distracted by the images of success and triumph I see folk sharing. If anything, I've learned to celebrate their success, because I know it's going to be just as sweet for me, in my own way, and in my own timing."
Lia Epps
Social Worker, Photographer
Follow her on Instagram: @liaeppsphotography and Twitter: @liaephotography
"I combat distractions by setting aside specific days where I dedicate several hours to my photography; I also am very fond of the Do Not Disturb feature. Additionally, I have accountability with other creative friends about new projects or upcoming deadlines and they keep me in check. One of my biggest drivers to keep me focused is that someone is depending on me to do what God called me to do. When I get off track, I am standing in the way of someone getting free or reaching their full potential."
Alisha Robertson
Founder, LivingOverExisting.com
Follow her on all social media platforms: @TheAlishaNicole
"I try to automate everything as much as possible so that I am not connected to my phone and social media all day. Automation helps me to stay consistent without always being present 24/7. Leaving my phone in a different room or on Do Not Disturb helps a ton when I am trying to focus and push through my to-do list. Also, whenever I feel like I'm starting to compare myself to certain people or whenever a post doesn't put me in a good space, I don't hesitate to unfollow."
Shay Duriel Davis
Digital Marketing Strategist and Creator, The Bronze Hustle
Follow her on all social media platforms: @shayduriel and @thebronzehustle
"I used to think that in order to really be successful, you would need to put yourself in a bubble and just never interact in order to really have solid work done within your work. Now, I believe there are also times when coexisting and creating a balance is just as important. Some of us do well with deactivating or handing off all social media duties but for those of us who not only weave it through our work but also enjoy connecting with our counterparts, there are a lot of dope connections and opportunities that can come from just scrolling your (curated) timeline. Regardless of if the people on your timeline enjoy your process and what the glam side looks like, it's the results that truly matter."
"Some of us do well with deactivating or handing off all social media duties but for those of us who not only weave it through our work but also enjoy connecting with our counterparts, there are a lot of dope connections and opportunities that can come from just scrolling your (curated) timeline."
Gynai Kristol
Videographer. Freelancer.
Follow her on Twitter & Instagram: @_KristolKlear
"When it comes to social media or notifications in general, I am the queen of Do Not Disturb. My phone lives on it and if I could turn it on for my life I would (my friends slightly dislike me for this haha). I tend to stay off of it especially when I'm in work mode. I don't really use Twitter, but Instagram had a lot of my time. When I was in the process of rebranding and relaunching my website about a year ago, I had completely deleted the Instagram app off of my phone. I found myself comparing where I was (like most of do) to where someone else was in their journey and career. So in order to just focus on myself and get my sh*t in order, I removed those distractions from my phone. And now, I occasionally turn the notifications off in the app itself."
Featured image of Gabrielle Hickmon by Damola Akintunde.
Adrian Marcel On Purpose, Sacrifice, And The 'Signs Of Life'
In this week's episode of xoMAN, host Kiara Walker talked with R&B artist Adrian Marcel, who opened up, full of heart and authenticity, about his personal evolution. He discussed his days transitioning from a young Bay Area singer on the come-up to becoming a grounded husband and father of four.
With honesty and introspection, Marcel reflected on how life, love, and loss have shaped the man he is today.
On ‘Life’s Subtle Signals’
Much of the conversation centered around purpose, sacrifice, and listening to life’s subtle signals. “I think that you really have to pay attention to the signs of life,” Marcel said. “Because as much as we need to make money, we are not necessarily on this Earth for that sole purpose, you know what I mean?” While he acknowledged his ambitions, adding, “that is not me saying at all I’m not trying to ball out,” he emphasized that fulfillment goes deeper.
“We are here to be happy. We are here [to] fulfill a purpose that we are put on here for.”
On Passion vs. Survival
Adrian spoke candidly about the tension between passion and survival, describing how hardship can sometimes point us away from misaligned paths. “If you find it’s constantly hurting you… that’s telling you something. That’s telling you that you’re going outside of your purpose.”
Marcel’s path hasn’t been without detours. A promising athlete in his youth, he recalled, “Early on in my career, I was still doing sports… I was good… I had a scholarship.” An injury changed everything. “My femur broke. Hence why I always say, you know, I’m gonna keep you hip like a femur.” After the injury, he pivoted to explore other careers, including teaching and corporate jobs.
“It just did not get me—even with any success that happened in anything—those times, back then, I was so unhappy. And you know, to a different degree. Like not just like, ‘I really want to be a singer so that’s why I’m unhappy.’ Nah, it was like, it was not fulfilling me in any form or fashion.”
On Connection Between Pursuing Music & Fatherhood
He recalled performing old-school songs at age 12 to impress girls, then his father challenged him: “You can lie to these girls all you want, but you're really just lying to yourself. You ain't growing.” That push led him to the piano—and eventually, to his truth. “Music is my love,” Marcel affirmed. “I wouldn’t be a happy husband if I was here trying to do anything else just to appease her [his wife].”
Want more real talk from xoMAN? Catch the full audio episodes every Tuesday on Spotify and Apple Podcasts, and don’t miss the full video drops every Wednesday on YouTube. Hit follow, subscribe, and stay tapped in.
Featured image by xoNecole/YouTube
I Tried It: 3 Low-Maintenance Wigs That Will Elevate Your Look This Season
There's nothing like the feeling you get when your hair is done. It can instantly boost your confidence and put you in a great mood. I've never been a stranger to hair trends and I often experiment with the latest braided styles and colors.
But there are moments when I just don't feel like doing my hair. I'm natural and a lot of times I will braid or twist my hair up and cover it with a scarf or turban. However, when I crave a different look without the hassle of styling, I reach for a wig.
I've always had a love-hate relationship with wigs. Sometimes, I struggle to get them to lay flat and don't get me started with the bonding glue process. So when it comes to wearing wigs, I like to keep it nice and breezy around this b--- (word to Katt Williams), especially in the summertime.
That's why I jumped at the chance to try these three versatile wigs from Luvme Hair. Each one offers a unique look and is surprisingly low maintenance, which aligns perfectly with my philosophy that wearing wigs should make life easier. Let’s dive into the three styles below.
Headband Wig
Courtesy
This was the first wig I tried on, and I instantly fell in love with it. So much so that it took me weeks to even consider trying the other two. I’m partial to colored hair, especially blonds, browns, and reds, so I was skeptical about the jet black hair. However, I think the color, combined with the curl pattern, worked surprisingly well for me.
One of the things I really liked about this wig was that I didn’t have to braid my hair down first. I could simply throw it over a low ponytail, which is the epitome of a low-maintenance style. The headband has combs inside and velcro on the ends, ensuring a secure fit.
Half Wig
Courtesy
I had never worn a half wig before, so I faced some challenges. I cornrowed the bottom half of my hair where the wig would sit, but I believe this made it more difficult to use the combs. It might just be me though. I straightened the top part of my hair to blend it with the wig, which looked cute for about five minutes.
Firstly, I have a brown/blonde color mix on the ends of my hair, and the half wig is black. So, I had to hide some of the color (I didn’t have time to dye the wig). Secondly, straightening my hair myself is always a hassle because it never lasts long. Add to that the summer humidity, and you get a hot mess. Despite all this, I managed to get some cute pictures before things got out of control, and that’s all that matters, right?
Would I consider this a low-maintenance hair style? Yes and no. I think it’s unrealistic for me during the summer, especially since I enjoy summer activities. However, when the weather cools down, I’ll definitely rock it, dyed, of course.
Bob
Courtesy
Now, this is the wig I was nervous about. I never had a bob and I didn't think I would like it. But once I put bobiana on, my mind instantly changed. I finally understood why the gworls rave about the bob so much. It was giving boss. It was giving grown woman. It was giving the bob means business. Iykyk. It was the ultimate statement.
I will say when I first put it on, one side of my wig just would not lay flat. It took some trial and error, but I finally managed to get it to look good. With the bob, I highly recommend braiding your hair down first as small as you can so it can lay as flat as possible. I really liked the ash blonde color, which is perfect for summer. The length also makes it a great low-maintenance style for the season, so you don't have to worry about the hair making your neck sweaty.
Let’s make things inbox official! Sign up for the xoNecole newsletter for love, wellness, career, and exclusive content delivered straight to your inbox.
Feature image courtesy