5 Reasons You Should Unapologetically Pamper Yourself
A couple of days ago, I was having the weirdest debate with one of my closest friends. She's married, a mom, and works a full-time gig. Her to-do list is endless.
She recently came into a nice chunk of change and so I asked her what she was going to do to pamper herself. As she responded with things like she made a doctor's appointment and bought some new shoes because her feet had been killing her, I was like "Umm, what does that have to do with pampering yourself?!"
Something about my friend and mine's dynamic is we're both wordsmiths. So, as she expressed that those were examples of pampering and I pushed back, we both agreed that we should probably check the actual definition out. Because pampering is something that I've been super intentional about in this season of my life, I knew what it meant. But as I read the definition out loud to her, it brought me to the conclusion that there's an epidemic of women who don't pamper themselves. Not by a long shot.
"Pamper: to treat or gratify with extreme or excessive indulgence, kindness, or care."
In fact, I'll take it a step further and say that what some women consider to be pampering – you know, waxing eyebrows, having mani/pedis, taking bubble baths, etc. – those things should probably be classified as "upkeep" more than anything else. The definition of pampering backs my conclusion up. Just think about it. When was the last time you did something for yourself that would count as being extreme or excessively indulgent?
A spa day. An expensive bottle of wine. A weekend at a local high-end hotel. A piece of jewelry to celebrate reaching a goal or commemorating a milestone. Doing something that has no rhyme or reason beyond the fact that you want to love on yourself in the best way possible?
If, like my friend, this concept is so foreign to you that all you can think about is how irresponsible pampering is, this article has your name all over it! There are a billion reasons why you should really rethink your stance. Five immediately come to mind:
To “Gut Check” Your Self-Esteem.
The author-poet Aberjhani once said, "Dare to love yourself as if you were a rainbow with gold at both ends." It's one of my favorite self-esteem quotes because it reminds me that if I don't treat myself as invaluable, it's going to be close to impossible to expect others to do it.
And here's the thing – if you're not big on pampering yourself, take out a pen and piece of paper and write down why. If you can't come up with a reason, you have no legitimate excuse. On the other hand, if you say something along the lines that pampering is frivolous or wasteful, let me put into perspective what's really going on. What you're telling yourself is someone as unique, special, and awesome as you doesn't think it's a wise investment to celebrate that fact.
If you really and truly believe that, what does that say about your self-esteem? (I'll wait.)
Related Articles:
5 Ways I Remind Myself I'm Beautiful Every Day – Read More
Self-Care Goals: How To Make Sure You're Doing It Right – Read More
How 4 Professional Millennial Women Navigate Career And Self-Care – Read More
Featured image by Shutterstock
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Different puzzle pieces are creating bigger pictures these days. 2024 will mark a milestone on a few different levels, including the release of my third book next June (yay!).
I am also a Professional Certified Coach. My main mission for attaining that particular goal is to use my formal credentials to help people navigate through the sometimes tumultuous waters, both on and offline, when it comes to information about marriage, sex and relationships that is oftentimes misinformation (because "coach" is a word that gets thrown around a lot, oftentimes quite poorly).
I am also still super devoted to helping to bring life into this world as a doula, marriage life coaching will always be my first love (next to writing, of course), a platform that advocates for good Black men is currently in the works and my keystrokes continue to be devoted to HEALTHY over HAPPY in the areas of holistic intimacy, spiritual evolution, purpose manifestation and self-love...because maturity teaches that it's impossible to be happy all of the time when it comes to reaching goals yet healthy is a choice that can be made on a daily basis (amen?).
If you have any PERSONAL QUESTIONS (please do not contact me with any story pitches; that is an *editorial* need), feel free to reach out at missnosipho@gmail.com. A sistah will certainly do what she can. ;)
ItGirl 100 Honors Black Women Who Create Culture & Put On For Their Cities
As they say, create the change you want to see in this world, besties. That’s why xoNecole linked up with Hyundai for the inaugural ItGirl 100 List, a celebration of 100 Genzennial women who aren’t afraid to pull up their own seats to the table. Across regions and industries, these women embody the essence of discovering self-value through purpose, honey! They're fierce, they’re ultra-creative, and we know they make their cities proud.
VIEW THE FULL ITGIRL 100 LIST HERE.
Don’t forget to also check out the ItGirl Directory, featuring 50 Black-woman-owned marketing and branding agencies, photographers and videographers, publicists, and more.
THE ITGIRL MEMO
I. An ItGirl puts on for her city and masters her self-worth through purpose.
II. An ItGirl celebrates all the things that make her unique.
III. An ItGirl empowers others to become the best versions of themselves.
IV. An ItGirl leads by example, inspiring others through her actions and integrity.
V. An ItGirl paves the way for authenticity and diversity in all aspects of life.
VI. An ItGirl uses the power of her voice to advocate for positive change in the world.
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Crystal Renay Is Prioritizing Healing, Her Kids, And Her Coins Amid Divorce
Crystal Renay is reclaiming her time and her identity after dealing with heartbreak. The model was married to Ne-Yo for seven years and they share three young children together. However, after a cheating scandal that resulted in a baby outside of their relationship, Crystal decided to end her marriage to the “So Sick” singer. Now, she is focusing on her bag and her kids. She is co-owner of Johnny’s Chicken and Waffles, launching a lip kit line, and is back on TV starring in the new WE TV reality series Bold & Bougie.
But it wasn’t an easy road, especially with reality TV. From the beginning, Crystal and her castmates bumped heads due to misconceptions and alliances with her ex-husband’s former partner, Monyetta Shaw. However, the mother of three exclusively tells xoNecole that she doesn’t regret her decision to join the show.
Crystal Renay
Photo courtesy
“Honestly, being in that space, we had a– you know, when you're first getting to know people, sometimes it can be smooth, and sometimes it can be rocky,” she says. “In our case, it was a little bit rocky and just getting to know each other, and I like to call it growing pains. And I felt like we had a couple of moments, but all in all, like the experience was really good for me, and I would do it over again.”
Crystal describes herself as “career-oriented” and says she is in her selfish season because she is now prioritizing herself first. But she admits that she is still healing from her divorce. The reality TV star shares some tips for others who may be going through the same thing.
“I would definitely say pray, pray as much as you can. Try to take your emotions out of your reactions to things because it’s always going to be something that you don't like in the situation,” she says. “But we can't move off of emotion because 10 times out of 10, a few months later, you're not going to feel like that. So, I'm a firm believer in not doing things that I will regret later. So I would just say be patient with yourself and stay positive.”
While there may be an opportunity to find love again, that’s not Crystal’s focus at the moment. She is in the rebuilding phase of her life, emphasizing the importance of self-care, personal growth, and finding her own happiness. She has had her share of challenges, including dealing with negative emotions and the public's perception of her, but her priorities involve spending quality time with her children and running lucrative businesses.
“I would definitely say pray, pray as much as you can. Try to take your emotions out of your reactions to things because it’s always going to be something that you don't like in the situation.”
“With my kids, I'm very hands-on. I’m team mother with soccer kids, and they don't really make no goals because they like five years old, but I'm there cheering them on every week,” she jokes. “I want to travel, especially this summer, with my kids and take them somewhere internationally because they're at the age where they can handle a long flight. So, me just spending more time and more new experiences with my kids is my main focus with them and showing them all the love that I could possibly give them.”
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Photo courtesy of Crystal Renay