If you’re like most Issa Rae- and good TV-loving humans with a pulse, you probably ran, not walked, to catch HBO Max’s Rap Sh!t. On top of celebrating Black women in their most authentic essence, the show highlights Florida's rarely seen yet indulgent side. As a Florida-born and raised woman who loves her Cuban sandwiches, slowed-down music, rims, bass, and never-ending sunshine, seeing Rap Sh!t pay homage to my state has been like receiving an overdue love letter in high school from the guy you’ve been crushing on for weeks.
Rap Sh!t follows the unlikely yet revived friendship between Mia (KaMillion) and Shawna (Aida Osman) as they dip their perfectly pedicured toes into the world of a rap duo. The two, who belong to different worlds in the same city, in Miami, Florida, find themselves randomly paired together after connecting on Instagram and soon are drunkenly creating a viral hit called “Seduce & Scheme.” Mia, a single mother and 9-to-5 influencer with more followers than funds, finds herself intrigued by the possibility of doing the unthinkable: being a rapper. Shawna, on the other hand, is a semi-established “woke” rapper with a seemingly stalled career and a fraud scheme or two up her hotel reception sleeves.
The two are different - as most great connections and friendships are - but they make it work. They see the magic. They understand that what they have is rare. While they wade through the world of pimps-turned-managers, toxic ass boyfriends and mothers, and deferred dreams, they find that making it is the easy part; maintaining it is where it gets tricky.
Alicia Vera/HBO Max
As usual, Issa Rae authentically gets the stories of Black women right. With Insecure, we saw it come to life in California; in Rap Sh!t, we see the Black Girl Magic in the Sunshine state away from reality TV. For far too long, Florida’s music scene has been considered gimmicky hip-hop by the mainstream - with artists like Major Nine, Tom G, Tokyo Jetz, and even the show’s star KaMillion - staring at us, waiting for us to “get” it. Hip-hop in Florida is just as monumental as in any borough in NY or any ‘hood in Cali.
There’s more than the beaches and nightclubs; the show represents the duality of how something appears and the underlying beautiful spots we often don’t take the time to see. Similarly, the duality of being a Black woman in America is that, wherever you reside, and whoever you stand beside, you’ll always have the weight of working towards a dream while ensuring your superwoman cape doesn’t strangle you simultaneously. Rap Sh!t gets all the things right about being caught in the middle of doing everything for others, by others’ standards, and with everyone else in mind at the expense of your destiny.
While we sit on pins and needles waiting for season 2 of Rap Sh!t, we can rest assured that the five lessons we learned from the show will live rent-free in our heads until then. And if you haven't binged the season already, be aware that some light spoilers are ahead.
1. Be a better friend.
Alicia Vera/HBO Max
First things first, Shawna is a questionable, if not bad, friend. While I’m not saying Mia is perfect, there’s a layer of superiority that Shawna knowingly carries around with all interactions she has. From claiming to be the “pen” behind the entire group while belittling Mia to nothing more than branding, to taking it upon herself to be more focused on her boyfriend than her business (while leaving Mia to do all the work, which she doesn’t get credit for); it’s not hard to see why the two had a disconnect. In life, we have to understand that, as Oprah, we rarely meet our Gayle; so when we do, we have to work like hell to be the type of friend to them that we’d want in our corner. The connection and trust you have for someone to give them the title of “friend” are more understated than we acknowledge.
Part of me wonders if there is a conflict in how Shawna and Mia treat friendship because they’ve received friendship on opposite ends of the spectrum in the past. One from the outside looking in and the other from the inside looking out. Either way, check on your strong friends, your weak friends, your rich friends, and your poor friends. Being a good friend is as simple as showing up consistently. This season, we saw Mia showing up more for Shawna than vice versa. It could be because, secretly, Mia was searching for someone who would see her as more than the loud, popular influencer she is. She wanted someone to finally see her for her.
Still, consistently we see Shawna put herself and her ego over her friendship, her group, and the promises they made to each other. Now, Shawna has to pay the price for it by losing the authenticity of a true friendship. Point blank: Romantic relationships aren’t the only relationships that deserve your attention. Your friendships are like any other relationship in your life; they deserve to be watered, prioritized, and nurtured.
2. Chase those dreams.
Alicia Vera/HBO Max
I’m not gonna hold you long on this one, sis. The known dream for one (Shawna) and the unknown dream for another (Mia) came together by simply stepping out of their comfort zones. Imagine if Shawna kept her nose turned up at the “Seduce & Scheme” track or if Mia had politely turned the opportunity to freestyle down because it wasn’t her “thing.” Too many of us stay in places where we’re comfortable simply because we’re scared of what happens if we fly.
Be more fearful of the magic you’re leaving behind if you DON’T fly. Chase those dreams. Do all the things. Even if every inch of your body trembles. Have something to reflect on and say, “I’m glad I at least tried.”
3. Pivot!
Alicia Vera/HBO Max
Shawna starts the season off as a “woke” but not watched rapper. Sure her rhymes have bars that would likely impress someone on a BET Cypher, but beyond that…nobody’s checking for it, and she knows it. Sometimes, you have to be flexible about HOW you get to your destination (within reason) without sacrificing the journey itself. There is so many layers of who you are that exist and the intersection of change and more change. Sometimes the pivot is truly your purpose, shifting gears. With Mia, they laughed and doubted her transforming from an Only Fans model and influencer into a solid rap artist.
Both ladies leave us with an important reminder of just how important it is to be flexible and open to change. That’s not to say you need to abandon your dreams, but it is to say that sometimes the vehicle to get to your destination isn’t quite what you picture in the Lyft app in your mind. Be open to change. Be open to the pivot. Be as aggressive about both.
4. Don't be a Reina Reign.
Alicia Vera/HBO Max
Be you. Do you. Authentically. Even though Shawna was probably less likely to throw on Trick Daddy before hanging with Mia, that music, that beat, that feeling is in her Miami-born DNA. So she’s able to bring the pieces of her that aren’t the traditional sides seen in Miami and fuse them with the parts of Miami that make it one of the most intoxicating cities in the world.
Then there are Reina Reigns of the world. The ones who will code switch their way out of their blessings and purpose simply because it sells. Or because people like it. Or because people will click. Peeling back all the layers of who they are will reveal the truth, but the mask has to get hot and heavy on the surface. Be you. Do you. Love you, sis. ‘Nuff said.
5. Say bye to toxic men.
Alicia Vera/HBO Max
Cliff is trash. There, I said it. As women, we can sometimes find ourselves clinging to what was for fear of what maybe-kinda-sorta-may-never-be-again. Stop blocking your blessings by holding onto dead weight, begging to be let go. Also, when someone shows you who they are - believe them. I think at one time Cliff (Devon Terrell) genuinely loved Shawna, as long as she fit into the box of what he deemed her most valuable. If a man makes you choose between the deliciously honey-drenched versions of yourself, don’t hesitate to decide for him.
If you can’t embrace me in all of my Caresha excellence, don’t expect to ever witness my Michelle O. magic.
The moment she stepped out of that box he’d placed her in, he began to treat a diamond like an empty roll of toilet paper; sadly, Shawna allowed it. There are so many relationships in my past that have me wishing I would’ve done things differently, but the reality is no one could’ve told me what was toxic until I was detoxed from it enough to see it. Still, we know when the ones closest to us hurt us in the ways they know will penetrate us the most: words.
It’s easier said than done, but you deserve better than toxicity in any relationship in your life - especially the one you lay up with while they minimize your greatness—hard pass. But don’t worry; they’ll spin the block once they realize they can’t find your replica. That’s not your business, though. Focus on your focus and love who (shows and proves) that they love you right back.
Rap Sh!t was a fantastic journey into our layered and often complex relationships with our friends, love, and dreams. Whether you’re chasing one or all three simultaneously, you deserve all the good sh!t - no seduce and scheme, necessary.
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Featured image by Alicia Vera/HBO Max
And even though it really does seem like, over the past 50-60 years or so, virginity has been looked at as something that should be ridiculed, side-eyed, or even flat-out dismissed, I don’t feel that way at all. Fourteen sex partners and many lessons later, I actually get that there are many perks that come with waiting. Not only that, but I’ve encountered enough virgins in my time to get that, like most things in life, virginity is not a monolith, there are tons of reasons why people choose not to have sex until later in life and, if there’s one thing that you can’t really “do over” (because no, there is no such thing as a “born-again virgin.” You lose your virginity ONCE) is “losing” your virginity (I prefer to say “giving.” You know where it is)— being careful and even uber-cautious about how and when your first time goes down is something that I very much so respect.
You don’t have to take my word for it, though. As someone who gave my “conscious virginity” (I am a survivor of molestation, which is why I put it that way) at 19, I wanted to hear from women of that age and older who still haven’t “partaken of the fruit” just yet. First, to give their journey a voice and second, to remind others who may not be so vocal about their own virginal sexual status that, no matter what social media may be yapping about, when it comes to the topic of virginity, they are certainly not alone — and there is definitely nothing to be ashamed of or embarrassed about.
*Per usual, when it comes to these types of interviews that I conduct, middle names have been used.*
GiphyLynn. 27.
“It’s not like I planned to be this age and still a virgin. When I was in high school, I thought I would be married by now. I’m not, and that’s why I’m still a virgin. Does this mean I’m waiting until marriage? I am. I don’t see the point in giving some man my all without that level of commitment. I personally admire women who can because I don’t have the emotional strength or mental stamina to go through that kind of stress or pain — especially multiple times. I just think there is already enough to worry about in life than if I’m gonna get an STD, get pregnant by someone I don’t want to deal with for the rest of my life, or even if some man is going to call the next day.
"And before y’all even start — yes, I know that marriage comes with risks too. But if a man is willing to pledge his life to me and sign a legal contract to prove it just to get some, I’d rather go that route than some dude I met at a club or a guy who I dated for a couple of months, and it didn’t work out. To each their own, and this is the way that I choose to do it.”
Eileen. 22.
“I’ve always been called an old soul. I don’t think that 22 is old, but it is old, these days, to be a virgin. Some people assume that I’m one for religious reasons. Really, it’s because I’m observant, and my sisters and friends who already gave it up usually had more drama in their lives than anything. I just want my first time to be with someone who, when I look back on it, I don’t have regrets. I’m not looking for the perfect guy, but damn, can he at least not ghost me, give me an orgasm, and keep the moment to himself instead of telling all of his boys? I don’t think that’s too much to ask — and if it is…oh well.”
GiphyIris. 21.
“The question I get asked all of the time is if I’m saving it for marriage. I am. I used to say that I was waiting until I got engaged or at least fell in love, but I have friends who did that, and months after they had sex, the guys were gone. I know that marriage doesn’t guarantee anything, but I have some other friends who were virgins on their wedding night, and their lives just seem to be less intense.
“Not having sex has shown the true colors and real agendas of a lot of guys, so while it does get lonely, being this way makes it easier to see who is serious about a relationship and who just wants to get their d — k wet. Virginity can be the ultimate male marriage material predictor. At least it’s been that way for me.”
Kya. 20.
“I almost gave it up to my first love, and ‘he’ didn’t happen until college. The break-up damn near turned me into a basket case, so that proved to me that I’m not really for a sexual relationship. I think the best way to explain it is, until I know that I can emotionally handle giving myself to someone and it possibly not working out, I need to stay just where I’m at…and I’m just not there yet.”
GiphyRuth. 19.
“The timing of this is crazy because I almost lost my virginity last weekend. It’s a long story, but I was going to give it to a guy friend because I want my first time to be with someone who I trust. We didn’t go through with it because he said that he didn’t want to chance me regretting it and it ruining our friendship. I think it’s interesting that it seems that men value a woman’s virginity more than women do these days. Anyway, all I know is it won’t be just some random guy. If I don’t trust you with my heart, you will never be able to have my body. My standard will definitely be someone who was my friend first.”
Sherelle. 27.
“I’ve been too busy to give up my virginity. Sounds crazy, but it’s still the truth. I’ve always been very career-driven, so after getting my master’s, I decided to do a lot of traveling and then buy a home. It’s probably been over the past few months that my sexual status has even crossed my mind because dating just hasn’t been a priority.
“I guess you can say that having a full life is why I’m a virgin. When I can fit a man into my schedule, and I find him just as stimulating as what I currently have going on, I can almost assure you that my sexual status will change. Until then…stamps on the passport are my orgasms.”
GiphyVada. 23.
“I’ve had plenty of oral sex — not giving, receiving. Some people say that, technically, I’m not a virgin anymore, but I guess I’ll speak for the women who fall into my special situation. The reason why I’ve never gone down on a guy is because I want that to be reserved for the one [who] I first have intercourse with. The reason why several have gone down on me? You know how guys are — they see virginity as a challenge and will go the distance to be the first. If they wanna try, who am I to stop them?
"As far as what I’m waiting on…I don’t really see it as ‘waiting.' I am open to it. I just haven’t been with someone who seems like he is who I should give it to. I think that the guy who never brings sex up will probably be the one who piques my interest. I’m already a challenge. I think I’m looking for someone who is one, too.”
Aleena. 19.
“I’m a virgin because I’m focused. There are too many women at my school who are so distracted because of what some guy is doing or didn’t do — and I don’t have the time. I want to be able to have my master’s degree before my 23rd birthday, and I’m on the way to making that happen. I haven’t told anyone this, but the present I want to give myself is losing my virginity for graduation. I think an orgasm for all of my hard work makes sense. I know who I want the guy to be, too. He doesn’t know. Hope he doesn’t blow it. I’ll try to keep you posted.”
GiphyPayge. 31.
“All of the holy books value virginity, and that’s why you will never be able to convince me that there is not a serious spiritual breakdown in our society. What used to be respected is now a so-called social construct, and to me, that sounds like so many people are so hyper-sexed with no real reason or purpose that they want to take the ‘misery loves company’ approach — that because they weren’t taught to value virtue and virginity, they want as many other people as possible to follow suit. That will never be me. Until I meet the man who is deserving of being the first and only to enter into my body and spirit, I will remain a virgin and very proud of it.”
Ella. 36.
“I honestly don’t know why I’m still a virgin. Remember how you told me [Shellie] that after the first couple of years of abstinence, you got pickier and pickier? That’s the way I’ve been all of my life. I’m sure that sex is amazing, but it’s also complicated, physically kind of messy, and exposes you to a world of stuff that you don’t have to think about when you’re a virgin. I’m not scared to have sex, but I’m not in a rush. Look at me — I’m sure I’ll open these legs up one day, but I’m not checking off the calendar or anything. When I have room to explore the good and bad of sex, I’ll be more aggressive about it.”
____
There you have it — proof that there are at least ten virgins on the planet who aren’t still in high school. And what I like about each of them is there is both a confidence and focus outside of their sexual status that serves as a great reminder that sex is a part of who we are yet…it’s certainly not everything. And you know what? It never was designed to be.
So yes, kudos to them for having a personal type of conviction, for whatever the reason, and standing by it.
Virgins or not, it’s a reminder that we all should be firm in our standards about…something.
Amen? 1000 percent.
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Featured image by Giphy
