xoGift Guide 2019: Gifts For The Fashion Fiend
As a self-diagnosed fashion fiend, I must say that I have an obsession with crafting a perfect ensemble. It brings me joy to put a look together that shows my creativity and personality. The quintessential value remains in versatile pieces. Fear not, the holiday season presents an opportunity to help out your resident style boss by throwing some items in your cart as a way to show your appreciation.
Wondering what to get your fashion fiend? Read on for a list of fashion staples we are sure they will gush over. You can't go wrong with any of them.
Shop Caribbean Girl Cowgirl Plaid Harem Hants
Get into these high waist oversized pleated pants because they are life-changing. You can pair these with a dramatic blouse like Lanatria or you can rock a graphic tee with some bold accessories. Whether it's work or play, this fashion staple will make the wearer a street style hero.
Oyemwen Custom-Made Camouflage Print Orchid Skirt
'Tis the season to be extra, and this is how you do it! Pair it with a turtleneck and over-the-knee boots and you've got yourself a jaw-dropping getup. Oyemwen's custom-made camouflage print orchid skirt is a fashion dream.
And I Get Dressed "Got Dressed" Crew
Sweatshirts can be styled up or down for your pleasure. This special piece of merch from one of our favorite fashion killas, Kellie B, will be clutch for running errands in style or casual Fridays. It's warm and cozy, so you'll be snuggly for the next few months.
OlaYemii Signature "Show-Stopper" Bag
Go for the tribal bag when contemplating what to get the fashion fiend in your life. It's a bold and chic way to do it for the culture. Olayemii, meaning "I am worthy of wealth", is an authentic Nigerian shop comprised of custom made Ankara print handbags and apparel.
AVNU GUPF Boyfriend Crop
We all know that black girls are the original trendsetters. It's impossible not to love this top because it states straight facts, "Ghetto Until Proven Fashionable". Ya'll know that the world doesn't deem anything fashionable until the Kardashians rock it. The best part about ShopAVNU's top is that you can make a statement while serving it up for the people.
Hanifa Reese Pull Over Crop Gold
Hanifa is one of the hottest designers in the world. Copping some items from them is a must. Not only because the self-taught designer Anifa Mvuemba is popping, but because the clothes are simply amazing. During an exclusive interview with xoNecole, Anifa said, "I always started with a woman's body. I admire curves. That's even more of a reason for me to push that for this space; for women who feel unheard."
PS - To make the outfit complete, you can cop the matching Rylee Flared Knit Pants here.
Shop Jolie Nia Front Neon Pink Fringe Jeans
This is for the girl who loves denim. With a skinny leg fit and high waist, this pair of jeans will look flattering on all body types. Keep it simple by coupling the fringed out bottoms with a tee and pumps.
FE NOELChosen Lucid Jersey
If one thing is for certain, this is the 2020 jersey you need in your life. It's elevated sporty, chic attire and we all need a dose of it. Supporting Fe Noel means you're supporting a womenswear brand that encourages women to live their lives in style.
Rent the Runway Gift Card
Rent the Runway is the key to winning over a fashion aficionado. RTR is an online service that provides designer dress and accessory rentals to take the stress out of getting dressed. The subscription service has plans starting at $69.
UO Flat Brim Felt Fedora Hat
Allow me to introduce you to the fedora hat that will boost your accessory game. You can get shady with this beautiful hat made perfect with an elongated brim and dimpled crown in soft felt. No matter the occasion, donning a hat is an ultra-stylish way to make bad hair days not so bad.
Featured image by Shutterstock
Joce Blake is a womanist who loves fashion, Beyonce and Hot Cheetos. The sophistiratchet enthusiast is based in Brooklyn, NY but has southern belle roots as she was born and raised in Memphis, TN. Keep up with her on Instagram @joce_blake and on Twitter @SaraJessicaBee.
ItGirl 100 Honors Black Women Who Create Culture & Put On For Their Cities
As they say, create the change you want to see in this world, besties. That’s why xoNecole linked up with Hyundai for the inaugural ItGirl 100 List, a celebration of 100 Genzennial women who aren’t afraid to pull up their own seats to the table. Across regions and industries, these women embody the essence of discovering self-value through purpose, honey! They're fierce, they’re ultra-creative, and we know they make their cities proud.
VIEW THE FULL ITGIRL 100 LIST HERE.
Don’t forget to also check out the ItGirl Directory, featuring 50 Black-woman-owned marketing and branding agencies, photographers and videographers, publicists, and more.
THE ITGIRL MEMO
I. An ItGirl puts on for her city and masters her self-worth through purpose.
II. An ItGirl celebrates all the things that make her unique.
III. An ItGirl empowers others to become the best versions of themselves.
IV. An ItGirl leads by example, inspiring others through her actions and integrity.
V. An ItGirl paves the way for authenticity and diversity in all aspects of life.
VI. An ItGirl uses the power of her voice to advocate for positive change in the world.
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How To Tell If You're Disciplining Your Child Or Seeking Revenge
When discussing the topic of raising children, discipline is often the first thing that comes to mind. Children need discipline. Full stop. But what is discipline? And how do we draw the line between discipline and revenge?
The origin of the word "discipline" can be traced back to the Latin word "disciplina," which means "instruction" or "teaching." Over time, however, discipline has come to be synonymous with punishment, with parents relying on shame, fear, and/or physical pain to curb undesirable behavior.
Teaching takes time, so nipping it in the bud in whatever fashion parents deem necessary (within reason) has become the norm. But is this what’s best for children? And when does it become less about curbing undesirable behavior and more about getting our licks back for offenses we feel our children should know better to do?
In my work as a parenting coach, I’ve often heard parents say, “I asked him nicely three times before spanking him. He didn’t stop doing it until I did, so clearly talking doesn’t work.”
And the parent isn’t wrong. Talking often doesn’t work the first, the third, or the even the 10th time. And the reason is directly tied to brain development.
Children cannot and do not process information the way an adult can. Auditory processing is not fully developed until a child is 14 or 15 years old. And even then, if a child has auditory processing delays or Auditory Processing Disorder (APD), they may always struggle with processing auditory commands. According to Susie S. Loraine, MA, CCC-SLP, the term auditory processing refers to how the brain perceives and interprets sound information. Several skills determine auditory processing ability—or listening success. They develop in a general four-step hierarchy, but all work together and are essential for daily listening.
Without this understanding, discipline can easily become revenge because parents will then view their child’s misdeeds as a personal slight. Instead of teaching them to do better, parents now want to show them the consequences of not doing better. This is why it's imperative for parents to discern between discipline and revenge to maintain healthy relationships with their children.
5 WAYS TO DISTINGUISH BETWEEN PARENTAL GUIDANCE AND RETALIATION:
Understanding The Intent
Discipline is rooted in love and concern for the child's well-being. It focuses on teaching lessons and helping children understand the consequences of their actions. Conversely, revenge-driven actions stem from a desire to inflict pain or punishment as payback for perceived slights or disobedience. Parents should reflect on their motives before taking disciplinary actions. Ask yourself whether your intention is to help your child learn or to make them suffer for upsetting you.
Example: If a child accidentally breaks a valuable item, a disciplinary response would involve discussing the importance of being careful and working with the child to come up with a way to replace or fix what they’ve broken. On the other hand, a vengeful reaction might involve yelling, harsh punishment, or bringing up past mistakes to intensify guilt.
Maintaining Emotional Regulation
Effective discipline requires parents to remain calm and composed, even in challenging situations. It's natural to feel upset or frustrated when children misbehave, but responding with anger or resentment can escalate the situation and blur the line between discipline and revenge. Before addressing the issue, take a moment to breathe and collect your thoughts.
Example: If a child cannot follow instructions, a disciplined response would involve calmly explaining why their cooperation is necessary in working with the child to accomplish the goal. Conversely, a retaliatory response might involve shouting, name-calling, or resorting to physical punishment out of anger.
Promoting Growth and Learning
Discipline should always aim to promote growth and learning. It involves guiding children toward making better choices and understanding the impact of their actions on themselves and others. Effective discipline strategies include positive reinforcement, setting clear expectations, and providing opportunities for reflection and growth.
Example: If a child repeatedly forgets to complete their chores, a disciplinary approach would involve discussing the importance of responsibility and finding solutions together, such as creating a chore chart or setting reminders with Siri or Alexa. In contrast, a revenge-driven response might involve imposing overly harsh punishments or belittling the child, which can undermine their self-esteem and hinder their ability to learn from their mistakes.
Momo Productions/Getty
Building Trust and Communication
Trust and open communication are essential components of a healthy parent-child relationship. Discipline should strengthen this bond by fostering trust and encouraging children to confide in their parents without fear of judgment or retaliation. When children feel safe and supported, they're more likely to accept discipline as a form of guidance rather than punishment.
Example: If a child admits to breaking a rule or making a mistake, a disciplined response would involve listening to their perspective, discussing the consequences of their actions, and working together to find a solution. Conversely, a retaliatory response might involve accusations, blame, or shutting down communication, which can erode trust and damage the parent-child relationship.
Seeking Professional Guidance
Parenting is a learning journey, and, disciplining children is a delicate balance between guiding them toward responsible behavior and nurturing their growth. By understanding the intent behind our actions, maintaining emotional regulation, promoting growth and learning, building trust and communication, and seeking professional guidance when needed, as parents we can help our children built on love, respect, and understanding.
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Featured image by Courtney Hale/Getty Images