20 Years Ago, I Wrote A Book. 20 Years Later, I've Published A '2.0 Version' Of It.
There is a Chinese Proverb that, when you hit a milestone birthday like I did this year, it will hit you like a ton of bricks: “Enjoy yourself. It’s later than you think.” Lawd, ain’t that the truth. Anyway, whenever people ask me how I celebrated, anyone who really knows me knows that I am a true ambivert who almost throws up in my mouth at the mere thought of a big birthday bash. That’s why I decided to do one-on-one lunches and dinners with friends. I am in the process of booking a couple of trips, and I decided to write a follow-up to my first book.
Y’all, if you want to see how fast time is moving and also how much you are progressing, look at children or go back and read some of your journal entries from back in the day. As far as the journals go, that can be a really solid practice if you’re ever feeling stagnant or stuck because, believe you me, if you are intentional about evolution and transformation, reading who and where you were once upon and time vs. where and who you are now will showcase it for you, live and in living color. And honestly, that is what the sequel to my first book has done for me.
After I completed it, I realized that it was the best birthday present — both to me and for me.
Because so many of you have been kind enough to contact me to see when I am penning another book, that’s why I’ve written this article — Inside of Me 2.0. My Story. With a 20-Year Lens.is officially available as of this month. That was definitely on purpose because I was going to either release it on my birthday (June) or during Rosh Hashanah (the new year that I observe, which was October 2-4 this year) and preferably in the month of October, which is my late father’s birthday month (if/when you read the book, it’ll all make sense). This year, it all played out perfectly.
Twenty years wasn’t yesterday by any stretch of the imagination (listen…). And so, if you’re not familiar with my work as an author and you’re curious before purchasing my latest read, I totally get it. Here are a few things about Inside of Me and Inside of Me 2.0 that, hopefully, will get you to make a $12.99 or $7 e-book investment. C’mon. Mama needs a new set of Pumas. #wink
Inside Of Me...20 Years Ago.
'Inside of Me: Lessons of Lust, Love and Redemption'
Twenty damn years ago. To give you some perspective, the movie The Notebookcame out in 2004. Usher’s LPConfessions came out in 2004 (“Superstar” definitely should’ve been an official single, and “That’s What It’s Made For” is low-key one of the most sexually irresponsible songs to date, chile). The online review site Yelp (that is pure chaos, by the way — LOL) made its debut in 2004. Bill Clinton’s autobiographyMy Lifecame out in 2004 — and it just happened to be the same month (and year) that my first book (which was also an autobiography of sorts) did.
Oh,Inside of Me: Lessons of Lust, Love and Redemption. Some fun facts include the fact that:
*My brother actually chose the name (well, the “Inside of Me” part).
*Although I had no hand in the design (although it did turn out to be pretty stellar, if I do say so myself), a friend of mine by the name of Cole Warren (no relation) took the cover shot (the design team overlooked giving her photo credit, so there ya go, Cole).
*One of the best vocalists of our time (if you’ve been to a live show of hers, you know that I’m not exaggerating), India.Arie penned the foreword because we happened to be each other’s first “official” celebrity interview (I still have a copy of her demo from her debut LP somewhere): me as the journalist and her as the feature. We stayed in touch via email for a few years after that. There are typos in the foreword because she sent it handwritten right when we were about to literally go to press, and there was no time to edit it without it costing thousands of dollars more (real talk).
*I call the first Inside of Me my “sexual autobiography” because, although it wasn’t exactly planned to play out this way, a lot of what was consuming me in my 20s was sex and relationships. Hmph. I guess that’s why when Karrine Steffans’s (who now goes by Elisabeth Ovesen) first book, Confessions of a Video Vixen (which came out in 2005), was released, some folks said that I was the “Christian Superhead” (chile). Yeah, not even close, although I do get the comparison in the sense that both books were pretty candid — in some ways, mine even more so, since I was a Christian (at the time), and yet I was so open about my sex life and the consequences that came from it. Yeah, that was pretty taboo back then.
*Who published the book is a former publishing company that also produces the Christian pop culture magazineRelevant. I used to be a columnist for it. Kyle Chowning, Cara Baker (I think she’s married with a different name now), and yes, even Cameron Strang were really good to me there; thank you.
*People often ask me how to get a publishing deal; I’m not sure what to tell them because all of the deals that I’ve gotten (which are two; my third book, I took a different route…more on that in a sec) were offered to me.
*Every book that I’ve written has taken about six weeks to do it from start to finish (don’t ask me why; it just always plays out that way).
*Although my immediate family came and celebrated at my book signing party that I hosted at an art gallery here in Nashville when my book was released, while I was actually penning it, my mother didn’t speak to me for six months because she wasn’t supportive of the content that I was writing. I had a lot of fear back then, so if you ask me, it was a pretty tame version of everything that I went through. I am pretty fearless now (do with that what you will).
*Also, the “main men” in the book were not blindsided; I made sure that the fathers of my aborted children heard their specific chapters prior to publishing — not because I needed their approval but because I know what being caught totally off guard feels like, and I didn’t want to do that to them. They all said that they were fine with my perspective even if it wasn’t 100 percent their own (understood).
*I had a publicist who did a pretty good job promoting the book. I even had an Oprah (show) invite, although I turned it down because they wanted me to spend a considerable amount of the interview discussing something that wasn’t difficult for me, yet I knew it would be for someone close to me, so I declined. I have no regrets.
*I didn’t plan to pen a sequel at the time of releasing the first book, and certainly not one 20 years later. Not back then. Yet there is something about 20 biblically representing “perfection in waiting” and my also processing who I was as a woman at 29 (when I wrote my first book) and who I, well, now, was as a woman at 49 (when I wrote most of the follow-up) that made it all seem like the right time and occasion.
Inside of Me...Now.
'Inside of Me 2.0. My Story. With a 20-Year Lens'
Although it might sound like a shameless plug, if you haven’t read the first book, you might want to before copping the second one: Inside of Me 2.0. My Story. With a 20-Year Lens. I think the second offering will make a lot of sense even if you don’t…I’m just saying if you want some real context, the first is a great reference point.
So, what’s different about this book? I mean, for starters, I am 20 years older.
As far as the book itself goes, I decided to self-publish and also create an imprint to create more books moving forward. Listen, I’ve been published before, twice, and although the bragging rights (and advance) can be (initially) cool, if you want to make some real money, you’d need to be a bestseller. Not to mention the fact that self-publishing comes with so many options now; I mean, the distribution for this book is as vast as my previous other ones (Pure Heart: A Woman's Guide to Sexual Integrityis the second book; I’m not as emotionally attached to it, though). Plus, the book industry isn’t what it used to be, and neither are bookstores, for that matter (SMDH).
Another reason why I decided to self-publish is I wanted complete control from the design to the content, and this route gave me that. The book is green because I like what green represents (health, growth, balance, wisdom, and renewal, for starters). I put my picture on the back because I got the affirmation that my self-esteem needed at the time via my picture being on the front with the first book (I’m good).
I didn’t want anyone to write the foreword or reviews for the cover because, well, it’s my story — I don’t really need anyone to validate my own experience. I also didn’t want an editing team that would constantly ask me, “Are you sure you want to say that like that?” — all of these are traditional routes for books, and traditional, I am not.
The content. Well…not a ton of sex has been had over the past 20 years (which is wild to even hear myself say), and so, a sexual autobiography, again, this is not. Looking back on both books, I get that the first one was about a lot of what I did while my second covers a lot of ground concerning why I did it. As far as the ground that I chose to cover, I’ve been asked what surprised, even me, and I’d have to say that it’s got a heavy narcissism theme to it. I grew up in a religious home, and a child of an entertainment industry leader, and narcissism abounds in both of those realms. I do quite a bit of unpacking regarding all of that.
There is also quite a bit of closure in this book — closure that includes the explanation(s) of why. The tone is pretty unapologetic because, as I said earlier, I still had some fear while writing my first book. Now I love myself more (love casts out fear), and so the fear is virtually nonexistent. That’s why this book is more along the lines of, “I mean, if you didn’t want me to write about it, why did you do it?” along with some “And you still should be grateful that some mercy was factored in” sprinkled throughout.
Yeah, Inside of Me 2.0 consists of a lot of what one chapter addresses in its title — learning the differences between who PTSD Shellie was and who the Real Shellie now is. Just like a lot of the content that is featured on this platform, there is no shortage of spiritual and biblical references to emphasize some points; however, it’s not a Christian book by any stretch because I wouldn’t consider myself to be a Christian — anymore. I like how John 8:31-32 is where Christ said that his followers were his disciples. I also like that his disciples were pretty unconventional and off the chain (re-read about Peter sometime). All of that tracks for me.
Something else? I didn’t expect Inside of Me 2.0 to be longer than Inside of Me — it’s around 30 pages more, though. I guess it’s that way because I explain, in detail, where I stand spiritually, where I am when it comes to my family (chile), and the resolves that I now have as it relates to relationships — romantic, platonic, and otherwise. I don’t talk a lot about sex because there isn’t a lot to say on the personal front (#Elmoshrug). If you come to this site, I’m never short of ideas on the topic, though…so…there’s that.
Press. I keep getting asked about that. I dunno, y’all. I haven’t had any social media for what, 15 years now, and I still don’t want (or miss) it. I am in the process of building a website along a theme that I am passionate about (more on that to come). I am also open to doing some interviews as they come, and I think I might hop on a podcast platform, just so people can hear the tree fall in the forest (if you catch my drift); however, I didn’t write this book for attention or fame.
I wrote it because A) I’m a writer; it’s like breathing; B) Inside of Me needed some documented resolution, and now it has that; C) my dad never had a voice for his pain, and I wanted to be his mouthpiece now that he is no longer here; D) there are certain questions that I get asked fairly often that I felt a book could answer all in one sitting, and E) it was time. Twenty years — perfection in waiting — says so.
Photo Credit: Sam Simpkins
Welp. That’s about it, y’all. Oh, one more thing because some people have already asked me this too. What is my arm tat about? Feathers symbolize spiritual evolution, honor, wisdom, power, and femininity. I have five stars that represent my four aborted children and Perez (check the dedication for an explanation about him). Moon and stars symbolize the balance of masculine and feminine energy. The Hebrew letters spell out Perez, which means “breakthrough” in Hebrew.
You know, back in the late 90s, there were some Jamaican women who came to a church that I visited who did an altar call for anyone who wanted clarity. As one of them walked past me, she came back and said, “Books! Books! Lots of books!” I guess I’m just out here confirming what she spoke over me. Following the flow of it all.
If you’re willing to support that, I’d 1000 percent appreciate it.
From the inside (pun intended)…out.
Inside of Me 2.0: My Story. With a 20-Year Lens is now available on platforms includingAmazon,Barnes & Noble, Ingram, etc., and will be available on e-book sites including Apple iBookstore, Google Play, Nook, and others by the end of October 2024.
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Featured image by Sam Simpkins
It's kinda wild that, in 2025, my byline will have appeared on this platform for (what?!) seven years. And yeah, when I'm not waxing poetic on here about sex, relationships and then...more sex and relationships, I am working as a certified marriage life coach, helping to birth babies (as a doula) or penning for other places (oftentimes under pen names).
As some of you know, something that I've been "threatening" to do for a few years now is write another book. Welp, October 2024 was the month that I "gave birth" to my third one: 'Inside of Me 2.0: My Story. With a 20-Year Lens'. It's fitting considering I hit a milestone during the same year.
Beyond that, Pumas and lip gloss are still my faves along with sweatshirts and tees that have a pro-Black message on them. I've also started really getting into big ass unique handbags and I'm always gonna have a signature scent that ain't nobody's business but my own.
As far as where to find me, I continue to be MIA on the social media front and I honestly don't know if that will ever change. Still, if you need to hit me up about something *that has nothing to do with pitching on the site (I'm gonna start ignoring those emails because...boundaries)*, hit me up at missnosipho@gmail.com. I'll do what I can. ;)
For Us, By Us: How HBCU Alumni Are Building Legacies Through Entrepreneurship
Homecoming season is here, and alumni are returning to the yard to celebrate with their friends and family at the historically Black colleges and universities (HBCUs) that have changed their lives forever.
No matter where their life journeys have taken them, for HBCU students from near and far, returning to where it all started can invoke feelings of nostalgia, appreciation for the past, and inspiration for the future.
The seeds for these entrepreneurs were planted during their time as students at schools like Spelman, North Carolina A&T, and more, which is why xoNecole caught up with Look Good Live Well’s Ariane Turner, HBCU Buzz’s Luke Lawal and Morehouse Senior Director of Marketing and Comms and Press Secretary Jasmine Gurley to highlight the role their HBCU roots play in their work as entrepreneurs, the legacy they aim to leave behind through the work that they do, and more as a part of Hyundai’s Best In Class initiative.
On Honoring HBCU Roots To Create Something That Is For Us, By Us
Ariane Turner
Courtesy
When Ariane Turner launched Look Good, Live Well, she created it with Black and brown people in mind, especially those with sensitive skin more prone to dryness and skin conditions like acne and eczema.
The Florida A&M University graduate launched her business to create something that addressed topical skin care needs and was intentional about its approach without negative terminology.
Turner shared that it is important to steer clear of language often adopted by more prominent brands, such as “banishing breakouts” or “correcting the skin,” because, in reality, Turner says there is nothing wrong with the way that our skin and bodies react to various life changes.
“I think what I have taken with me regarding my HBCU experience and translated to my entrepreneurial experience is the importance of not just networking,” Turner, the founder and CEO of Look Good, Live Well, tellls xoNecole.
“We hear that in business all the time, your network is your net worth, but family, there’s a thing at FAMU that we call FAMU-lee instead of family, and it’s very much a thing. What that taught me is the importance of not just making relationships and not just making that connection, but truly working on deepening them, and so being intentional about connecting with people initially, but staying connected and building and deepening those relationships, and that has served me tremendously in business, whether it’s being able to reach back to other classmates who I went to school with, or just networking in general.”
She adds, “I don’t come from a business background. As soon as I finished school, I continued with my entrepreneurial journey, and so there’s a lot of that traditional business act and the networking, those soft skills that I just don’t have, but I will say that just understanding how to leverage and network community and to build intentional relationships is something that has taken me far and I definitely got those roots while attending FAMU.”
On Solving A Very Specific Need For The Community
Luke Lawal Jr.
Courtesy
When Luke Lawal Jr. launched HBCU Buzz, his main focus was to represent his community, using the platform to lift as they climbed by creating an outlet dedicated to celebrating the achievements and positive news affecting the 107 historically HBCUs nationwide.
By spotlighting the wonderful things that come from the HBCU community and coupling it with what he learned during his time at Bowie State University, Lawal used that knowledge to propel himself as an entrepreneur while also providing his people with accurate representation across the internet.
“The specific problem in 2011 when I started HBCU Buzz was more so around the fact that mainstream media always depict HBCUs as negative,” Lawal says. “You would only see HBCUs in the mainstream media when someone died, or the university president or someone was stepping down. It was always bad news, but they never shed light on all the wonderful things from our community."
So, I started HBCU Buzz to ensure the world saw the good things that come from our space. And they knew that HBCUs grew some of the brightest people in the world, and just trying to figure out ways to make sure our platform was a pedestal for all the students that come through our institutions.”
“The biggest goal is to continue to solve problems, continue to create brands that solve the problems of our communities, and make sure that our products, our brands, our companies, and institutions are of value and they’re helping our community,” he continues. “That they’re solving problems that propel our space forward.”
On How Being An HBCU Alum Impacts The Way One Shows Up In The World
Jasmine Gurley
Courtesy
Jasmine Gurley is a proud North Carolina Agricultural and Technical State University alum. She is even more delighted with her current role, which enables her to give back to current HBCU students as the Senior Director of Brand Marketing and Communications and official press secretary at Morehouse College.
“It was a formative experience where I really was able to come into my own and say yes to all the opportunities that were presented to me, and because of that, it’s been able to open the doors later in life too,” says Gurley of her experience at North Carolina A&T. “One thing I love about many HBCUs is that we are required to learn way more about African American history than you do in your typical K through 12 or even at the higher ed level."
She adds, “It allowed us to have a better understanding of where we came from, and so for me, because I’m a storyteller, I’m a history person, I’m very sensitive to life in general, being able to listen to the stories and the trials that our ancestors overcame, put the battery pack in my back to say, ‘Oh nothing can stop me. Absolutely nothing can stop me. I know where I came from, so I can overcome something and try anything. And I have an obligation to be my ancestors’ wildest dreams. Simultaneously, I also have a responsibility to help others realize that greatness.
Gurley does not take her position at an HBCU, now as a leader, lightly.
“People think I’m joking when I say I’m living the dream, but I really am,” she notes. “So I wake up every day and know that the work that I do matters, no matter how hard it might be, how frustrating it may be, and challenging it. I know the ripple effect of my work, my team, and what this institution does also matter. The trajectory of Black male experiences, community, history, and then just American advancement just in general.”
On the other hand, through her business, Sankofa Public Relations, Gurley is also on a mission to uplift brands in their quest to help their respective communities. Since its inception in 2017, Sankofa PR has been on a mission to “reach back and reclaim local, national, and global communities by helping those actively working to move” various areas of the world, focusing on pushing things forward for the better.
“Through Sankofa, we’ve worked with all different types of organizational brands and individuals in several different industries, but I would think of them as mission-based,” says Gurley.
“So with that, it’s an opportunity to help people who are trying to do good in the world, and they are passionate about what they’re doing. They just need help with marketing issues, storytelling, and branding, and that’s when my expertise can come into play. Help them get to that moment where they can tell their story through me or another platform, and that’s been super fulfilling.”
Join us in celebrating HBCU excellence! Check out our Best In Class hub for inspiring stories, empowering resources, and everything you need to embrace the HBCU experience.
Feature image courtesy
The Best Celebrity Halloween Costumes Of 2024 So Far
Every year, the best celebrity Halloween costumes downplay the spooky aspect of the season and turn up the creative drip with throwback homages to pop culture moments. This year is no different, with us scrolling through their uploads of THE Halloween photoshoot pics, nodding our heads in collective unison at the way their homages and transformations prove why Black culture is the blueprint in every sense.
Who could forget when Beyoncé gave us her flawless Lil’ Kim looks that were so on point, even the Queen Bee herself gave her props? Or the time Ciara and Russell Wilson shut it down as Beyoncé and Jay-Z from the “Apeshit” video? And we can’t talk about Halloween greatness without mentioning when Saweetie gave us her iconic take on the X-Men character Mystique—sis ate and she left no crumbs!
This year, our faves are back and still bringing all that energy. So, let’s get into the most memorable celebrity costumes of Halloween 2024...so far.
1.Ciara as Naomi Campbell
"Do the Naomi Campbell walk, the Naomi Campbell walk." Ciara undoubtedly understood the assignment. One thing about Cici is she can nail a tribute, chile. We have no notes!
2.Lizzo as Lizzo, the weight-loss drug from 'South Park'
Show us you don't take yourself too seriously by not taking yourself too seriously. Lizzo did exactly that when she popped out on the Halloween scene dressed as the Ozempic-parody drug featured in a South Park special.
3.Chloe Bailey as Jessica Rabbit
@chloebaileywashere i present to you… Jessica Rabbit 💋
Chloe Bailey was nothing short of sultry as she channeled the infamous Who Framed Roger Rabbit animated character Jessica Rabbit. The costume is a common one for Halloween but we can't think of an artist that embodies this energy more than the curves-for-days "Body Do" songstress.
4.Keke Palmer and family as Milli Vanilli
Name a more iconic duo, we'll wait. Keke Palmer and her family decided to pay homage this Halloween to German duo Milli Vanilli.
5.Keke Palmer as Cersei Lannister from 'Games of Thrones'
For her second costume, Keke Palmer tapped her son to get in on the Halloween fun in her turn as Games of Thrones' Cersei Lannister. "I, Cersei Lannister, introduce YOU to the heir of the throne!" she captioned a set of photos.
6.Tyla as Sharon Stone in 'The Flintstones'
@tyla_ The finest flinstone @Halle Berry
In a turn that couldn't have been executed any more perfectly, singer Tyla decided to take it back to the Mesozoic Era with her costume as Sharon Stone, originally played by Halle Berry in the 1994 movie, The Flintstones.
7.Halle Berry as a witch
Speaking of Halle Berry, the actress traded her Storm and Catwoman garb to portray a classic witch this Halloween.
8.China Anne McClain as 'Mrs.' Freddy Kreuger
Actress China Anne McClain showed her hand and then some in her gender-swapping take of the fictional Wes Craven character Freddy Kreuger. She also sported another costume as Lara Croft from the Tomb Raider franchise.
9.Ice Spice as Leeloo from 'The Fifth Element'
Ice Spice switched up her signature style while still embracing a similar color shared by The Fifth Element character she dressed up as for Halloween, Leelo. Spot on!
10.Saweetie as the Joker
Saweetie gave us a Halloween costume classic in her take on Heath Ledger's Joker featured in Christopher Nolan's The Dark Knight.
11.Ciara as GloRilla
By now, we've all seen the clip circulating of host Speedy Morman's reaction to rapper GloRilla's Memphis accent. In her second Halloween costume, Ciara recreated the viral moment, embodying Glo's infectious energy and we live.
12.North West as Tyler, the Creator
@kimandnorth running out of time to Halloween
Kanye's mini-me North West decided to pay homage to two artists for Halloween, the first being Tyler, the Creator, and his "Running Out of Time" look where he donned a blonde bob and a blue suit. North also wore a second costume as R&B singer H.E.R., a tribute to her surprise appearance in this year's Super Bowl with Usher.
13.Sevyn Streeter as Anck-su-namun from 'The Mummy'
Sevyn Streeter popped out as Anck-su-namun from the 90s classic, The Mummy. All we gotta say is, the body is tea.
14.That Chick Angel & Marcus Tanksley as Common & His Girlfriends
Talk about a rich dating history, Common is someone who has had a plethora of high-profile relationships over the years and That Chick Angel chose to pay homage to his track record by hilariously transforming into all of his exes, from Tiffany Haddish to Erykah Badu.
15.Princeton Perez as Michael Jackson and Loren Sharice as Naomi Campbell
@princetonperez Happy Halloween ;) #michaeljackson #naomicampbell #keepitinthecloset #musicvideo 🩶 @LorenSharice
What would a 'best Halloween costumes' list be without a tribute to the King of Pop? Princeton Perez and Loren Sharice recreated the iconic "In the Closet" music video from Michael Jackson as Michael and Naomi Campbell respectively.
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Featured image by James Devaney/GC Images