Let’s dive right in. When you know that you’re about to get some, what do you do prior to it, in order to prepare? If some of y’all are looking at your screen and shrugging your shoulders, I mean, if “nothing” has been working for you this long, I guess all that I can say is, “Do you, sis.” If the rest of you are like, “I mean, I take a shower” (good) and sometimes dress up (cool), this might be something that you’ll want to check out. Because what I am about to share are 15 things that you can do, pre-sex, that could actually make sex even better for you and your partner. Because while I know that the saying is that the devil is in the details, I tend to think that mind-blowing orgasms are. Real talk.
1. Hand-Wash Your Delicates
Gain (the detergent) and I have an interesting relationship. I like the price. I like the smell. It cleans well. However, when it comes to my undies, it can irritate my va-jay-jay like no other. It’s in “honor” of my love/hate relationship with it that my first recommendation for pre-sex rituals is that you handwash the lingerie that you play on wearing because there is nothing worse than itching during sex or a couple of days after, all because your detergent was too harsh on your “gentle parts.” By the way, if you want to learn how to make your own detergent (especially if you have really sensitive skin), there are some recipes and instructions here, here, and here.
2. Apply Some Waterproof Mascara and Sweet Almond Oil to Your Eyelids
A full face of make-up during sex seems like a lot (to me). I do think that there is something to be said for putting on a couple of coats of mascara and a little bit of sweet almond oil on your eyelids, though. Mascara is dope because it has a way of opening up your eyes and making them appear sexy and seductive. The oil is cool because it can make your eyes look alluring (almost like you have eyeshadow on but…don’t). Just make sure that your mascara is waterproof. The last thing you want to be doing is squinting hard because it’s running into your eyes and irritating them.
3. Exfoliate Your Lips
Last year, I wrote an article for the site entitled, “Umm, What's Up With These People Who Hate Kissing?”. Everybody’s grown and definitely to each their own, yet I personally can’t imagine having sex — especially great sex — without A LOT of kissing going down. And who wants to do that on rough, chapped lips? That’s why I think that another important sex ritual is to exfoliate them ahead of time. You can do it with your toothbrush, you can rub some brown sugar on them (while they are wet) or you can make an exfoliant. Homemade for Elle is a site that features 13 different recipes right here.
4. Drink Some Fruit Juice
No matter what you’ve got planned for the evening, I’m pretty sure your mouth is going to be involved on some level (wink). That’s why it needs to be properly hydrated. Water will certainly do the job. Personally, I recommend fruit juice (even if it’s half water/half fruit juice) because it will add some flavor to your mouth. Speaking of mouths, I once read that something a particular woman does as a part of her own pre-sex ritual is to massage her jaws beforehand. Again, everyone is grown, so I’m pretty sure you get why. Anyway, I think that’s a wise tip, right there. Definitely worth considering.
5. Put Some Shea Butter on Your Nipples
The reason why I wrote “So, What If ‘Typical Erogenous Zones’ Annoy TF Outta You?” for the site is because, while I personally am sitting at a whopping 36H, interestingly enough, my nipples aren’t even in the top five of erogenous zones for me. And yet, not one of my past sex partners avoided treating them like a trip to Six Flags. Since anybody’s spit can dry out skin, it’s a good idea to “lube up” your nipples with some shea butter. Because there is nothing worse than dry and/or itchy nipples following a sexcapade. Trust me.
6. Dab a Little Essential Oil Down Below
When a male friend and I were discussing cunnilingus one day, he said that what irritates him isn’t the taste of a woman’s vagina but the fact that she will put “smell goods” on every other part of her body but where his face is going to be for (if she’s lucky) 10-15 minutes (LOL). Good point, sir. That said, don’t forget to put some of your (or his) favorite perfume on your inner thighs and on your buttocks. As far as smell goods go, I personally would recommend essential oils (check out “8 Natural Aphrodisiac Scents, Where They Go & How To Make Them Last”). It has multiple health benefits, it tends to last longer and the blend of pumpkin and lavender oils has the great reputation of increasing blood flow to a man’s shaft by as much as 40 percent (you’re welcome).
7. Pumice Your Feet
Do y’all remember when Taylor Swift once said that shaving cream is basically soap, so she doesn’t see the need to actually wash her legs? Then she added to that that she doesn’t wash her feet either? Chile. The way that Black Twitter damn near had a heart attack about that leads me to believe that I don’t have to emphasize how important it is to do both, whether you’re planning on having sex or not. What I will say, though, is if it’s been over a week since you’ve had a pedicure, make sure that you pumice your feet; especially your heels. Afterplay is something that’s really important when it comes to sex. No one really wants to cuddle up to rough ass feet, though. Straight up.
8. Tug on Your “Hairs”
OK, so what am I talking about? What do you think that I’m talking about? Hair is constantly shedding, even in the pubic region and so most of us have gotten a couple of those in our mouth at some point or another.
While it’s perfectly normal, that doesn’t mean there aren’t things that can be done to avoid it too. One is to make sure that you gently “tug” on your pubic hairs (especially the ones that are covering your inner lips, just to see if any loose ones come out. It might be something that you’ve never considered before but it’s worth the extra couple of minutes of effort.
9. "Seal" Your Skin
Soft silky skin is a must if you want to have a wonderful night. One of the best ways to achieve that is by “sealing your skin” while you’re in the shower. All that means is after you do your final rinse and before you get out to towel yourself dry, you apply some type of carrier oil to help to “lock in” the moisture that the water provided. Coconut, avocado, grapeseed, jojoba, or sweet almond oil are all great at getting the job done. I’d avoid olive oil, though; it has a slight stench to it.
10. “Scent Up” Your Bedding
The same perfume or essential oil that you used on your thighs and butt is the same that you should put on your bedding. Aside from rolling around on really comfortable sheets, there is nothing like the lure of ones that have an enticing scent to them. Some scents to consider include jasmine, vanilla, rose, sandalwood, and cinnamon.
11. Pull Your Hair Back
Listen, I don’t know what kinda sex y’all be having but I don’t see the point in my hair being all in my face the entire time. While there is nothing like a good hair tug, as you can see from the feature pic in the article “Contrary To Popular Assumption, Black Women LOVE Getting Their Hair Pulled During Sex,” a ponytail can get that accomplished. Just something to think about.
12. Pee and Then Use a Perineal Bottle on Your Vulva
Even when I watch movies where a couple is about to get it in and one of them stops and says they have to pee, a part of me turns up my nose when they just come out and immediately simulate oral sex because toilet paper doesn’t always get rid of all of the urine. Let’s be real.
That’s why, even though it is a good idea to pee before sex (you should do so before and after because it flushes bacteria out of your urethra), it’s a good idea to follow that up with a quick lil’ “flush” via a perineal bottle. It’s basically the kind of bottle that a lot of new moms use after giving birth in order to soothe their vulva and vagina with water. Typically, they aren’t very hard to find. Many drugstores carry them.
13. Put Some Sex Condiments by Your Bed
One time, in a land far away, I went on a date with a guy at a restaurant that doesn’t exist anymore (The Cooker). They used to have something called The Cooker Pie that was, whew lawd. Anyway, if you ordered it to go, you would get the toppings for it in little containers. Some of them included caramel, fudge, and whipped cream. When we went back to my hotel room, right before I hovered (some of y’all will catch that later), I put some of those toppings on my vulva. “OH MY!” he said. It was hilarious — and amazing if you know what I mean. While I do agree with an ex of mine who once said that if you have to rely on condiments to make your food taste good, you didn’t prepare it right, I am totally for sex condiments — because clean skin tastes great. With a little bit of honey or frosting, though? Even better (check out “12 ‘Sex Condiments’ That Can Make Coitus Even More...Delicious”).
14. Turn Down Your Thermostat
In the article, “So, Guess How Long (Many) Women Want Sex To Last?”, I shared that, according to some research, it would appear that many of us want sex to be around 13.41 minutes. Whether that makes perfect sense to you, you’d prefer to add an hour of foreplay to it, or you like to go more than a couple of rounds, each and every time, it never hurts to turn that thermostat down. You know, I’ve got a friend who says that while she thoroughly enjoys sex with her husband, he literally sweats buckets which can be annoying as all get out. If you can relate, a “hack” around that is to make sure your thermostat is no higher than 65-68 degrees. At least until y’all get the job done.
15. Get Mindful
At the end of the day, being mindful is simply about being fully present (orgasmic meditation is something that can help to make this happen, by the way). You know, I recently read a study that said that when married couples remain in the moment and are intentionally non-judgmental towards their partners, it helps them to have more consistent orgasms. Present with your partner. Loving on them without judgment. I can’t think of a better way to end this pre-sex ritual tips article, can you? Yeah, me neither. Have fun! #wink
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