Knowing what brings you pleasure is vital for a happy life. Oftentimes we get consumed by obligations, responsibilities, work, and life itself that we forget to take the time to enjoy ourselves; and knowing what pleases you is truly life-changing. Now more than ever, women are putting themselves first and this energy is healing generations. To tap into what pleasure means to you, look into your 5th house in your birth chart. The 5th house in Astrology is the house of pleasure, self-expression, creativity, flirtation, sex, fun, and the heart.
The 5th house is where we tap into what makes us happy, and where that happiness is found. It is the area of your chart that tells you how you show up, how you take center stage in your life, and where your pleasure zones are. Being that Leo is the ruler of the 5th house, we learn a lot about pleasure from this fire sign, as Leo is a bold one who is not afraid to explore what brings them joy and to make sure they are good first and foremost. When it comes to tapping into the pleasure in your life, you can look at your zodiac sign or the sign that is on your 5th House in your birth chart to get a better idea of what works for you and what doesn’t.
Happiness is key when it comes to 5th house energy. The 5th House will show you not only what brings you joy, but what experiences are sustainable for you in the long run so that you truly know yourself, your body, and your needs.
Everyone has a 5th house, and some people have planets residing within that house as well, which usually makes for an even more exciting and pleasurable life (especially if you have the Sun, Mercury, Mars, or Jupiter here), or at least more attention in this area of your life altogether. The 5th House, the 8th house, and the 12th house are all areas of your birth chart you want to look at when it comes to sex and pleasure, but there is something exciting and light about the 5th house that shows you what experiences are truly fun for you and that bring you joy.
Read below as to how to align with the pleasure in your life. Read for your sun sign and rising sign.
For Aries, pleasure is confidence.AriesKyra Jay for xoNecole
“I am overflowing with love and gratitude,
and I embrace pleasure in my life.”
Aries, you are a feisty one. Pleasure for you is about taking the lead, and feeling like you are needed and valued; it is about being confident in what it is you are looking for. You are self-expressive when it comes to pleasure, and you will always let others know where you stand. You keep life exciting and with your free spirit, are often getting yourself into new and exciting experiences. Get creative when it comes to pleasure, and explore different outlets of fulfillment. When you can trust your instincts and intuition on what you need, you are aligned with what is going to bring you the most pleasurable experiences in life.
For Taurus, pleasure is satisfaction.TaurusKyra Jay for xoNecole
“I am sexually and emotionally secure with myself.”
Taurus is one of the top signs to understand the importance of pleasure. Your priorities in life are to feel good from the inside out, and you spend a lot of time making sure you are in the right space and feel the right way. You love candles, sweets, baths, and anything the movies show of a self-love day or a romantic getaway vibe. You are the definition of satisfaction, and you tap into this energy more easily than most. Pleasurable experiences for you are when your belly is full, the mood is right, and your surroundings are comfortable. With Virgo ruling your 5th house, fellow earth signs tend to align with the satisfaction you are looking for and enhance the sensuality in your life.
For Gemini, pleasure is connection.GeminiKyra Jay for xoNecole
“I listen to my body and what it needs.
I deserve to feel good.”
Pleasure is about connection for you, Gemini. You prefer one-on-one experiences, or experiences that make you closer to yourself overall. You love to love, and love to share it, and having love in your life and around you brings you great joy. Being a Gemini, you are a curious soul, and exploring where your pleasure zones are is key. Not being afraid to switch things up and try out different experiences is your gift in life, and brings you to experience more than most have in their lifetime. With Libra ruling your 5th house and Libra being the ruler of the buttocks, this is most likely a pleasure area for you, Gemini.
For Cancer, pleasure is intimacy and shared connection.CancerKyra Jay for xoNecole
“I am sexy.
I am seen.
I am well-received.”
Intimacy, a shared connection, and a transcendent experience are where you align with pleasure, Cancer. With Scorpio in your 5th house of pleasure and the fact that Scorpio is the ruler of the reproductive organs and the hips, you know all of the right spots and all of the right moves. You are very connected to what you need to feel satisfied, and also what others need as well. Physical touch is important to you, and this is one of your love languages. To connect more with the pleasure in your life, set the mood with candles, dimmed lights, crystals, and all of your spiritual tools. Do meditation before engaging in pleasure-seeking activities, and get your mind right. Setting the vibe for you does wonders.
For Leo, pleasure is exploration.LeoKyra Jay for xoNecole
“Life is exciting for me,
and my heart is open to enjoying the gifts of pleasure.”
Leo is the ruler of the 5th house of pleasure, so you know all about this area of your life well. You know how to fulfill and satisfy yourself, regardless of who else can or knows how to. For you, pleasure is all about knowing what you want, and giving yourself that. When it comes to allowing pleasure and satisfaction into your life from others, it’s all about being confident with what it is you are looking for and listening to your heart. The 5th house is also the ruler of the heart, and your heart is an adventurous one. Pleasure is all about having fun and exploring your world for you, Leo. Find what works for you, and get rid of what doesn’t.
For Virgo, pleasure is giving and receiving.VirgoKyra Jay for xoNecole
“I am grateful for my body, and the pleasure it gives me.”
Virgos are all about pleasure, both giving and receiving. You have a good balance when it comes to understanding what you need as well as exploring new possibilities for you when it comes to pleasure and the body. You are open-minded, yet grounded in the way that you are willing to take the practical steps needed to fulfill your needs or those of a partner. Virgos are very giving, but you are also a perfectionist and you want the best for yourself in all areas of your life. There is a saying about Virgos, and that is, “Classy in the streets, freak in the streets.” To tap into the pleasure in your life, dress up, role-play, and take the lead.
For Libra, pleasure is community.LibraKyra Jay for xoNecole
“I communicate from the heart,
and connect with others.”
Remaining open-minded is key for you when it comes to pleasure, Libra. Talking to a friend, communicating with others about what you are feeling, and finding a community that resonates with you and what satisfies you is key. With Aquarius residing in your 5th house of pleasure, you often find a lot of joy and pleasing experiences around friends and within these types of situations. Friends often turn into lovers for you, and you overall are open-minded when it comes to this area of your life. Words to wonders for Libras and Libra risings as well, and an exotic novel, movie, or song can take you places.
For Scorpio, pleasure is the freedom to be.ScorpioKyra Jay for xoNecole
“I express myself and what I need freely and confidently.”
Aligning with the pleasure in your life means tapping into your creativity, confidence, and self-expression. With the water sign Pisces residing in your 5th house, it’s important to feel your emotions and to be able to express how you are feeling and what you need. The more you can open up, get creative in the bed, and look at pleasure as something exciting, the more fulfilled you will be. Keep things light when it comes to satisfaction and don’t bring any serious or stagnant energy into this area of your life. For you, pleasure is all about having fun, letting loose, and giving yourself and your emotions freedom to be. Be confident when it comes to your wants and needs in life.
For Sagittarius, pleasure is excitement.SagittariusKyra Jay for xoNecole
“I intend to enjoy my life, myself, and what brings me pleasure.”
Sagittarius, pleasure for you is all about the excitement of it all. You are very intentional when it comes to what you want and need, and the beginning stages of every connection and experience are where it is at for you. Tapping into your pleasure zone is all about not only a mental connection, but physical excitement as well. With Aries residing in your 5th house, and the fact that Aries is the ruler of the head, kisses, whispers in the ear, and anything touching the top of your body/head is where your pleasure zones are. Being a fire sign, you are sure to keep things exciting and adventurous in life, and pleasure to you is all about having fun and taking the lead.
For Capricorn, pleasure is luxury.CapricornKyra Jay for xoNecole
“I exude confidence, sensuality, and love.
I deserve pleasure.”
Capricorns often surprise people with how much they know about pleasure. After all, you are known to be all work and less play, but the more you get to know a Capricorn, the more you see that their earthy ways are quite sensual and intentional. Touch for you is everything when it comes to pleasure, and this is an area of your life where you are more vulnerable and where others, including yourself, see a different side to you. Pleasure for you is about feeling luxurious, feeling needed, and reminding yourself that you are royalty. With Taurus in your 5th house and Taurus being the ruler of the neck and the shoulders, these are pleasure zones for you and should be attended to.
For Aquarius, pleasure is openness and novelty.AquariusKyra Jay for xoNecole
“I am open to new experiences,
and learning more about myself and my body."
When it comes to pleasure, you have wildcard energy, Aquarius. One day something might bring you great joy and satisfaction, and the next day something else will. Keeping up with you is not an easy task, but your life is never dull because of this. Pleasure to you is all about keeping things light, open, never the same, and exciting. You love to express yourself and communicate your needs, and you are confident doing so. You often surprise yourself with what satisfies you as you are constantly exploring yourself and learning more about your likes, dislikes, and your body. Tap into the pleasure in your life by trying something new every month (or week) and make a list of what worked, and what didn’t.
For Pisces, pleasure is feeling.PiscesKyra Jay for xoNecole
“I am safe and secure in my body and my heart.”
For Pisces and Pisces risings, pleasure is all about feeling things through. With Cancer in your 5th house of pleasure and happiness, being fulfilled means being in intimate, safe, and secure settings. You need the right environment around you to open up and feel comfortable exploring your inner world. You are very giving when it comes to pleasure and you are someone who wants to give just as much as you receive. Pleasure to you is a deep experience and when it comes to partnership, someone who you trust and feel 100% comfortable with is what’s going to make your experience the most satisfying. Connecting with fellow water signs can also be beneficial for you in this area of your life.
Read all of the stories in the Issa Rae: She Comes First editorial series here.
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Tayler Barakat is a Mystic who has studied Astrology for over a decade. She does intuitive astrology and tarot readings for people all over the world, and her work focuses on healing and empowering individuals. Follow her on Instagram @taylerbarakat_ and check out her website www.listentothevirgo.com.
Amber Riley Is In Her Element
Amber Riley has the type of laugh that sticks with you long after the raspy, rhythmic sounds have ceased. It punctuates her sentences sometimes, whether she’s giving a chuckle to denote the serious nature of something she just said or throwing her head back in rip-roarious laughter after a joke. She laughs as if she understands the fragility of each minute. She chooses laughter often with the understanding that future joy is not guaranteed.
Credit: Ally Green
The sound of her laughter is rivaled only by her singing voice, an emblem of the past and the future resilience of Black women stretched over a few octaves. On Fox’s Glee, her character Mercedes Jones was portrayed, perhaps unfairly, as the vocal duel to Rachel Berry (Lea Michele), offering rough, full-throated belts behind her co-star’s smooth, pristine vocals. Riley’s always been more than the singer who could deliver a finishing note, though.
Portraying Effie White, she displayed the dynamic emotions of a song such as “And I'm Telling You I'm Not Going” in Dreamgirls on London’s West End without buckling under the historic weight of her predecessors. With her instrument, John Mayer’s “Gravity” became a religious experience, a belted hymnal full of growls and churchy riffs. In her voice, Nicole Scherzinger once said she heard “the power of God.”
Credit: Ally Green
Riley’s voice has been a staple throughout pop culture for nearly 15 years now. Her tone has become so distinguishable that most viewers of Fox’s The Masked Singer recognized the multihyphenate even before it was revealed that she was Harp, the competition-winning, gold-masked figure with an actual harp strapped to her back.
Still, it wasn’t until recently that Riley began to feel like she’d found her voice. This sounds unbelievable. But she’s not referring to the one she uses on stage. She’s referencing the voice that speaks to who she is at her core. “Therapy kind of gave me the training to speak my mind,” the 37-year-old says. “It’s not something we’re taught, especially as Black women. I got so comfortable in [doing so], and I really want other people, especially Black women, to get more comfortable in that space.”
“Therapy kind of gave me the training to speak my mind. It’s not something we’re taught, especially as Black women."
If you ask Riley’s manager, Myisha Brooks, she’ll tell you the foundation of who the multihyphenate is hasn’t changed much since she was a kid growing up in Compton. “She is who she is from when I met her back when she was singing in the front of the church to back when she landed major roles in film and TV,” Brooks says. Time has allowed Riley to grow more comfortable, giving fans a more intimate glimpse into her life, including her mental health journey and the ins and outs of show business.
The actress/singer has been in therapy since 2019, although she suffered from depression and anxiety way before that. In a recent interview with Jason Lee, she recalls having suicidal ideation as a kid. By the time she started seeing a psychologist and taking antidepressants in her thirties, her body had become jittery, a physical reminder of the trauma stacked high inside her. “I was shaking in [my therapist’s] office,” she tells xoNecole. “My fight or flight was on such a high level. I was constantly in survival mode. My heart was beating fast all the time. All I did was sweat.”
There wasn’t just childhood trauma to account for. After auditioning for American Idol and being turned away by producers, Riley began working for Ikea and nearly missed her Glee audition because her car broke down on the highway while en route. Thankfully, Riley had been cast to play Mercedes Jones. American Idol had temporarily convinced her she wasn’t cut out for the entertainment industry, but this was validation that she was right where she belonged. Glee launched in 2009 with the promise of becoming Riley’s big break.
In some ways, it was. The show introduced Riley to millions of fans and catapulted her into major Hollywood circles. But in other ways, it became a reminder of the types of roles Black women, especially those who are plus-sized, are relegated to. Behind the scenes, Riley says she fought for her character "to have a voice" but eventually realized her efforts were useless. "It finally got to a point where I was like, this is not my moment. I'm not who they're choosing, and this is just going to have to be a job for me for now," she says. "And, that's okay because it pays my bills, I still get to be on television, I'm doing more than any other Black plus-sized women that I'm seeing right now on screen."
The actress can recognize now that she was navigating issues associated with trauma and low self-esteem at the time. She now knows that she's long had anxiety and depression and can recognize the ways in which she was triggered by how the cult-like following of the show conflicted with her individual, isolated experiences behind the scenes. But she was in her early '20s back then. She didn't yet have the language or the tools to process how she was feeling.
Riley says she eventually sought out medical intervention. "When you're in Hollywood, and you go to a doctor, they give you pills," she says, sharing a part of her story that she'd never revealed publicly before now. "[I was] on medication and developing a habit of medicating to numb, not understanding I was developing an addiction to something that's not fixing my problem. If anything, it's making it worse."
“[I was] on medication and developing a habit of medicating to numb, not understanding I was developing an addiction to something that’s not fixing my problem. If anything it’s making it worse.”
Credit: Ally Green
At one point, while in her dressing room on set, she rested her arm on a curling iron without realizing it. It wasn't until her makeup artist alerted her that she even realized her skin was burning. Once she noticed, she says she was "so zonked out on pills" that she barely reacted. Speaking today, she holds up her arm and motions towards a scar that remains from the incident. She sought help for her reliance on the pills, but it would still be years before she finally attended therapy.
This stress was only compounded by the trauma of growing up in poverty and the realities of being a "contract worker." "Imagine going from literally one week having to borrow a car to get to set to the next week being on a private jet to New York City," she says. After Glee ended, so did the rides on private planes. The fury of opportunities she expected to follow her appearance on the show failed to materialize. She wasn't even 30 yet, and she was already forced to consider if she'd hit her career peak.
. . .
We’re only four minutes into our Zoom call before Riley delivers her new adage to me. “My new mantra is ‘humility does not serve me.’ Humility does not serve Black women. The world works so hard to humble us anyway,” she says.
On this Thursday afternoon in April, the LA-based entertainer is seated inside her closet/dressing room wearing a cerulean blue tank top with matching shorts and eating hot wings. This current phase of healing hinges on balance. It’s about having discipline and consistency, but not at the risk of inflexibility. She was planning to head to the gym, for instance, but she’s still tired from the “exhausting” day before. Instead, she’s spent her day receiving a massage, eating some chicken wings, and planning to spend quality time with friends. “I’m not going to beat myself up for it. I’m not going to talk down to myself. I’m going to eat my chicken wings, and then tomorrow I’m [back] in the gym,” she says.
“My new mantra is ‘humility does not serve me.’ Humility does not serve Black women. The world works so hard to humble us anyway."
This is the balance with which she's been approaching much of her life these days. It's why she's worried less about whether or not people see her as someone who is humble. She'd rather be respected. "I think you should be a person that's easy to work with, but in the moments where I have to ruffle feathers and make waves, I'm not shying away from that anymore. You can do it in love, you don't have to be nasty about it, but I had to finally be comfortable with the fact that setting boundaries around my life – in whatever aspect, whether that's personal or business – people are not going to like it. Some people are not going to have nice things to say about you, and you gotta be okay with it," she says.
When Amber talks about the constant humbling of Black women in Hollywood, I think of the entertainers before her who have suffered from this. The brilliant, consistent, overqualified Black women who have spoken of having to fight for opportunities and fair pay. Aretha Franklin. Viola Davis. Tracee Ellis Ross. There's a long list of stars whose success hasn't mirrored their experiences behind the scenes.
Credit: Ally Green
If Black women outside of Hollywood are struggling to decrease the pay gap, so, too, are their wealthier, more famous peers.
Riley says there’s been progress in recent years, but only in small ways and for a limited group of people. “This business is exhausting. The goalpost is constantly moving, and sometimes it’s unfair,” she says. But, I have to say it’s the love that keeps you going.”
“There’s no way you can continue to be in this business and not love it, especially being a plus-sized Black woman,” she continues. “We’re still niche. We’re still not main characters.”
"There’s no way you can continue to be in this business and not love it, especially being a plus-sized Black woman. We’re still niche. We’re still not main characters.”
Last year, Riley starred alongside Raven Goodwin in the Lifetime thriller Single Black Female (a modern, diversified take on 1992’s Single White Female). It was more than a leading role for the actress, it also served as proof that someone who looks like her can front a successful project without it hinging on her identity. It showcased that the characters she portrays don’t “have to be about being a big girl. It can just be a regular story.”
Riley sees her work in music as an extension of her efforts to push past the rigid stereotypes in entertainment. Take her appearance on The Masked Singer, for instance. Riley said she decided to perform Mayer’s “Gravity” after being told she couldn’t sing it years earlier. “I wanted to do ‘Gravity’ on Glee. [I] was told no, because that’s not a song that Mercedes would do,” she says. “That was a full circle moment for me, doing that on that show and to hear what it is they had to say.”
As Scherzinger praised the “anointed” performance, a masked Riley began to cry, her chest heaving as she stood on stage, her eyes shielded from view. “You have to understand, I have really big names – casting directors, producers, show creators – that constantly tell me ‘I’m such a big fan. Your talent is unmatched.’ Hire me, then,” she says, reflecting on the moment.
Recently, she’s been in the studio working on original music, the follow-up to her independently-released debut EP, 2020’s Riley. The sequel to songs such as the anthemic “Big Girl Energy” and the reflective ballad “A Moment” on Riley, this new project hones in on the singer’s R&B roots with sensual grooves such as the tentatively titled “All Night.” “You said I wasn’t shit, turns out that I’m the shit. Then you called me a bitch, turns out that I’m that bitch. You said no one would want me, well you should call your homies,” she sings on the tentatively titled “Lately,” a cut about reflecting on a past relationship. From the forthcoming project, xoNecole received five potential tracks. Fans likely already know the strengths and contours of Riley’s vocals, but these new songs are her strongest, most confident offerings as an artist.
“I am so much more comfortable as a writer, and I know who I am as an artist now. I’m evolving as a human being, in general, so I’m way more vulnerable in my music. I’m way more willing to talk about whatever is on my mind. I don’t stop myself from saying what it is I want to say,” she says.
Credit: Ally Green
“Every era and alliteration of Amber, the baseline is ‘Big Girl Energy.’ That’s the name of her company,” her manager Brooks says, referencing the imprint through which Riley releases her music after getting out of a label deal several years ago. “It’s just what she stands for. She’s not just talking about size, it’s in all things. Whether it’s putting your big girl pants on and having to face a boardroom full of executives or sell yourself in front of a casting agent. It’s her trying to achieve the things she wants to do in life.”
Riley says she has big dreams beyond releasing this new music, too. She’d love to star in a rom-com with Winston Duke. She hasn't starred in a biopic yet, but she’d revel in the opportunity to portray Rosetta Tharpe on screen. She’s determined that her previous setbacks won’t stop her from dreaming big.
“I think one of my superpowers is resilience because, at the end of the day, I’m going to kick, scream, cry, cuss, be mad and disappointed, but I’m going to get up and risk having to deal with it all again. It’s worth it for the happy moments,” she says.
If Riley seems more comfortable and confident professionally, it’s because of the work she’s been doing in her personal life.
She’d previously spoken to xoNecole about becoming engaged to a man she discovered in a post on the site, but she called things off last year. For Valentine’s Day, she revealed her new boyfriend publicly. “I decided to post him on Valentine’s Day, partially because I was in the dog house. I got in trouble with him,” she says, half-joking before turning serious. “The breakup was never going to stop me from finding love. Or at least trying. I don’t owe anybody a happily ever after. People break up. It happens. When it was good, it was good. When it was bad, it was terrible, hunny. I had to get the fuck up out of there. You find happiness, and you enjoy it and work through it.”
Credit: Ally Green
"I don’t owe anybody a happily ever after. People break up. It happens. When it was good, it was good. When it was bad, it was terrible, hunny. I had to get the fuck up out of there. You find happiness and you enjoy it and work through it.”
With her ex, Riley was pretty outspoken about her relationship, even appearing in content for Netflix with him. This time around is different. She’s not hiding her boyfriend of eight months, but she’s more protective of him, especially because he’s a father and isn’t interested in becoming a public figure.
She’s traveling more, too. It’s a deliberate effort on her part to enjoy her money and reject the trauma she’s developed after experiencing poverty in her childhood. “I live in constant fear of being broke. I don’t think you ever don’t remember that trauma or move past that. Now I travel and I’m like, listen, if it goes, it goes. I’m not saying [to] be reckless, but I deserve to enjoy my hard work.”
After everything she’s been through, she certainly deserves to finally let loose a bit. “I have to have a life to live,” she says. “I’ve got to have a life worth fighting for.”
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15 Women Share Their Personal Hacks For Better Orgasms (And Sex Overall)
I’m pretty sure that I’m basically being redundant when I say that I write about sex quite a bit which means that I spend quite a bit of time doing research when it comes to sex-related intel, tips, and hacks. Yet I have to say that when it comes to getting some much-needed information in the realm of coitus, it’s been my clients (along with random interviews that I do with people because I don’t mind talking to complete strangers about intimate ish) who have garnered me some of the best takeaways.
Take orgasms, for example. Since I’m well aware of the fact that vaginal orgasms (especially) can be a real challenge for a lot of women, I’m constantly on the hunt for what can help to “bridge the gap” in that arena.
And that’s why I decided, this time, to forego science articles, vlogs, and online data and instead ask some women for myself about some of the things that they do to make having an orgasm, improving their orgasms, and their sexual experience overall something that is so much better for themselves.
So, grab yourself a light aphrodisiac snack (check out “Eat Your Way To Better Sex With Aphrodisiacs”) and dig into what 15 Black women told me gets them off, in a mighty big way, just about every time.
*As always, middle names have been used so that everyone can feel comfortable giving up the goods…umm, so to speak*
1. Rochelle. 37. Married for 11 Years.Giphy
“While y’all be out here talking about some kegels, what I’m into is my man giving me a hip massage. The key is to make sure you use some sort of massage oil that has menthol in it. Between the tingling of the menthol and him rubbing on your hips, not only is it really relaxing, but the ‘minty feel’ opens your body up so that once intercourse begins, you’re less tense, and that makes having an orgasm so much easier to do.”
2. Karmyn. 27. Single.
“Kiss him the way you want him to penetrate you. Literally, use your tongue as if it were a penis and move it in his mouth like you want him to move inside of you. The kissing will turn you both on, and if he follows your instructions, you should be able to orgasm with no problem."
"I learned this trick when I asked an ex of mine to explain what p — sy feels like, and he said the best way to explain it is what a tongue feels like inside of [the] mouth. He should’ve never told me that, boy! It’s been hell in these streets ever since!”
3. LaChelle. 43. In a Serious Relationship for Two Years.
“If you’re self-conscious about your body, get some lingerie that has cutouts in them. There is a lot of sexy stuff out here that can have you covering up the parts you’re not comfortable with while still giving him access to the ‘main events.’ My man loves one of my lace one-piece teddies that has no crotch, and it’s easier for me to orgasm because I’m not overthinking the entire time.”
4. Trinitee. 27. Married for One Year.Giphy
“We’ve only been married a year, but we weren’t exactly abstinent when we were just dating. So, we like to find ways to keep it fresh. One thing that we do is go ‘hotel hopping’ once a month. We find a new hotel and meet each other there. We try and do different hours of the day and come with a surprise in hand. Like he might bring a new sex toy, and I might have on some lingerie that he’s never seen before. Then we text each other beforehand to talk about the best part of the sex we had from the last hotel we visited. The anticipation is foreplay.”
5. Wren. 33. In a Serious Relationship for Six Years.
“What works for me is doing afterplay as foreplay. What I mean by that is, taking a nap naked with my boo before any sexual activity is one of my favorite things. Being up under him, especially if he’s spooning me, feels really good, sleeping together is very intimate, and — there’s something about being awakened outta my sleep with kisses on my neck and back that almost makes me want to cum right then and there.”
6. Bevalyn. 40. Living with Her Partner for Four Years.
“Get on your back and have him kneel in front of you."
"Put your legs over his, and when he penetrates you, ask him to use one of his hands to apply pressure on your pubic bone — the area right above your clitoris."
"As he’s gently pushing down while he’s inside of you…if you don’t cum from that, I don’t know what else to tell you, sis.”
7. Sophia. 38. In a Serious Relationship for Two Years.Giphy
“Shower sex can be a bit much, and I don’t trust a used jacuzzi. What we do is fill up our own inflatable pool and get it on inside of it. It’s perfect during the summer, late at night, because we have a tall fence. Just make sure that you bring some silicone lube to keep things slippery down there. An inflatable pool has been one of the best sex investments that we have ever made!”
8. Averie. 35. Single.
“Wanna know if your man is as into giving you head as he claims? Right after he goes down on you, ask him to immediately penetrate you. If he’s hard, he’s totally into it, and if he catches you soon enough, you’ll be in the perfect position to have a multiple orgasm. Don’t say I didn’t give you the ultimate cheat code.”
9. Victoria. 40. Married for 11 Years.
“Shellie, you actually got me on the cinnamon kick when I read one of your articles that talked about applying cinnamon oil to my clit before oral sex. Since [then], I’ve been doing some research, and it says that cinnamon is also an aphrodisiac because it stimulates blood flow. So, I’ll also drink cinnamon tea throughout the day or share a cinnamon cocktail with my husband. Works like a charm.”
Shellie here: She’s right. I did say that. LOL. You can read for yourself: “Here's How To Have Some Really Great Fall-Themed Sex.”
10. Daniela. 28. Engaged for Six Months.Giphy
“Ever been fingered backward? What I mean is, get on all fours and have him insert a finger or two from behind with his palm being flat. That way, the space in between your anus and your vagina will get a massage while your vagina gets penetrated. There’s nothing quite like it.”
11. Saven. 32. Single.
“Ice. Have him rub a little bit of ice on your clitoris and then immediately warm it up with his tongue. There is something about the drastic changes in temperature that gets me every time. And I mean, EVERY time.”
12. Ferynn. 30. Living with Her Partner for Five Years.
“I don’t know about you, but my man loves to put my legs up in the air. It was never really my favorite move until I read that behind the knees are an unsung erogenous zone. Whoever found that out was onto something because if he rubs back there while talking real crazy to me in a deep voice? Here I come…HERE I COME!”
13. Vivienne. 30. Engaged for One Year.Giphy
“Never underestimate the power of a foot massage. Just make sure that he applies pressure in the middle of your foot where your arch is. It instantly makes me wet. I asked my doctor why and he said that it’s probably because foot massages tend to increase blood flow, including where the vagina is. Either way, it’s always a good night if I get a foot massage first.”
14. Michelle. 24. Single.
“I’m a doula who owns my own exercise ball…for sex. When I first started showing couples the positions that women can get into to make labor easier, it got me to thinking that some of those positions could work for sex too — and they do."
"Something about the movement of the ball takes the pressure off of the back for both men and women. It also makes getting into certain positions a lot easier so that you can enjoy sex for a lot longer.”
15. Carol. 31. Married for Five Years.
“My husband and I have bets. If he wants me to make some of his favorite meals five days in a row, he’s gotta make me cum five times in a row. If I want him to get me something that’s not in our budget, I’ve gotta attempt one of his sex fantasies. We’re both competitive as hell, so it works for us because honestly, even when we ‘lose’…we win!”
Listen, I don’t know about y’all, but this was definitely worth my while. After all, ain’t nothin’ like some Black women who can speak from very-personal-and-up-close experience about what makes them happy — especially if it can increase the odds of bringing some sexual satisfaction your way too.
Speaking of, if you want to share the wealth, drop some of your own orgasm-related tips in the comment section. The more of us who can woosah on the regular, the better, chile. Straight up. #havefun #lotsofit
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Featured image by Giphy