10 Warm Drinks That Are The Perfect De-Stressors
Now that the weather is finally starting to feel more like it should (being that it is officially fall 'n all), I thought it would be a stellar idea to share with you, not just some drinks that can help to take some of the chill out of your bones, but also ones that are great when it comes to relieving stress. Because, let's face it, even though autumn and winter can be some of the most exciting times of the year, when you factor in all of the activities on your plate, the family that you will be seeing, the money that you'll be spending and whatever else that you've got on your upcoming to-do list — whew, they can also trigger feelings of anxiety, restlessness and even low-key frustration, if you're not careful.
So, this week, do your mind, body and spirit a favor and treat yourself to one (or more) of the 10 drinks on this list that can help to soothe and de-stress you. Because, in just a minute, you'll see why they are such bomb ideas on every health-related level. (Where's your favorite mug at anyway, chile?)
1. Apple Cider
If there's a part of you that's always wondered what the difference is between apple cider and apple juice, cider is simply an apple drink that is totally unfiltered and unsweetened. This means that, at the end of the day, you are getting the benefits of apples in their purest form. Some of those benefits include the fact that they are a good source of fiber and Vitamin C, they can help to lower your diabetes risk and prevent cancer and they even contain compounds that fight cancer. As far as relieving stress goes, apples are good for you because the phosphorous and iron in them can help to reduce oxidative stress which, at the end of the day, is basically an imbalance of oxygen in your system. So yeah, if you want to calm your system down so that you can rest and relax easier, a warm cup of apple cider can easily do the trick.
Make Some: Homemade Apple Cider
2. Oat Straw Tea
Whenever I do articles like this, I try and find things that aren't commonly mentioned. Personally, I think oat straw tea qualifies. It's a tea that also goes by the name Avena sativa and has a great reputation for being a mild relaxant as well as a sleep aid. Some other cool things about this particular tea are it has a reputation for helping women when it comes to strengthening our bones, stabilizing our blood sugar levels, soothing our nervous system, reducing depression-related symptoms and, some say that it can even help to boost our libido. A part of the reason why it can pull all of this off is that it's rich in B-vitamins.
Anyway, if you've never given oat straw tea a shot, you just received some pretty solid science-backed reasons to.
Make Some: Oat Straw Tea
3. Winter Lemonade
If you're a fan of lemonade yet you've never had the pure pleasure of drinking the twist on it, known as winter lemonade, sis, what are you waiting on? While there are all kinds of variations to the recipe, it generally has ginger, cloves, and cinnamon (and sometimes vanilla) in it. Lemons are great because they are a natural detoxifier which is always beneficial when it comes to keeping stress levels down. Ginger is bomb because it contains powerful medicinal properties, can reduce menstrual pain (if that's when you're feeling the most stressed), and helps to fight off infections (being sick is always stress-filled).
Cloves are cool because they're loaded with antioxidants and are able to help kill bad bacteria as it strengthens your liver (which pulls toxins out of your skin). Cinnamon is a lick because it also has strong medicinal properties, can help to reduce inflammation, and is full of antioxidants. As far as vanilla goes, it contains anti-inflammatories that boost brain health; plus, it has antioxidants in it too. Drinking this kind of lemonade warm or cold is not only delicious but so satisfying to your senses as well.
Make Some: Winter Lemonade with Ginger and Cloves
4. Warm Oat Milk
Once I realized that almond milk isn't the best thing for the environment, I switched over to oat milk and haven't looked back since. Aside from the fact that it's dairy-free, oat milk is good for you because it is high in fiber and B-vitamins. Plus, it's cholesterol-free, can help to regulate your blood sugar levels and, thanks to the magnesium and zinc that's in it, oat milk can relax your nerves and muscles too. And because drinking anything warm or hot can be truly relaxing, if you're looking for something to help you sleep at night, a cup of warm oat milk in your favorite mug just may be what you've been looking for all this time.
(Heads up: the recipe that I've enclosed contains espresso which you would want to leave out at night…for obvious reasons.)
Make Some: Spiced Oat Milk Latte
5. Cinnamon Hot Chocolate
Anyone who doesn't like hot chocolate gets an immediate side-eye from me. I mean, what in the world, y'all? Not only does it taste like a slice of heaven, if it's dark chocolate, but there are also some pretty impressive health benefits that come right along with it too. Dark chocolate's got fiber, magnesium, iron, copper, and manganese. Dark chocolate is a good source of antioxidants. Dark chocolate can also help to lower your blood pressure, improve your brain function and increase blood flow throughout your blood.
And just what does it do for you stress-wise? Aside from the magnesium that's in it, dark chocolate has a way of altering your brain frequency to where your body's natural stress hormone cortisol levels are able to drop which can cause you to feel calmer. And since something else that cinnamon can do is help to soothe anxiety and depression-related symptoms, how could you not want to make yourself a cup of hot cocoa and then sprinkle some cinnamon spice on top of it?
Make Some: Homemade Cinnamon Hot Chocolate
6. Ashwagandha Tea
An herb that's pretty popular in Ayurvedic medicine is ashwagandha. Health-wise, it's good for you because it contains properties that regulate blood sugar, helps to reduce the growth of cancer cells, reduce bodily inflammation, and even can boost fertility in men (although pregnant and breastfeeding women should consult their doctor before consuming it). Ashwagandha makes this de-stressor list, though, because it's another tea that has a great reputation for keeping stress at bay. That's because there is plenty of data to support that it plays a significant role in reducing cortisol in your system.
Make Some: Ashwagandha Sleep Tonic
7. Warm Vanilla Milk
While I've already touched on what a cup of warm milk can do, because vanilla milk is so delicious, I had to circle back and emphasize a couple of other reasons why vanilla can benefit you when it comes to de-stressing your system. For starters, just the aroma of vanilla has a way of creating a calming effect (which is why, as an essential oil, it's considered to be a de-stressor). Also, because it also has antibacterial properties, drinking some warm vanilla milk can be good for you if you're trying to prevent a cold or if you need help falling asleep if you already happen to have one (check out "Got A Killer Cold? These 10 Hacks Will Help You To Sleep Better.").
Make Some: Hot Vanilla
8. Lavender Hot Chocolate
If cinnamon is so not your thing or you want to step out of the box a bit when it comes to the variations of hot chocolate that you're typically used to, have you ever had lavender hot chocolate before? When I tell you that it is something that tastes truly divine! Not only that but lavender contains properties that help to heal chronic pain, lower your blood pressure and heart rate, lessen hot flashes that are directly related to menopause and improve your quality of sleep.
The key here is to not make your hot chocolate with lavender essential oil. Look for drops that are food-grade or add some dried lavender to your recipe.
9. Mulled Wine
A pretty popular drink during the fall and winter months is mulled wine which is basically red wine with some fruits and spices in it. The recipe that I've included calls for red wine, apple cider, orange, honey, cinnamon, cardamom, and some brandy if you really want to get buck with it. Red wine is good for stress because the compound resveratrol that's in it helps to literally protect your DNA from being affected by stress. Oranges help to bring stress relief thanks to the Vitamin C in them that helps to lower your cortisol levels.
Honey's good because it reduces stress levels and produces a natural calming effect. Cardamom is a dope spice because it aids in lowering cortisol and your blood pressure. And brandy's cool because it contains soothing properties that can actually help you to sleep more soundly at night. Definitely another reason to pick up another bottle of red wine and do some steeping, if you ask me.
Make Some: Mulled Wine
10. Chai Latte
If you want to go all out and make your own chai lattes from scratch, you'll need some black tea, cinnamon, ginger, cardamom, nutmeg, allspice, honey, and milk (or a milk alternative). Black tea is ideal because it lowers stress levels. Nutmeg is beneficial because it acts as a natural antidepressant. Allspice assists with lowering your blood pressure. So, if there is a warm drink that is the de-stressor of all de-stressors, it's a fair conclusion that chai latte would probably be it. Enjoy!
Make Some: The Ultimate Chai Latte
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Different puzzle pieces are creating bigger pictures these days. 2024 will mark a milestone on a few different levels, including the release of my third book next June (yay!).
I am also a Professional Certified Coach. My main mission for attaining that particular goal is to use my formal credentials to help people navigate through the sometimes tumultuous waters, both on and offline, when it comes to information about marriage, sex and relationships that is oftentimes misinformation (because "coach" is a word that gets thrown around a lot, oftentimes quite poorly).
I am also still super devoted to helping to bring life into this world as a doula, marriage life coaching will always be my first love (next to writing, of course), a platform that advocates for good Black men is currently in the works and my keystrokes continue to be devoted to HEALTHY over HAPPY in the areas of holistic intimacy, spiritual evolution, purpose manifestation and self-love...because maturity teaches that it's impossible to be happy all of the time when it comes to reaching goals yet healthy is a choice that can be made on a daily basis (amen?).
If you have any PERSONAL QUESTIONS (please do not contact me with any story pitches; that is an *editorial* need), feel free to reach out at missnosipho@gmail.com. A sistah will certainly do what she can. ;)
ItGirl 100 Honors Black Women Who Create Culture & Put On For Their Cities
As they say, create the change you want to see in this world, besties. That’s why xoNecole linked up with Hyundai for the inaugural ItGirl 100 List, a celebration of 100 Genzennial women who aren’t afraid to pull up their own seats to the table. Across regions and industries, these women embody the essence of discovering self-value through purpose, honey! They're fierce, they’re ultra-creative, and we know they make their cities proud.
VIEW THE FULL ITGIRL 100 LIST HERE.
Don’t forget to also check out the ItGirl Directory, featuring 50 Black-woman-owned marketing and branding agencies, photographers and videographers, publicists, and more.
THE ITGIRL MEMO
I. An ItGirl puts on for her city and masters her self-worth through purpose.
II. An ItGirl celebrates all the things that make her unique.
III. An ItGirl empowers others to become the best versions of themselves.
IV. An ItGirl leads by example, inspiring others through her actions and integrity.
V. An ItGirl paves the way for authenticity and diversity in all aspects of life.
VI. An ItGirl uses the power of her voice to advocate for positive change in the world.
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These 11 Married Couples Share Their Keys To Long-Term Marital Success
The late actor Audrey Hepburn once said something that I think a lot of married couples who have at least 10 years under their belt will agree with: “If I get married, I want to be very married.” In my mind, this means very committed, very complementary, and very willing to go the distance — otherwise, what’s the point?
Really, what’s the point?
Thing is, with the divorce rate still being higher than it ever should be (for the record, a husband is not a boyfriend, and a wife is not a girlfriend; a marriage is serious business, y’all) and acting married being praised (or at least acknowledged) more than actually being married seems to be — folks who 1) are married and are looking for some hacks that will help with relational longevity or 2) want to be married someday and want insight on how to make their future marriage last are constantly seeking truly beneficial material.
Can you Google articles with random bullet points? Sure. And I’m not discouraging it. Every little bit of wisdom that you can pull, I fully support. However, the reason why I like to do articles like this one from time to time is there is something to be said from hearing real talk from multiple sources on the same topic who have some solid wisdom and knowledge on a particular topic.
Today? 11 married couples who were willing to talk about how they’ve been able to make it to several wedding anniversaries with a smile on their face and no regrets for choosing who they chose. Let’s all sit at their feet for just a moment.
*Middle names are always used in my content that’s like this so that people can speak freely*
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1. Kyle and Adrienne. Married 12 Years.
Kyle: “Some of your readers aren’t going to want to hear this but it’s worked for my marriage: people need to lower their expectations sometimes; I mean, men and women. We go into marriage with stuff that movies told us, social media told us, friends who are always single told us about what we should expect from someone, and then want to fault the person when they’re not what we made up in our head. Everyone should have standards but if you’re expecting your spouse to be some living version of a fairy tale character, you’re going to be disappointed almost every day of your life. Drop those expectations some and watch your relationship be a lot less stressful.”
Adrienne: “Talk to people who respect your man about your marriage. I’ve never believed that you shouldn’t ever go to anyone when you need some support. Even the Bible says that there is safety in wise counsel [Proverbs 11:4]. Too many women talk to women who don’t respect men, in general, let alone their husbands, and so that’s where things go left. Sometimes, you need an ‘outside in’ perspective. But if that woman is always taking shots at men, doesn’t respect marriage, or isn’t someone who holds your man in high regard, don’t ask her for advice. Really, you should ask yourself why you’re friends with her at all.”
Shellie here: I’m big on engaged and married couples having a “village” of sorts for their relationship, too. Check out “Why Every Engaged Couple Needs A 'Marriage Registry'” to get a good idea of what I mean.
2. Levi and Paulette. Married for 15 Years.
Levi: “Some of you have probably heard of the 7-7-7 rule. It’s where couples go on a date every seven days, have a weekend getaway every seven weeks, and go on a romantic trip of some sort every seven months. My wife and I do the 2-2-2 rule instead because sometimes our schedule and budget make ‘7’ difficult. It has gotten easier since Shellie told us about the sex jar. Bottom line, if you’re waiting for time to just open up to be with your spouse, that ain’t gonna happen. Schedule intimacy, including sex. Prioritizing it is better than saying you’re gonna be spontaneous and…never are.”
Paulette: “Initiate sex, dammit. When Shellie told us that men initiate sex most of the time, and then I thought about how often I used to push my husband away whenever he did it — I never really thought about how that made him feel until I put myself in his shoes. We’ve got to stop having all of this understanding for why women cheat when it comes to them not feeling desired or not getting attention when we’re the same way to our husbands. Your marriage isn’t ‘Young and the Restless’, where you’re just supposed to wait for your man to make the move. If you want to feel wanted, do the same thing for him.”
Shellie here: What’s a sex jar, you ask? You can read more about it via “5 Reasons Why Every Married Couple Needs A Sex Jar.”
3. Matthew and Gaia. Married for 17 Years.
Matthew: “Reenact some of your favorite times together. My wife and I do that semi-often. We’ll go back to where we had our first date, or we’ll go back to the hotel where we had some of the best sex before. Bringing back memories of when you felt the best together can give you the motivation to stay together to create some new memories to ‘play out’ later on.”
Gaia: “If you want to ‘mom your husband,’ you need to have kids — or at least get a dog! I didn’t realize how bossy I was until I got married. It’s because I saw my mom be that way with my dad. In my eyes, I thought that’s what love looked like until I watched how my in-laws were. They don’t try to change each other, and they definitely don’t make any demands. They’re very polite. I think a lot of married people are rude to their partner. Don’t be that.”
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4. Joseph and Carletta. Married for 10 Years.
Joseph: “Go to therapy for your childhood. I’m dead serious. No one is going to show you yourself like your wife will, and I realized that a lot of my hang-ups came from unhealed childhood stuff. It’s hard to be an adult in your marriage when you’re still emotionally a kid in a lot of ways. If you’re at the point where you think therapy is needed, go alone and deal with your childhood first. It did miracles for me and mine.”
"No one is going to show you yourself like your wife will, and I realized that a lot of my hang-ups came from unhealed childhood stuff. It’s hard to be an adult in your marriage when you’re still emotionally a kid in a lot of ways."
Carletta: “Meditate together once a day. Even if it’s just for 5-10 minutes, you need to carve out a moment to be mindful, focus on each other, and slow the world down. [Joseph and I] have been doing it for a couple of years now; it’s totally changed the way we communicate. Meditation reminds us to put each other first; that if we’re focused on each other, we can take on…whatever.”
5. Zeke and Rachelle. Married for 12 Years.
Zeke: “An argument is not a fight and a debate is not an argument. Learn that and you’re home-free. That’s all I got.”
Rachelle: “That advice that you just got? That sums up what it’s like to live with my husband. He’s very cut-and-dry, direct, and not wordy. That used to bug the hell out of me until I realized how wordy I was and then accepted that I wouldn’t want ‘two of me’ in the house [LOL]. He’s right. You can have a difference of opinion, and it be a debate. You can not find a middle ground on something and it turns into an argument. Neither of those is a red flag. It just comes with being with someone who is as much of an individual as you are.”
6. Taurus and Madison. Married for 22 Years.
Taurus: “Be prepared for your partner to change — not a couple of times, quite a bit. And when they change, that alters the relationship because now it’s not the person you stood with on your wedding day; it’s someone else. People get divorced so much because they are inflexible; they expect their spouse to never switch up and that’s just not how life is. If you’re rigid, controlling, or don’t know how to adjust, you don’t need to marry anybody. You’re gonna be miserable, and so will they.”
Madison: “Pray before sex. Before my husband and I got married, we had quite a bit of sexual history that caused us to do some comparing, and that led to resentment. In marriage, we had to adjust to how it’s more than just what we’re getting from another person. Married sex comes with so much more spirituality and responsibility. Prayer before sex reminds us to see it from a spiritual lens — and that makes the experience more intense and sacred. It might sound weird at first. Just try it. I don’t think you’ll regret it at all.”
"Married sex comes with so much more spirituality and responsibility. Prayer before sex reminds us to see it from a spiritual lens — and that makes the experience more intense and sacred."
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7. Karl and LaTasha. Married for 9 Years.
Karl: “Check in with your partner twice a day. In the morning before leaving the house and at night before going to sleep. If you work outside of the home, a lot can happen during the course of one day, so you shouldn’t assume that the person you left in the morning is who you are coming home to. I don’t mean sharing each other’s schedules or to-do lists. I mean, asking your spouse, ‘How are you doing? How are you really doing?’. It’s a smart way to take note of their mood and needs so that you are never blindsided.”
LaTasha: “Give each other some privacy. I have never been the kind of woman to go through a man’s phone, and I won’t start. If you think that you have to be a detective in your relationship, why are you in it in the first place? I know that Karl would give me codes and passwords if I wanted them because we’ve talked about it all before. Knowing that he would is enough for me. Marriage is an institution, but damn, it shouldn’t feel like jail.”
8. Thomas and Wynter. Married for 15 Years.
Thomas: “Ask your partner what their sexual needs are. Never assume that they haven’t changed because if we all agree that we are constantly growing and evolving as people, why would sex be exempt? Don’t personalize what they say about it either. All of us have sexual fantasies and interests that we keep to ourselves because we don’t know what our partner will think or ‘cause we think that they will create stories in their head about what made us think that way. I’ve learned that intimacy is feeling okay with sharing the deep stuff. The more comfortable a man, especially, is with doing that, the better the sex will be for everyone because talking about stuff like that is like taking down some walls.”
Wynter: “It’s okay to take one vacation a year with your girls and one by yourself. Just don’t go with people who don’t have the same standards as you, and as far as your solo venture, it doesn’t need to be longer than a long weekend. One thing that they don’t tell you about marriage is how there are times when you will feel like it is monotonous because of the routine of everything. A girls’ trip reminds you to get back to you outside of being someone’s wife or mom, and the trip alone is when you can sit around and do whatever you have to negotiate most of them. And yes, your man should be given the same courtesy.”
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9. Allen and Yvette. Married for 11 Years.
Allen: “STOP. BRINGING. UP. OLD. SH-T. SH-T. Nothing creates walls in a marriage more than you telling someone that you forgave them, and then the minute something else happens, here you go with the rap sheet of wrongs. Forgiving someone means that you are pardoning them, and that’s not what you’re doing if you’re constantly holding stuff over their head. One thing that marriage will show you is how bad of a forgiver you are. Most people suck at it, if we’re gonna be real about it.”
Yvette: “I already know that some women are going to assume that my man must’ve done something to say all of that (LOL). He’s a much better forgiver than I am, believe it or not. The real plot twist is, what gets on his nerves more than anything, is when I bring up stuff that he’s forgiven me for. Allen is the kind of man [who] hates to live in the past. I’ve grown a lot because of that. I think my advice would be to stay focused on solutions and tomorrow instead of problems and yesterday.”
Allen: “Sh- t, that’s bars, babe!”
Shellie here: INDEED.
10. Brennton and Danyelle. Married for 16 Years.
Brennton: “Why anyone who is trash at forgiving would get married is beyond me. It’s delusional to the nth degree to think that you are worthy of forgiveness and others aren’t — or that what you do isn’t ‘as bad,’ and that’s why you deserve forgiveness and others don’t. My wife and I have a lot of time under our belts. I’m here to tell you that there will be something, daily, that you will need to forgive your partner for on some level. If you can’t see yourself being open to that, marriage simply isn’t for you.”
Danyelle: “I don’t know who taught so many of us that being passive-aggressive will get us what we want, but it’s a damn lie. If something is wrong, stop saying ‘nothing’ when your man asks you what’s up because, if you’ve got a man like mine, he’s gonna say ‘Okay’ and go on about his day. Brennton often says that my refusing to speak isn’t his responsibility, it’s mine. That used to piss me off because, deep down, I knew that he was right. Oh, and chill on the grudge-holding too. With guys, that’s not going to get you anywhere either.”
11. Christopher and Yvonne. Married for 26 Years.
Christopher: “Have more loyalty for your spouse than you do your closest friend. Too many people don’t think like that. If you’ve got a friend since college, you’ve been through some things and you’ve learned to forgive and move past it. If you can’t see your wife or husband in this way, why did you get married? You should never have more grace for someone who you didn’t take vows with; that’s ludicrous. Before anyone else, I’m going to prioritize reconciling with my wife. It’s because I value her more than anyone. That’s what marriage is.”
"Before anyone else, I'm going to prioritize reconciling with my wife. It's because I value her more than anyone. That's what marriage is."
Yvonne: “Even if you’re not about ‘traditional gender roles,’ discuss what the expectations are for the home. People don’t divorce over cheating as much as getting sick of beard clippings in the bathroom sink or cars that look like pocketbooks. When you sign up for marriage, you are doing daily life with another person. Articulate your expectations. Listen to theirs. Be flexible until you both can make it work. Do that, and you’ll look up, and it’s been 20 years already.”
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Gems. Pure gems, y’all.
You know, popular consultant Barbara De Angelis once said, “Marriage is not a noun; it’s a verb. It isn’t something you get. It’s something you do. It’s the way you love your partner every day.” And love? Love is a choice.
And so, whether you’re married, engaged, or simply desire marriage in the future, hopefully, these tips will help you to choose how you love your spouse (or future spouse)…better.
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Featured image by Jasper Cole/Getty Images