One of the best things about being a marriage life coach and relationship writer (especially for as long as I’ve been doing it) is the fact that I come across all kinds of people who, so long as I’m willing to keep their identity on the low, will tell me just about anything that I want to know. And since we’re at the beginning of a brand spanking new year and also since y’all know that sex is something that I write about, damn near incessantly on this platform, I decided to hit up some of the people (middle names only) I know who are very open about sharing their thoughts on the topic.
This time, what I wanted to know most was, what they resolved they were going to focus on, on the sexual tip. And per usual, 12 of my contacts did not disappoint.
Elexa. Single. 29.
“I have a really great sex life. I’m not in a relationship and don’t want to be, but I’ve got two partners who I’ve been with for a couple of years now and what I like about it is, there’s no lying, we get tested regularly and yes, they know about each other. My resolution is to decide which one I want to become more exclusive with because, I do know that sex comes with risks and nothing is 100 percent fool-proof. Getting pregnant and not knowing who the father is isn’t exactly my idea of ‘goals.’”
Alvin. Single. 34.
“My sex life is boring. Straight up. You get to a point where just doing it to be doing it isn’t really doing all that much. This year, I want to get with someone who stimulates my mind as much as my body. In the past, I’ve settled for one or the other because I honestly didn’t want to put a lot of effort into finding both in the same person. But when you’re with someone who gets you off before they even touch you because the way they think is on some other s — t…that’s when sex gets really good.”
Raven. Married. 25.
“Middle names, right? Good. My goal this year is to stop missing the sex I had with my ex. I love my husband and the sex isn’t bad. But when you get that partner who is incomparable, he can be harder to shake than you might realize when he’s no longer an option for you."
"Sometimes, I fantasize about him, even during sex, which is why I don’t say my husband’s name during sex — I’m scared I will slip up and say my ex’s. I know some of y’all might think this is foul but if some of you were honest, you’d admit that you can relate.”
Indeed. Check out “You Love Him. You Prefer Sex With Your Ex. What Should You Do?” and “Is 'Closure Sex' Ever A Good Idea?”.
Bennett. Engaged. 40.
“I got engaged five months ago. After I did it, some of my married friends were like, ‘Are you sure? Sex is a little bleak after marriage.’ Uh-uh. My fiancée and I have a fire sex life now and my resolution is after we get married that it will get even better! I even put together a sex calendar for the year that’s filled with all kinds of activities. Sexless married folks ain’t gonna have us out here looking crazy! We’re gonna put them all to shame in ’22.”
Xayell. Dating. 31.
“I wanna learn how to give head better this year. It’s the truth. The guy I’m seeing right now, he’s the first person in a really long time who makes me even want to do that outside of just feeling like I should because guys go down on me. One of my male friends says that his girlfriend sucks at doing it and not in a good way and I would hate for this guy to say that about me. Yeah, that’s my goal. Still trying to figure out where to start this journey. Any suggestions?”
Ladies, she’s an avid xoNecole reader, so if you’ve got some tips, feel free to drop them in the comments.
Wendell. Dating. 27.
“I want to know what being a sexual submissive is about this year. I hear a lot of people talk about it and because I feel like I’m the one who is initiating sex more in my relationships, I want to find someone who is all about taking total control. I actually have a 50-something co-worker who’s down. I’m considering it.”
Quinn. Married. 35.
“I’m trying to gas myself up to get a vasectomy this year. I’m not looking forward to it AT ALL, but my wife says that she’s scared to try some new things because she’s always wondering in the back of her mind if she’s about to get pregnant. We’ve got three and I miss when she was buckwild out in these streets — well, sheets — so, before our next anniversary, ‘the snip’ is the goal.”
Zachariah. Divorced. 47.
“I wanna stop having sex with my ex-wife this year. We honestly can’t stand each other and know that divorce was the right thing to do…but that sex? I don’t know what that woman has down there, but it’s been impossible for me to shake her since the first time I had the pleasure and privilege. It’s just keeping us both stuck to keep f — kin’ with each other, though. Something’s gotta give.”
Evelyn. Single. 23.
“I want to have an orgasm this year and not from oral sex. I’m over hearing my friends talk about how ‘bomb’ good d—k is and I don’t know what they’re talking about because I only cum from tongue. You asked.”
Jakari. Dating. 32.
“Remember when you told me that there is a difference between men ejaculating and men having an orgasm? I didn’t believe you at first, but I’ve done some ‘barbershop investigating’ and I guess you’re onto something. That’s what I want to happen in 2022; I want to know what it feels like to have an orgasm…just in case I haven’t had one before. Crazy to be saying that at 32 but it’s whatever. The sooner I open that door up, the better. S—t.”
Chayil. Engaged. 26.
“I want to be the best my fiancé has ever had and for him to be the best I’ve ever had. One of the things that I love so much about our relationship is yes, we’ve discussed exes and yes, we know what areas we need to ‘improve’ on. Some of y’all might think it’s foul that we’re that open but we’re not threatened by our past. That’s why we can actually talk about it.”
Waylin. Married. 30
“I wanna stop being intimidated by my wife. She is WILD. We’ve been married for five years now and when I tell you that I never EVER know what I’m walking into when I come home. A lot of men say they want a woman who constantly wants sex, but I’ve got one and, to whom much is given much is required. Finding the time, stamina and creativity to keep up with her in 2022, that is my goal. Wish me luck!”
Will do, Waylin. Will do. (chuckling)
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Different puzzle pieces are creating bigger pictures these days. 2024 will mark a milestone on a few different levels, including the release of my third book next June (yay!).
I am also a Professional Certified Coach. My main mission for attaining that particular goal is to use my formal credentials to help people navigate through the sometimes tumultuous waters, both on and offline, when it comes to information about marriage, sex and relationships that is oftentimes misinformation (because "coach" is a word that gets thrown around a lot, oftentimes quite poorly).
I am also still super devoted to helping to bring life into this world as a doula, marriage life coaching will always be my first love (next to writing, of course), a platform that advocates for good Black men is currently in the works and my keystrokes continue to be devoted to HEALTHY over HAPPY in the areas of holistic intimacy, spiritual evolution, purpose manifestation and self-love...because maturity teaches that it's impossible to be happy all of the time when it comes to reaching goals yet healthy is a choice that can be made on a daily basis (amen?).
If you have any PERSONAL QUESTIONS (please do not contact me with any story pitches; that is an *editorial* need), feel free to reach out at firstname.lastname@example.org. A sistah will certainly do what she can. ;)
This article is in partnership with Sensodyne.
Our teeth are connected to so many things - our nutrition, our confidence, and our overall mood. We often take for granted how important healthy teeth are, until issues like tooth sensitivity or gum recession come to remind us. Like most things related to our bodies, prevention is the best medicine. Here are five things you can do immediately to improve your oral hygiene, prevent tooth sensitivity, and avoid dental issues down the road.
1) Go Easy On the Rough Brushing: Brushing your teeth is and always will be priority number one in the oral hygiene department. No surprises there! However, there is such a thing as applying too much pressure when brushing…and that can lead to problems over time. Use a toothbrush with soft bristles and brush in smooth, circular motions. It may seem counterintuitive, but a gentle approach to brushing is the most effective way to clean those pearly whites without wearing away enamel and exposing sensitive areas of the teeth.
2) Use A Desensitizing Toothpaste: As everyone knows, mouth pain can be highly uncomfortable; but tooth sensitivity is a whole different beast. Hot weather favorites like ice cream and popsicles have the ability to trigger tooth sensitivity, which might make you want to stay away from icy foods altogether. But as always, prevention is the best medicine here. Switching to a toothpaste like Sensodyne’s Sensitivity & Gum toothpaste specifically designed for sensitive teeth will help build a protective layer over sensitive areas of the tooth. Over time, those sharp sensations that occur with extremely cold foods will subside, and you’ll be back to treating yourself to your icy faves like this one!
3) Floss, Rinse, Brush. (And In That Order!): Have you ever heard the saying, “It’s not what you do, but how you do it”? Well, the same thing applies to taking care of your teeth. Even if you are flossing and brushing religiously, you could be missing out on some of the benefits simply because you aren’t doing so in the right order. Flossing is best to do before brushing because it removes food particles and plaque from places your toothbrush can’t reach. After a proper flossing sesh, it is important to rinse out your mouth with water after. Finally, you can whip out your toothbrush and get to brushing. Though many of us commonly rinse with water after brushing to remove excess toothpaste, it may not be the best thing for our teeth. That’s because fluoride, the active ingredient in toothpaste that protects your enamel, works best when it gets to sit on the teeth and continue working its magic. Rinsing with water after brushing doesn’t let the toothpaste go to work like it really can. Changing up your order may take some getting used to, but over time, you’ll see the difference.
4) Stay Hydrated: Upping your water supply is a no-fail way to level up your health overall, and your teeth are no exception to this rule. Drinking water not only helps maintain a healthy pH balance in your mouth, but it also washes away residue and acids that can cause enamel erosion. It also helps you steer clear of dry mouth, which is a gateway to bad breath. And who needs that?
5) Show Your Gums Some Love: When it comes to improving your smile, you may be laser-focused on getting your teeth whiter, straighter, and overall healthier. Rightfully so, as these are all attributes of a megawatt smile; but you certainly don’t want to leave gum health out of the equation. If you neglect your gums, you’ll start to notice the effects of plaque buildup, which can irritate the gums and cause gingivitis, the earliest stage of gum disease. Seeing blood while brushing and flossing is a tell-tale sign that your gums are suffering. You may also experience gum recession — a condition where the gum tissue surrounding your teeth pulls back, exposing more of your tooth. Brushing at least twice a day with a gum-protecting toothpaste like Sensodyne Sensitivity and Gum, coupled with regular dentist visits, will keep your gums shining as bright as those pearly whites.
Watching Angela “Blac Chyna” White’s transformation in real-time has truly been a sight to see. It wasn’t that long ago that she announced that she was reversing her cosmetic surgeries in an effort to go back to who she was before the world came to know her as Blac Chyna. In previous interviews, she stated that she was dissolving her facial and lip fillers, removing her breast implants, and getting a butt reduction, as well as removing the dimple piercings that enhanced her fame and controversial tattoos.
In a recent Tamron Hall interview, the mother of two said that she has “fully recovered” from the procedures. She is also celebrating one year of sobriety and opened up about being worried about how her new journey would be received by others.
“I’ve been in the entertainment industry for so long, right, and of course, like, you know, coming out, I’m like young, I’m gonna do wild things as we all have,” she said.
“...I feel like by me being vocal and showing everybody you can change your life and things can get better, like through myself, that right there is an accomplishment, and that’s a part of freedom, too.”
But as she started on her journey, many people have shown her grace, which is something she’s grateful for. “And then the fact that people have been showing me grace, it’s like amazing,” she said. “And I feel like when I did it, I just did it. It was more so like spiritual thing and I feel like people see that, and I’ve always been like my authentic self, so what you see is kinda what you get with me, and that’s just kinda what it is.”
Chyna, who recently received an honorary doctorate from Sacramento Theology Seminary and Bible College, has also repaired her relationship with her mom, Tokyo Toni. The social media celebrity surprised her daughter on the Tamron Hall Show. Prior to the sentimental surprise, Chyna dished on the reconciliation and having a better understanding of her mom.
“I must say, some of the things I have to take accountability for because, like my actions. As a mother, you don’t want to see your daughter doing certain things ‘cause it’s like it doesn’t matter what my past was or what we’re going through, I didn’t raise you that way,” she admitted. “So, it’s like, okay, maybe I was a little bit wrong. Maybe I was acting out a little bit. But I feel like as we grow older, I kinda see more, and I understand more.”
Chyna will be starring in season two of Fox's reality competition show Special Forces: World's Toughest Test.
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