One of the best things about being a marriage life coach and relationship writer (especially for as long as I’ve been doing it) is the fact that I come across all kinds of people who, so long as I’m willing to keep their identity on the low, will tell me just about anything that I want to know. And since we’re at the beginning of a brand spanking new year and also since y’all know that sex is something that I write about, damn near incessantly on this platform, I decided to hit up some of the people (middle names only) I know who are very open about sharing their thoughts on the topic.
This time, what I wanted to know most was, what they resolved they were going to focus on, on the sexual tip. And per usual, 12 of my contacts did not disappoint.
Elexa. Single. 29.
“I have a really great sex life. I’m not in a relationship and don’t want to be, but I’ve got two partners who I’ve been with for a couple of years now and what I like about it is, there’s no lying, we get tested regularly and yes, they know about each other. My resolution is to decide which one I want to become more exclusive with because, I do know that sex comes with risks and nothing is 100 percent fool-proof. Getting pregnant and not knowing who the father is isn’t exactly my idea of ‘goals.’”
Alvin. Single. 34.
“My sex life is boring. Straight up. You get to a point where just doing it to be doing it isn’t really doing all that much. This year, I want to get with someone who stimulates my mind as much as my body. In the past, I’ve settled for one or the other because I honestly didn’t want to put a lot of effort into finding both in the same person. But when you’re with someone who gets you off before they even touch you because the way they think is on some other s — t…that’s when sex gets really good.”
Raven. Married. 25.
“Middle names, right? Good. My goal this year is to stop missing the sex I had with my ex. I love my husband and the sex isn’t bad. But when you get that partner who is incomparable, he can be harder to shake than you might realize when he’s no longer an option for you."
"Sometimes, I fantasize about him, even during sex, which is why I don’t say my husband’s name during sex — I’m scared I will slip up and say my ex’s. I know some of y’all might think this is foul but if some of you were honest, you’d admit that you can relate.”
Indeed. Check out “You Love Him. You Prefer Sex With Your Ex. What Should You Do?” and “Is 'Closure Sex' Ever A Good Idea?”.
Bennett. Engaged. 40.
“I got engaged five months ago. After I did it, some of my married friends were like, ‘Are you sure? Sex is a little bleak after marriage.’ Uh-uh. My fiancée and I have a fire sex life now and my resolution is after we get married that it will get even better! I even put together a sex calendar for the year that’s filled with all kinds of activities. Sexless married folks ain’t gonna have us out here looking crazy! We’re gonna put them all to shame in ’22.”
Xayell. Dating. 31.
“I wanna learn how to give head better this year. It’s the truth. The guy I’m seeing right now, he’s the first person in a really long time who makes me even want to do that outside of just feeling like I should because guys go down on me. One of my male friends says that his girlfriend sucks at doing it and not in a good way and I would hate for this guy to say that about me. Yeah, that’s my goal. Still trying to figure out where to start this journey. Any suggestions?”
Ladies, she’s an avid xoNecole reader, so if you’ve got some tips, feel free to drop them in the comments.
Wendell. Dating. 27.
“I want to know what being a sexual submissive is about this year. I hear a lot of people talk about it and because I feel like I’m the one who is initiating sex more in my relationships, I want to find someone who is all about taking total control. I actually have a 50-something co-worker who’s down. I’m considering it.”
Quinn. Married. 35.
“I’m trying to gas myself up to get a vasectomy this year. I’m not looking forward to it AT ALL, but my wife says that she’s scared to try some new things because she’s always wondering in the back of her mind if she’s about to get pregnant. We’ve got three and I miss when she was buckwild out in these streets — well, sheets — so, before our next anniversary, ‘the snip’ is the goal.”
Zachariah. Divorced. 47.
“I wanna stop having sex with my ex-wife this year. We honestly can’t stand each other and know that divorce was the right thing to do…but that sex? I don’t know what that woman has down there, but it’s been impossible for me to shake her since the first time I had the pleasure and privilege. It’s just keeping us both stuck to keep f — kin’ with each other, though. Something’s gotta give.”
Evelyn. Single. 23.
“I want to have an orgasm this year and not from oral sex. I’m over hearing my friends talk about how ‘bomb’ good d—k is and I don’t know what they’re talking about because I only cum from tongue. You asked.”
Jakari. Dating. 32.
“Remember when you told me that there is a difference between men ejaculating and men having an orgasm? I didn’t believe you at first, but I’ve done some ‘barbershop investigating’ and I guess you’re onto something. That’s what I want to happen in 2022; I want to know what it feels like to have an orgasm…just in case I haven’t had one before. Crazy to be saying that at 32 but it’s whatever. The sooner I open that door up, the better. S—t.”
Chayil. Engaged. 26.
“I want to be the best my fiancé has ever had and for him to be the best I’ve ever had. One of the things that I love so much about our relationship is yes, we’ve discussed exes and yes, we know what areas we need to ‘improve’ on. Some of y’all might think it’s foul that we’re that open but we’re not threatened by our past. That’s why we can actually talk about it.”
Waylin. Married. 30
“I wanna stop being intimidated by my wife. She is WILD. We’ve been married for five years now and when I tell you that I never EVER know what I’m walking into when I come home. A lot of men say they want a woman who constantly wants sex, but I’ve got one and, to whom much is given much is required. Finding the time, stamina and creativity to keep up with her in 2022, that is my goal. Wish me luck!”
Will do, Waylin. Will do. (chuckling)
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