Yonce Taught Us: Why Loving An Older Man Is Lit
First of all, let me start by saying that I'm one of those women who thinks Jay Z is super attractive.
Maybe it's his round mouth or his wide nose or how tall he is or just his presence when he's on a mic, but I can definitely see why Beyonce has attached herself to this man for the better part of 17 years. But, another characteristic of Jay that seems to be put under the microscope lately is his age.
While Beyonce just turned 36 this past September, Jay Z made 48 last week. Although 12 years isn't exactly a big deal - especially in Hollywood - people seem to be up in arms whenever the age difference is obvious in photos. Like this one Beyonce dropped on us last night via Instagram reminding us that she can still rock some booty shorts.
It could be the contrast between Beyonce's shorts and sexy knee-high boost against Jay's white grandad sweater, but the critics came with the shade and, to me, they read like ageism:
Part of me wants to remind everyone that aging is okay, and this obsession with "black don't crack" can border on oppressive.The other part of me feels compelled to state for the record that dating an older man can be lit.
Not to shade younger men, but we all know the likelihood of f-boy antics decreases with age. But didn't JAY Z cheat on Beyonce? Cheating is a part of celebrity lifestyle. That's like getting upset that you got wet when you jumped head-first into a swimming pool. Beyonce married "Jigga man" - come on, sis.
Opting for a man a decade or so your senior is may serve as a nice change of pace and here's why.
Older men are planners...
Are you tired of the random "Wyd" texts? You might need to get you an older man. An older man does not need 18 hours and several text messages to ask you out on a date. He has a place and time in mind and all he needs from you is a "yes" or "no" to complete the evening. If you're tired of the whole "I don't know, where do you want to go" circus, you might want to consider upgrading to the deluxe edition.
Older men are financially established…
Most men over 40 have already gone through the financial foolishness and are likely in a much better spot with their money. This doesn't apply to all older men, so showing some discernment is key, but money is the number one cause of couples breaking up, so the more financially educated your partner is - the better.
Older men let you shine…
There's nothing worse than dating someone who feels like competition. If you're anything like me, you prefer to be on a pedestal now and then in your relationship. A lot of older men have already had most of their shining moments, so sitting back and watching you glow is a no-brainer for them.
Older men are less insecure…
The older you are, the further along you are on your emotional journey. So expecting a 23-year-old man to have a full grasp of who he fully is, is asking a lot. Not that younger men can't be well-adjusted and self-aware, but that process is cyclical. Who we are in our 30's is a better version of who we were in our 20's. Might as well go with the upgrade.
Older men know what they want…
One of the challenges of millennial relationships is that both partners are often equally ambitious and productive. Figuring out dating schedules between two bustling careers may be less of a problem if you date an older man. He's already gone through the rough first years of career building, so making time for each other is less of an issue.
Bottom line: here is your end goal. If you want to date to have fun with boys - dive in, the water is fine. But if you want to try out a more established brand and date with the intention of settling down, look for a man who has some notches on his resume.
Featured image by Kevin Mazur/Getty Images for Clara Lionel Fo
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Ashley Simpo is a writer, mother and advocate for self-care and healthy relationships. She lives in Brooklyn, NY. Follow her on Instagram and Twitter @ashleysimpo. Check out her work and her musings on ashleysimpocreative.com.
ItGirl 100 Honors Black Women Who Create Culture & Put On For Their Cities
As they say, create the change you want to see in this world, besties. That’s why xoNecole linked up with Hyundai for the inaugural ItGirl 100 List, a celebration of 100 Genzennial women who aren’t afraid to pull up their own seats to the table. Across regions and industries, these women embody the essence of discovering self-value through purpose, honey! They're fierce, they’re ultra-creative, and we know they make their cities proud.
VIEW THE FULL ITGIRL 100 LIST HERE.
Don’t forget to also check out the ItGirl Directory, featuring 50 Black-woman-owned marketing and branding agencies, photographers and videographers, publicists, and more.
THE ITGIRL MEMO
I. An ItGirl puts on for her city and masters her self-worth through purpose.
II. An ItGirl celebrates all the things that make her unique.
III. An ItGirl empowers others to become the best versions of themselves.
IV. An ItGirl leads by example, inspiring others through her actions and integrity.
V. An ItGirl paves the way for authenticity and diversity in all aspects of life.
VI. An ItGirl uses the power of her voice to advocate for positive change in the world.
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How A Stay At Switzerland's Luxurious 7132 Hotel Reminded Me To Live The Life I Deserve
Sometimes, as women—especially as single Black women—we simply need to be reminded that we are deserving of living a life we dream of. Even if that means creating it for ourselves. I recently set out on a weeklong trip to Switzerland, a trip I’ve been wanting to take for years, and near the end of my visit, I had an epiphany.
“DeAnna, this is the life you deserve,” I thought to myself as I took in the gorgeous bathroom in my suite at the famous 7132 Hotel and Thermal Spa. It was one of the most luxurious hotels (and bathrooms) I had ever stayed in—and that’s saying a lot for someone who often travels for work.
To help you better understand why this was such a mental awakening for me, I first need to give a bit of my backstory. I’m in my late thirties. I’m an attorneyand a journalist. I own a home and have traveled the world extensively. Essentially, I’ve done everything in life I set out to do. However, when it comes to dating, I struggle. Not because there is anything wrong with me per se, but because my career and “lifestyle” often create problems in my romantic relationships.
View from my hotel room
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I’ve been told everything from, ‘I can’t continue to date you because you seem to choose your career over wanting to settle down and have kids’ by a man after only the second date to ‘Maybe if you just sat down somewhere for a while, I’d actually wife you’ by someone who has honestly never proven themselves to be the settle down type. And these are only a handful of the things I’ve been told over the years.
It’s been frustrating, to say the least, and there have even been seasons where I purposely dimmed my light in hopes that my career wouldn’t push away potential suitors. I know what you’re thinking, “Girl, why would you even consider that? If they’re for you, it won’t matter what you do.” Hey, don’t judge me, but also, I one hundred percent agree.
My hotel bathroom
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That’s why this recent moment in Switzerland was right on time. When I first walked into the hotel to check in, I was blown away by the surrounding beauty. It was a five-star property with one of the world’s most famous thermal bathhouses. Yet, it was something about seeing that 90% of the hotel’s guests were couples, that forced me to sit back for a bit of introspection—while soaking in the thermal spa, of course.
As I went through the mental conversation, there was a battle of sorts. On one hand, I knew that being able to partake in experiences like the one I was having at that moment was important to me. I knew that, at times I actually love being able to dabble in the finer things—after all, I’ve worked hard to be able to afford them. On the other hand, and sadly, I knew that sometimes being a single Black woman that publicly showcases her “luxurious” habits can intimidate men and even scare them off from pursuing you under the guise of them feeling like they “can’t do anything for you, because you have everything.”
My hotel room
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So, what is a girl to do?
Do I minimize/hide the life and experiences that I have? Do I play down the hard work I’ve put in to get where I am professionally? Or, do I risk being single in exchange for being able to have said life, without backlash?
Luckily, the joy that I felt while being at this property won. There was something about taking a full day to simply pamper myself at the bathhouse and in my in-room steam shower and soaker tub, indulging in cuisine from a 2-star Michelin restaurant and doing all of this while surrounded by an amazing group of Black women that reminded me—this is certainly the life I was meant to live and that I deserve. Even if it means that right now, I’ll just have to provide it for myself until the right partner comes along. And honestly, I’m okay with that.
Restaurant at 7132 hotel
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