What I’ve Learned About My Vagina Since Getting Married
Birth control isn't the devil. Ovulation is the golden ticket. And the vagina is not a topic that should be kept on the hush.
These are just a few things I learned about my vagina within the first couple weeks of getting married and actually having an active sex life.
My now-husband and I decided not to have sex while we were dating, and waited until our wedding night. How? I have no idea. There were definitely some close calls, like really close, but somehow, we were able to hold out for more than two years. I've gotten so many different reactions about that one. I'm not sure it's as much of a gasp-worthy moment as I used to think it was. And to be honest, before we got married, there really wasn't any action going on with my va-jay-jay anyway.
To back it up a little, I had a very sheltered childhood and even early adulthood. I felt like if I just thought the word "vagina," I would get popped or hit with a million questions of why I even had it on my mind. And while I understand my parents' attempt to be protective, it left me with lots of questions about my body that I was afraid to ask. I will say the Internet made me feel a little better about being so ignorant when it comes to the most precious part of my body.
While I got a clean bill of health for my annuals every time I went to the doctor, there were a lot of questions out there and I wasn't the only one who was asking them. Still, I'm ashamed to say I waited so long to find out more about said precious body part.
While the answer is different depending on the woman and her body, learning about my vagina has been a key part of my journey of self-discovery and self-love. Here's what I've learned:
A Little TLC Never Hurts
Okay, so honest moment: I could probably count on one hand how many times I looked at my vagina with a handheld mirror before I started having sex on the regular. I can be the first to admit that that was pretty stupid. If anything, I should have at least been checking up on it to make sure it was all good. Even though I wasn't sexually active, there were a lot of other things that could have gone wrong; and I would have never known. The few times I did check out my va-jay-jay was from pure curiosity. I started doing mirror checks a lot more after I started having sex, and after I got my first Brazilian wax. I can't even lie I was definitely feeling myself. Let's just say I had a few secret "Hey girl, I see you!" moments in the bathroom.
I realized that even if nothing is wrong, the vagina is such a sensitive and vital part of the body, it's important to show it a little extra attention. I think the most hilarious way I learned how to do this is with kegel exercises. I discovered that this was a simple yet effective way for me to connect with my body even more. I call it "hilarious" because I do them all the time and no one ever knows. It's like an incognito way for me to stay in touch with her and let her know I haven't forgotten about her. In the future, I plan on doing a vagina steam and yoni treatment. Wish me luck!
Birth Control Is Not The Devil
When it came to birth control, I was really on the fence about whether I wanted to take it. I knew I didn't want children right away. (I wanted to wait two years and my husband wanted them ASAP, so we compromised and decided to wait a year). I also heard a lot of different horror stories that women experienced and said it was from being on the pill. From cancer to infertility scares, their stories made me steer clear of birth control at first. I still decided to talk to my doctor about it and she gave me a low-dose pill option.
When we got married, I still hadn't started taking it. But things got real and changed my mind less than a week after tying the knot. There was no way we wouldn't have kids right away at the rate we were going. So far, I surprisingly haven't had any side effects that I can recognize. Of course, every woman, their body, and especially their vagina, varies. I made the choice that I thought was best for me and so far, so good. I honestly just felt at peace about it. And let's be real, the pull-out method only works for so long, and considering we waited to have sex, using condoms was just not on the agenda either.
Say What? – No, I Can't Get Pregnant Every Time I Have Sex
This leads me to my next point, which marked one of the first indications that I was completely clueless about my vagina. I know y'all are going to judge me for this (I don't blame you, I still judge myself), but it's a moment that I have to confess and be vulnerable about. I had always heard of ovulating, but I didn't know I had to actually be ovulating when I had sex, in order to get pregnant. I know, I should have done better.
My moment of revelation came after our honeymoon. It was one of many times that we had sex and I just knew I had to be pregnant just because of the amount of sex we were having. I was talking to one of my friends about it and she asked if I was ovulating. I looked at my period app and realized I wasn't, and that it said I had no chance of getting pregnant the days we had sex so far. She gave me a major side eye but I'm glad I had that learning moment… as embarrassing as it was.
My Vagina Should Be Celebrated, Not Shunned
Anyone can see that this is the year of the woman. We're taking over, speaking out, and defending ourselves in ways that many of us haven't seen in years. I'm proud to be a woman and am embracing all of the things that make me a woman, including my vagina. I wish I didn't wait until I was sexually active to learn these aspects about what I consider the most prized and valuable part of my body. Now, it's taken my love for girl power and women's empowerment to a new level. It's not something that should be kept on the hush—and this is coming from one of the most private and personal people out there.
It's something that should be embraced, laughed about, and a key part of what makes me who I am. I'm on this interesting journey of finding myself, so I have to say this truly helped me to fall in love with who I am… vagina and all.
Featured image by Shutterstock
Charmaine Patterson is a journalist, lifestyle blogger, and a lover of all things pop culture. While she has much experience in covering top entertainment news stories, she aims to share her everyday life experiences, old and new, with other women who can relate, laugh, and love along with her. Follow Char on Twitter @charjpatterson, Instagram @charpatterson, and keep up with her journey at CharJPatterson.com .
ItGirl 100 Honors Black Women Who Create Culture & Put On For Their Cities
As they say, create the change you want to see in this world, besties. That’s why xoNecole linked up with Hyundai for the inaugural ItGirl 100 List, a celebration of 100 Genzennial women who aren’t afraid to pull up their own seats to the table. Across regions and industries, these women embody the essence of discovering self-value through purpose, honey! They're fierce, they’re ultra-creative, and we know they make their cities proud.
VIEW THE FULL ITGIRL 100 LIST HERE.
Don’t forget to also check out the ItGirl Directory, featuring 50 Black-woman-owned marketing and branding agencies, photographers and videographers, publicists, and more.
THE ITGIRL MEMO
I. An ItGirl puts on for her city and masters her self-worth through purpose.
II. An ItGirl celebrates all the things that make her unique.
III. An ItGirl empowers others to become the best versions of themselves.
IV. An ItGirl leads by example, inspiring others through her actions and integrity.
V. An ItGirl paves the way for authenticity and diversity in all aspects of life.
VI. An ItGirl uses the power of her voice to advocate for positive change in the world.
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Megan Thee Stallion Shares Her Transformative Approach To Health And Wellness
Megan Thee Stallion is back and better than ever — both physically and mentally.
ForWomen’s Health May/June 2024 cover, the 29-year-old rapper bared all, opening up about her healing journey following the aftermath of the July 2020 shooting incident by rapper Tory Lanez.
“A lot of people didn’t treat me like I was human for a long time,” she told the publication. “I feel like everybody was always used to me being the fun and happy party girl. I watched people build me up, tear me down, and be confused about their expectations of me.”
She continued, “As a Black woman, as a darker Black woman, I also feel like people expect me to take the punches, take the beating, take the lashings, and handle it with grace. But I’m human.”
While the “Savage” artist exudes confidence through her stage presence and boisterous lyrics, behind the scenes, Megan was experiencing a silent battle with her mental health. “Before I went onstage, I would be crying half the time because I didn’t want to [perform], but I also didn’t want to upset my fans,” she says.
With pressures from the outside world piling up, Megan experienced “dark times,” that caused her to isolate from the public eye.
“I didn’t want to get [out] from under the covers,” she recalls. “I stayed in my room. I would not turn the lights on. I had blackout curtains. I didn’t want to see the sun. I knew I wasn’t myself. It took me a while to acknowledge that I was depressed. But once I started talking to a therapist, I was able to be truthful with myself.”
The “Wanna Be” rapper also details her current workout slip and diet that work hand in hand, giving her the mental clarity and stamina to perform at her highest level. For four to five days a week, Megan is locked in with one of her two trainers, Emory “Joc” Bernard and Tim Boutte, doing a variety of workouts like Pilates, running up and down sand hills at the beach, or hitting the StairMaster or elliptical for upwards of 40 minutes.
Best known for her “Megan knees,” leg day is a must — with hip thrusts, goblet squats, leg extensions, and “stallion kicks,” being included in her circuits.
With a combination of therapy, stepping away from imbalanced relationships, and daily movement, the Houston Hottie has since been able to reconnect with herself on a deeper level; putting her happiness before the opinions of others. “Working on myself made me get into working out because I needed to focus my energy somewhere else,” she shares. “I used working out to escape and to get happy.”
“I’m in a space where I feel good mentally, so I want to look as good as I feel.”
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Featured image by Dia Dipasupil/Getty Images