9 Lessons I Learned After Working 9 Internships
Through the grace of God and 8 pt font on my resume, this summer, I have completed my 9th internship, *officially* bringing my intern career to a close.
Beginning my junior year of high school, I have clerked for a civil judge, interned at Shell Oil Company, Vinson & Elkins, the White House National Economic Council (under the Obama Administration), Goldman Sachs (3x), and campus internships through Cornell University and Jopwell.
What began as my childhood obsession with Michelle Obama and desire to gain early exposure to the legal field has led me down an incredibly insightful path and onto additional passions for business, public service, and now diverse forms of journalism.
Holding me up the whole way have been an unwavering coalition of mentors, sponsors, and family members, reaffirming the notion that "it takes a village." My first "real internship" was at age 16, clerking at the 164th Civil District Court under Judge Alexandra Smoots-Hogan – a black woman – and was secured through my uncle's outreach to his coworker's doctor's friend who then advocated for my pronounced interest in law, despite my age. Judge Smoots-Hogan took me under her wing and drilled into me the mantra that "there is a place for black women in politics and our voices matter." To this day, this internship represents so many foundational life lessons: sponsors and advocates matter, closed mouths don't get fed, always mentor and be mentored, and there is no substitute for hardwork.
9 internships later, these last few years have certainly been a journey – but it's just the beginning. As I promised Judge Smoots-Hogan, my success isn't defined by numbers but by impact. There is nothing I want more than to see hundreds and thousands of women of color break through glass ceilings and simultaneously reach back to pull more ladies up with them.
In a world where there are numerous obstacles and institutional inequities preventing women of color from access to life-changing resources and opportunities, we truly need to support each other and continually work to be the plug for opportunities.
"The only thing that separates women of color from anyone else is opportunity." – Viola Davis
While I do not think that it's necessary for every student to complete 9 internships – even 3 internships are a lot – all students looking to begin their careers should be open to pursuing their interests and considering new opportunities that continuously arise. My internships have been an advanced trial period, allowing me to explore a number of potential paths before permanently committing to one thing. This insight has helped me form a well-rounded perspective regarding where my passions truly lie, and several years later, I'm still discovering new things.
Here are 9 lessons that I learned after working 9 internships that you can apply to your professional journey.
1. You won't love every job, but you will learn a lot about yourself.
Learning what you don't like is just as insightful as learning what you do. During my internship at the court, I quickly learned that Law & Order was not an accurate depiction of the legal system. Criminal law scared the daylights out of me. Rather than call off law altogether, I began to gravitate more towards corporate crime and public policy. This revelation not only saved me time and *emotional trauma*, but led me down a path that would be integral in my future roles at the law firm and financial services.
2. There will be moments of self-doubt.
We're not invincible. You can have all the training, education, and support systems under the sun and still have an off day every once in a while. There were days when I was working at the White House where I would literally run to the bathroom, call my mom, and cry after receiving negative feedback on a project. The work was grueling and seemingly never-ending (and we were unpaid). In those off moments, the true lesson was found in how I pulled myself back together and reattempted a project rather than wallowing in the failure itself. As the old saying goes, "Many times what we perceive as an error is actually a gift."
3. Do your research.
So simple, and yet so important. You wouldn't a take a test without studying, so you shouldn't go into an interview or coffee chat without basic understanding of an opportunity you're interested in. The internet is a beautiful thing. It can be overwhelming, so take your time, but it is incredible how many programs, scholarships, and opportunities I have found from simple Google searches and even Twitter and Facebook posts. Always ensure that you are taking advantage of the information that you do have within your grasp.
4. Mentors come in all shapes and sizes.
From my first mentor, Judge Smoots-Hogan, to classmates and division managers, I have learned that mentors are everywhere. They won't always be women of color, or even women at all. In fact, some of my most influential mentors have been white men. The point is, most of us need someone in our corner guiding and supporting us, be it professionally or psychologically, and there is no make or model for what that assistance will look like. I have had ladies that I once mentored as freshmen go on to advocate and connect me with important opportunities. You never know when you are going to need a helping hand and what people say about you when you are not there can make a tremendous difference.
5. Your brand and reputation matter.
That being said, your reputation matters. As Oprah said in her British Vogue interview, no one is expecting you to have a brand all figured out as a young adult. However, being highly regarded as someone who is eager to learn, always ready to lend a helping hand, and/or consistently provides good quality work can "brand you" as a good investment, encouraging others to take a chance on you.
Related: 5 Effortless Ways to Boost Your Reputation at Work
Author, Lydia Anglin. Photo by Kelechi Mpamaugo.
6. Closed mouths don't get fed.
My philosophy for most of my career has been "the worst they can say is no." Aim high, and if you fall short, you will still be in a comfortable place. Particularly as students and young professionals, we have the ability to ask for help and seek out guidance from very established people, because in an ideal world, many would "like to help the younger generation." For an example, during one of my internships, I invited the global head of my department out to coffee, and to my surprise, he quickly responded and was very enthusiastic about meeting an intern. This privilege does lessen as we get older, and should be undertaken carefully, but definitely take advantage of it while you can.
7. Start small, but keep the big picture in mind.
For many of us, our first jobs are not glamorous. Before I interned at the court, I worked a retail job… and it was so difficult! However, I learned important customer service skills, patience, and the value of always presenting yourself as being willing to learn. Those same skills have applied to every internship and role I pursued since. Even Michelle Obama was once a 20-something.
Aim high and build upon integral professional values like persistence and hard work.
8. You have to put in the work – period.
While it's no secret that some have it easier than others, frustratingly so, there truly is no substitute for hard work. This does not mean work yourself to wits end – mental health and coalition building are very important – but the race will not run itself. Mentors, sponsors, and professional development programs serve as fuel along the way, but alone, they rarely are enough. It's your brand, your career, your future. Put in the work.
9. Reach forward and reach back.
As said by Maya Angelou, "I come as one but stand as ten thousand." Our successes extend so much further than ourselves. From Ruby Bridges to Katherine Johnson, someone once walked so you can run. As you open doors, remember to reach back and give the key to those who follow you.
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Lydia is a recent Ivy League graduate who is passionate about using her voice to enact change in minority and female communities. Dubbed the "Intern Queen," she has worked 8+ internships in diverse industries, including Wall Street firms and the Obama White House, and is now bringing her career and lifestyle tips to you! Meet Lydia on Instagram @queen_of_anglin and Twitter @its_lit_dia.
ItGirl 100 Honors Black Women Who Create Culture & Put On For Their Cities
As they say, create the change you want to see in this world, besties. That’s why xoNecole linked up with Hyundai for the inaugural ItGirl 100 List, a celebration of 100 Genzennial women who aren’t afraid to pull up their own seats to the table. Across regions and industries, these women embody the essence of discovering self-value through purpose, honey! They're fierce, they’re ultra-creative, and we know they make their cities proud.
VIEW THE FULL ITGIRL 100 LIST HERE.
Don’t forget to also check out the ItGirl Directory, featuring 50 Black-woman-owned marketing and branding agencies, photographers and videographers, publicists, and more.
THE ITGIRL MEMO
I. An ItGirl puts on for her city and masters her self-worth through purpose.
II. An ItGirl celebrates all the things that make her unique.
III. An ItGirl empowers others to become the best versions of themselves.
IV. An ItGirl leads by example, inspiring others through her actions and integrity.
V. An ItGirl paves the way for authenticity and diversity in all aspects of life.
VI. An ItGirl uses the power of her voice to advocate for positive change in the world.
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Honestly, I don’t know if it will surprise y’all or not to know that a few years back, Vice published an article entitled, “Women Get Bored in Bed Faster Than Men.” When it comes to the clients I work with, what I will say is men tend to underestimate how creative women can be while women seem to overlook that men fake orgasms just about as much as they do. My grand takeaway from all of this? Folks need to be intentional when it comes to keeping the spice alive in their sex life; especially if they’re in a long-term relationship.
That’s why, when one couple came to me and asked what was something that they could do to light the fire (pun intended) in their own bedroom, the first thing that I asked was if they had ever tried wax play before. You should’ve seen the expression on their faces. LOL.
When it comes to things like that, I think that it’s still taboo for some, simply because they’ve only seen it on a movie screen or heard about it in true extreme sexual contexts — and so, they don’t think that it’s something that is “for them” when, the reality is, with the right tips in tow, wax play can be for pretty much anyone…and everyone.
So today, let’s add something new to some of y’all’s boudoir list of activities. Here are 10 things that will, hopefully, help you to see the flames of wax play (I’ve got puns all over the place today) in a whole new light.
1. Anticipation Does Wonders for Sexual Arousal
GiphyI once read an article by a mental health expert who said that anticipation is probably the greatest aphrodisiac of all. It builds excitement. It fuels curiosity. At the end of the day, it’s like a mental form of edging because you’re getting close to something that you look forward to — although you’re not quite there yet. Listen, he’s not off base because even science says that anticipation can give you a dopamine hit that can ultimately improve your sexual experiences.
Keeping this point in mind, how can watching hot wax drip from a candle and head toward your body not fuel some level of anticipation? Especially if it’s your first few times trying it? A woman by the name of Ana Monnar once said, “Anticipation is sometimes more exciting than actual events.” Just something to consider, when it comes to entertaining bringing wax play into your world, my dear.
2. Wax Play Is Peak-Level Foreplay
GiphyWe all know what foreplay is, right? Just to be sure that we’re all on the same page, a very basic definition is it’s something that typically happens right before sex in order to arouse the people who are about to have it. And since foreplay is pretty much the prelude to copulation, it’s important that “the appetizer” is damn near as good as the “main course.” Wax play can help to ensure that because, aside from what I just said about anticipation, it can also help you and your partner tap into your more sensual and seductive sides. It’s hot. It requires being mindful. And since so much give and take is involved, it requires both people to be very into the moment. Lawd. Wax play is sexy to even just think about!
3. Temperature Pleasure Is Lots of Fun
GiphyOkay, say that you’ve never played with wax (in this way) before. Have you ever incorporated ice cubes? I ain’t gonna let y’all get ALL up in my business, so…let me just say (for now) that some ice during oral sex ain’t neva hurt nobody…quite the contrary! There’s something about the unexpected cool that mixes around with the warmth of a mouth that is truly unmatched. Along these same lines, wax play brings in the heat and, what makes temperature pleasure/play so awesome is, that it uses the sensations of different temperatures to bring out different forms of stimulation.
Another thing that’s worth noting about temperature pleasure is if you’re someone who considers yourself to be on the sexually conservative side yet you do like this type of activity, whether you realize it or not, you’re low-key participating in a form of kink (yep!). This brings me to my next point.
4. Wax Play Is an Introduction to Kink
GiphyIt’s kind of interesting how some people clam up at the thought of a (sexual) kink when the reality is, at the end of the day, it’s about having a certain type of sexual experience (as opposed to a fetish that focuses on objects or body parts; like a foot fetish, for example). So, if it’s that simple, why does it intimidate a lot of folks? Well, kinks tend to delve into people’s fantasies or unconventional ways of thinking (like BDSM or voyeurism).
At the same time, the cool thing about kinks is you control how deep you want to go. Just know that if you do participate in wax play, there’s no point in turning up your nose to the whole kink thing; wax play technically qualifies.
5. Soy Does One Thing. Paraffin Does Another.
GiphyOkay, so let’s spend a couple of moments talking about the things that you need to get the most out of your wax play experience. First, please don’t be out here imitating movies. While they will have you believing that you should pull a taper candle from your dining room table and go ham with it, it’s best to go with massage candles; they are specifically designed for wax play and body massages (The Knot has a recommendation list here and Women’s Health has a list of their own here).
When it comes to candles, in general, I’m always a fan of soy because they burn cleaner and last longer. However, when it comes to wax play, two other reasons why soy is best is it’s natural and “burns lower;” this simply means that once the wax hits your body, it won’t be as hot as, say, paraffin wax will (because it has a higher burning point).
What all of this means is if you want a more comfortable experience, go with a soy (or even a shea butter or beeswax) candle. If you want to play with the big (wax play) kids, try paraffin.
Oh, and if you’re wondering if you can never use “regular” candles — I mean, it’s your body. All I’m saying is some candles are designed for wax play; birthday candles? They are not. Feel me?
6. Massage Candles Feel Incredible on Your Muscles and Joints
GiphySo, here’s the thing about massage candles: If you’ve ever had a professional massage before, your massage therapist may have used them. And if you’ve gotten a high-end mani/pedi, some paraffin wax may have come into play (no pun intended). That’s because the wax from both types of candles has health benefits that include relaxing muscles, improving joint mobility, and increasing blood flow throughout the body. And when you factor in the fact that the better you physically feel before sex, the better sex will be during it — isn’t that just one more plus for and perk of wax play? I definitely think so.
7. The Aromatherapy Is Incomparable
GiphySomething else that’s awesome about most massage candles is they have a wonderfully alluring scent to them, by design. Yes, that matters too because there is plenty of data out here to support the fact that aromatherapy does everything from reduce stress and relieve bodily discomfort to treat headaches and fight off infections (word on the street is that it may even help with menstrual cramps and menopause).
As far as your sex life goes, aromatherapy is supreme because certain essential oils double up as aphrodisiacs. Lavender, neroli, and rose are proven to improve your sexual function. Geranium reduces anxiety. And listen, if climaxing is your ultimate goal, check out “Ultimate Climax Hack? 10 Scents That Make It So Much Easier To Orgasm” and then look for massage oils that smell like, say, vanilla, saffron or jasmine. Bottom line, a good massage candle that smells amazing is going to be worth every cent that you spent to purchase it.
8. You Will Learn Communication (and Dirty Talk) on a Whole ‘Nother Level
GiphyOne of the reasons why I once penned, “Are You Ready To Apply Your Love Language To Your Sex Life?” for the platform is because, if there’s one thing that I think is so awesome about sex, is it finds a way to incorporate all five of your senses (sight, touch, taste, sound and hearing) as well as your top love languages (words of affirmation, quality time, acts of service, physical touch and gifts — if you’re open to it).
And when it comes to hearing (and words of affirmation), this is another area where wax play can be a winner because, as you’re learning what works for your partner and they learn what works for you, words have to be exchanged… perhaps even dirty ones.
And why is dirty talk so damn effective? According to scientific research, it has the ability to activate your entire brain (the biggest sex organ that you have) and when this is going on while you’re being physically stimulated — chile, the sky truly is the limit!
9. Wax Play Is Completely Customizable
GiphyYou know back when I was talking about soy candles vs. paraffin ones? Something that I didn’t mention, by design at the time, is that, although I will forever be Team Massage Candles when it comes to this particular topic, there are some known as wax play candles too. What’s the difference? Wax play candles tend to remain pretty hard (after being lit up) while massage candles are designed to melt into a liquid that you can massage on your partner’s body.
Why am I bringing this all up now? Well, it’s to serve as a reminder that wax play can be “dialed up” or “turned down” based on what you want to do. If you just want to put a twist on a massage, you can do that. If you’d like to test your partner’s tolerance level by applying more heat for longer, do that.
Just make sure that you use the kind of wax that doesn’t fully melt on shaved areas of the body (pretty sure why is self-explanatory), that you moisturize your skin beforehand (it’s easier to remove the wax…or whatever is leftover) that way and that you pour around 15-20 inches away from your partner’s body; that gives it time to cool somewhat on the way down. Oh, and if you don’t want to jack up your sheets, you might want to lay down a protective drop cloth (like this one here).
10. It Sure As Hell Ain’t Boring
Season 1 Friends GIF - Find & Share on GIPHYGiphyLast point — and it brings all of this full circle. Now that you’ve read all of the ways that wax play can benefit your sex life, how in the world could you associate it with “boring” on any level? Anything that can get you hype, cultivate eagerness, and enhance what you’ve already got going on…that is worth putting on your sex bucket list and trying at least one time, wouldn’t you say? And why can’t that time be…TONIGHT? Shoot your man a pick of a massage candle with a heart and watch him beat you home.
Then report back (with edits…LOL).
Something tells me that you’ll become a wax play fan — SOON.
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