Quantcast

There's a common misperception surrounding beauty standards and the black woman. Historically, black women have been the "purveyors of curves," which includes our thick thighs, small waists, big butts, big breasts, and full lips. I would say I have 4 out of 5. But just like all of us aren't naturally blessed with an abundance of tits and ass, all of us aren't blessed with a Kerry Washington pout. While many women of color are fortunate to naturally be shaped like a "brick house" with body and lips galore, not everyone has that genetic makeup. It was one of the reasons I found myself sitting in the doctor's office last December, waiting to get lip injections. Yes, you read that right, lip injections.

I'm not sure where my dislike for my lips began – or if I would even call it a "dislike." I think I first started noticing I wasn't happy with them four years ago. It was January 2014 and my shoulder-length hair, that I had long associated with being a woman, had fallen out after trusting the wrong stylist. Without my hair, I became more aware of my face shape and the strength of my features. I looked more androgynous and felt that, along with my hair, my femininity now evaded me.

Lip injections wasn't the first place that my mind went to help me feel a little more womanly.

I started with my brows. As an entertainment journalist who does a lot of on-camera celebrity interviews at press junkets and the like, I had begun to feel like something was missing. After failing miserably a handful of times to fill in my brows myself, a makeup artist suggested I look into microblading, a process that would permanently fill in my brows. Call me naive but it was shocking to me to learn that many people were waking up with full brows as the result of microblading. After researching the procedure, I had my brows tattooed (known as "powder brow") in July 2016.

With my hair slowly growing back and my new eyebrows on fleek, I was also interested in fuller lips in hopes of looking less androgynous and more feminine. It was around that time that I started seeing fuller lips start to trend, so much so that every cosmetic brand seemed to be coming out with their own version of an "injection gloss," promising fuller lips. I have lips, but I wouldn't have minded them being a little more pronounced.

Out of curiosity, I purchased several of these glosses, but quickly discovered they were just a gimmick and a waste of money.

Still, I tried to be content with my small lips and I looked for "natural" remedies for fuller lips, which included homemade concoctions like mixing coconut oil with cayenne pepper.

I quickly grew tired of trying to mix potions in the kitchen, so I decided to up the ante and look into more long-term options for fuller lips. I had known about lip fillers for a minute, but admittedly, I second-guessed my desire to have them as a real possibility because I was convinced it was something black women didn't "do."

But, I found a handful of beauty vloggers online that were women of color that showed me differently. Dymond Goods, AliyahsFace, and DollFaceBeautyx were all transparent about their journeys and experiences with lip fillers. And their transparency helped to further affirm that I wanted my lips done too.

New year, new lips was the motto. I made my appointment for December 19 at LaserAway in Santa Monica where, one of the beauty vloggers that inspired my decision, Dymond Goods, had gotten her lips done. As I sat with the ice pack on my mouth and waited for the nurse to prep the needle, I thought briefly about the harsh comments I'd probably be met with for choosing to be candid about my experience:

"But your lips were fine…"

"You should just be happy with what God gave you…"

"Embrace your natural beauty…"

"You're black, your lips are already full!"

"You must not love yourself if you would alter yourself…"

I believe it's semantics to say it's "okay" to take a needle to permanently put ink on your body or holes through your ears, nose or belly button, yet it's abhorrent to take a needle with a natural acid that's also used medically to temporarily enhance your lips.

Note: lip fillers are not permanent.

The product used was Juvederm Ultra, which is made of hyaluronic acid, a naturally occurring component within your body.

So, lip injections only last about six months to a year as the product dissolves and your lips will return to their normal size if you choose not to get a refill. The time it takes for the product to dissolve is also dependent upon how much is used in the procedure. I only used half a syringe because I didn't want my lips to look obnoxiously obvious. But the results are so subtle that my roommate who's been my friend for over ten years hasn't noticed.

Weeks later, I confidently say that I plan to go back to LaserAway to finish the syringe. Having gone through the thirty-minute process once and the pain of the needle being a 5 out of 10, I think my lips can be even fuller.

Left - Before Lip Injections, Right - After Lip Injections

In speaking with Dymond prior to my procedure about criticism she's received online, she poignantly reiterated that "Self-improvement isn't self-hate," and I wholeheartedly agree.

There was once a time when I was self-conscious about my skin tone and my weight, but I'm so elated to have come to a really great space of self-love. Long before the lip injections, I came to a place of wholeness where I began to walk into a room with a big blonde afro, red lipstick and my best accessory, my self-confidence.

Just like my eyebrows, fuller lips simply help to further accentuate my look, it's an accessory.

Regardless of what objections others may have, I encourage you to do whatever helps you to feel like your best self. Sometimes it's as simple as getting your hair done, beating your face, or buying designer clothes. Other times feeling like your best self may be a more invasive process like braces to fix a crooked smile, and for others it's liposuction or breast implants.

Regardless of what your "fix" may be, we have one life to live, do whatever makes you happy.

Would you consider getting lip injections? Why or why not? Sound off in the comment section below.

If you thought that only women abstained from sex in an effort to wait for the one man to create their soul tie with, then you're in for a surprise!

Keep reading...Show less

One thing we know about Jay Ellis is that he's sexy.

Keep reading...Show less

In the middle of a hectic press day to promote the fourth season of the immensely popular Tyler Perry soap opera “The Haves and The Have Nots”, Tyler Lepley’s humility and gratitude for a career that many people dream of resonates through his smile.

The 28-year-old actor had to overcome quite a few challenges to become the man he is today. After his dreams of having a flourishing football career was cut short, the Philly native moved to LA where he couched surfed and found work as a personal trainer. Years later, he auditioned for Tyler Perry and scored his big break as the character Benjamin "Benny" Young in OWN's first scripted series.

During the promo run for the fourth season of "The Have and Have Nots", I sat down with the charming actor, and our conversation got candid as he opened up about his own insecurities being mixed (Italian and Jamaican) and being the only black kid in school. He also shared that he had to learn to love himself and not seek validation from others. This allowed our chat to segue into how therapy has helped him to be in better control of his anger and emotions on screen and off camera.

July is Minority Mental Health Awareness Month so our conversation on black men and therapy was oddly fitting. There’s still an unfortunate stigma in the black community around mental health awareness. A lot of the black community doesn't believe in mental health issues, let alone therapy sessions. That goes double for black men.

“When someone is always taking from you, you’re ready to put your foot down," Tyler says, "One of the best things you can do to channel that anger is to be emotionally sophisticated enough to articulate what you feel, it’s going to save you from being in a lot of trouble.”

This man is everything. He’s won me over and yes, he’s still single. In our interview, Tyler also shared his thoughts on realizing his purpose, what he’s looking for in a wife, and his views on black men and therapy.

xoNecole: Since you didn’t necessarily

come to L.A. to be an actor, what kept you in pursuit of this new dream in between roles?

TL: Initially I put all of my eggs into to the basket, which was football, and to not have it not work out but to wake up in the morning and still be okay, I still have another shot. I’m still breathing. When I look back at it, the writing was on the wall. God does this to me all the time; he’ll drop something in my lap and it’s up to me to use my intuition to try and feel it out, apply faith to it and do the best I can with it and not worry about the end result because that’s what faith is about. I think that’s helped me to navigate these waters even though I didn’t necessarily have as much experience as my peers.

xoNecole: Are there any particular insecurities that you had to overcome to be the man that you are today?

TL: Yes, everyday. I grew up being teased because I was the only black kid in an all white school. I had to overcome always seeking outside validation because when you don’t get it, you feel like crap on the inside. I’m mixed so growing up, I didn’t know how to do my hair. I was trying to put pomade and hairspray in it and it wasn’t working. Everyone around me said I wasn’t cool but one day I looked in the mirror and I said I liked how I looked. It’s about loving yourself without having to go through someone else to tell you you’re good enough. You shouldn’t have to wait for someone else to say they love you. You have to love yourself and once you get that, there’s a calmness that sets in and you’re just happier.

xoNecole: Was there a particular situation that sparked your research into therapy and willingness to attend a few sessions?

TL: My acting coach always talked about the benefits of therapy. If you’re not working on your emotions, they can go cold or numb. And if life is just so happy and you haven’t connected with any of the deep pain you feel, a lot of times with pain, what’s the first thing you do? You look the other way because it feels better, so if you have to feel one of those deep moments where you have to cry on cue, the idea is to have it be real. So therapy helps you to work on your emotions so you can call on them.

What made me stay in therapy is when I started to enjoy it.

I’m Jamaican and Italian so I’m wired to snap, not in a bad way, but I have a temper and that’s not the way you’re supposed to handle situations.

I’m not a dictator, so if things don’t go my way, that doesn’t give me the right to be a crab apple or be rude to someone. I caught myself in certain situations where I wasn’t in control of what I was feeling and therapy helped me to gain that control. Now, you can tease me all you want, I like myself now so I’m fine.

xoNecole: What advice would you share with men, especially men of color, who may not feel comfortable with seeking professional help?

TL: Find a way to channel your emotions. If you don’t want to act, find a book to read or maybe sit down and start writing. If you think it’s not macho to talk to a professional at first, start somewhere easy like you’re mom, or a sibling, I talk to my cat sometimes, just express yourself. And don’t take yourself so seriously to think it makes you not cool to understand yourself, that’s madness. It’s good to know how you feel so you can really assert yourself.

For young black males, because of everything we’ve had to overcome, we’re wired to be aggressive. When someone is always taking from you, you’re ready to put your foot down, one of the best things you can do to channel that anger is to be emotionally sophisticated enough to articulate what you feel, it’s going to save you from being in a lot of trouble.

xoNecole: In previous interviews you mentioned that you parents have been married for twenty-five years, what have they taught you about love and relationships?

TL: They taught me not to settle for anything less than what I deserve which is what they have. There’s going to be ups and downs in anything but you guys have to be each other’s rocks. I’ve seen my dad really down before as strong of a man as he is and my mom was right there to lift him up and vice versa. There were times growing up when my mom would come home from work and she needed help and my dad was right there. That synergy to work together to accomplish something bigger is what I would like some day.

[Tweet "[My parents marriage] taught me not to settle for anything less than what I deserve. "]

xoNecole: Looking back on when you first got to L.A. and you were sleeping on your cousin’s floor, what would you tell your younger self about persevering through the tough times?

TL: The first thing I would say is to breathe and relax because when things are going crazy, the anxiety can paralyze you. Trust yourself, we all have these gut feelings; it could be on a first date, it could be in a job or in my case it could be not knowing what I’m going to do when I moved to L.A. but I felt like I was supposed to be here. We all have those moments where we doubt ourselves but stand in front of the mirror and believe that you’re good enough. Trust that you have enough talent to get you to where you want to be. I know it’s a daunting task. I use to wake up and think ‘I’ve never even acted before, how am I ever going to get good enough to be on a platform as big as OWN?’ It all starts from trusting yourself, learning how to tune people out, and letting your inner voice be the main thing you listen to.

[Tweet "It all starts from trusting yourself, and letting your inner voice be the main thing you listen to."]