Take a quick glimpse into black history and you will see the infinite groundbreaking achievements that various black figures have made that ultimately impacted our people and the world. One of the more popular areas that many African-Americans have left their footprint in is the world of sports. Who can forget Jackie Robinson, who faced overt racism every day as the first African American to play in Major League Baseball. And we have to acknowledge our black queen Serena Williams who continues to rack up titles in tennis despite modern-day racism and sexism.
Whether it's breaking barriers as a top-tier player in a predominately white sport or proving that athleticism knows no gender, we have always found our way to victory. Following in the footsteps of these legends is self-taught golfer/long-driver Troy Mullins. After years of being a Track and Field star, Troy decided to trade in her track shoes for a golf club instead. "I fell into golf and long driving. I used to be a track athlete. I used to do the heptathlon. Shot put and javelin have pretty much the same lower body movements as golf, and so I had this natural kinda swing," she told xoNecole.
Golf Digest
As she began embarking on a new journey into golf, she started to notice how far she can hit the ball and with more practice, she started entertaining the idea of long-driving, but it was a risky move. Being a long-driver is all about hitting the golf ball as far as you can by driving it with the swing of your golf club. When she decided to meet with a long driving coach, he cautioned her that if she went this route, she would no longer be labeled as a "golfer." His warning kept Troy at bay for only so long, as she knew that this was a new avenue that she was willing and ready to explore.
So in 2012, Troy decided to enter a long driving contest as a golfer instead of a long driver, and she ended up taking second place. And in that moment, her new career in long driving began. Even with such an astounding win, five years went by before Troy decided to enter another contest and in 2017, she entered the World Long Drive Mile High Showdown and won, even breaking a world record, solidifying her position as a World Long-Drive champion. "My aspiration is to still be on tour. I love golf and I love all aspects of it so being able to hit the ball really far and do all these long drive contests is just a plus," Troy explained.
"I love golf and I love all aspects of it so being able to hit the ball really far and do all these long drive contests is just a plus."
Being successful in a sport that she picked up for only a few short years is unheard of, and as talented as she is, there are others who seek to dim her light. A black woman with big, natural curls on a golf course isn't necessarily something that you see every day, and just like the aforementioned athletes before her, her presence wasn't always welcomed.
"It's still a very elitist sport and there's a lot of country club girls that end up playing golf. There's a lot of situations but golf is---when I step onto a golf course--I'm usually the only woman of color and I've definitely had looks and comments, but nothing outright racist. I haven't been verbally assaulted or anything but I've definitely been picked on and I think it's just with any sport that's only beginning to be more diverse. I think that's expected and I don't really let it hinder [me]. I expect that people still have their views and that's ok, that's their prerogative. It doesn't stop me from what I'm set out to do."
World Long Drive
But when things do get rough, she turns to her support system or, as she lovingly calls them, "her tribe." These people range from her mom to her friends, and even the parents of students that she tutors.
As a young black woman breaking barriers on the golf course, she understands that other people are looking at her, especially children and so she always makes sure that she is carrying herself in a positive light, even when social media says the opposite. "I know in this world of social media, you can kinda get sucked into it and as a woman athlete, people try to sexualize [us] and because I have a lot of young followers, I think it's important to show that you can be who you are and you don't have to give into the male gaze," she expressed.
Golf Digest
"It's important to show that you can be who you are and you don't have to give into the male gaze."
Having morals and a strong identity of self might have a little to do with her personal heroes. One, in particular, is her father Billy Mullins, who was a professional track and field athlete and was invited to participate in the 1984 Summer Olympics in Moscow. She also admires Florence Griffith Joyner aka Flo Jo, Jackie Joyner-Kersee, Serena Williams, and Michael Jordan, just to name a few. When she's not knocking golf balls out of sight, she enjoys spending time outdoors with her Pomeranian named Etta James and catching up on tea over tea.
Troy Mullins
But whether she's golfing or sipping tea with friends, one thing's for sure, Troy is leaving behind a legacy by laying down the foundation for other young black girls who are wanting to pursue golfing and don't instantly see themselves. Because of her, now they can, and now they do.
To keep up with Troy Mullins and her history-making journey, follow her on Twitter @Troyger and Instagram @trojangoddess.
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Featured photo by World Long Drive
- Tiger Woods challenges Troy Mullins to a long-drive contest ›
- Swing Sequence: Breaking Down Troy Mullins' Power - Golf Digest ›
- Long Drive star Troy Mullins wants you to drive like her - Golf ›
- Troy Mullins is Driven to Conquer | African American Golfer's Digest ›
- Meet Troy Mullins, a long-drive champion with LPGA dreams - Golf ›
- Tiger Woods drops the mic on Troy Mullins | Golf Channel ›
- TROY MULLINS (@trojangoddess) • Instagram photos and videos ›
- Long Driver Troy Mullins' Dynamic Drill Exercises | Golf Channel ›
- Troy Mullins is long drive golf champion but she's striving for the LPGA ›
- World Long Drive: Troy Mullins Interview - Wins The Mile High ... ›
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A basis for why I feel this way? Another quote immediately comes to mind. Famed author Jane Austen once wrote: “There is nothing I would not do for those who are really my friends. I have no notion of loving people by halves, it is not my nature.” You know, back when I also wrote “10 Things You Should Absolutely Expect From Your Friendships” for the platform, I shared that some of the traits of a friend — a real friend — include loyalty, honesty and compassion. And if you can’t say that your spouse is this way (as they say the same thing about you), chile…what is y’all doin’ over there?
So, why am I talking about marriage when this article is supposed to be about friendship? It’s because, something that life has taught me, kinda sorta the hard way, is we should vet potential friends — especially close friends — almost like we would a spouse.
And if you keep reading, I think you’ll get why I framed the intro in the way that I did.
Why Friendships Are Still Hella Essential
GiphyOkay, so before I get into why it seems that people have fewer friends than they ever had before, let me just say that, even as an ambivert who enjoys my own company and has absolutely no problem with being alone a good amount of the time, every personality type needs friends. That’s not just my opinion;science makes it a fact. Not only do studies support thathealthy friendships help us to feel more satisfied with our lives, but they can also reduce our chances of experiencing depression, stress, and anxiety and they increase longevity overall.
This is why — without going too deep because it’s kind of another topic for another time — it’s important to not allow past hurts and disappointments from former friends (or folks you thought were your friends) to cause you to build up walls as you declare that you don’t need anyone. When you do that, all you’re really doing is working against your own health and well-being. The saying that “no man (or woman) is an island”? It is absolutely true.
That said, even if it’s just a couple of people, make sure that you’ve got individuals in your life who you can call a friend and, in turn, they can say the very same thing about you, okay?
Are All of Those People Your Actual Friends? Or Do You Just Happen to Know a Lot of Folks?
GiphyAight but what if you happen to be someone who swings on the other side of few? Meaning, if someone were to ask you how many friends you had, you’d quickly declare that you’ve got too many to count. Listen, not to patronize or anything yet, but whenever I hear folks (especially if they are over 35) say something along those lines, it takes me back to high school — a time when so many of us thought that so long as we knew a ton of folks and/or we were popular, clearly, we had many friends.
Wisdom and pure ole’ dealing with humans on a consistent basis will teach you that an article that I wrote a few years back for the platform has a title that is spot-on: “According To Experts, We Only Have A Few Friends — Here's Why.” According to it, the average American (based on a survey that was conducted) has somewhere around 16 friends. Oh, but wait. Last fall, I wrote another article for the platform entitled, “What's The 'Five Friendship Theory' All About?” According to it, if you’re someone who takes the word “friend” and the responsibility that comes along with it very seriously and quite literally, as an adult, you can probably only maintain about five close friendships.
Why? Well, that brings in another article that I once wrote: “Life Taught Me That True Friendships Are 'Inconvenient.'” Chile, I don’t know about y’all but my friends know that if I call you that, you can call me in the middle of the night, and you can have money towards your rent (I’m not your mama but we all have hard times sometimes) and I’m gonna have your back in a way where you’ll wonder where you stop and I start — and no, I don’t have a lot of bandwidth for a ton of those people.
Okay, but what if you’re someone who is like, “I know that I have more than 16 and definitely more than five friends, no question”? The next thing that I would encourage you to explore is a theory by Aristotle (check out “According To Aristotle, We Need ‘Utility’, ‘Pleasure’ & ‘Good’ Friends”). Without even realizing it, many of us have people who we use the word “friend” for when…it’s kind of like how social media apps say “friend”: we’re familiar with one another and enjoy some of the same things, we might even have some of the same goals; at the same time, though, we’re not “all-encompassing friends.” We just get along really well at work (utility friends) or like to go to brunch at the same spots sometimes (pleasure friends).
Taking all of this into account, are you sure that you have a ton of actual friends? Or do you just happen to know a lot of people and you use that word for the lack of having another?
And that brings me to my next point.
There’s A LOT of Space Between “Friend” and “Enemy”
GiphyIf you read a lot of my friendship content, something that you will notice me saying quite a bit is that there is quite a bit of space between friend and enemy. It needs to be mentioned, as often as possible, because there are some people who get offended if you don’t consider them to be a friend — and that is unfortunate. I say that because the conclusion shouldn’t automatically be that they are your enemy just because “friend” isn’t what immediately comes to your mind.
They can be an acquaintance. They can be “cool people.” There is someone in my life who, while we’re not friends in the traditional sense, we are each other’s confidant; years ago, we agreed that we would be the place to tell each other whatever and it would stay between us — that is the main purpose that we serve in each other’s lives. Some people, you may consider to be spiritual family in the sense that you care for them and have some deeply profound things in common and still, they are not exactly a friend (I mean, a lot of blood relatives aren’t “friends” with each other).
All I’m trying to say here is we’re all too old now to only put folks in two boxes when it comes to this particular relational dynamic: friend or enemy. So, take some time out to seriously reflect on what you consider the various people in your life to be. I can promise you from personal experience that the sooner you know and the clearer you are, the easier it will be on everybody — because needs and expectations will be clear to you (and them once you articulate them) too.
What Got Folks to Having Less Friends? The Pandemic Plays a Significant Part.
GiphySo finally on to what inspired this piece to begin with. A part of it was an article that was published last year by Big Think entitled, “Americans more than ever have no friends. Here are 5 steps to make more friends.” Another was something that The New Yorker published back in 2021; it’s entitled “What COVID did to friendship.” Y’all don’t have enough time and I don’t have enough space to get into the fact that, just because the media may be talking about it less, that doesn’t mean that we’re not still in a pandemic.
In fact,one article stated my thoughts on it quite well when it said, “The real question, then, is not whether COVID is still a pandemic, but how much COVID illness and death are we willing to accept?” SMDH. And one of the things that has come with experiencing COVID is an interesting type of PTSD: detachment. There are plenty of articles out here to support the fact that my saying that is not merely my opinion.
Even according to the American Psychological Association, loneliness damn near skyrocketed, especially during lockdown and, unfortunately, a lot of people have not recovered from it. That’s why it did not surprise me at all when I read that more than ever, many people do not consider anyone to be a best friend; fewer people are relying on friends for any type of real support, and there is a semi-steady decline in people having friends, especially quality friendships, overall.
In fact, as far as close friends go, currently, close to 50 percent of Americans say that they only have three or fewer, and a relevant contributor to that was what the pandemic revealed as far as people’s proactive participation in other individuals’ lives (I actually read that young women were the ones who lost touch with friends during the peak of the pandemic the most). I also thought it was interesting that some studies cite that 12 percent of Americans say that they don’t have any friends at all.
Is the pandemic the only cause? No. So are things like people working more hours and spending more time online than they probably should (which also increased due to the pandemic, though). To that, Teen Vogue once published, “Social Media Is Impacting IRL Friendships” and Healthline once published, “Social Media Is Killing Your Friendships.” Then we also have to factor in having families of our own which can also take up a lot of time, and that sometimes can cause us to forget to nurture our friendships; so, before you know it, they fade to black. Not due to a fallout or anything, just…life.
And all of this? Some people are saying that it has led to what is known as a “friendship recession.” A huge flag about that is there are reports that a drop in close friends can cultivate a type of loneliness that is just as health hazardous as smoking a whopping 15 cigarettes a day. Not good, y’all. Not. Good.
Quality over Quantity Is Key. Just Make Sure That You Have a Friend or Two.
GiphyOkay, so what is my overall point? That’s a fair question. Just like sometimes “life life-ing” can make us forget to tend to our friendships, if you don’t stumble across content like this, you might not even realize that you’re feeling mentally stressed, emotionally strained, or super isolated and it’s all because you need to prioritize your friendships — because your mind, body, and spirit need them. Again, science has proved it.
At the same time, if, like a client of mine, you find yourself getting a little bit paranoid because you have noticed that over the past several years, your close friend count has been far less than what it used to be, this article proves that you are absolutely not (pardon the pun) alone. Honestly, there’s nothing wrong with having a very small circle of friends because quality is gonna beat out quantity every time; you just need to assess when it happened and why so that you can be sure that you are choosing it to play out that way and it’s not due to some underlying cause that you hadn’t taken into consideration — until now.
An Italian priest by the name of Thomas Aquinas once said, “The happy man in this life needs friends.” Even if it’s just one or two people, please make sure that you have folks who aren’t just your friend but your very close friend. You need them. They need you.
Everyone else, figure out where they fall and nurture accordingly. Life is a lot. We all get by with the help of our friends. Real talk, y’all. Thank goodness for them.
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Featured image by jose carlos cerdeno martinez/Getty Images
