The Truth About Transitioning From Relaxed To Natural
My story is not sponsored by any natural hair companies, I am not a brand ambassador with thousands of social media followers, and quite frankly, I had ZERO interest in transitioning from relaxer… Until, my hair broke off.
There is no greater irony than me promoting the natural journey because I never "chose" the natural hair life. To this day, I still reconnect with friends who can't believe I transitioned my hair. I used to be that friend who would troll die-hard naturalistas, comparing them to those vegan activists on Twitter. I was like, "Girl, keep your pamphlets and leave me aloneeeee." My hair was long and healthy with a relaxer. You couldn't tell me anything, and life was great, until it wasn't.
In January 2015, after coming back from college, my hairstylist – who I love to death – told me that over ¾ of my length had to go. Dazed, I agreed. But after the cut, I stared in the mirror in horror. I looked like Johnny Depp in Charlie and the Chocolate Factory met a 40-year-old politician. There was no salvaging it. No bun, no ponytail, nada. Just me and this Johnny Depp haircut.
For the next 18 months, I lived my life in protective styles, wigs, weave, braids, etc. Nobody saw my hair. I didn't even see my hair. It was a figment of my imagination, tucked away in cornrows, somewhere off in Transition-Land. I kept telling myself that the wait would be worth it. I just needed to be patient and grow my hair out as quickly as possible so I could relax it again.
But, everything changed when I saw my hair.
For what felt like my whole life, I was so against the idea of embracing my natural hair but I had never actually seen it. My hair had been relaxed since elementary school, so I didn't know what my texture was, or that it could grow so quickly. When I took my weave out and finally had a chance to see my new growth, I was surprisingly emotional. Claiming love at first sight would be a bit dramatic, but I felt this indescribable sense of wholeness and self-acceptance.
I had curls. They were beautiful. They were mine.
But, this natural hair nirvana didn't last long.
During the winter of 2016, I cut off my remaining relaxed ends and began attempting, yes, attempting to wear my hair naturally. I quickly learned that not all products *cough cough Cantu* will provide you with the luscious, perfectly defined curls the YouTube influencers are promoting. After spending $70+ on natural hair products, spending an hour on what like felt like an extreme powerlifting arm workout, breaking several combs, and draining my wifi to stream instructional videos, (there is no greater hurt than when your twist out comes out trash), it's a knife to your heart and self-confidence. For a split second, a relaxer seems like a better option. The real ones know.
I think social media glorifies the natural hair transition process, when in reality, it often requires a lot of patience, persistence, and experimentation.
Some people just have it easy from Day 1, but many people don't. My hair texture isn't even that difficult to work with, but the natural hair journeys I was observing on social media weren't the ones that came with heat damage, 3-4 different curl patterns in different parts of your scalp, or accurately showcased the frustration when a desired end product wasn't achieved. There were days where I was so frustrated with my hair that I would cry – and I never cry so that says a lot.
Related: One But Not Equal: Natural Hair Is Not The Same
Every failed twist out or unsuccessful hair product was a tough pill to swallow, but my growing appreciation and fascination with my hair kept me going. The promise of YouTube-worthy hair wouldn't have been enough. I had to truly embrace what was growing out of MY scalp in order to justify looking crazy every once in a while.
Fast-forward three years and 20 inches later, I am proud of how far my hair has come. There are still surprises, but for the most part, transitioning definitely got easier with time. Your hair begins to train itself to be receptive to certain products, and in my case, the weight of my longer hair has made my curls fall more evenly. Now that the original struggles of transitioning my hair are mostly behind me, I can't imagine going back to the r-word: Relaxer.
I probably straighten my hair more than some natural ladies I know and tend to wear my hair in a messy bun most of the time, but I am free. I've become one of the people I used to make fun of: #naturalgang #curlspoppin #relaxerwhere #naturalista.
My original resentment towards my natural hair was keeping me captive. Curls, braids, weaves, wigs, ponytails, straight – we can change styles every day if we want to.
Black hair lets us do it all and I have embraced my natural hair as a part of this versatility.
The question isn't whether or not to transition your hair, but what is keeping you from or motivating you to transition. If your refusal is rooted in societal beauty standards or pure ignorance (as in my case), dive deeper. If you are solely motivated by the glossy pictures of Instagram influencers, dive deeper. And if relaxers are truly what make you happy and beautiful, don't let anyone stand in your way. There is no "u" in hair – just "I". This is YOUR journey.
For my transitioning ladies, I see you. Keep those arms up. Brush that failed twist out up into a puff. Take a selfie when the curls are poppin. Stay strong.
*Featured image by Getty Images
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Lydia is a recent Ivy League graduate who is passionate about using her voice to enact change in minority and female communities. Dubbed the "Intern Queen," she has worked 8+ internships in diverse industries, including Wall Street firms and the Obama White House, and is now bringing her career and lifestyle tips to you! Meet Lydia on Instagram @queen_of_anglin and Twitter @its_lit_dia.
ItGirl 100 Honors Black Women Who Create Culture & Put On For Their Cities
As they say, create the change you want to see in this world, besties. That’s why xoNecole linked up with Hyundai for the inaugural ItGirl 100 List, a celebration of 100 Genzennial women who aren’t afraid to pull up their own seats to the table. Across regions and industries, these women embody the essence of discovering self-value through purpose, honey! They're fierce, they’re ultra-creative, and we know they make their cities proud.
VIEW THE FULL ITGIRL 100 LIST HERE.
Don’t forget to also check out the ItGirl Directory, featuring 50 Black-woman-owned marketing and branding agencies, photographers and videographers, publicists, and more.
THE ITGIRL MEMO
I. An ItGirl puts on for her city and masters her self-worth through purpose.
II. An ItGirl celebrates all the things that make her unique.
III. An ItGirl empowers others to become the best versions of themselves.
IV. An ItGirl leads by example, inspiring others through her actions and integrity.
V. An ItGirl paves the way for authenticity and diversity in all aspects of life.
VI. An ItGirl uses the power of her voice to advocate for positive change in the world.
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Rihanna Talks Shedding Expectations And Finding Balance As A Mother
Since becoming a mother in 2022, Rihanna has defined parenthood by her terms and hopes to pass that sense of autonomy on to her children.
For Vogue China’s April cover story, Rihanna shared her perspective on raising her two sons with A$AP Rocky, and how she hopes to preserve her children’s uniqueness, devoid of societal expectations.
"The most beautiful thing...is that [children] come into the world with their own individuality and sincerity, without any logic or conformity,” she told the publication. “Which usually makes you feel that you must fit into a certain group."
The “Work” artist, known for her trendsetting style and captivating persona, expressed her desire to support children in fully embracing their individuality and encouraging them to be whoever they want to be. "It's really beautiful to see and I want to continue to help them navigate that and make sure that they know they can be whoever they want to be,” she says.
She continues, “They should embrace it completely, because it's beautiful, and it's unique. I love them just that way."
From shattering music charts to shaking up the beauty industry, Rihanna has forged a path that has since created the “dream” life we see today. One that she says has made her parents proud of.
“I’m living my dream,” she continued. “My parents were very proud of that because they just wanted me to be happy and successful. So, I think the key thing is to find some kind of balance. Yes, balance is important. Do this and you get the best of both worlds. You can write your own life the way you want, and it will be beautiful. Sometimes, you just need to let go of everyone’s expectations and start living your own story.”
Rihanna, who shares sons, RZA, 23 months, and Riot, 8 months, with rapper A$AP Rocky, recently shared her vision for expanding her family in the future in Interview Magazine.
When stylist Mel Ottenberg asked about the number of additional children she hoped to have, Rihanna replied, "As many as God wants me to have.”
"I don't know what God wants, but I would go for more than two. I would try for my girl,” she adds. “But of course, if it's another boy, it's another boy."
Featured image by Neil MockfordWireImage