If you've been keeping up with social media, you might be familiar with the now-viral video circulating of a couple embodying black love goals. The bride was a statesque goddess, her crown of afro hair surrounding her like the queen she was. And her groom who surrendered to the emotions of the moment as he cried tearfully in the middle of his vows. It was a beautiful sight for sore eyes and a beautiful reminder of the power of love.
The couple featured in the video were newlyweds Chris McFadden Jr., 32, and Nicole McFadden, 28. One conversation with the Philly couple and you understand how much of each other's yin is in tune with their yang, a rhythm. Like soul speak.
The couple's love story has humble beginnings. After meeting through a mutual friend while doing volunteer work at a local food desert, Nicole decided to shoot her shot with Chris over Instagram and a couple of strategically placed likes. They felt like home for one another from the jump. Found comfort in their similarities, and security in the fact that they knew they were each other's one.
"I think what I saw in her was what I wanted in a woman and I knew I didn't want to be without her. I saw the passion that she wanted in a relationship and out of me as a man, and I wasn't that person that she wanted as a man, but I saw that she just wanted to pull that out of me," Chris said. "I was looking at her like she wants me to be this person for her, and she really, really, really wants me and I really, really, really want her so I'm gonna be this guy. And it wasn't like a fake the funk vibe, but it was like…I want to grow to this place, so I could be a better man for myself and for her."
On November 11, 2017, the couple said, "I do" under the eyes of God and surrounded by friends and family. Like their love, a particular moment from the ceremony, lives on in the form of a viral video. The 15-second clip spread like wildfire on social media on gossip site pages and black love pages, and showed the blushing bride and her groom as he read his vows. While reading his promises to his wife-to-be, Chris could be seen falling to pieces, overcome with emotions.
It was the official start of their forever. And the gravity and the reality of that could be felt by Chris in that instant. "I was at the last sentence of my vows," he recalled. "It wasn't like I was emotional to the point where I was about to cry while reading my vows. I literally was thinking, 'Let me just get through these vows so I can kiss the bride and we'll be on our merry way. We'll go to the reception, we'll have a party.' But that last line hit me, and it hit my soul like whoa…we're about to get married. I'm spending my life with the woman I love."
Chris continued, "So after, I don't know if you can see in the video, I was kinda trying to be macho, but it was a subconscious thing like whoa, this feels kind of like a soul cleanse. That cry was like clearing up a lot of old me and I just turned into a new me and a new man I'm about to become after I say my vows and kiss the bride and all of that. That's all it was. Like legitimately, it felt like I was shot."
The line that brought him to tears was, "And forever isn't long enough." It struck a chord with him because those five words were a true embodiment of how they feel about their love.
"We said it in both our vows," he said. "I was about to say forever isn't long enough, but I broke down right before I said that."
Despite the attempt of the public to gain control of the narrative, the moment was an emotional time for Nicole as well. In their wedding, the couple had their bridal party walk in to the ceremony to the skits from Lauryn Hill's Miseducation where the students answered the question of, "What is love?" From there, they took a seat on lounge furniture couches. At the altar, on her side, she had her two brothers, and on his side, he had his two sisters. They were the only people standing at their wedding. For them, it symbolized the love they had all their lives from their siblings who always had their back.
"When he broke down, his sisters began to console him and honestly it just all came full circle for me," Nicole explained.
"To see his sisters have his back in that moment, I felt that it would have been selfish for me to interrupt, because I don't know if they feel like I'm taking their brother or they're gaining a sister."
"I saw a moment happening and I respect them too much to interrupt. I'm actually crying in the video. And I look away, because I began to cry more and I look to my brothers, who were behind me, and I look to my bridesmaids, I turn back around…and then like I'm holding my hands really tight and I wanted to touch him, but I know him and if I would've touched him when he was crying, I just felt like a lot of emotions…a lot more emotions would have come about. But the biggest, biggest piece was I saw his sisters consoling him and I didn't want to interrupt that moment. I have the rest of my life to console this man and to take care of this man and to cherish this man. And I know that that was a special moment for his sisters to stand next to him, specifically on that day. I would do the same thing again, despite what people think."
Nicole and Chris made it clear that despite some of the backlash and the unsolicited criticism of their marriage after a weekend reposted on a prominent Instagram account, that their foundation isn't shook. They've spent years cultivating and nurturing their love – people who mind don't matter. "We lost nothing from that day; we had an amazing honeymoon in China and in Thailand. We have amazing careers and we're happy. We just want to change the narrative. We found that a lot of people are reaching out to us just flat out stating like trolls ruined your wedding day, but it's like… no, that still happened. That was amazing, you know what I mean? The internet is not reality. Social media for us has been one of the biggest hurdles of our marriage and we jumped over it easily, in our opinion."
Walked around it, over it, and ultimately through it. A month and a little over a week since making it official, Chris and Nicole are very happy about what spending the rest of their lives looks like. With flourishing careers, a fulfilling home life, dedication to self-work, and traveling every other month – the two soulmates who are lucky in love are ready for wherever life takes them. No timeline necessary.
Congrats Chris and Nicole!
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That’s why, when one couple came to me and asked what was something that they could do to light the fire (pun intended) in their own bedroom, the first thing that I asked was if they had ever tried wax play before. You should’ve seen the expression on their faces. LOL.
When it comes to things like that, I think that it’s still taboo for some, simply because they’ve only seen it on a movie screen or heard about it in true extreme sexual contexts — and so, they don’t think that it’s something that is “for them” when, the reality is, with the right tips in tow, wax play can be for pretty much anyone…and everyone.
So today, let’s add something new to some of y’all’s boudoir list of activities. Here are 10 things that will, hopefully, help you to see the flames of wax play (I’ve got puns all over the place today) in a whole new light.
1. Anticipation Does Wonders for Sexual Arousal
GiphyI once read an article by a mental health expert who said that anticipation is probably the greatest aphrodisiac of all. It builds excitement. It fuels curiosity. At the end of the day, it’s like a mental form of edging because you’re getting close to something that you look forward to — although you’re not quite there yet. Listen, he’s not off base because even science says that anticipation can give you a dopamine hit that can ultimately improve your sexual experiences.
Keeping this point in mind, how can watching hot wax drip from a candle and head toward your body not fuel some level of anticipation? Especially if it’s your first few times trying it? A woman by the name of Ana Monnar once said, “Anticipation is sometimes more exciting than actual events.” Just something to consider, when it comes to entertaining bringing wax play into your world, my dear.
2. Wax Play Is Peak-Level Foreplay
GiphyWe all know what foreplay is, right? Just to be sure that we’re all on the same page, a very basic definition is it’s something that typically happens right before sex in order to arouse the people who are about to have it. And since foreplay is pretty much the prelude to copulation, it’s important that “the appetizer” is damn near as good as the “main course.” Wax play can help to ensure that because, aside from what I just said about anticipation, it can also help you and your partner tap into your more sensual and seductive sides. It’s hot. It requires being mindful. And since so much give and take is involved, it requires both people to be very into the moment. Lawd. Wax play is sexy to even just think about!
3. Temperature Pleasure Is Lots of Fun
GiphyOkay, say that you’ve never played with wax (in this way) before. Have you ever incorporated ice cubes? I ain’t gonna let y’all get ALL up in my business, so…let me just say (for now) that some ice during oral sex ain’t neva hurt nobody…quite the contrary! There’s something about the unexpected cool that mixes around with the warmth of a mouth that is truly unmatched. Along these same lines, wax play brings in the heat and, what makes temperature pleasure/play so awesome is, that it uses the sensations of different temperatures to bring out different forms of stimulation.
Another thing that’s worth noting about temperature pleasure is if you’re someone who considers yourself to be on the sexually conservative side yet you do like this type of activity, whether you realize it or not, you’re low-key participating in a form of kink (yep!). This brings me to my next point.
4. Wax Play Is an Introduction to Kink
GiphyIt’s kind of interesting how some people clam up at the thought of a (sexual) kink when the reality is, at the end of the day, it’s about having a certain type of sexual experience (as opposed to a fetish that focuses on objects or body parts; like a foot fetish, for example). So, if it’s that simple, why does it intimidate a lot of folks? Well, kinks tend to delve into people’s fantasies or unconventional ways of thinking (like BDSM or voyeurism).
At the same time, the cool thing about kinks is you control how deep you want to go. Just know that if you do participate in wax play, there’s no point in turning up your nose to the whole kink thing; wax play technically qualifies.
5. Soy Does One Thing. Paraffin Does Another.
GiphyOkay, so let’s spend a couple of moments talking about the things that you need to get the most out of your wax play experience. First, please don’t be out here imitating movies. While they will have you believing that you should pull a taper candle from your dining room table and go ham with it, it’s best to go with massage candles; they are specifically designed for wax play and body massages (The Knot has a recommendation list here and Women’s Health has a list of their own here).
When it comes to candles, in general, I’m always a fan of soy because they burn cleaner and last longer. However, when it comes to wax play, two other reasons why soy is best is it’s natural and “burns lower;” this simply means that once the wax hits your body, it won’t be as hot as, say, paraffin wax will (because it has a higher burning point).
What all of this means is if you want a more comfortable experience, go with a soy (or even a shea butter or beeswax) candle. If you want to play with the big (wax play) kids, try paraffin.
Oh, and if you’re wondering if you can never use “regular” candles — I mean, it’s your body. All I’m saying is some candles are designed for wax play; birthday candles? They are not. Feel me?
6. Massage Candles Feel Incredible on Your Muscles and Joints
GiphySo, here’s the thing about massage candles: If you’ve ever had a professional massage before, your massage therapist may have used them. And if you’ve gotten a high-end mani/pedi, some paraffin wax may have come into play (no pun intended). That’s because the wax from both types of candles has health benefits that include relaxing muscles, improving joint mobility, and increasing blood flow throughout the body. And when you factor in the fact that the better you physically feel before sex, the better sex will be during it — isn’t that just one more plus for and perk of wax play? I definitely think so.
7. The Aromatherapy Is Incomparable
GiphySomething else that’s awesome about most massage candles is they have a wonderfully alluring scent to them, by design. Yes, that matters too because there is plenty of data out here to support the fact that aromatherapy does everything from reduce stress and relieve bodily discomfort to treat headaches and fight off infections (word on the street is that it may even help with menstrual cramps and menopause).
As far as your sex life goes, aromatherapy is supreme because certain essential oils double up as aphrodisiacs. Lavender, neroli, and rose are proven to improve your sexual function. Geranium reduces anxiety. And listen, if climaxing is your ultimate goal, check out “Ultimate Climax Hack? 10 Scents That Make It So Much Easier To Orgasm” and then look for massage oils that smell like, say, vanilla, saffron or jasmine. Bottom line, a good massage candle that smells amazing is going to be worth every cent that you spent to purchase it.
8. You Will Learn Communication (and Dirty Talk) on a Whole ‘Nother Level
GiphyOne of the reasons why I once penned, “Are You Ready To Apply Your Love Language To Your Sex Life?” for the platform is because, if there’s one thing that I think is so awesome about sex, is it finds a way to incorporate all five of your senses (sight, touch, taste, sound and hearing) as well as your top love languages (words of affirmation, quality time, acts of service, physical touch and gifts — if you’re open to it).
And when it comes to hearing (and words of affirmation), this is another area where wax play can be a winner because, as you’re learning what works for your partner and they learn what works for you, words have to be exchanged… perhaps even dirty ones.
And why is dirty talk so damn effective? According to scientific research, it has the ability to activate your entire brain (the biggest sex organ that you have) and when this is going on while you’re being physically stimulated — chile, the sky truly is the limit!
9. Wax Play Is Completely Customizable
GiphyYou know back when I was talking about soy candles vs. paraffin ones? Something that I didn’t mention, by design at the time, is that, although I will forever be Team Massage Candles when it comes to this particular topic, there are some known as wax play candles too. What’s the difference? Wax play candles tend to remain pretty hard (after being lit up) while massage candles are designed to melt into a liquid that you can massage on your partner’s body.
Why am I bringing this all up now? Well, it’s to serve as a reminder that wax play can be “dialed up” or “turned down” based on what you want to do. If you just want to put a twist on a massage, you can do that. If you’d like to test your partner’s tolerance level by applying more heat for longer, do that.
Just make sure that you use the kind of wax that doesn’t fully melt on shaved areas of the body (pretty sure why is self-explanatory), that you moisturize your skin beforehand (it’s easier to remove the wax…or whatever is leftover) that way and that you pour around 15-20 inches away from your partner’s body; that gives it time to cool somewhat on the way down. Oh, and if you don’t want to jack up your sheets, you might want to lay down a protective drop cloth (like this one here).
10. It Sure As Hell Ain’t Boring
Season 1 Friends GIF - Find & Share on GIPHYGiphyLast point — and it brings all of this full circle. Now that you’ve read all of the ways that wax play can benefit your sex life, how in the world could you associate it with “boring” on any level? Anything that can get you hype, cultivate eagerness, and enhance what you’ve already got going on…that is worth putting on your sex bucket list and trying at least one time, wouldn’t you say? And why can’t that time be…TONIGHT? Shoot your man a pick of a massage candle with a heart and watch him beat you home.
Then report back (with edits…LOL).
Something tells me that you’ll become a wax play fan — SOON.
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