How This Couple Knew They Found Their One
How We Met is a series where xoNecole talks love and relationships with real-life couples. We learn how they met, how like turned into love, and how they make their love work.
Latasha Stevens and DeAngelo Wright are Black love #goals.
The marketing/brand manager and the realtor/CEO are fairly new to love, the couple build together, travel together, and of course, love together. They are a testament to the fact that when love is true, it is not something you're unsure or hesitant about. In fact, you put a ring on it.
Their one-year anniversary trip to Los Cabos, Mexico was one for the books and was punctuated even further by DeAngelo popping the question and the pair subsequently solidifying their love story together. He had been wanting to ask her to marry him for months but waited to ask her over dinner while in Mexico with a couple that they met there in a moment that felt right. "When the champagne arrived, I looked at the love of my life, tapped the glass with my fork, and ordered her to stand up while I demanded everyone's attention in the restaurant," he recalled.
"I had no speech prepared and spoke straight from the heart. Even though I was so nervous that I dropped the ring twice (laughs), I still managed to clearly and directly express to her how I felt right before hearing her say 'yes' before I could even finish. It was perfect and surreal! She wants to be my Mrs. Wright!"
Falling in love wasn't something either of them anticipated when their paths crossed when they met last September, but it's added value and color to their lives in the most unexpected ways. Being engaged and getting married (their wedding is set for early 2020) are just the beginning for the future Mr. and Mrs. Wright. "It's an amazing feeling knowing that your prayers have been answered...not just about getting married in general but getting married to someone who loves you unconditionally, accepts every flaw, recognizes your worth, and treats you like a Queen," Latasha shared. "Now that we are engaged, it proves the growth in our love...that we are ready to take the next steps in spending the rest of our lives with each other, starting a family, and building a legacy for our future. It just got real real!"
Today, DeAngelo, 33, and Latasha, 29 share how they met, first impressions, first dates, being a blended family, and navigating their love together. This is their story.
First Impressions
Latasha's Instagram
Latasha: DeAngelo and I met on Labor Day of 2017 (Sept. 4th, 2017). I was invited to a boat party at Lake Lanier last minute by my friend Aricca. Honestly, I wasn't really checking for DeAngelo. I saw him but honestly I assumed he was with one of the other females on the boat... At that time, I wasn't really looking for love. I had finally let go and released my emotions and ties from someone in my past who wasn't meant for me while going through the struggles of dating in Atlanta. I was at a point in my life where I wanted to focus on living my best life and I was genuinely having a good time with my friends on the boat. I didn't have any exceptions or feel forced trying to meet a guy.
DeAngelo: We met at a yacht party that my friend Trey had. I was not looking for love at the time. [I] wasn't looking for anything but qualities I wanted in a partner were for them to be easy on the eyes, for them to be intelligent, for them to be ambitious, and for them to be family-oriented. I thought that [Latasha] was beautiful and very interesting.
First Date
Latasha's Instagram
Latasha: Our first date was at the movies and I remember getting there on time while I waited for him to show up. A few minutes turned into 10 minutes, then 15 minutes. And I was so mad that he showed up late. I kinda went off on him and told him that if we're going to see each other, he has to value my time. I definitely had a 'tude that day (laughs). He gave me a big hug and a kiss on the cheek, apologized for showing up late, and promised he wouldn't do it again.
DeAngelo: Our first date was at Studio Movie Grill in Marietta. She was mad at me at first because I was late, but I guess she forgave me after I smiled at her. She was even more beautiful than I remembered. She was down to earth and easy to talk to. The date was awesome.
Making It Official
Latasha's Instagram
Latasha: We wanted to commit to a relationship because we didn't want anything to stand in the way of us building a future together. We shared a very intellectual connection and we felt like we knew each other longer than we had. I had never experienced this type of love from a man before so I knew that I wanted to hold on to what we had. I would say within three months of us dating, we decided to become official.
DeAngelo: I wanted to commit to a relationship with her for one because she could cook her ass off (laughs). Also, I just fell in love with how simply amazing she was. She never was over the top or extra. Naturally beautiful inside and out. I also loved the way we communicated and even in difficult conversations we always seemed to find common ground.
"We shared a very intellectual connection and we felt like we knew each other longer than we had. I had never experienced this type of love from a man before so I knew that I wanted to hold on to what we had."
Blended Family
DeAngelo: I definitely approached dating cautiously because I didn't want someone to build a relationship with my daughter if it wasn't going to be for long-term. I believe at first she was hesitant because it's plenty more men out there without children and [she might've thought] that she could possibly find a guy as great as me without a child. One foot in for her and one foot out, but eventually she fell in love with the both of us!
Latasha: Once I witnessed how great of a father and how involved he was in his daughter's life, it actually made me like him even more. However, like any female would want to know, I had to make sure there wasn't any 'baby mama' drama. I can honestly say that I have never had to worry about that with him and his child's mother. It was clear that their relationship was completely over and they did whatever they had to do to co-parent and make it easy for their daughter. I was also reassured after meeting her a couple of times and it was nothing but respect and good vibes. DeAngelo just wanted to make sure that whoever he brought his daughter around will grow to love and accept her with open arms.
The One
Latasha's Instagram
Latasha: I knew it was love when I started to accepted my flaws and really be myself in the relationship. DeAngelo accepted every flaw and loved me more that I could ever imagine. He never judged me and always expressed his love for me no matter what while accepting me for who I was and vice versa. Despite our flaws, I loved and accepted him at his best and worst. I never have to beg for his attention and he doesn't hesitate in telling me how beautiful I am everyday or doing thoughtful, spontaneous things for me. It's those little things that make me feel special and truly loved.
DeAngelo: I knew it was love because I thought I was in love before from past relationships but this one was different. What I mean by that is that even at intense disagreements, we still had each other's best interest [at heart] and even in tough times, we both were willing to fight for our unity. She just had so many characteristics that I've always desired in a partner. My favorite thing about her is her mind. To me, she is so smart and intelligently sexy!
Love Work
DeAngelo: The biggest challenge I had to get through individually was when I started my own business. Financially, it was tough because I could not do for her the things I would have if I had it like that. As a couple, the biggest challenge was to communicate at a higher level no matter how difficult in order to overcome battles we dealt with alone. Now because we share everything, we are able to effectively accommodate and support each other through them.
Latasha: The biggest challenge that I had to overcome independently was my selfishness. I have never been in a long-term committed relationship before so my focus evolved around me (laughs). I pretty much was ingrained to do things for myself because I didn't have anyone else to depend on. When DeAngelo came into my life, it was so different for me, but in a good way. He has such big heart and did things for me that I was not used to. The biggest challenge we had to overcome together was our work-life balance. We both are very driven, hard-working people that put a lot of our time and energy into what we love to do career-wise...but when we started dating, it was a little bit of a challenge to step away from work to make time for each other. We realized that it was worth the sacrifice and that it is completely healthy to have a balance to do what you love and do things with the ones you love.
"As a couple, the biggest challenge was to communicate at a higher level, no matter how difficult, in order to overcome battles we dealt with alone. Now because we share everything, we are able to effectively accommodate and support each other through them."
Love Lessons
Latasha's Instagram
DeAngelo: I've learned that it's best to love your partner as if you're loving yourself. Anything less would be selfish. Also, I've learned that true love is a feeling that adds value to life. No matter what you got going on in life, it's an amazing and fulfilling feeling when you have someone with you through the good and the bad!
Latasha: I've learned that love is an ACTION. We can say we love each other all day long but if we are not doing anything to express our love for each other in a positive way, then there's no real substance behind it. I do things out of love for DeAngelo because he deserves it and my actions speaks sacrifice, effort, and going above and beyond to make him feel appreciated, respected, loved, and special.
"I've learned that love is an ACTION. We can say we love each other all day long but if we are not doing anything to express our love for each other in a positive way, then there's no real substance behind it."
Keep up with Latasha and DeAngelo by following them on Instagram.
ItGirl 100 Honors Black Women Who Create Culture & Put On For Their Cities
As they say, create the change you want to see in this world, besties. That’s why xoNecole linked up with Hyundai for the inaugural ItGirl 100 List, a celebration of 100 Genzennial women who aren’t afraid to pull up their own seats to the table. Across regions and industries, these women embody the essence of discovering self-value through purpose, honey! They're fierce, they’re ultra-creative, and we know they make their cities proud.
VIEW THE FULL ITGIRL 100 LIST HERE.
Don’t forget to also check out the ItGirl Directory, featuring 50 Black-woman-owned marketing and branding agencies, photographers and videographers, publicists, and more.
THE ITGIRL MEMO
I. An ItGirl puts on for her city and masters her self-worth through purpose.
II. An ItGirl celebrates all the things that make her unique.
III. An ItGirl empowers others to become the best versions of themselves.
IV. An ItGirl leads by example, inspiring others through her actions and integrity.
V. An ItGirl paves the way for authenticity and diversity in all aspects of life.
VI. An ItGirl uses the power of her voice to advocate for positive change in the world.
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Not too long ago, while in an interview, someone asked me for a top complaint that I hear husbands say (first) and then wives state (second) as it relates to what goes down (or doesn’t go down) in the bedroom.
Ladies first: when it comes to women, I think what comes up more than anything might surprise some: it’s boredom. A lot of wives want there to be more spontaneity instead of taking the “If it ain’t broke, don’t fix it” approach from their partner. As for men? I mean, would anyone be shocked to hear that they wished their wife would initiate sex more often?
I’m telling you, over frequency, technique, and even dressing up more for bed (and yes, those things also come up quite a bit), hands down, what I hear that more men want is for their partner to show them that they are desired by taking the initial steps to make copulation happen…more often.
And so, since I’m all about doing whatever I can to reduce dissatisfaction and frustration in the bedroom department, let’s explore this very topic today — from a few angles. For starters, what it truly means to be a sexual initiator; two, why it’s so vitally important to be a sexual initiator, and three, why it could literally change the entire tone, energy, and outcome of your sex life with your partner — if you’d simply be open to initiating sex more often than you (probably already) do.
What It Means to Initiate Something. LITERALLY.
Giphy
I’m word-literal — there’s no secret about that. So, when it comes to the topic of initiating sex, let’s start with what the word means. To initiate is “to begin, set going, or originate” and “to introduce into the knowledge of some art or subject.” Some synonyms for initiate include begin, open, set up, trigger, admit, introduce, and invest. And when it comes to all of the meanings of these words, between men and women, when it comes to sex specifically, guess who does it more? Men. BY A LONG SHOT TOO: a whopping 60 percent.
When it comes to why a lot of women are so comfortable with men initiating intimacy, many think that, just like men should pursue them for a relationship, it is also “the man’s role” to pursue sex in the bedroom; they literally think that it makes them look desperate or needy for them to be the initiator — yes, even as a wife. What in the world?
Listen, when two people sign up to be each other’s exclusive sex partner until death parts them, it means they are both saying that they desire each other so much that they are willing to make that kind of commitment — and so, there should be no “I don’t want to appear this way or that” when it comes to sexual activity.
So, with all of that ridiculous overthinking out of the way, that should make you want to “set up” some sex plans, “admit” to some sexual fantasies that you may have, and “introduce” some new ideas to your partner; especially since that’s exactly what so many men wish that their lady would do, to begin with.
So, with all of this said, if you’re someone who is hung up on not initiating, first spend some time really processing what the word means. Because when two people are eager to begin sex and invest in each other sexually, that is the recipe for a truly satisfying experience…over and over and over again.
C’mon. Who Doesn’t Want to Feel Wanted?
GiphyI remember once reading an article that said our brain processes rejection the same way that it does physical pain, and y’all, I don’t know about you, but if something is physically hurting me, my natural inclination is to get away from it. Along these lines, when it comes to relationships since research has proven that rejection can lead to things like jealousy, shame, anxiety, loneliness, and guilt — yes, it makes all of the common sense in the world that you would want to do all that you can to make your partner feel wanted…both in and outside of the bedroom because, just like no one wants to deal with physical pain, no one wants to keep dealing with rejection and all of the fallout that comes with it…either.
Actually, when it comes to this particular point, I think that an article that I once read on Psychology Today’s site said it best: “Not only does being needed help define your role in a relationship, but being needed can also influence how satisfied you feel in a relationship.” And before some of you say that “sex is not a need” — the hell you say? I mean, the only purpose of your clitoris is to provide sexual stimulation, so that alone should make us all deem sex (and sexual fulfillment) as pretty damn important.
Plus, by definition, a need is something that is deemed as being essential while also being something that is extremely necessary, and anyone who thinks that a romantic relationship doesn’t need physical intimacy? That’s someone who really needs to remain single because one of the top things that makes a relationship more than a friendship is there is intimacy that’s involved.
Besides, who doesn’t want to feel wanted by their partner — and I do mean, in every way? And when you make the decision to be in an exclusive relationship with someone else, you are declaring that they are someone who pleases you to the point where you don’t need to look for anyone else to do it; and, if that is indeed what you are saying, it doesn’t make sense that you wouldn’t initiate sex with them sometimes (and I do mean more than on their birthday).
One, because you choose them to “fill that role.” Two, because they are the source of your fulfillment in that area. Three, because it’s completely unfair (not to mention totally hypocritical) to expect them to make you feel wanted when you’re not being intentional about making them feel the same way in return. Not to mention the fact that initiating also helps to safeguard your relationship on a lot of levels too.
Since sex is important and rejection is detrimental on so many levels, it’s crucial to make your partner feel sexually wanted and desired by you. One way to definitely do that is to initiate sex.
What Initiating Sex Does for You
GiphySo, what does initiating sex do for the initiator? Something that I tell a lot of my women clients is it helps them to create an atmosphere that puts them in the mood. What I mean by that is, if their husband is perfectly content having sex on the couch during commercials (I’m kind of exaggerating to make a point…kind of…LOL) while they would like some candles, mood music, and rose petals — they can control that if they are the one who initiates.
Another perk that comes with being the initiator is you have more “control” over how the sex goes. The kind of foreplay you want, how fast or slow things go, how intercourse begins — all of this, you have more of a say so in if you’re the one who is initiating intimacy. Why? Well, think about when your bae initiates — doesn’t it seem like you tend to follow his lead more when he’s the one who is first to get the ball rolling?
Oftentimes, when a couple comes to me about being sexually dissatisfied, and I recommend that the one who doesn’t initiate takes more initiative, the one on the receiving end likes the fact that their partner is “running the show” — and the initiator likes “being in charge” more than they thought that they would. As a result, both end up experiencing far more pleasure.
The initiator shows what they want more of while the receiver feels desired in the process. A win/win for everyone.
What Initiating Sex Does for Him
sexy black and white GIFGiphyA couple of weeks ago, while in a session with a client, he was joking about how much he has “too much of a good thing” when it comes to his wife’s libido. Although science says that the fact that men have a higher amount of testosterone in their system, and it is the reason why they typically have a higher sex drive, don’t sleep on a lot of women out there who want to get it in more than their husband does. His wife is one of them. Since she’s a client of mine too (oftentimes, we do our sessions separately), it’s interesting that he’s fine with having sex a couple of times a month while she would like to a couple of times a week.
So, is he denying her when she wants it more often? Nope. The reason why they’re not having more sex is that even though her drive is higher, she still waits for him to initiate. Why? Because she thinks that’s what “the man should do”; not only that but “being wooed” turns her on more.
As I’ve been working on helping them to find a middle ground (because if marriage ain’t about compromise, I don’t know what is), he says that he feels like because he plans a lot of the dates, he wishes that she would initiate more: “I don’t think a lot of women get how hard it is to be a Black man out here. Nothing feels better than knowing that if no one else is thrilled by your presence, your woman is. For us, initiating isn’t just about sex. It’s about feeling wanted as a whole. And when we feel like our woman adores us, there is no greater turn-on.”
I’m not sure what y’all heard, but what it sounds like to me is when we, as women, initiate sex, men feel holistically special and cherished. That makes sense, too, because if we were to put our feet in their shoes, we would probably say the same thing. That’s just one more reason to pull the “gender roles” out of this topic; men and women both want to feel like they are the best thing on the planet by their sex partners. And again, initiating helps us all to feel that way.
What Initiating Ultimately Does for Your Relationship As a Whole
Issa Rae Love GIF by Insecure on HBOGiphyPersonally, I can only imagine how much better sex would be for everyone (who is in a sexual relationship) if people simply initiated copulation whenever they wanted to have it. That way, everyone would feel desired — and what could possibly be wrong with that? Especially if both individuals factored in some of the definitions for initiated that I already shared. Just think about if you rushed home tonight because you read about something that you want to introduce to your man or there’s a fantasy that you have that you want to admit.
The mere conversations alone will help to bring the two of you closer together because, after all, deep intimacy is about minds, bodies, and spirits getting as close as possible…right? And so, yes, by initiating sex, it can bring more closeness and stability to the relationship as a whole.
And what if you initiate and your partner isn’t interested at the time? Or what if you’re shy about initiating due to having a fear of rejection? That’s a fair and legitimate concern. One day, I’ll need to pen an article on how couples should handle situations like that with grace (on both ends) while applying the golden rule of “doing unto others as you would have them do unto you.” For now, I’ll just say that if this is your greatest point of concern, share that with your partner as well.
After all, it’s pretty unrealistic to expect them to always want it when you do (although it’s been my experience and observation that men are almost always far easier to convince…LOL); just know that not wanting sex at the exact moment that you do doesn’t mean that they don’t want you altogether. Besides, oftentimes, a nap or a night of sleep can rectify that issue. Trust me.
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Rihanna was actually once quoted as saying, “To me, sex is power. It’s empowering to do it because you want to do it.” I personally think that’s a great way to bring this to a close. Make your partner feel wonderful, empower yourself, and strengthen your relationship by initiating sex more often. I can’t think of one reason why it’s not a wise move. Can you?
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Featured image by Jacob Wackerhausen/Getty Images