T.I. Is Shedding Light On Disadvantages Of Marriage For Men, But What's Really In It For Us?
Marriage in the 21st century is an interesting concept. While some couples choose alternative routes to relationships like polyamory, others are in favor of dissolving the age-old tradition altogether. A quote from a 2015 Fox News piece began circulating around the internet recently, prompting a number of users to share their own views on love and marriage. The post claimed that the reason most men have issues with commitment is because marriage offers no advantage to men. The post read:
"Because there's nothing in it for them: What exactly does marriage offer men today? 'Men know there's a good chance they'll lose their friends, their respect, their space, their sex life, their money and — if it all goes wrong — their family,' says Helen Smith, Ph.D., author of 'Men on Strike.' 'They don't want to enter into a legal contract with someone who could effectively take half their savings, pension and property when the honeymoon period is over. Men aren't wimping out by staying unmarried or being commitment-phobes. They're being smart.'"
The post even caught the attention of celebrities, including rapper and reality TV star, T.I., who reposted the quote with the following caption:
"Just found some info out there from @nay6ah60d_neal I thought I'd share… and mind you, I DIDNT WRITE THIS,A WOMAN DID…. but I do agree to a degree. I've heard it,& seen this a million times over. Note to women: Happiness needs no validation….The Ego does. Most women out there nowadays just wanna be married to impress they friends,family (his side pieces) and fit into society's standards. THATS NOT LOVE!!! That's how you end up stuck with someone YOU THOUGHT YOU WANTED!!!! No matter what… Whatever you do…
Do what you do to make YOU HAPPY!!! -The End"
His thoughts triggered a variety of responses internet-wide that both supported and refuted his claim.
His response proves that we as women need to evaluate our beliefs as they relate to love and millennial dating. I may be cynical, but it seems that the general synopsis toward marriage among people is that they lose more than they gain after establishing a union for a lifetime with their partner.
According to Helen Smith's thesis, a man's life changes as it pertains to finances, friendship, and sex, after marriage. But doesn't a woman's life also change in those same ways? Other than a title and romantic security, what advantage does marriage really have to either party?
Think about the reasoning behind bachelor/bachelorette parties. We use those times as one last night to mourn the glamorous single life and what it meant to us before we head into a dreaded life of monotonous monogamy. But it doesn't have to be that way.
Our mothers and grandmothers were raised to believe that marriage was a form of validation. In a time where the primary breadwinner was the man in the relationship, that union was essential to a woman developing a successful life and building a family. But millennial women are on some new sh*t. We can be ballers, have babies, and leave legacies all without the help of men, leaving millennial women to wonder exactly what's in it for them when it comes to marriage after everything that they're forced to give up.
This idea of give and take in this conversation is interesting to me, because from my standpoint as a 25-year-old unmarried black woman, love is supposed to be about sacrifice, not what one loses or gains after solidifying a commitment.
The traditional idea that love is a prison, where upon entering you are forced into giving up everything you hold near to you, is outdated. We as women are no longer rushed into marriage due to untimely pregnancies or financial woes. We have the choice to spend our lives with whoever we choose, so it's important that we redefine our expectations of an ideal union and choose wisely.
Women prove every day that the concept of marriage is no longer equal to success or validation, so the only thing to keep in mind when you make that choice is your own happiness.
Featured image by Giphy
Taylor "Pretty" Honore is a spiritually centered and equally provocative rapper from Baton Rouge, Louisiana with a love for people and storytelling. You can probably find me planting herbs in your local community garden, blasting "Back That Thang Up" from my mini speaker. Let's get to know each other: @prettyhonore.
ItGirl 100 Honors Black Women Who Create Culture & Put On For Their Cities
As they say, create the change you want to see in this world, besties. That’s why xoNecole linked up with Hyundai for the inaugural ItGirl 100 List, a celebration of 100 Genzennial women who aren’t afraid to pull up their own seats to the table. Across regions and industries, these women embody the essence of discovering self-value through purpose, honey! They're fierce, they’re ultra-creative, and we know they make their cities proud.
VIEW THE FULL ITGIRL 100 LIST HERE.
Don’t forget to also check out the ItGirl Directory, featuring 50 Black-woman-owned marketing and branding agencies, photographers and videographers, publicists, and more.
THE ITGIRL MEMO
I. An ItGirl puts on for her city and masters her self-worth through purpose.
II. An ItGirl celebrates all the things that make her unique.
III. An ItGirl empowers others to become the best versions of themselves.
IV. An ItGirl leads by example, inspiring others through her actions and integrity.
V. An ItGirl paves the way for authenticity and diversity in all aspects of life.
VI. An ItGirl uses the power of her voice to advocate for positive change in the world.
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Sheila Rashid's Androgynous Approach To Unisex Clothing Is A Lesson In Embracing Individuality
The ItGirl 100 List is a celebration of 100 Black women who aren’t afraid to pull up their own seats to the table.
For Sheila Rashid, it all started with some free-hand drawings and a few strokes of paint.
The Chicago-based clothing designer and creative director of Sheila Rashid Brand recalls using her spare time in high school to hand paint designs on t-shirts and distressed hoodies, distributing them to classmates as walking billboards for her art.
Rashid sought to pursue fashion design at Columbia College in Chicago but eventually took the self-taught route to build upon her knack for crafting one-of-a-kind, androgynous pieces.
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Thanks to the mentorship of local designers taking her under their wings, Rashid was able to gain valuable experience in putting together collections and creating patterns; equipping her with them with the necessary skills to pursue her own collections.
After two years of living in New York, Rashid returned home to the Chi and uncovered the unique flair she could offer the city. “I moved to New York after that because I wanted to be in the fashion capital world,” she tells xoNecole. “That's when I really got a leg up. I found myself when I moved back to Chicago after moving to New York.”
For the Midwest native, inspiration comes from her time around creative peers and the city’s notorious winters — known to be a main character in many Chicagoans stories. “It's a different perspective and mindset when I'm making stuff because of the weather here,” she explains. “When we get summer, it’s ‘Summertime Chi’ — it's amazing. It's beautiful. Still, I find myself always making clothes that cater to the winter.”
"I moved to New York after that because I wanted to be in the fashion capital world. That's when I really got a leg up. I found myself when I moved back to Chicago after moving to New York.”
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Many designers have a signature aesthetic or theme in their creations. In Rashid’s design story, dancing between the lines of femininity and masculinity is how she’s been able to distinguish herself within the industry. Her androgynous clothing has garnered the eye of celebrities like Zendaya, Chance the Rapper, WNBA star Sydney Colson, and more — showing her range and approach to designs with inclusivity in mind.
“I think I do reflect my own style,” she says. “When I do make pieces, I'm very tomboyish, androgynous. My work is unisex because I feel like everybody can wear it. I cater to everybody and that's how I try to approach my clothes.” From denim to overalls, and color-drenched outerwear, Rashid has mastered the structure of statement pieces that tell a story.
“Each collection, I never know what's going to be the thing I'm going to focus on. I try to reflect my own style and have fun with the storytelling,” she shares. “I look at it more like it's my art in this small way of expressing myself, so it's not that calculated.”
"My work is unisex because I feel like everybody can wear it. I cater to everybody and that's how I try to approach my clothes."
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Still, if you were able to add up all the moments within Rashid’s 20-year career in design, one theme that has multiplied her into becoming an “ItGirl” is her confidence to take up space within the fashion industry as a queer, Black woman. “Being an ItGirl is about being yourself, loving what you do, finding your niche, and mastering that,” she says.
No matter where you are on your ItGirl journey, Rashid says to always remain persistent and never hesitate to share your art with the world. “Don’t give up. Even if it's something small, finish it and don't be afraid to put it out,” she says, “It's about tackling your own fear of feeling like you have to please everybody, but just please yourself, and that's good enough.”
To learn more about the ItGirl 100 List, view the full list here.
Featured image Courtesy