3 Modern-Day Spiritual Healers Who Embrace Sexuality
As spiritual woman and lightworker who was raised in a very strict Jehovah's Witness upbringing, it took a lot for me to undo the conditioning that repressed my sexuality outside of spirituality or religion as a whole. Things of a sexual nature were always considered a taboo topic in my household.
Now as a fully grown, and deeply spiritual woman, I have learned that embracing my femininity and my sexuality has no bearing on my ability to heal others, or channel divine information from truth and source. Being spiritual does not have to overshadow being sexy and glowing with the divine feminine energy.
I sat down with three different ethereally divine divas: the Hood Healer, the Trap Witch, and sexual liberation healer Ev'Yan Whitney to break down the spirituality of sexual ownership and healing, the skewed idea of modesty as a virtue, spiritual and religious biases in sexuality, and their own sexual affirmations.
The Trap Witch, @thetrapwitch
The Trap Witch, whose first name is Tatiana, has a very intriguing journey into spirituality, healing, and motivational speaking. Nicknamed the "Card B of consciousness" by her friends, Tatiana is someone who is relatable in an arena where mysticism is overplayed.
"I didn't know that I wanted to be a healer or a motivational speaker until everything I did the 'right way' in my life fell apart. My Master's program fell through, freelance photography and design wasn't going as I had planned, so I jumped into sex work (adult sensual massage) and made that my hustle until I could figure out what I wanted to do with my life. I did that for five years and in the midst of it, my spiritual awakening happened during that time. I found that I liked the healing aspect of massage, but I made the best of the work by actually talking to people. Sex work gets a bad reputation, but that's where I found my confidence to start speaking to people more and understanding more about psychology."
She continued, "After quitting the business with $1000 left to my name, I sat on the porch with my cellphone and some tarot cards and just started to channel my messages into motivational words."
How Sexuality and Spirituality is Linked
"Sexuality is linked to spirituality because we each have masculine and feminine energies within us. We have feminine energy, which is our creative side and how we love, and masculine energy, in how we do things and what we will for our lives. If your dual energies are in balance and you know yourself, then what you are capable of is limitless.
"In our lives, we have to break our own stigmas, that are imposed on us in order to come into our purpose in the world. Being born to a West Indian Christian mother, and then to go on to become a sex worker and then a proclaimed witch, was every stigma my mother was afraid of. My life didn't become fulfilled until I didn't care anymore what anyone thought and because I knew that although sex is often 'taboo,' it's what creates life. Nothing I did in my life worked out for me until I got into the sex industry and understood my raw power to manifest what I needed from nothing but the essence of myself."
What Sexual Healing Means To Her
"Sexuality can be used for healing in many ways. Libido is your sexual desire and is your energy, appetite, and a component of the life instinct. If you look at someone who has a high sex drive, they have a desire to have sex, which is technically used for reproduction and pleasure. Someone with a low libido will be very understimulated and has a lack of excitement. In life, there are some people who have a high drive to be able to reproduce fruits from their labor and creation and to receive pleasure from that, and some people who are the exact opposite. I think we need to look at sexuality as more as a desire to heal our life through creation and how we 'do it' and keeping up the drive to keep doing it over and over again."
Re-evaluating Modesty As Virtue
"Seldom do well-behaved women make history. Women like Beyonce, Jennifer Lopez, Cardi B are all very sexually expressive women and it doesn't take away from the things they do for people to either empower, or give back. I don't really condone anyone shrinking themselves in order to be accepted. To me, virtue is in the heart. I have big boobs, but also a big heart and if someone wants to judge me based on the fact I'm not modest enough for them, and they can't see my heart and actions, then they can kick rocks.
"I don't really condone anyone shrinking themselves in order to be accepted."
"I don't feel like you should have to be 'holier than thou' to do God's work. Your work from God is to fulfill your mission to serve yourself and people and maintaining good character while doing it. Sexuality is also not just revealing skin, it's a whole attitude. You can seduce someone with simply words or your mind. Either way, you don't need to be modest about something that is a power, even if others want to hold prejudice."
Bias Against Sexuality in Spiritual Communities
"There is definitely many biases in the spiritual community. I recently have found that with the goddess and divine feminine being trendy, women are embodying that energy, but women who have actually walked the path of sex work often don't get treated with the same respect. I've experienced a lot of hatred too for being an open sexual being from even people with the same spiritual practices as me, especially since I'm supposed to be a 'leader.' I've also found that sometimes, women hide their pain still in expressing sexuality. I used to be a woman who held a lot of pain from my sexuality and what I used it for. Sometimes we have to ask if it's solely attention seeking and that is directly rooted to self-love. I feel like where you channel it and what the intention behind it is, is very important."
Her Affirmation for Sexuality and Embodying The Divine Feminine
"A woman who knows the wealth of her love and power, along with the prosperity of her soul, not allowing anyone to take it for granted, is priceless. Overcome your stigmas and master your self-love, and you will unlock your biggest secret weapon ever."
*Featured Image: @evyan.whitney by @extracelestial
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Fontaine Felisha Foxworth is a writer and creative entrepreneur from Brooklyn New York. She is currently on the West Coast working on creating a TV Pilot called "Finding Fontaine", that details the nomadic journey of her life so far. Keep up with her shenanigans @famoustaine on IG.
ItGirl 100 Honors Black Women Who Create Culture & Put On For Their Cities
As they say, create the change you want to see in this world, besties. That’s why xoNecole linked up with Hyundai for the inaugural ItGirl 100 List, a celebration of 100 Genzennial women who aren’t afraid to pull up their own seats to the table. Across regions and industries, these women embody the essence of discovering self-value through purpose, honey! They're fierce, they’re ultra-creative, and we know they make their cities proud.
VIEW THE FULL ITGIRL 100 LISTÂ HERE.
Don’t forget to also check out the ItGirl Directory, featuring 50 Black-woman-owned marketing and branding agencies, photographers and videographers, publicists, and more.
THE ITGIRL MEMO
I. An ItGirl puts on for her city and masters her self-worth through purpose.
II. An ItGirl celebrates all the things that make her unique.
III. An ItGirl empowers others to become the best versions of themselves.
IV. An ItGirl leads by example, inspiring others through her actions and integrity.
V. An ItGirl paves the way for authenticity and diversity in all aspects of life.
VI. An ItGirl uses the power of her voice to advocate for positive change in the world.
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How To Tell If You're Disciplining Your Child Or Seeking Revenge
When discussing the topic of raising children, discipline is often the first thing that comes to mind. Children need discipline. Full stop. But what is discipline? And how do we draw the line between discipline and revenge?
The origin of the word "discipline" can be traced back to the Latin word "disciplina," which means "instruction" or "teaching." Over time, however, discipline has come to be synonymous with punishment, with parents relying on shame, fear, and/or physical pain to curb undesirable behavior.
Teaching takes time, so nipping it in the bud in whatever fashion parents deem necessary (within reason) has become the norm. But is this what’s best for children? And when does it become less about curbing undesirable behavior and more about getting our licks back for offenses we feel our children should know better to do?
In my work as a parenting coach, I’ve often heard parents say, “I asked him nicely three times before spanking him. He didn’t stop doing it until I did, so clearly talking doesn’t work.”
And the parent isn’t wrong. Talking often doesn’t work the first, the third, or the even the 10th time. And the reason is directly tied to brain development.
Children cannot and do not process information the way an adult can. Auditory processing is not fully developed until a child is 14 or 15 years old. And even then, if a child has auditory processing delays or Auditory Processing Disorder (APD), they may always struggle with processing auditory commands. According to Susie S. Loraine, MA, CCC-SLP, the term auditory processing refers to how the brain perceives and interprets sound information. Several skills determine auditory processing ability—or listening success. They develop in a general four-step hierarchy, but all work together and are essential for daily listening.
Without this understanding, discipline can easily become revenge because parents will then view their child’s misdeeds as a personal slight. Instead of teaching them to do better, parents now want to show them the consequences of not doing better. This is why it's imperative for parents to discern between discipline and revenge to maintain healthy relationships with their children.
5 WAYS TO DISTINGUISH BETWEEN PARENTAL GUIDANCE AND RETALIATION:Â Â
​Understanding The Intent
Discipline is rooted in love and concern for the child's well-being. It focuses on teaching lessons and helping children understand the consequences of their actions. Conversely, revenge-driven actions stem from a desire to inflict pain or punishment as payback for perceived slights or disobedience. Parents should reflect on their motives before taking disciplinary actions. Ask yourself whether your intention is to help your child learn or to make them suffer for upsetting you.
Example: If a child accidentally breaks a valuable item, a disciplinary response would involve discussing the importance of being careful and working with the child to come up with a way to replace or fix what they’ve broken. On the other hand, a vengeful reaction might involve yelling, harsh punishment, or bringing up past mistakes to intensify guilt.
​Maintaining Emotional Regulation
Effective discipline requires parents to remain calm and composed, even in challenging situations. It's natural to feel upset or frustrated when children misbehave, but responding with anger or resentment can escalate the situation and blur the line between discipline and revenge. Before addressing the issue, take a moment to breathe and collect your thoughts.
Example: If a child cannot follow instructions, a disciplined response would involve calmly explaining why their cooperation is necessary in working with the child to accomplish the goal. Conversely, a retaliatory response might involve shouting, name-calling, or resorting to physical punishment out of anger.
​Promoting Growth and Learning
Discipline should always aim to promote growth and learning. It involves guiding children toward making better choices and understanding the impact of their actions on themselves and others. Effective discipline strategies include positive reinforcement, setting clear expectations, and providing opportunities for reflection and growth.
Example: If a child repeatedly forgets to complete their chores, a disciplinary approach would involve discussing the importance of responsibility and finding solutions together, such as creating a chore chart or setting reminders with Siri or Alexa. In contrast, a revenge-driven response might involve imposing overly harsh punishments or belittling the child, which can undermine their self-esteem and hinder their ability to learn from their mistakes.
Momo Productions/Getty
Building Trust and Communication
Trust and open communication are essential components of a healthy parent-child relationship. Discipline should strengthen this bond by fostering trust and encouraging children to confide in their parents without fear of judgment or retaliation. When children feel safe and supported, they're more likely to accept discipline as a form of guidance rather than punishment.
Example: If a child admits to breaking a rule or making a mistake, a disciplined response would involve listening to their perspective, discussing the consequences of their actions, and working together to find a solution. Conversely, a retaliatory response might involve accusations, blame, or shutting down communication, which can erode trust and damage the parent-child relationship.
Seeking Professional Guidance
Parenting is a learning journey, and, disciplining children is a delicate balance between guiding them toward responsible behavior and nurturing their growth. By understanding the intent behind our actions, maintaining emotional regulation, promoting growth and learning, building trust and communication, and seeking professional guidance when needed, as parents we can help our children built on love, respect, and understanding.
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Featured image by Courtney Hale/Getty Images