Serena Williams is no stranger to controversy.
On her road to being one of the best athletes the world has seen to date, she has been on the receiving end of much judgment and ridicule. Too many say she is too strong, too opinionated, too proud, or in other words: just too good to be true. In that aspect, it is understandable why she has the world shaken up, as she turns each opportunity to be perceived as a victim as a victory for Black women.
Serena has been named "Woman" Of The Year by GQ Magazine, and the tone-deaf quotation marks placed in front of her womanhood struck a chord in many of her supporters. Though the writer of her feature is known for using quotations artistically in his writing, the questioning of her womanhood is an issue that Serena has been facing much of her career. Serena recounts:
"I've been called a man because I appeared outwardly strong...It has been said I don't belong in women's sports—that I belong in men's—because I look stronger than many other women do. No, I just work hard and I was born with this badass body and proud of it."
When it comes to name-calling, Serena's approach is: "Call me whatever you want, just remember to call me the GOAT" in her responses to indiscretions.
Even after the attempted robbery at the US Open of her integrity and character, Serena used the opportunity to lift winner Naomi Osaka up and call out the sexism that is taking place in the world of tennis. And that's just the beginning of the empowering acts she has been up to.
Serena has recently launched her body-positive independent clothing collection featuring bold and inspired dresses, tops, bottoms, and denim for women who also would like to find their spark at affordable prices:
"Introducing Serena, my first independent clothing line for all the ladies out there being awesome. My designs are inspired by strong, sexy, sophisticated, sassy, sure, smart, stylish, silly, and spontaneous women who are living their best lives, or making it up as they go—kinda like me."
Alongside collaborations with major brands such as HSN and Nike, she is bringing excellent products and diversity to the same industry that at every turn seems to be trying to tear her down. She continues to leave a legacy of inspiration, strength, and downright royalty behind every move that she makes.
No matter which way you spin it, this 23 Grand Slam Champion, wife, designer, and mother who returned to the court this year following the birth of her daughter in September 2017, is one of the most extraordinary women of our generation PERIOD! Now go run and tell that!
Check out the Serena Collection here.
Featured image by Bryan Bedder/Getty Images for Glamour
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The origin of the word "discipline" can be traced back to the Latin word "disciplina," which means "instruction" or "teaching." Over time, however, discipline has come to be synonymous with punishment, with parents relying on shame, fear, and/or physical pain to curb undesirable behavior.
Teaching takes time, so nipping it in the bud in whatever fashion parents deem necessary (within reason) has become the norm. But is this what’s best for children? And when does it become less about curbing undesirable behavior and more about getting our licks back for offenses we feel our children should know better to do?
In my work as a parenting coach, I’ve often heard parents say, “I asked him nicely three times before spanking him. He didn’t stop doing it until I did, so clearly talking doesn’t work.”
And the parent isn’t wrong. Talking often doesn’t work the first, the third, or the even the 10th time. And the reason is directly tied to brain development.
Children cannot and do not process information the way an adult can. Auditory processing is not fully developed until a child is 14 or 15 years old. And even then, if a child has auditory processing delays or Auditory Processing Disorder (APD), they may always struggle with processing auditory commands. According to Susie S. Loraine, MA, CCC-SLP, the term auditory processing refers to how the brain perceives and interprets sound information. Several skills determine auditory processing ability—or listening success. They develop in a general four-step hierarchy, but all work together and are essential for daily listening.
Without this understanding, discipline can easily become revenge because parents will then view their child’s misdeeds as a personal slight. Instead of teaching them to do better, parents now want to show them the consequences of not doing better. This is why it's imperative for parents to discern between discipline and revenge to maintain healthy relationships with their children.
5 WAYS TO DISTINGUISH BETWEEN PARENTAL GUIDANCE AND RETALIATION:
Understanding The Intent
Discipline is rooted in love and concern for the child's well-being. It focuses on teaching lessons and helping children understand the consequences of their actions. Conversely, revenge-driven actions stem from a desire to inflict pain or punishment as payback for perceived slights or disobedience. Parents should reflect on their motives before taking disciplinary actions. Ask yourself whether your intention is to help your child learn or to make them suffer for upsetting you.
Example: If a child accidentally breaks a valuable item, a disciplinary response would involve discussing the importance of being careful and working with the child to come up with a way to replace or fix what they’ve broken. On the other hand, a vengeful reaction might involve yelling, harsh punishment, or bringing up past mistakes to intensify guilt.
Maintaining Emotional Regulation
Effective discipline requires parents to remain calm and composed, even in challenging situations. It's natural to feel upset or frustrated when children misbehave, but responding with anger or resentment can escalate the situation and blur the line between discipline and revenge. Before addressing the issue, take a moment to breathe and collect your thoughts.
Example: If a child cannot follow instructions, a disciplined response would involve calmly explaining why their cooperation is necessary in working with the child to accomplish the goal. Conversely, a retaliatory response might involve shouting, name-calling, or resorting to physical punishment out of anger.
Promoting Growth and Learning
Discipline should always aim to promote growth and learning. It involves guiding children toward making better choices and understanding the impact of their actions on themselves and others. Effective discipline strategies include positive reinforcement, setting clear expectations, and providing opportunities for reflection and growth.
Example: If a child repeatedly forgets to complete their chores, a disciplinary approach would involve discussing the importance of responsibility and finding solutions together, such as creating a chore chart or setting reminders with Siri or Alexa. In contrast, a revenge-driven response might involve imposing overly harsh punishments or belittling the child, which can undermine their self-esteem and hinder their ability to learn from their mistakes.
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Building Trust and Communication
Trust and open communication are essential components of a healthy parent-child relationship. Discipline should strengthen this bond by fostering trust and encouraging children to confide in their parents without fear of judgment or retaliation. When children feel safe and supported, they're more likely to accept discipline as a form of guidance rather than punishment.
Example: If a child admits to breaking a rule or making a mistake, a disciplined response would involve listening to their perspective, discussing the consequences of their actions, and working together to find a solution. Conversely, a retaliatory response might involve accusations, blame, or shutting down communication, which can erode trust and damage the parent-child relationship.
Seeking Professional Guidance
Parenting is a learning journey, and, disciplining children is a delicate balance between guiding them toward responsible behavior and nurturing their growth. By understanding the intent behind our actions, maintaining emotional regulation, promoting growth and learning, building trust and communication, and seeking professional guidance when needed, as parents we can help our children built on love, respect, and understanding.
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